• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Not Engaged Yet

The joy of demanding sisters...

So my boyfriend and I are not engaged yet, but he already has the ring and we've picked out the date. He just has some big elaborate plan he's concocted with my parents for the proposal and I know it's happening before then. We've been practically engaged since our first anniversary when he gave me my promise ring. As far as it concerns anyone in my family and his we are engaged, just no official engagement ring.

My sister found out about the date last fall when we picked out my moms renewal gown. We were talking with one of the ladies at Davids Bridal about weddings and how I was planning my wedding for this september. My mom was saying how it was good I was the only one getting married next year because they are only paying for one wedding a year (I have 7 siblings, 3 of which who are old enough to marry). My sister made a comment along the lines of "Oh don't worry about that. I'm not interested in getting married any time soon" which at the time was true. She and her boyfriend have had a very rocky relationship.

More than anything I think the following is more funny than annoying since my sister is known for doing this kind of stuff all the time. She called up my mom a few months later and announced that lo and behold, she and her guy are engaged. And not only that, but they've planned to have their wedding in june right after her birthday, and since her wedding is coming earlier in the year and she has a ring on her finger (engagement instead of my promise) that HER wedding is the one that is getting paid for and that if I want my wedding that year I'm paying for it myself or moving it to next year.

Needless to say my mom turned her down flat and said if she wanted her wedding paid for she could move it to the following year since she planned her wedding date after mine. We pretty much ignore any mention of it by my sister since every time we see her she demands I move my wedding and she gets her paid for. My mom stands by what she says and Told her she'd pay for her wedding dress, and for her wedding invitations if she was still determined to have her wedding in june.

Anyone else have siblings like this? Ah the joys of little sisters :)
«1

Re: The joy of demanding sisters...

  • sparkles88sparkles88 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]So my boyfriend and I are not engaged yet, but he already has the ring and we've picked out the date. He just has some big elaborate plan he's concocted with my parents for the proposal and I know it's happening before then. We've been practically engaged since our first anniversary when he gave me my promise ring. As far as it concerns anyone in my family and his we are engaged, just no official engagement ring. My sister found out about the date last fall when we picked out my moms renewal gown. We were talking with one of the ladies at Davids Bridal about weddings and how I was planning my wedding for this september. My mom was saying how it was good I was the only one getting married next year because they are only paying for one wedding a year (I have 7 siblings, 3 of which who are old enough to marry). My sister made a comment along the lines of "Oh don't worry about that. I'm not interested in getting married any time soon" which at the time was true. She and her boyfriend have had a very rocky relationship. More than anything I think the following is more funny than annoying since my sister is known for doing this kind of stuff all the time. She called up my mom a few months later and announced that lo and behold, she and her guy are engaged. And not only that, but they've planned to have their wedding in june right after her birthday, and since her wedding is coming earlier in the year and she has a ring on her finger (engagement instead of my promise) that HER wedding is the one that is getting paid for and that if I want my wedding that year I'm paying for it myself or moving it to next year. Needless to say my mom turned her down flat and said if she wanted her wedding paid for she could move it to the following year since she planned her wedding date after mine. We pretty much ignore any mention of it by my sister since every time we see her she demands I move my wedding and she gets her paid for. My mom stands by what she says and Told her she'd pay for her wedding dress, and for her wedding invitations if she was still determined to have her wedding in june. Anyone else have siblings like this? Ah the joys of little sisters :)
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    This post is all sorts of mind boggling.

    1. Your mom is paying for a wedding though you're not engaged

    2. Your sister is getting married (to someone she probably shouldn't be) just so she can have a wedding first.

    3. Your sister is demanding payment for her wedding.

    Until I started posting on TK I was unaware situations like this actually happened IRL.
  • edited December 2011
    Is this a joke?
    My Planning Bio - Updated 1/26/12
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]1. Don't plan a wedding before you are engaged.  That's what an engagement is for. 2. Really?  You and your sister and your mother need to all grow up.  You ignore  your sister's wedding plans because you have a date set with someone who you are not engaged to?  You want her to change the date of her wedding so that you can have an entire YEAR for yourself??  What if your boyfriend doesn't propose?!!! 3. Please be an adult and realize that it's not your parents' responsibility to pay for your wedding. This post hurts my head/eyes.  
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    If you read I never said I ignore my sisters wedding plans. I am actually an active part in them and very happy for them to be married. Any anyone can plan a wedding if they want to whether they are engaged or not. Especially if you're already planning on getting married.
    Secondly I never said it was my parents responsibility to pay for it. They are paying up to 10,000 for the wedding and I am paying for anything beyond that. I won't dictate how they spend their money, and that's what they want to do so why not let them do it. If it hurts your eyes ready another post.
  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : If you read I never said I ignore my sisters wedding plans. I am actually an active part in them and very happy for them to be married. Any anyone can plan a wedding if they want to whether they are engaged or not. Especially if you're already planning on getting married. Secondly I never said it was my parents responsibility to pay for it. They are paying up to 10,000 for the wedding and I am paying for anything beyond that. I won't dictate how they spend their money, and that's what they want to do so why not let them do it. If it hurts your eyes ready another post.
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    *shakes head, weeps for the state of humanity*



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Maybe I misunderstood, but you said you're getting married this September and you aren't engaged yet?

