BM says we're cheap

Goldlie11

My Fi and I have set a very conservative budget of $10,000 (considering we're in NYC).  I was telling my BM about some of the things we're doing to cut costs, which led to her calling us cheap.

Here they are:

1. Limited alcohol at the reception-  FI actually wanted a dry reception.  I said that we should serve sangria and beer.  I won.

2.  Regular 1 tier cake- Since there will be only 30 people, I see no need for a huge cake.  Even small wedding cakes feed 50 people and cost a couple of hundred dollars.  Meanwhile, a wonderful bakery that I know sells round cakes that feed over 30 pp for around $70.  That's money in the bank.

3.  DIY invitations-  I bought them at a Staples.  I had a rewards certificate, so I paid about $6.

4.  Simple dress-  I can find an ivory dress for my wedding for well under $500.  Technically my mom is paying, but I don't see the point in spending all of that money for 1 day.

5. City Hall-  It can accommodate 30 people and it costs $25.  With the new renovations, it looks great.  

There will be a couple of splurges:

1.  The photographer-  I'm going to get a good one, even if it means spending $4,000-$5,000.

2.  The restaurant-  We're going to pick a place with good food.

Any other frugal brides out there?

tafft1

Personally i think you are being smart and it is very rude of her to say such things in my opinion , i am sorry to hear that. This is YOUR wedding after all , and it should be done the way you and your FI see fit within all means. Our budget will probably end up being about 15k here in california but i am planning to do several DIY to help keep cost down as well. I would just enjoy the planning and not worry what she says , it's hard when someone is so unsupportive but remember no one can tell you how to do things but you

**Mutley**

I didn't discuss the budget with anyone but DH and our parents.  And even then, our parents said what they would cover/contribute and that was the end of it. 

I saved money where I could, but I don't know if I was 'frugal' due to the size of our wedding.   

We found a venue that was 1/4th the price of a more popular venue down the road.  Plus it was an educational non-profit, so I would have paid more.  Also, we were able to bring our own alcohol and hire our own bartenders.  This saved us about $10K. 

I made our invations and all of the paper goods.

I bought linens instead of renting them.  (It is actually cheaper when you look for sales and have coupons.)

My mom sewed all of our accent linens and napkins.

I bought a sample dress.  (It was almost 75% off!!!!)


I don't think you are being cheap at all. 

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:d49b7fc9-cc87-45b9-bcd6-912f871c0c74">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally i think you are being smart and it is very rude of her to say such things in my opinion , i am sorry to hear that. This is YOUR wedding after all , and it should be done the way you and your FI see fit within all means. Our budget will probably end up being about 15k here in california but i am planning to do several DIY to help keep cost down as well. I would just enjoy the planning and not worry what she says , it's hard when someone is so unsupportive but remember no one can tell you how to do things but you :)
Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]
I didn't even get upset.  Since she's not paying for anything, she doesn't get a say.  Personally, I never thought I would spend even $10,000 on one day.  But having great photos is really important, so that's where the bulk of the budget is.  

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:b01836a6-82a1-4bbf-97fb-378ce4454042">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't discuss the budget with anyone but DH and our parents.  And even then, our parents said what they would cover/contribute and that was the end of it.  I saved money where I could, but I don't know if I was 'frugal' due to the size of our wedding.    We found a venue that was 1/4th the price of a more popular venue down the road.  Plus it was an educational non-profit, so I would have paid more.  Also, we were able to bring our own alcohol and hire our own bartenders.  This saved us about $10K.  I made our invations and all of the paper goods. I bought linens instead of renting them.  (It is actually cheaper when you look for sales and have coupons.) My mom sewed all of our accent linens and napkins. I bought a sample dress.  (It was almost 75% off!!!!) I don't think you are being cheap at all. 
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]
Sounds like you did a great job saving money.  I actually should have said MOH, who happens to be family.  We won't be discussing budget with anyone else.  In general, I've always been kind of conservative with money.  I'm always putting something aside for a rainy day.  I'm very slow to make purchases unless I really need the item.   

jeanacorina

Tell her to shut her filthy mouth!

That seemed like a good smiley.

Let's see about my wedding:

~100 guests

Dress: $550
Location/Caterer/DJ/Cake/Coordinator: $5,000
Florist: $1,000
Photographer: $1,500
Invitations: $400
Accessories: $200
Favors (sandalwood fans for the lady folk): $60

Total: $8,710-- give or take a little.

