S/O: Living with your BF/FI/DH

jaycee7389

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?

How do you compromise in your relationship?

becunning2

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?

We divvy things up. If someone cooks, more often the other person cleans up. No one always cooks--sometimes he cooks for me, sometimes I cook for him. It often depends on how busy I was. If I have a lot of stuff to do, he makes me dinner. We don't have a "list" of things we divvy up; we just kind of do it. I think it works out well. No one is upset about what doesn't get done anyway, so surely that counts!

We each do our own laundry though.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?

Sometimes we do chores/cooking together, but more often not. He currently pays for more groceries so I can focus on paying off more of my loans. Otherwise, we alternate who pays for events out (we don't do many) and generally pay for our own expenses. This would change if we ever got married.

How do you compromise in your relationship?

It depends. We can compromise on a lot of things, but we have some bigger issues that we don't compromise on much.  Like... I am raising Jewish kids. He wants me to take his last name (we find no compromsie on this one)... or he's allergic to my cats. Kind of awkward. The lesser stuff we do really, really well on.  And I get to have Jewish kiddos.

jaycee7389

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?
Some we both do, some we split for the most part. I hate doing dishes, he hates cleaning the bathroom etc.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?
I pay all the bills. It's not that H refuses, I just don't want to worry that something won't get paid right or on time. We both do chores around the house, but I almost always cook and he almost always does the dishses. We have an unspoken rule that whoever didn't cook does the dishes. Luckily, I usually cook.
H always takes out the garbage. We live in a condo so we have to walk the garbage to the community dumpsters.

How do you compromise in your relationship?
We make deals with each other when needed. We also compromise on what we do on weekends and so forth.

JordanL1221

.Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?

Since I'm currently searching for work, and he works 11-12 hour days, I do all of the chores. I keep everything clean, do all of the laundry, and cook 5 days a week. He will usually pick up dinner for a night and we have dinner Sundays with my parents. If we're grilling, he will grill though. Once I find a job, we will llikely split the chores more evenly. I don't mind taking care of the house and doing all the chores right now. I like it done my way.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?

He pays our rent (which includes utilities) and has no problem doing so because he makes three times what I could ever make. He pays his cell phone, car payments/insurances (yes, he has his silly camaro and his truck) I pay for my phone, my car is paid off, and I pay for my insurance. I do buy groceries during the week for little things, and then when we go to the grocery store on the weekends, he will pay. When we go out, we split our extra activities.

How do you compromise in your relationship?

If I watch what I want on TV one night, he gets the next night. If we go see a movie he wants at the theatre, we go to the one I want to go to the next time. We make deals also. It's usually worked!

LilTexasGal

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?
No. We currently do not split chores, we do things together and do things as they need to get done. As it turns out there are things that he can do better than I can, such as mowing the yard, so I usually trim, but it isn't like he has a chore list and I have my chore list. We just have "our" chore list.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?
It depends, right now I am on summer vacation so I am taking over a lot of the household chores since I have the time on my hands, and this frees up time for us to do things together when he's not at work. When it comes to cooking, eh, we both share this. Neither is that great a chef, but it doesn't take too much effort to chop of veggies and make something in the crock pot, or scramble some eggs.

As for paying bills, we don't really have yours/mine, but I typically pay grocery bill because I do most of the grocery shopping, though when FI goes shopping he'll pay (even if we go together). Currently he pays for ALL the household bills while I put the majority of my paycheck into our wedding funds. It doesn't really matter who's money goes were because our accounts are tied together so we can easily transfer money (for no charge) to each other's accounts. We just find it easier to keep track of funds if household expenses are coming out of HIS account and wedding savings are coming out of mine.

How do you compromise in your relationship?
I guess we don't really have a strategy for this either, we just kind of understand how the other ones feels. For example, I really wanted a cat. I've always had cats growing up, and  a little black kitten fell into my parents' lap and he was just the sweetest little thing, and it was perfect timing, so I wanted him. FI didn't want a pet, but he saw how happy the little guy made me and accepted the kitty. Now, 2 years later you ask him who's cat that is and he says "Mine, she is just his servant."

Or, FI is a HUGE gamer, he likes to spend a lot of his timing gaming. At first I wanted more of his time, but we found a nice compromise. We go out at least once a week, we have our TV shows we watch, but we also have "gaming" time. I guess we just make each other happy the best we can.

[Deleted User]

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?
we have cleaning blitzes often.  I'll set a timer, and we'll both just clean until it goes off.  so I guess, we split general picking up of junk around the house.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?
we keep a lot of things separate.  for the most part, I take care of the kitchen and laundry.  he does the toilets and is supposed to do the shower and tub, but it doesn't get as clean as I like it sometimes so I'll do it.  he also takes care of the yard work, trash, air filters, fixing things, dusting...  and I take care of the more domestic stuff.  but he usually helps me with whatever I'm working on...  ie vacuuming, picking stuff up, hanging up laundry, picking up the bathroom/living room, cleaning up the kitchen and dishes...  I do the cooking, but he's been collecting recipes from Men's Health and wants to try his hand at cooking now.  he also helps me in the veggie garden (weeding while he's grilling stuff outside).  so I guess while we have certain things that we're responsible for, we tend to do things together.