    September is just over one month away.
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : If you read I never said I ignore my sisters wedding plans. I am actually an active part in them and very happy for them to be married. Any anyone can plan a wedding if they want to whether they are engaged or not. Especially if you're already planning on getting married. Secondly I never said it was my parents responsibility to pay for it. They are paying up to 10,000 for the wedding and I am paying for anything beyond that. I won't dictate how they spend their money, and that's what they want to do so why not let them do it. If it hurts your eyes ready another post.
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    Whoa, okay 1st, slow your roll gf. 
    2nd, good grief this is a long and confusing post. 
    3rd, planning a wedding before you are engaged is like planning a nursery before you are pregnant - it just doesn't make sense - things change...no matter how "set in stone" they seem
  • edited December 2011
    Oops meant next september. Miswrote my own post. Must apologies. I'm glad this sounds as insane as I thought it was, I needed some opinions on the matter. Apparently I'm not very good at getting the point across. I don't ignore my sisters wedding, I ignore her demands to move mine. She can get married any time she wants for all I care, I just won't move mine.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]Here's a really good response to what you said on the other thread: (Jessicabridie I hope you don't mind if I quoted you) In Response to  Re: Suspicions... :
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, that does make a lot of sense but (please don't get me wrong on this) it's different in my situation. I already know he has the ring, purchased and hidden upstairs. We've picked out the date, the time, the venue, caterers, theme, colors, decorations, guests, wedding party, dress, costumes for the bridesmaids etc. we are practically engaged, the ring just isn't on my finger yet.
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Thank you, that does make a lot of sense but (please don't get me wrong on this) it's different in my situation. I already know he has the ring, purchased and hidden upstairs. We've picked out the date, the time, the venue, caterers, theme, colors, decorations, guests, wedding party, dress, costumes for the bridesmaids etc. we are practically engaged, the ring just isn't on my finger yet.
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    There is no "practically engaged" - there is either engaged or not engaged. Simple as that
    If you have everything planned out - news flash, lady - you're engaged
  • sparkles88sparkles88 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : If you read I never said I ignore my sisters wedding plans. I am actually an active part in them and very happy for them to be married. Any anyone can plan a wedding if they want to whether they are engaged or not. Especially if you're already planning on getting married. Secondly I never said it was my parents responsibility to pay for it. They are paying up to 10,000 for the wedding and I am paying for anything beyond that. I won't dictate how they spend their money, and that's what they want to do so why not let them do it. If it hurts your eyes ready another post.
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    Responses like these (the bold part in particular) are usually the reason I almost never bother to reply on these threads. Why increase my risk of getting carpal tunnel someday if the OP won't even listen to reason?
  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : With one caveat.  If your BF planned this all with you, you're engaged.  If you planned it and your BF went mmhmm sure honey and nodded his head a lot... he probably has not idea what you've planned and he'll be in for a surprise when he does propose and realizes there's not point in your engagement since you took care of everything already.   Run on sentence, but whatever.  It's Friday at 5:00.
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    Good point, yaga :) Thanks for catching my error :)
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Wait. Hold the phone.

    Your sister is engaged. You are not. Your parents will only pay for one wedding this year.

    And you think YOU have the right to that wedding? You get first dibs?

    So...let's say your sister put her wedding off a year. And then you don't get engaged when you think you will. (Life happens). So your sister would have waited for NOTHING.

    Get a fvcking grip. Your sister gets to have her wedding whenever she damn well pleases, b/c she is the one who is actually engaged. Period. End of story.

    If you want to plan a wedding for the same year, good for you. Just be prepared to pay for it all out of your own pocket. You don't get to claim your parents' wedding fund for that year if YOU ARE NOT ENGAGED.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Thank you, that does make a lot of sense but (please don't get me wrong on this) it's different in my situation. I already know he has the ring, purchased and hidden upstairs. We've picked out the date, the time, the venue, caterers, theme, colors, decorations, guests, wedding party, dress, costumes for the bridesmaids etc. we are practically engaged, the ring just isn't on my finger yet.
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    OMG! FFS! You aren't "practically engaged" you are engaged. You've planned the whole freaking wedding. Just because you don't have a ring doesn't mean you aren't engaged. If you've done this much planning there is no way you can rationally explain to anyone that you aren't engaged.

    Seriously, at this point your ring/proposal is just a technicality.


  • IrishDreamerIrishDreamer member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]Wait. Hold the phone. Your sister is engaged. You are not. Your parents will only pay for one wedding this year. And you think YOU have the right to that wedding? You get first dibs? So...let's say your sister put her wedding off a year. And then you don't get engaged when you think you will. (Life happens). So your sister would have waited for NOTHING. Get a fvcking grip. Your sister gets to have her wedding whenever she damn well pleases, b/c she is the one who is actually engaged. Period. End of story. If you want to plan a wedding for the same year, good for you. Just be prepared to pay for it all out of your own pocket. You don't get to claim your parents' wedding fund for that year if YOU ARE NOT ENGAGED.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    This is why you are the queen :) I adore you
  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    "so I've talked to BF about making the sexy time and I've looked at parenting magazines and picked out names, started a baby registry and picked out colors for the nursery. BF just wants to wait for the right time to knock me up, he's got this big special event planned, but till then I just tell people that I'm 'practically prengant'." 