The average wedding in Baton Rouge is around $30,000. Both of my cousins who have had weddings spent over $10,000. I think I'm doing pretty well. And you are NOT being cheap for only 30 guests. I think your wedding sounds classy and tasteful, and you can just tell whoever doesn't like it that they can have their own wedding however they want to. This one is all yours.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:6f1151c1-c924-4742-80f6-3671ed7f1af9">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell her to shut her filthy mouth! That seemed like a good smiley. Let's see about my wedding: ~100 guests Dress: $550 Location/Caterer/DJ/Cake/Coordinator: $5,000 Florist: $1,000 Photographer: $1,500 Invitations: $400 Accessories: $200 Favors (sandalwood fans for the lady folk): $60 Total: $8,710-- give or take a little. The average wedding in Baton Rouge is around $30,000. Both of my cousins who have had weddings spent over $10,000. I think I'm doing pretty well. And you are NOT being cheap for only 30 guests. <strong>I think your wedding sounds classy and tasteful,</strong> and you can just tell whoever doesn't like it that they can have their own wedding however they want to. This one is all yours.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
Thanks <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Button5807

I reallyl agree with what Jeana said here ;-)

lyndausvi

I was bigger budget bride and I do not consider you being cheap at all.  As long has your guests have good food (and in my circle booze - which you have), then all is good.

notquiteblushing

Goldie I love you but slow down!  Stop telling everyone your wedding plans.  Trust me!  You have a ways to go and if it bugs you now what people are saying about your choices then you will be going insane in about a year. 

I don't think you're being cheap as long as your guests have good food and something to drink.  But most importantly, don't let people tell you what to do.  Repeat that again and again. 

Anon I. Mouse

It is none of her business.

FI and I are paying for our wedding - we are keeping it under $10,000 (Canadian yet!). We only have 18 guests!

We are already in debt from student loans, etc....we don't need to put ourselves in the poorhouse for spending more than we can afford for our wedding.

We also found we can do a lot with that small budget. We are having our wedding over a long weekend at an awesome tranquil resort we both love on Vancouver Island - as it is off season we got an awesome deal and have come up with exactly the kind of ceremony that works for US. We would not have wanted to spend anymore...it would of ended up taking our small, intimate, personal wedding to a pretty-princess day (which is fine for some, just not us).

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:8e67bec0-fd1b-465f-ae43-71ce936c9ea8">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]Goldie I love you but slow down !  Stop telling everyone your wedding plans.  Trust me!  You have a ways to go and if it bugs you now what people are saying about your choices then you will be going insane in about a year.  I don't think you're being cheap as long as your guests have good food and something to drink.  But most importantly, don't let people tell you what to do.  Repeat that again and again. 
Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]
I am an over-planner on TK.  IRL I've  only told my MOH some of my ideas. My response to all others has been, "we'll let you know when we it's closer to the wedding".  I do want to have the big things done this summer (mainly the photographer and the restaurant  booked) so the I can relax.  I'm told that many photographers book up a year in advance.   

jeanacorina

NQB has a great point. You're doing things early-- which is fantastic. But at this rate you're going to be done a year ahead of time and be left twiddling your thumbs and hearing everybody's critiques of your plans.

Stop telling people stuff. I know you're excited. But plans can change A LOT in a year or more. It's really nobody's business, especially not right now, so far ahead of time.

Just sit back and enjoy your plans quietly. Or, tell us.

Planning things TOO early seems to land tons of brides in a world of trouble. You have lots of time to work through everything at a relaxed pace. You're so lucky!

hetshup

Choose a $700 bridesmaid gown, and when she balks at the price, tell her that she's cheap!

I guess I don't understand why other people think that they have a place to say what is cheap or not. Most people would think that you are doing great to try to save as much as possible. I commend you for having  the wedding that YOU want.


PS I lurve Sangria!

Acrosthec

My mom looked at me like a crazy person when I told her I was doing all our invitations, but when I visited the next time I showed her all my files and the mockup I've done, and she was blown away.  When we met with the church wedding coordinator, she asked about invitations and paper goods, and I told her I was making my own.  She had that same look of shock and horror, but then MY MOM spoke up and told her how impressive what I'd designed was and all the work I'd put into everything, and the coordinator shut up real fast.