How do you compromise in your relationship?
laundry for toilets.  he hates laundry, and after living with a nasty brother (ha!) I hate doing toilets.  so I do the laundry, he does the toilets.  he also goes grocery shopping with me (usually, unless he has to work).

Elle1036

I'm just going to answer in a long, rambly paragraph because that's how I do things.

Until recently, we kept our finances completely separate and split the bills 50/50.  That changed a little when we moved to MS, but I think we'll be going back to that system after the wedding.

For chores, we have an understanding.  He hates cooking, grocery shopping, and laundry.  I hate cleaning, dishes, and litterboxes.  We make it work.

We also have separate bathrooms, so it's just up to each of us to keep our own clean.  Mine is usually messy.

Peaseblossom55

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?
We don't live together yet.  I have a cleaning person so most of the bigger items will get taken care of for us. So we will just have to split up garbage duty, litter boxes, cat feedings and dishwasher duty. I'm sure every once in awhile the place will need some extra vacuuming.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?
We will pay each of our own bills, separate.  We haven't split up any chores or anything like that yet.  I plan to do most of the cooking for us, I get home way earlier than he does. Until we are married we are keeping finances separate.

How do you compromise in your relationship?
We both try to make time for what we deem important.  I sometimes do things I know are important to him and vice versa.  We are both pretty laid back about that kind of stuff though and it hasn't been an issue so far.

cu97tiger

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split? 

DH normally picks up dog poop and takes care of the pool. I try to do the laundry most weeks. Whoever cooks, the other person does the dishes/cleans the kitchen. Honestly, he probably does more around the house because once he sees something that needs to be done, he cannot sit down until it's done. I have no problems parking my butt on the couch.

ETA: We have a once-a-month cleaning service. I can ALWAYS find better things to do with my time than clean toilets, vaccuum, etc, so it is worth every penny.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate? 

Well, even if the other one is cooking, we're usually still within talking distance. We pay our bills separately but they come out of the same account, so we usually collaborate when it's time to balance the checkbook.

How do you compromise in your relationship?
I am learning to become less defensive, he is learning to become less pessimistic. We are really good for each other

FreeSpirit666

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-living-with-your-bffidh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87144ce3-5dd3-4294-999e-8eab51ce6438Post:3b51cddc-1f9a-4423-b6e0-3bb9c01e3318">S/O: Living with your BF/FI/DH</a>:
[QUOTE]
<strong>Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?

</strong>My SO cooks a mean meal and i do the dishes after. For the most part it's 50/50
<strong>
Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?

</strong>Our ulitlities, mortgage, taxes, savings, condo fees are joint, The rest is separate
<strong>
How do you compromise in your relationship?

</strong>We each hv different hobbies and each of us takes turns with assiting the other in them. 50/50

leia1979

The only regular chore is H does dishes and I cook (or at least, I used to cook). We are responsible for our own bathrooms and laundry, and we do everything else as needed.

We add up the rent and utilities every month and split the cost 50/50. We just write two checks to the landlord. We trade off who pays at the grocery store and restaurants. We do big grocery trips together.

Learning how to compromise with the living situation took awhile. That first month living together was tough. It still bugs me when H leaves the dishes for a week, but I try not to let it bother me and trust that he will get to it.

minskat30

Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?

I think I technically do most of the "chores" as far as cooking, laundry, etc. but we have a maid since we both work long hours that does the heavy cleaning.  My SO, however, cleans up after a meal and takes our dog out for walks, picks him up from daycare, takes drycleaning in, etc.  We grocery shop mostly together.

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?

Most of our stuff is trade-offs with paying for groceries, etc.  Once his lease is officially up the other bills (mortgage, utility) will be 50/50.  Chores are sometimes done together, sometimes not.

How do you compromise in your relationship?

We just talk about it and, if we can't reach a consensus on a topic (rare) we respect one anothers opinions/desires and try to move on.  It helps that we agree on most of the "big" issues and the ones we don't (religion, for example) we've hashed out (i.e., kids will be raised Christian but we will also explain other belief systems).

kitkatchica86

.Do you and your SO have specific chores that you choose to split?
Sort of, BF and I are renovating a house, so anything I don't know how to do falls on his shoulders, though he teaches me some things so I can help him. Since I am job searching, I have been doing more cooking, cleaning, dishes etc. But he helps out with or without me asking for it. I'm pretty lucky

Do you do every chore/cooking/bill paying/etc together or are certain things separate?
We decided on a budget. We looked at our  "community" expenses, and split anything we both use (phone, internet, rent, food etc) down the middle. We cook together frequently. When it comes to actually paying the bills, we each have some in our own names, and pay them out of our pocket, then use the cash we have set aside for "Rent, utilities, food" envelopes and reimburse ourselves. Any money left over goes into our communal savings (although lately every other goes to purchasing supplies for the house)

How do you compromise in your relationship?
We get along on most everything. Usually the things we have the compromise on are things like how to spend our weekend. If there is an event one isn't super interested in going to but goes anyway, we do something the other one wants to do the next weekend.  Example: We went to the range so bf could try out his new rifle last weekend. This weekend we will be working on the house. Another example would be like for every 3 action movies we watch that bf loves, we watch one romantic comedy or whatever I might want to watch. It works out pretty well for us.