    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    This is making my Friday a little more interesting. Thank you very much for the entertainment.  someone... pass me some popcorn?
    www.nurseyk.weebly.com
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Is it a surprise ice rink wedding?
    Seriously you don't get a claim on your parent’s money because you aren't engaged.  Unless both you and your BF have sat down and both decided you are engaged without a ring then you are engaged.  If not, well then you need to stop planning your "wedding" right now.  Please please please stop.  Let your sister have a wedding next June.  Apologize to her and ask your mother to pay for her wedding.

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • lilphillips14lilphillips14 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Where's the chart?!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • lilphillips14lilphillips14 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]"so I've talked to BF about making the sexy time and I've looked at parenting magazines and picked out names, started a baby registry and picked out colors for the nursery. BF just wants to wait for the right time to knock me up, he's got this big special event planned, but till then I just tell people that I'm 'practically prengant'." 
    Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

    This is probably my favorite ever, especially the bolded part.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]"so I've talked to BF about making the sexy time and I've looked at parenting magazines and picked out names, started a baby registry and picked out colors for the nursery. BF just wants to wait for the right time to knock me up, he's got this big special event planned, but till then I just tell people that I'm 'practically prengant'." 
    Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

     This just made my life!!!!!
    My Planning Bio - Updated 1/26/12
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Karnla- You have got a private message.

    In all seriousness, it's kinda important.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • lilphillips14lilphillips14 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Threadjack - CCO, I love your new sig pic. I'm extremely jealous of your hair and your prettiness in general.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]Threadjack - CCO, I love your new sig pic. I'm extremely jealous of your hair and your prettiness in general.
    Posted by lilphillips14[/QUOTE]

     Why thank you very much! I don't style it often because it is so long, but I did feel like it looked pretty good last night after the effort! lol
    My Planning Bio - Updated 1/26/12
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]Karnla- You have got a private message. In all seriousness, it's kinda important.
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    Got it, thank you ^_^
  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters... : Got it, thank you ^_^
    Posted by Karnala[/QUOTE]

    Right back at ya.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I disagree about not being engaged. I think it depends on who is responding to your posts because I have heard on this particular board many times that  you do not need a ring on your finger to be engaged. That if you are on the same page, both agree that you are getting married, both are willingly planning, then you are engaged. Clearly those posts did not come from any of the PP's of this particular post.

    I empathize with you and get the point of your post. If your parents are willing to pay up to 10,000 per child but only once a year, that seems reasonable to me for 7 kids! that is 70,000! To me that is pretty impressive. I think your sister is out of line to demand that your wedding be moved and that she gets hers paid for just because she decided her date is first. I think that if your fiance has the ring and is actively planning with you, the ring is just a technicality.

    For the record, I do not condone planning on your own (w/o boyfriends knowledge) or even before the ring is bought.
  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    karnala- Happy friday and because its a Friday I feel that I need to say this in a way that will not sound harsh but not to sugar coat it either.

    Around here if you haven't seen or noticed it are not friendly towards those who plan weddings before they are engaged.  So much can happen before getting engaged or after getting engaged.  Plans change, life throws a curve ball or a flaming bag of poo.  With that said you probably won't find any sympathy of advice on how to deal with your sister. 

    Your sister sounds like she's an attention hoar, but she is engaged and has very right to plan.  She on the other hands no right to demand anything from your mother.  Get engaged then plan your wedding.  If your BF and you already picked out a date and venue or what not then be engaged.  He should just propose, else be engaged and you don't have to have the ring on your finger if all that's holding you both back is an elaborate proposal. 

    Have a great weekend and I hope that your BF proposes soon. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The joy of demanding sisters...:
    [QUOTE]I disagree about not being engaged. I think it depends on who is responding to your posts because I have heard on this particular board many times that  you do not need a ring on your finger to be engaged. That if you are on the same page, both agree that you are getting married, both are willingly planning, then you are engaged. Clearly those posts did not come from any of the PP's of this particular post. I empathize with you and get the point of your post. If your parents are willing to pay up to 10,000 per child but only once a year, that seems reasonable to me for 7 kids! that is 70,000! To me that is pretty impressive. I think your sister is out of line to demand that your wedding be moved and that she gets hers paid for just because she decided her date is first. I think that if your fiance has the ring and is actively planning with you, the ring is just a technicality. For the record, I do not condone planning on your own (w/o boyfriends knowledge) or even before the ring is bought.
    Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

    Can I say I love you? because at the moment I do :) Finally someone who understands what I failed so horribly at getting across. My Fi (since it's just a technicality I guess I can call him that) Is planning with me every step of the way. The medieval theme was his idea and he's even picking out all of his clothes (Discount chainmail anyone?)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards