Curious.

Button5807

I was just reading an article and stumbled upon this gem.

One in five long-term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others.

I'm wondering if the one in five applies on here.

Fess Up!

For the purpose of this lets say that a relationship "begins" when you start feeling "something" for the other person not at the 1st kiss, date, sexual encounter or admitting outloud that there's something going on here.

bajediva

it's tricky for me to define when the relationship started, even with your guidelines. we've been great friends since childhood, but over the past few years, it was either distance or other relationships creating interference. and even then, he was always more willing to push through those 'hurdles' than i was. i just thank my lucky stars that when i did finally catch my senses, or rather, found the courage, to stop letting challenges hinder me, he was single & still as willing as ever.

loopy82

I wasn't dating anyone when I met FI. He was casually dating someone when we met.

notquiteblushing

I had a first date scheduled the day after my first date with FI so I still went.  Good thing it was awful compared to the previous night!

paintgirl

I had been single for years! Bf had been single for awhile too. We both had expired condoms, but that's another story.

katanne9

I met FI 2 weeks before I broke up with my long term ex-bf. He didn't have anything to do with the breakup, but he asked me out on our first date a month later.

KD+BC

I was single but had broken up with my only other serious relationship a couple months before. FI had broken up with his gf of 5 years only weeks before we met. We were both single but just barely!

Ishaba11

We were both in a long term relationship when we fell for each other. He was engaged and I was with someone for almost two years and "about" to be engaged (he had bought the ring and was supposedly going to propose). We both had problems in our relationships and realized we were meant to be with each other not our significant others. We fell in love with each other while we were still with other people and it took awhile for us to realize we were meant to be together. Plus we both had been with our signifcant others for so long, we were afraid to leave. Eventually we did and we have been inseperable since.

paintgirl

Ishaba - What a difficult position! Good for you for not going through with a relationship that would have been a mistake. That takes guts after being together so long.

zaneopal

We were both single, but I had actually gone on a date with his roommate...awkward.

His roommate ended up with someone else though, and I got to get close with BF. I think it's worked out for the best for all persons involved.

Ishaba11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81512302-263d-40e9-a104-ba25eba24372Post:ea204bfd-74ad-482c-8587-2bbbea25dc18">Re: Curious.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ishaba - What a difficult position! Good for you for not going through with a relationship that would have been a mistake. That takes guts after being together so long.
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

It was definitely a struggle! We both felt awful about it but it was clearly the right decision. HIs engagement was only because they were together for so long and mine would have been the same. Everything seemed to make sense once we met each other.

**Mutley**

I was supposed to move to North Carolina for the summer to help my ex with his PTSD.  We were not actually involved at that point, but were dragging out a long-dead relationship.  I said that he needed to get help before we would start a relationship again.  He insisted that he needed support in order to get that help.  Enter 'romantic fixer Mutley.' 

I met DH on a Thursday in early May.  He didn't ask for my number and I had no idea if I would ever seen him again.  On Saturday, I told my ex that I was not moving to NC and for him to lose my number.

Honestly, I didn't think anything would come of meeting DH.  However, he showed me more compassion for the sh!t going on in my life during the 2 hours we talked than my ex could show with the tip of his pinky (and we had 6+ years of history.)  I decided that I deserved a guy with some compassion and that my ex's issues were his to deal with.   

It took DH 6 weeks to track down my number.  By that time, I was casually dating another guy.  I dropped him immediately following our first date.

jeanacorina

I was in two- count 'em-- TWO! -relationships when I met FI.

I was a hot mess back in those days.

Ana_2985

I was in a long-term relationship when I met FI.  I broke up with the other guy immediately.  Over the phone.  I never saw him again after that.  It was the best decision I have ever made.

yellowroseFRA

I was single for a really, REALLY long time (four years without anything that could be remotely called a relationship) when I stumbled across BF in a French class. By that time, I had already decided that I was ok with being single forever and just being a nice aunt to my sister's kids, and had sworn off dating, so it was a huge shock when BF arrved on the scene!

bajediva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81512302-263d-40e9-a104-ba25eba24372Post:7291273a-f593-45b9-b0b9-02bfb8d4e1e3">Re: Curious.</a>:
[QUOTE]I was in two- count 'em-- TWO! -relationships when I met FI. I was a hot mess back in those days.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
...and then there were three? or did you send one of 'em to the bench...? or retired 'em both...?

