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Bar issues, WWYD?

I want to start out by saying I've always been against cash bars.  They just seem out of place at a wedding.

Anyway, from the beginning, we knew we would be serving beer and wine.  My mother and step-father are paying for alcohol and that's what she wanted to offer.  Our wedding isn't that big.  I've personally spoken to everyone on my side and asked them how they felt about there only being beer and wine.  Everyone is okay (again we're talking about my side).  When I initially approached FI, he said that most of his family doesn't drink.    Beer and wine would be fine.

So, the venue said that they can only put out beer and wine or they could offer cash bar for liquor.  Cash bars aren't really common in my area, at least not for weddings.  Now, my fiance and my step-father think that we should do the rest of the bar as cash.  I don't want to.  The venue is attached to a restaurant.  If they really want a drink, there is a bar down the hall.  I think that should be enough.  Having things for sale at my wedding makes me uncomfortable.  Opinions?

Edit:  I know that cash bar comes up a lot on E. I'm curious as to how you would feel as a guest if you encountered this.  I'm very biased because I'm not a big fan of liquor.  When I go t a bar I usually stick to wine.  

Re: Bar issues, WWYD?

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    Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would rather have it as beer and wine only and know that there is a place right down the hall that offered liquor for sale than have it for sale at my wedding.

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    IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bar-issues-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85991645-9df7-411c-a7d0-fd64f0b1add4Post:d019af88-be68-44f6-a73d-cdc1a6d9095b">Re: Bar issues, WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would rather have it as beer and wine only and know that there is a place right down the hall that offered liquor for sale than have it for sale at my wedding.
    Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

    This.
    I personally, prefer liquor. BF and his family are more wine/beer. We've already had discussions about this... We may end up having to have a dry wedding because our families can't always control their drinking and become huge A-holes...
    but that's beside the point lol.

    I would go with beer and wine.. if they want liquor...walk your ass down and get it :-P
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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cash bars at weddings make me uncomfortable. I think that it's fine to offer whatever you can afford - people understand that.  But asking people to pay for what you can't is weird - they already paid to get themselves there and probably a nice gift for you.  If you wouldn't ask people you invite to your house to pay for something, then you shouldn't ask them to do it at your wedding.
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    CASK85CASK85 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I voted for liquor for sale. We're also hosting beer and wine with liquor for sale - even though it is "tacky" (which I don't think it is, really). People could go downstairs at our venue to the bar for liquor if they wanted, but why not just save them the trouble and let them buy it there? KWIM? As a guest I'd probably just get beer or wine and not worry about the liquor if I had to pay for it, but I'm cheap and like beer. If I needed a cocktail I would prefer to not have to go elsewhere to get it and would be fine paying for it. . . I hope I'm making sense. 

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bar-issues-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85991645-9df7-411c-a7d0-fd64f0b1add4Post:1714d6eb-4150-4da1-9824-f04e88ad29a1">Re: Bar issues, WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cash bars at weddings make me uncomfortable. I think that it's fine to offer whatever you can afford - people understand that.  But asking people to pay for what you can't is weird - they already paid to get themselves there and probably a nice gift for you.  If you wouldn't ask people you invite to your house to pay for something, then you shouldn't ask them to do it at your wedding.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

    This exactly!
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    amsmith1989amsmith1989 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bar-issues-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85991645-9df7-411c-a7d0-fd64f0b1add4Post:d019af88-be68-44f6-a73d-cdc1a6d9095b">Re: Bar issues, WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would rather have it as beer and wine only and know that there is a place right down the hall that offered liquor for sale than have it for sale at my wedding.
    <p>Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Yes.</p>
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    edited December 2011
    Is there any way you can work with the venue and you can buy, this is going to sound so elementary school, drink tickets?

    Like, each guest gets x-amount of drink tickets sitting at their seat at the reception. That way you can control the cost and people can drink without you paying butt loads of money for an open bar. 

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    edited December 2011
    The only time I've encountered a cash bar at a wedding was when I had to pay for ANYTHING I wanted to drink, even soft drinks. That really ticked me off. In general I'm against any kind of cash bar, but if you need to do it to keep the peace then it might be worth it. You're offering beer and wine so I think guests will be happy either way.
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    Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Being from Jersey, I understand that cash bars are not very acceptable in the NY/NJ area.  I would offer just wine and beer to avoid the stigma of having a cash bar.