Bottom line is that people are going to have opinions.  There are zillions of ways to save money on things but still have them look classy and expensive.  1) No one will know if you don't tell them, 2) it's fairly easy to make things look better than they sound if you put in the time, and 3) as long as your guests have good food and drink and you have a good photographer, everything else is secondary and shouldn't be any of your guests or bridal party's concern.

It sounds to me like you have your priorities perfectly in order and are doing really well on budget.  Try and ignore what your MOH says.  She's not planning the wedding, and has no idea how everything you've imagined in your head is going to turn out.  I'm sure it will all be beautiful. 

desertsun

You're already being a fab hostess by providing alcohol, trying to pick the most convenient dates, and making sure everyone has plenty to eat. And cake.

(I secretly would really like to come to your wedding, b/c I loooove the idea of a short dress, a town hall ceremony, and an intimate dinner (with veggie options and sangria!) in NY!)

I would definitely let her know her behavior is inappropriate. As your MOH, she needs to support you. She can offer suggestions and an opinion, but she needs to do so in a respectful way. Calling you cheap isn't respectful, and you should say so!

Don't let anyone get you down, Goldlie! Share your plans with us! We think you're classy.

notquiteblushing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:b0c2e7db-cb42-4590-a164-f51dfe4bf770">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM says we're cheap : I am an over-planner on TK.  IRL I've  only told my MOH some of my ideas. My response to all others has been, "we'll let you know when we it's closer to the wedding".  I do want to have the big things done this summer (mainly the photographer and the restaurant  booked) so the I can relax.  I'm told that many photographers book up a year in advance.   
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Oh ok, that's kind of how I am too.  I have learned to keep mum on everything wedding related lest I want to deal with other people's opinions, comments etc.  I told a friend of mine that we had rented a trolley for the bridal party and she told like everyone we knew.  It was supposed to be a suprise!  I know, stupid thing to get upset about but come on!

Goldlie11

I appreciate the encouragement.  I'm quickly learning that everyone has some kind of opinion.  We're waiting too long, we're not inviting enough people, we should go a hall, not city hall.  Well, too bad.  FI and I don't want to spend the evening dancing the night away.  We don't want to feed and entertain everyone we've ever known, just our closest family and friends.  We have an emergency fund and we want to keep building it up, not spend lots of money on a wedding.  If people don't like it too bad.  

I'm tired of people (IRL, not here) asking me lots of questions about my wedding.  I don't freaking know everything yet!

-Okay, tantrum over. -

On a related note, I called a friend about something completely non-wedding related.  Of course she started talking about the wedding.  Then she told me every thought I have for the next 19 months should be about the wedding.  LOL.  I still lover her, but WTH?  

jeanacorina

Goldlie, trust me-- every single one of us who is engaged has gone through that initial craziness. People lose their minds and their manners when you get engaged. It will get better. Just play it cool and low-key for now.

I mean, good grief I can't tell you how many times people asked me if we had a date in the first two months I was engaged. And now I have everything booked. It's not like I took THAT long, and I appreciate that people are excited and want to come, but good grief I hadn't even decided who I was inviting or what state it would be in. Let alone having a date!

Goldlie11

Thanks, I'll get over it.  Yeah, lot's of people were asking us for the specific date of the wedding the DAY that we got engaged.  When I said we don't know yet, someone couldn't believe that I didn't have everything planned out.  "Where's your wedding notebook with all you ideas?" she asked.  I never got the "you're supposed to have a notebook" memo.  

jeanacorina

WHY do people do that THE FIRST DAY????

I mean, good grief, if you have everything planned before you're engaged, you're BSC. If you don't, you're obviously apathetic about getting married.

WTF?

desertsun

I think it's just people's way of expressing that they care about you and are interested in the new big thing in your life. Maybe they don't know what else to say to express it, so they ask questions that, if they thought about it for 5 minutes, they would realize it isn't reasonable to be asking. They're just interested and happy for you. It must be irritating as hell. But at least you know they care.

Someone save this post and quote me when I'm complaining about this same thing hopefully in the not too distant future.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:101e7481-cedf-4c8d-93b5-af121e865bdc">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]WHY do people do that THE FIRST DAY???? I mean, good grief, if you have everything planned before you're engaged, you're BSC. If you don't, you're obviously apathetic about getting married. WTF?
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>They do it because they are crazy or not thinking straight. I agree, if I had said that everything is already planned, I would have gotten some looks too.  </div><div>
</div><div>P.S.  I don't think I ever read your engagement story.  It was so cute.  I was away when you got engaged, so I wasn't really keeping up with TK too well at the time.  </div>

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:af7597d3-caf6-48f1-a017-c7ee9e251dd7">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's just people's way of expressing that they care about you and are interested in the new big thing in your life. Maybe they don't know what else to say to express it, so they ask questions that, if they thought about it for 5 minutes, they would realize it isn't reasonable to be asking. They're just interested and happy for you. It must be irritating as hell. But at least you know they care. Someone save this post and quote me when I'm complaining about this same thing hopefully in the not too distant future.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
Just you wait.  It's like a sick game of 20 questions over and over.  It gets old quickly.  

jeanacorina

Lol, getting bitter already, Goldlie?

Did you read my story on my Bio? I like my bio. It reminds me of Pina Coladas.

Goldlie11

Yeah, I'm slightly bitter today.  It will pass 

I did read the story on your bio.  Both the how we met and and proposal were cute.  The how we met was a little hard for me because I never play RPG games, but I got the gist of it.  

jeanacorina

Yeah, my mom says I need to put the How We Met in more universal terms, but to do so I'd have to explain MMO games from scratch. The best thing I can say is sign up for a free 2-week trial of World of Warcraft and then you'd totally get it. lol

It would have been easier to explain if we were LARPing instead. No no... actually... OKAY! It's like... playing with Barbie dolls. And your Barbie meets Ken, and a person you don't know is playing the Ken doll, and then eventually you stop playing with the dolls and find out that the guy is as perfect for you as Ken is for Barbie... and it's like "wow, so fairy tales DO come true.... for real!"

Kind of like that.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:39b8c0af-523a-487a-bc43-55fb299a1d83">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE] It's like... playing with Barbie dolls. And your Barbie meets Ken, and a person you don't know is playing the Ken doll, and then eventually you stop playing with the dolls and find out that the guy is as perfect for you as Ken is for Barbie... and it's like "wow, so fairy tales DO come true.... for real!" Kind of like that.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Perfect explaination!!! lurve it!

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:39b8c0af-523a-487a-bc43-55fb299a1d83">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, my mom says I need to put the How We Met in more universal terms, but to do so I'd have to explain MMO games from scratch. The best thing I can say is sign up for a free 2-week trial of World of Warcraft and then you'd totally get it. lol It would have been easier to explain if we were LARPing instead. No no... actually... OKAY! It's like... playing with Barbie dolls. And your Barbie meets Ken, and a person you don't know is playing the Ken doll, and then eventually you stop playing with the dolls and find out that the guy is as perfect for you as Ken is for Barbie... and it's like "wow, so fairy tales DO come true.... for real!" Kind of like that.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
cute.  

saisongbird

Goldie - slow down!!! You're getting married about a year after me, you have plenty of time!!

If you haven't asked the rest of your BMs yet, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do yourself a favor and WAIT until at LEAST the year mark.  A lot can change in 20 months with friendships and you can't fire a BM.

While it's great that you're finding things you like, be careful of items going out of stock or styles changing.  You might have found great invites, but if you don't buy enough they could be discontinued and then you'll be stuck.  Just be careful!!!

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bm-says-were-cheap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82bbe7d4-cc78-48c5-984c-5cb379cb8a1cPost:7bd1f7cb-fc7f-4871-b679-46f7ec2b8b81">Re: BM says we're cheap</a>:
[QUOTE]Goldie - slow down!!! You're getting married about a year after me, you have plenty of time!! If you haven't asked the rest of your BMs yet, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do yourself a favor and WAIT until at LEAST the year mark.  A lot can change in 20 months with friendships and you can't fire a BM. While it's great that you're finding things you like, be careful of items going out of stock or styles changing.  You might have found great invites, but if you don't buy enough they could be discontinued and then you'll be stuck.  Just be careful!!!
Posted by saisongbird[/QUOTE]
I did buy the invitations because the price was so good. The certificate was only good for 2 months.  FI said go ahead and buy them since they are so cheap.   I bought 50 and there is no way we are gong to use them all.  <div>
</div><div>I'm only having one MOH and no other BMs.   She is family, that won't change.  If I decide to add BMs, that will come later.  <div>
</div><div>As I already mentioned, photographers book up really fast.   I will start meeting with photographers this spring with the confirmation done in the summer.  I'm not as concerned about the other things, even the restaurant can wait.  Things are different in NYC.  </div></div>