S/O: Houseguests in Small Spaces

swhite2012

Bside's post about the kid in their small apartment is a perfect segue into what occured this morning to FI. As I have posted many times before, his family has a huge tendency to over dramatize things.  Last week his college freshman aged (but not in school right now, that didn't work out) brother called and asked if he could stay with us for a few days this week while he is in town doing some music related (he's a musician) stuff. We have a small one bedroom apartment. Between the two of our jobs and school we are rarely here, so he would never see his brother. FI's brother has stayed with us before and he doesn't tell us what he wants to do so he ends up just sitting around on our couch all day. Because of all these factors and more, FI told him no, we just don't have the room and no one will be around to hang out with him anyways. He said ok, he understood. He has a bunch of other options in this area. FI told him he would try to see him while he was here.

So fast forward to this morning. FI's mom calls FI and says "Why did you tell your brother you didn't want him staying with you? He was so hurt and he sobbed in the car, blah blah blah". Now both the brother and the mom exagerrate drama, so who knows what really happened. I feel bad though because his brother has been going through a lot, and I wish we had the room for him but it just doesn't make sense for him to stay with us. 

Would you have had him stay? Am I worrying too much about something that doesn't really involve me? I just hate when he argues with his mom because I feel like she holds me and our relationship responsible for a lot of things including him "drifting from the family".

polkadot111

You have every right to decide who stays in your place... I would have told him no as well. Especially if we just didn't have room for him and he woudl have been there alone all day since you both already had to work.

Ollie08

I agree that you have the right to decide who stays in your home. After all, it's your home. But if it were me, in this situation, I don't see the problem with letting the brother stay. The reasons you gave for not wanting him there were insignificant. It's not like he throws house parties while you're away, disrespects your home, steals from you etc. He sleeps on the couch. What's the big deal? You shouldn't feel guilty if he just sits around all day, it's not your job to entertain him. You're just providing him a place to stay.

lennonkdc

I agree that you have every right to say no to house guests, I also think that family is a different situation. Baring a fear of drug use/stealing/criminal acts occurring while you are not home, I would have let him stay. I mean if roles were reversed how would you feel if your siblings (or parents if your an only child) did the same to you? 

elannis

I agree that you have the right to decide who stays and who doesn't.

I also agree with lennon that if it were me, as long as he doesn't steal or destroy anything and can be trusted, I'd have just explained that he'd be alone and there's not a lot of room and he's welcome to stay, but he might be more comfortable if he stayed somewhere else where people will be there to hang out with him.

I'm also thinking about my brother though, and our situation sounds a lot different and he doesn't know anyone else in our town, so that would influence my decision too.

I wouldn't think it'd be anything to cry over and cause drama over though.

swhite2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_houseguests-small-spaces?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:862190e0-51be-45c1-a018-5b4290218d4dPost:08c5b084-5e36-49b4-a757-9491b11f3d7e">Re: S/O: Houseguests in Small Spaces</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that you have every right to say no to house guests, I also think that family is a different situation. Baring a fear of drug use/stealing/criminal acts occurring while you are not home, I would have let him stay. <strong>I mean if roles were reversed how would you feel if your siblings (or parents if your an only child) did the same to you</strong>? 
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

<div>That's a good point. I personally would understand because I don't like being crowded in small areas with other people and I feel like I get in the way. I would never ask my sister if I could stay in her dorm with her if I had other options that were better for everyone.</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for giving me perspective on it. I guess I am a little more private when it comes to space, even with my own family. But a lot of other people aren't.</div>

elannis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_houseguests-small-spaces?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:862190e0-51be-45c1-a018-5b4290218d4dPost:d44767f4-0683-4263-8039-7237ba14fe3d">Re: S/O: Houseguests in Small Spaces</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O: Houseguests in Small Spaces : That's a good point. I personally would understand because I don't like being crowded in small areas with other people and I feel like I get in the way. I would never ask my sister if I could stay in her dorm with her if I had other options that were better for everyone. Thanks for giving me perspective on it. I guess <strong>I am a little more private when it comes to space, even with my own family. </strong>But a lot of other people aren't.
Posted by swhite2012[/QUOTE]

I definitely am too. I have made it very clear to my mom and everyone that I want advanced notice if they plan to visit, lol. This last weekend, FMIL came for Thanksgiving and I had stashed everything that I wanted to keep private in the bedroom and I keep the bedroom door shut. Well FI goes in there to get something and leaves the door open while he's in there. So what does she do? She walks in and starts looking at everything. I hate that!

bethsmiles

I would have let him stay but of course I've had up to six people stay over at my tiny one bedroom apartment so one person doesn't seem to bad to me! But you have every right to say no if someone asks.