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_curious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81512302-263d-40e9-a104-ba25eba24372Post:6de17f0c-7ff5-4faf-92f9-f2a062525cf0">Re: Curious.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Curious. : ...and then there were three? or did you send one of 'em to the bench...? or retired 'em both...?
Posted by bajediva[/QUOTE]

oh please let there have been three....oh please oh please oh please

jeanacorina

Haha, okay, if you MUST know.

I had a BF in England who I visited every year and was MADLY in love with. But he was an emotional black hole (he was a musician..... and a vocalist of all things) and didn't care as much about me as I did about him. But still I clung, and he liked the ego boost.

I was living with a guy in Indianapolis. He was madly in love with ME. It was sad. I didn't love him at all. Nice guy. Very nice. I totally took advantage of him. So round and round we go.... they both knew about each other and neither cared. WTF?

So, then I met FI online in a video game.... and we got to be very very good friends. English guy broke my heart when he met another (American) chick who apparently was more attentive to the needs of his fragile artist's ego. I was crushed.

And then I realized FI was exactly the kind of guy I SHOULD have, and the kind where love might actually go both ways, I packed up my things and moved back to WV. Puppy-love guy cried. I haven't spoken to him since.

And artist guy turned up via email trying to apologize for all the wrong he'd done in those 3 years, and I told him to kiss my ass. He sucked, and I found someone better, and I hoped he was miserable.

And I meant it.

Eventually, as I became self-sufficient and awesome, FI realized he felt the same way I did (it took me giving up and getting back into the dating scene for him to wake up). I moved to Louisiana and the rest is history.

bajediva

haha, lovely story! anybody good at writing scipts? i'll edit.

**Mutley**

I love it, Jeanna. 

If it makes you feel better, I dated 5 guys between the time I met DH until the time we actually got together.  Yes, that was in a 6 week span.  Back in my 'glory' days, I could juggle 4-5 guys at a time.  AND THEY ALL FREAKING KNEW.  I was very honest.  I also wouldn't hook up with any of them.  I still don't get why they hung around.  Maybe it was the challenge.

jeanacorina

Mutley, maybe we were like mission impossible-- they all had to try!

[Deleted User]

Yes, when I first met FI, about 8 years ago, I was actually engaged to my high school sweetheart.  I broke my engagement off for other reasons, dated FI for maybe 6 months and we became the best of friends but ended up going down seperate paths in life.  We always kept in touch over the years and finally I had the courage to spill the beans to him that I had been in love with him since we first met; much to my suprise he had felt the same way!  I had no idea...  So here we are, 8 years later, ready to spend our lives together.. Ahhh, isn't live grand.

**Mutley**

That must be it.

I will say that all my juggling made me take immediate notice of a guy who had ALL of the characteristics I wanted (and why I was able to drop my ex so easily after just meeting DH - I knew such a guy existed, even if he wasn't it.)  I would date 4-5 guys at a time because together they could have been the perfect guy.  It also enabled me to recognize before ever going on a date if it would go anywhere.  My roommates would get so frustrated with me.  I turned away many a great guys because they weren't great for me.  My roommates also thought I was a bitch to guys.  They were right.  Shocking.  
 

tafft1

Prior to meeting FI , i was dating someone for just under 2 years. i actually went out of town for a week to Nebraska to go to a friends wedding and came home early , BF at the time seemed less than thrilled i was home , basically told me he didn't wanna be with me and fell back in love with some girl he had a fling with back in maryland a few years back. Only TWO DAYS later i started talking to FI online and we have been inseperable ever since. i had no intention of jumping into something but i do believe things happen for a reason.

