My life is imploding

Ana_2985

Really, it's not that bad but it's feels like that right now.  Please excuse me, I just need to get everything out.

1)  I want to drop out of school.  I really do not enjoy it and it just doesn't fit in with my career/family plans.  To be brief, I didn't want to tell my adviser this before I had another job but because our plans were going to affect other people and I felt guilty.  So now he knows and he's being really nice about it and he invited me over for dinner to talk about it more.  So I feel even more guilty because I already made up my mind, and nothing he does will change it.  I wish he was angry.  That would be easier to handle.

2 ) I do not have mono.  I may or may not have diabetes.  My test results indicate that I do, but I the health center people were not helpful.  I faxed the report to my doctor, but I'm still waiting to hear anything.  In the mean time, I'm supposed to only eat low glycemic index foods.  That's fine because I already do that for the most part.  But what about soft pretzels?  And doughnuts?  And margaritas?

3)  If I do have a health problem...I think I just quit my job.  I won't have health insurance anymore.  And how will I afford my school loans and the interest they'll start gaining once I drop out.

4)  On top of all that I am completely depressed and I feel so guilty about that too because I have no business being depressed.  I have a wonderful, healthy family and FI.  There is no reason I should be unhappy.  But I am.

I'm a mess.  I would be grateful for any advice, support, or general cheering up. 

Narwhal

I really don't have any advice for you, but just keep trucking along, everything eventually works itself out, even if it doesn't seem like it will.  Do what you want to do and you will be happy.

My friend was diagnosed with diabetes last year and it really hasn't taken that huge of a toll on her life.  The health insurance thing is scary, I know, but it will all work itself out. 

We're here for you!

sapphirebaby926

I have no advice for you but *hugs*

Button5807

*hugs*
I dropped out of school when I realized it didn't fit my plan anymore, so I know what you're going through. Best of luck with everything.

katanne9

*big hugs Ana

(if you want to laugh, I accidentally just typed *big jugs Ana - hahaha)

Hazel_B

I also have no real advice for you, but I'm sure that things will turn around for you!

On a side note, I have a friend who is diabetic (she's been for 10-15 years) and it isn't too bad it just means a reason to take care of yourself. No skipping meals and eating healthy. I can understand the health insurance concerns, but if you are diabetic you may not need medication and could control it via diet. The only other thing I know is that you have to go to an optometrist more often.

dwest2201

HUGS!!  I think that once you get at least one of these things that are kind of all up in the air figured out that the rest won't seem so overwhelming.  Hope you find out about your test results soon... I know that waiting for things like that is miserable!

Ana_2985

Thanks everyone.  I'm not too worried about the diabetes.  My family has a history of it so it's not really surprising that I might and I'll have a lot of help if I need it.

Button - Thanks, it's nice hear other people went through this too.  At first I felt like a failure, but I'm tired of doing it just because I think I should.

Kat - Haha that is funny.  Especially because it couldn't be further from the truth!

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-imploding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a686bcc-2ff6-4af9-9327-aa30df4f04a5Post:67e108d8-d6b3-4a86-b5bb-b1552973c4a5">Re: My life is imploding</a>:
[QUOTE]HUGS!!  I think that once you get at least one of these things that are kind of all up in the air figured out that the rest won't seem so overwhelming.  Hope you find out about your test results soon... I know that waiting for things like that is miserable!
Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

Yes, that's exactly what I'm hoping too.  I'm just really nervous about finding a job.  If I can find anything at all, I think that will help a lot.

1337love

It depends on what type of diabetes you have, I have been diabetic for over 10 years and worked at the Diabetes Center in my hometown for 3 years, so I'd be happy to go over thinks with you.

I have type I (juvenile) diabetes, auto-immune disorder caused.  At one point or another in the past five years, various body parts seem to be breaking down.  My pancreas, my spleen, my spine (had a cyst), my back, and now my knee.  I feel your pain!  I won't go on unless you really want me to.  And I'll look at your test results if you want.  /> ^_^ <

As for the school thing, I dropped out for two years and am now back in school.  I am in a completely different career now.  But its really hard to go back, so I would only advise that you are REALLY sure that's what you want to do.  But by the same token, it was the right choice for me.

Health insurance!  Are you 26 or under? Mommy or daddy have health insurance?  Congrats, Obama's new plan allows you to stay on their health insurance.

*hugs* everyone gets depressed and funky sometimes!  It's ok.  *gives you thumbs up*  You will make it through, and you know we all are rooting for you!

ekathleen684

::HUGS::

I know how it feels to want to drop out of school. If it's not what you want to do then it isn't. That doesn't make you a failure. Cheer up "big jugs ana"

rickylee244

More big hugs! So sorry to hear about everything.  I truely think that night out Oceana suggested is a must happen now

Ana_2985

Thanks for hugs!

1337 - To be honest, I don't know anything for sure yet.  I thought the nurse said it could be type 2, but I don't trust anything she said.  She didn't even know whether low or high GI foods were good- I had to tell her.  It would be great to talk to someone who knows a lot about it if I need to though, so thanks for the offer!

Also, I already have 2 degrees so I'm not too worried about going back to school or not.  If I decide to change fields completely (which is definitely possible) I would definitely consider going back to school.

And yes, I am under 26 and my dad has excellent insurance.  We're looking into that but the township (he works for the state) is giving them a hard time about whether that rule goes into effect now or in January.

hetshup

I'm pulling for you Ana! It'll be fine, just one step at a time. Maybe you need some time to yourself instead of school. There is no shame and you are NOT a failure, if anything you are better for realizing that before you put in all that work. We're here if you need us.

Buggalo

Ana, I'm sorry that you're unhappy. We've all been there, but you did say you have what is most important - a wonderful, healthy family and FI. So that's good, even if everything else turns to crap (which I'm sure it won't).

It's scary at the prospect of being diabetic (it runs in my family as well), but I think the treatments have come very far in the past couple of years. I do not know much about it (I'm sure 1337 can really clarify everything for you) but hang tight.

*Hugs*

CT324

When are you getting married again?  Obivously once you are married you can go under your husbands health insurance.  I am not really sure of your story though. 

Don't feel guilty being depressed you might just be having "one of those days" you are probably stressed and nervous about your test reults.  Just keep your head up and try to think about all of the good things you have going on.  But everyone is entitled to have a down day.  Usually wacthing a chick flick and cuddling up with my BF helps me out

Ana_2985

Hetshup - Thanks.  It's nice to hear that.

CT - Chick flicks are not really my style but it made me smile anyway, so thanks!

CT324

Lol then snuggle up to whatever you like to watch

noelle24

Everythign will work out Ana!  There is way, waaaay too much pressure in grad school to stick it out, and stay in academia.  And the mindset very much falls along the lines of "if you don't get this degree, you've failed".

But 95% of the people you'll encounter in the rest of the world won't even bat an eyelash at your decision to leave and join the "real world".  Because that's what most everyone else does.  It doesnt' mean you are a failure.  It means you realize that this degree is no longer the best way to achieve your goals in life. True failure would be staying in a situation you hate (and doesn't benefit you anymore) just because you're afraid of being a failure.

I'm towards the end of my PhD and wish I had left 2 years ago.  It just gets harder and harder to leave because everyone says "but you're so close! you've put in so much time already! You can't leave NOW!".  This mindset just gets harder and harder to fight the longer you stay in school.  And honestly, if you're feeling this bad now, there is no reason to torture youself.  In the end, you need to decide what will make you the happiest and give you the fewest regrets.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I've given myself the deadline of August 31st to finish.  Whatever happens, happens.  And I already feel so, so, SO much better knowing that an end is in sight. 

Best of luck Ana!  And if you need to talk, feel free to message me.  (Just let me know you sent one...lol... I almost never check them).

PhilliesPhan23

I only skimmed advice from PP, but check out Amazon.com for some diabetic cook books and guides on what to eat and what to avoid. You'll have to moderate certian things and cut others out, but hey, eating healthy is good!

Hang in there - use your FI, family, and friends for support. Plan a mini vacation, even if its just a day trip, and make that something to look forward to. Just stay focused on your health, your relationships, and continue to take care of yourself.

Hugs

Ana_2985

Thanks Noelle.  I really appreciate the input from you since this is something you've been through.  Everything you said is exactly what I needed to hear.  I'm just going to keep reminding myself of all that every time I start second guessing myself.

Good luck finishing up your degree!  I'm sure you will finish, but even if you don't you are young and smart enough to be successful at whatever you decide to do.

And thanks again to everyone else!  It's nice to have so many people to talk to.

PaigeMcC

Oh Ana *hugs*  PPs have given good advice (and I'm late to the game...dang meetings) but keep your chin up,love.  We're here for ya;)

1337love

*hugs* anytime!!  Just pm me if you want to gchat or something.  I find that something distracting but not depressing helps.

And eating foods rich in protein and whole wheat is a good way to start before you get the full facts on your diabetes.  You'll probably need to see a specialist to get a good plan set up, but no worries!  You really will be fine. 

and ladies, are your arms tired?  Cuz I see a lot of supporting going on! 

desertsun

Ana, I'm sorry you're so down. I think we're all kind of trained to think that once we get engaged, everything in our lives is perfect and we should be happy. Logically, though, that can't possibly be the case. Of course there will continue to be things that are challenging or frustrating or in some way not perfect. So don't get down on yourself for being down. It's okay. 

Regarding school loans -- most federal loans and grants have a grace period of one year after you are no longer enrolled half time before you have to start making payments. Not sure if this also applies to private loans. But hopefully you have federal and will get that wriggle room.

And regarding dropping out of school -- my sister dropped out of her PhD program to get married and have a baby. She  is an amazing mom and she is so happy and fulfilled. It was a difficult decision, but she doesn't regret it for a second. I'm with Noelle -- it would make you more of a failure if you stayed in school and were miserable. Do what you think will make you happiest!

Keep us updated. We're here for you! ::hugs::

noelle24

No problem, Ana.   I still have to remind *myself* of that everyday.  I hate that there's so much pressure on 20-somethings to have their lives all figured out.  I know very few people in my age bracket that know 100% what they want to do for the rest of their lives.  Most are pretty unsettled and are figuring things out as they go along.  And yet, it's so hard to remember that this is completely normal and completely okay.

And I'm definitely with you. All of these things on their own wouldn't be a problem to handle, but together it becomes overwhelming.  Once you get one thing settled, the rest will become easier to deal with. Keep moving forward, and things will fall into place soon. 

catemeg

You're in SoFla, yes?  Mango margaritas on me anytime!

jeanacorina

*hugs*

That's about all I have right now. Some days, life just dumps a lot on your plate. One thing that always helps me is thinking "One way or another, I'll have to make it through this. There's no other way but forward. One foot in front of the other, one breath at a time. This will pass."