Not Engaged Yet

Maybe This Time it Will Happen!

So as an update, my bf got back into town on the 31 of Oct. It has been great having him around, though still adjusting to having him around all the time. My apartment is a studio so things get a little cramped. Anyway, the reason I am writing is b/c my bf planned to go back to MT for a week for Thanksgiving.  When he got here he asked, “So you’re coming to MT for Thanksgiving right?” I hmmmed and hawed b/c it is close to finals time and I could not really afford tickets. Then he asked again, saying “Let me rephrase that: You are coming to MT for Thanksgiving, right. “ So I asked him how important it was to him on a scale of 1-10 and he said a 9. So, we sat down an looked at finances and he saw I was unable to afford a trip. Then he offered to pay for my ticket. So at that point, I decided to go as it seems very important to him. I have tried to start studying early to make up for potential lost time. SO anyway, seeing as he and I have talked about getting married, and last time I was in MT his mom had us working on pre-marital worksheets and they offered to pay for marriage prep, my antenna is up about this trip. Especially since my bf is very frugal and the tickets ended up being quite costly. So I am trying to mitigate my expectations and get school stuff done, but there is a chance this could be it! And after 4 years and 3.5 months, I am ready to move forward. Lol So fingers crossed everyone, and I’ll be sure to update after Thanksgiving one way or the other. :D

Re: Maybe This Time it Will Happen!

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Don't get your hopes up. I'm not saying this to be mean (I promise!) . It's just that when you get your hopes up in a situation like this if it doesn't happen it skews you view of the trip and you could very well end up ruining it for yourself. It could just be that he really wants to spend Thanksgiving with you. I know I was upset when BF said he wasn't coming back to Idaho with me for Thanksgiving and I offered to pay for his ticket and everything but he said he had too much school work to get done.

    So just try to forget about any impending proposal and enjoy the trip for what you KNOW It is - an opportunity to spend a holiday with your BF and his family.


  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Beth is wise listen to her!!!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Beth. It could happen, but it might be just him wanting you there for the holiday. And I have definitely let myself ruin a good time thinking that a proposal was coming, and then it didn't. I'd just say to study up and look forward to some good food! Either way, you'll be with the man you love for the holidays! : )
    -Ely

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Stop. Stop. STOP. Maybe it is important to your bf just have you there for the holiday. Unless the ring is going to spring forth from the turkey's cavity, he could propose on Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve, or Wednesday. If you think every holiday might be "it" you could end up ruining a lot of holidays for yourself (and probably people around you too).

    You had another post about financial aspects of marriage. Depending on how "costly" the tickets were and what you current financial position is (you're obviously a student but I don't know about your bf) I would actually be wary of him spending a bunch of money on that. It's nice to be home for holidays if that's what you want, but not by spending outside your means.

    (I'm not trying to be nasty - we are in pretty good shape financially and I told bf if he spends more than X on a ring I would be bummed - we should save that money not wear it on my finger.)
  • edited December 2011
    As long as you keep in mind that it might not happen, it's ok to be a little excited. Given the situation, I would be a little excited too. I'm sure any normal, rational adult would not ruin a holiday for themselves just because they didn't get what they wanted (this brings to mind images of my bratty cousin on Christmas day crying "But Daddy, I wanted the PINK one! Wahhhhhhhh! Christmas is ruined!")

    So yeah. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with the family, engagement or not :)

    EDIT: elannis- Oops. No offence intended, I'm sure you are quite normal and rational :P
  • edited December 2011
    lol I hear you all. I am trying to stay as down to earth as humanly possible. Part of the reason the trip threw me off, is that I don't think he should have spent this kind of money to fly me out there. I told him that it was up to him and if it was worth the cost to him then I would go (in light of looking at where my finances are). B/c it was so important to him I was not about to tell him not to, just to think about it. He just got back from making decent money at a summer job fighting wildfires, but is looking for a job here. And I am a law student, so I am not in a position to spend money. I'd like to clarify that I definatley don't expect him to spend a lot on the ring. The ones I have looked at were very inexpensive. He is also in possession of my claddah ring that I told him a long time ago he could use if he likes. So this isn't a position of my asking/ expecting him to spend money on me. More a position of surprise that he did with the ticket which prompted the slight hope that there was a reason other than family time.

    Regardless, my goal is to study now and enjoy the trip and see what happens.I have been to MT for multiple Thanksgivings and have always had a marvelous time so I am sure the trip will be great. Thanks to all for helping me keep my level head.
  • sitronellesitronelle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    omg am I the only one excited for you or what?! you have to write when you come back I wanna knoww!!
  • edited December 2011
    thanks for your excitement  :) my friends here are pretty excited too. ill update either way  :)
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_maybe-this-time-will-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:84fcc3d5-ca74-4118-83aa-85cfe73ab213Post:6cecf6fb-e69c-48aa-941b-f740131d36ae">Re: Maybe This Time it Will Happen!</a>:
    [QUOTE]omg am I the only one excited for you or what?! you have to write when you come back I wanna knoww!!
    Posted by sitronelle[/QUOTE]

    Our point is that there isn't actually anything to be excited about yet. If she comes back after Thanksgiving and is engaged I'm sure the ladies on this board will be willing to share in her excitement.


  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_maybe-this-time-will-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:84fcc3d5-ca74-4118-83aa-85cfe73ab213Post:588c8981-a792-46f8-9ad1-ed786f4f1f66">Re: Maybe This Time it Will Happen!</a>:
    [QUOTE]As long as you keep in mind that it might not happen, it's ok to be a little excited. Given the situation, I would be a little excited too. I'm sure any normal, rational adult would not ruin a holiday for themselves just because they didn't get what they wanted (this brings to mind images of my bratty cousin on Christmas day crying "But Daddy, I wanted the PINK one! Wahhhhhhhh! Christmas is ruined!") So yeah. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with the family, engagement or not :) <strong>EDIT: elannis- Oops. No offence intended, I'm sure you are quite normal and rational :P</strong>
    Posted by Lil B Mama[/QUOTE]


    Haha, that's alright. I know I was silly for letting it happen. I shouldn't have. It was hard, but after I talked to FI about a time frame, I calmed down a bit more, lol.
    -Ely

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Hey all,
    So I promised an update. Had a pretty good Thanksgiving but no engagement yet. So still waiting but it was nice to get away from School etc. Heading back tomorrow and it's a sprint to the finals finsish. Maybe Ill have something to report after finals. Who knows?
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_maybe-this-time-will-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:84fcc3d5-ca74-4118-83aa-85cfe73ab213Post:8bb825e6-1ecb-4ca4-8933-c0b67a1fffd8">Re: Maybe This Time it Will Happen!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey all, So I promised an update. Had a pretty good Thanksgiving but no engagement yet. So still waiting but it was nice to get away from School etc. Heading back tomorrow and it's a sprint to the finals finsish. Maybe Ill have something to report after finals. Who knows?
    Posted by bnmurphy[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving, even if there wasn't a proposal. :)


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