FI had been single about 7 years before getting involved with me after some casual failed dating. i'm just glad i was the one who could see the true worth within him  and vice versa

202987

The day I met BF, I remember thinking "Hrmn, he's kinda cute...too bad I'm interested in this other guy."  I ended up dating other guy, right around the time now-BF was going to ask me out.  3 months later we broke up, and 3 months after that now-BF and I went out.  And that was that. 
But technically, I was involved with other guy while BF was interested in me.  (I guess I was interested back, because when I did break up with other guy, I made sure to tell our mutual friend while now BF was within earshot...just in case.)

prasad007

Hmm... I didn't take the poll because I'm not sure.
I broke up with ex-bf a week before I met my now bf. The ex-bf was much older, controlling, and he wanted stuff I wasn't ready for (ie. marriage and kids). My friend dragged me to a party where I met my bf (who is also her ex-bf from highschool...) and we hit it off right away. However, he lived (still does live) 3 hours away, so I didn't see him very often in the beginning. And after we had met I was still sleeping with my ex-bf... So I guess I was involved with someone else, but I had broken up with him. Does that make any sense?

hetshup

FI and I met while I was dating my heartbreaking bf in college, then we met again and hooked up while I was hardcore rebounding from said heartbreak. Then we hooked up again later while I was dating this other guy that was all wrong but made my ego feel good. Sooooo.... yes?

Mutley, You should have your own movie like Hitch.

SigKapLily

I met my current bf one night, but after finding out he wasn't interested in me, I gave up hope.(He really was interested, but was also dating someone and wanted to get out of that mess before going out with me) About a week later, I met another guy and casually started dating him. Then my bf got my number from my best friend (who introduced us) and called to ask me out. Since I was only casually dating the other guy, I decided to go out with my bf. Our date went super well, so the following night, I went to tell the guy I was causally dating that I didn't want to continue dating him anymore. Well, before I could tell him, he told me he was also dating someone else and he wanted to become exclusive with her. I laughed and told him it was perfect, seeing as how I'd met someone too! Well, as you can see, it worked out perfectly! We've stayed in contact and he just got engaged to that girl and well, my bf and I are obviously still together too! I love it when these things work out!

nessalen3

I met my boyfriend at a girlfriend's party, but I was dating someone else at the time, whom I hated at that point, so I knew it was ending soon (3 days later, actually, haha). I was interested, but he pretty much ignored me all night and played Guitar Hero, so nothing came of it right away because I thought he wasn't interested. A few weeks later I started dating a mutual friend of ours, and a day later my current bf told me he liked me! I was mad that he waited so long, but I didn't get with him because he lost his chance, haha. About two months later my bf-at-the-time broke up with me, and just a few weeks later I started dating my current bf, and we have been together ever since. And luckily, our mutual friend was totally okay with it!

ekathleen684

WOW JEANA!

I wasn't seeing anyone serious at the time BF and I started seeing eachother but I was "talking" (as they say in 11th grade, LOL) to another guy at the same time. Both BF and guy were good friends with the same person and found out about eachother through talking to said friend about me. BF (then friend) of course was mad about it. Other guy and I were still pretty good friends after the whole thing and he never brought the whole thing up.

I think thats how it goes though, it's either your completely alone or you have numerous guys fawning over your affection. My freshman year of high school I was on AIM with three guys professing their love to me at the exact same time. Fast-foward to a reay later, no one.

Acrosthec

When FI and I met, I was single and he was in a relationship (and had been for 3 years).  She wanted to get married, he wanted to finish law school first, and they fought constantly because she thought he wouldn't marry her because he didn't love her enough rather than him just not being ready. 

Enter me as his new awesome female friend at law school, and she hit the roof, even though I started dating someone within a few weeks of meeting FI (because he was in a relationship and I didn't want to be a homewrecker).  They broke up when I was about a month into my new relationship, and we continued to be friends as he told me repeatedly he just wanted to be single for a while. 

I left for Europe for the summer to study abroad, and got a couple emails from him (and a ton from my current BF).  I think I realized while I was overseas that I loved him more than current BF, but figured he was no longer interested since his email eluded to him casual seeing other girls, so I tried to put it out of my head. 

When I got back to the U.S., current BF met me at the airport and we spent a few days together before I went home to see my parents.  I ended up going to visit FI while I was visiting parents, since he lived nearby, and we had a blast.  The pictures that people took of us goofing off are incredible, and it's obvious that we made each other so happy, even then. 

I spent an entire semester trying to fall back in love with my current BF and give it a shot, but it never worked.  In January I tried to break up with him, and he begged me for more time.  I caved.  I didn't want to hurt him, and he *was* a really nice guy.  So we stayed together three more months before I finally woke up one morning and told him that I was in love with FI and it wasn't going to work out between us. 

FI and I went out that night and have been together ever since.  :-)