    However, as a guest, I don't drink wine or beer.  Typically, I'm fine with a soda, but if I wanted an alcoholic beverage, I'd get a cocktail (which I wouldn't be able to get at your wedding if it's only a wine/beer bar).

    The worst thing you could do is charge people for soda, though (I've been to a wedding where it was $2 for a soda.  Worst wedding ever)  so I think you're okay etiquette-wise.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh I should have been clear, we're serving beer, wine, soda, juices, coffee, tea, & champagne toast. 

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    MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bar-issues-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:85991645-9df7-411c-a7d0-fd64f0b1add4Post:d019af88-be68-44f6-a73d-cdc1a6d9095b">Re: Bar issues, WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would rather have it as beer and wine only and know that there is a place right down the hall that offered liquor for sale than have it for sale at my wedding.
    Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

    Agreed, if they REALLY want liquor, they can get it down the hall. That's coming from a liquor drinker but I'm more than happy with wine, don't get me wrong. Did the venue say that guest were allowed to use to the bar in the restaurant compared to a cash bar? I don't see why it would be a problem since a restaurant is a public place but who knows when it comes to possibly making more money from a wedding, KWIM?
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    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I voted beer and wine only. If they want liquor, they can go to the restaurant where they know they have to pay. I think it's awful to order something thinking it's free and then having the bartender say you have to pay.

    The only time I ever got pissed about a cash bar was when I had to pay $3 for a freaking Coke. I didn't have any cash and FI had to pay for me. I had no idea there were only free drinks for the first hour. I just waited for the line to die down.
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    cu97tigercu97tiger member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I voted for beer and wine only. As others have said, if they REALLY need a liquor drink, they can go down the hall, without subjecting the rest of your wedding guests to a price list on the bar.

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    edited December 2011
    Thanks, ladies.  I think I'm just going to go with my gut and not allow there to be any liquor.  
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bar-issues-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:85991645-9df7-411c-a7d0-fd64f0b1add4Post:25026499-7d02-4163-b0c6-05c0295eca67">Re: Bar issues, WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there any way you can work with the venue and you can buy, this is going to sound so elementary school, drink tickets? Like, each guest gets x-amount of drink tickets sitting at their seat at the reception. That way you can control the cost and people can drink without you paying butt loads of money for an open bar. 
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]
    Sorry I must have skipped by this response.  At this point adding anything is not an option.  Just thinking about how much we're paying to feed everyone makes me a cringe.  The check I wrote to the venue is I believe the biggest check I've ever written in my life.  
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    wink0erinwink0erin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Will the attached restaurant allow guests to buy a drink and then go back to the wedding? That could be a problem if they say no one may leave the restaurant with a drink. You'd end up with all the liquor drinkers hanging out there instead of at your wedding.

    Also some scenarios I've seen:

    At a gala I helped plan there was beer/wine all over the venue, so people could mingle. But liquor was only served at a bar area in a different room (which had tv in it too). What happened? All the liquor drinkers hung around the bar room and never came into the other room. This was a huge problem once the auction happened, because all the drunk rich people were watching some sporting event instead, and this was a $100 a head gala.

    And at one wedding I went to, all the beer/wine/liquor was in a completely different area of the hotel too (same floor at least). People ended up sitting in the chairs/couches around the bar and on the patio area connected to the bar instead of hanging out in the room where the wedding was going on. It was a REALLY crowded wedding though, so it was kind of nice to have a lot of people out of the room.

    I would just find out if guests can come and go to the restaurant with drinks... if not then have cash liquor. If they can come and go to the restaurant with drinks in hand then make them walk! They still have beer and wine available so it's not like they HAVE to go anywhere.
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, if I was a guest and I went to the bar and asked for a cocktail, but was informed that I could purchase one down the hall, I'd be a little confused as to why I couldn't just buy it there.  There are still going to be liquor drinks available for purchase no matter what, so why not have it more convenient for your guests?  I mean, either way is fine, but I really don't see it as a big deal to go ahead and serve it with your regular bar.
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    edited December 2011
    Well, I'm hoping that my guests are gracious guests and that they appreciate what we are offering.  We're not planning on advertising that the restaurant next door has a bar.  However, it is kind of obvious.  If someone feels that strongly, I guess they'll leave and come back.

    I'm not very concerned about my side of the family because I spoke with all of them.  They all know there will inly be beer and wine and are fine with it.    Hopefully fiance's family is fine.  

    I don't like the idea of liquor bottles being on display, then guests having to pay for the liquor.  
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