Am I being rotten? (Vent)

heyimbren

So I've mentioned before the friend whose wedding I am in as a bridesmaid.

We just got a message to all the bridesmaids letting us all know that they have officially, definitely decided to postpone their May wedding.
They want to have it on a Friday or Saturday in late August or early September, so we should try to keep ourselves free for anytime around then.

Um, what? Just book a date already. Don't tell and exepct me to keep that entire time frame free.

And then, she ended all this with a nice little paragraph going on about how difficult wedding planning is. It isn't fun and it's gotten to be too big and they're trying to save money, so even though they already told us we could bring our SOs, they're no longer invited.
So, if BF and I are still together by then, he can't come? Even though you already told him he was welcome to?

Ugh, I'm just so frustrated with this in general. Just make up your mind and stick with it.

PaigeMcC

She sounds like  a peach.  I'm sorry they're keeping you in limbo like this, Bren.  It's really shitty.  And I can't believe they revoked their invite - how rude!!  GL with this one hunny.  I'm cheering for you!

SeaTea02

She needs a dose of TK reality. Send her to the boards!!

EDIT and thread jack.... NO MORE NEWBIE BADGE!!! 

loves2shop4shoes

I'm KUI, but can I say DTMFA with girlfriends?

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:a3acaeff-853a-4a9c-8daa-cda9548d82b0">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]She sounds like  a peach.  I'm sorry they're keeping you in limbo like this, Bren.  It's really shitty.  And I can't believe they revoked their invite - how rude!!  GL with this one hunny.  I'm cheering for you!
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Agreed, good luck bren!

@Sea Congrats!

Ana_2985

Your friend sucks.

marleylikeair

Agreed. It's pretty rude to tell you to keep a whole span of time open. If they're changing the date, they should expect that you may have a conflict, apologize for the inconvenience, and tell you how much they hope you can still attend. It's especially rude to revoke an invite. Super especially rude when the revoked invite is for the SO of someone in the wedding party. Come ON. WP should always get a plus one if at all possible. So many etiquette breaches here, it's not even funny.

Blehh. Sorry to hear about this, Bren. Hope it all turns out okay.

saisongbird

Your friend blows massive monkey balls.  If it were me, and I couldn't bring my DH, I'd back out of the wedding.

heyimbren

I honestly have half a mind to just say forget it. I get that getting married is a big change, and I've heard it's a big test for your relationship... but it really shouldn't be this stressful on friendships. I'm not the only one who feels this way either.

We're supposed to meet up for coffee some time over the holidays and I know she'll bring up the wedding. Now I just need a good way to say "Dear friend, this is dumb. Please reconsider your ideas".

If I felt like being a pushover I'd just hand her the $15 it costs PP for catering.

Oh, and congrats Sea! I always forget that your futher behind because of the account change.

bsidebella

Bren, that is really sucky! I think you've got a bit of a 'zilla on your hands! "Woe is meeeee, this is haaaaard. BTDubs, you can't bring your boyfriend. K BYE!"

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:1f1be810-0ad0-43e9-9e30-cf4dd4aade4c">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Agreed. It's pretty rude to tell you to keep a whole span of time open. If they're changing the date, they should expect that you may have a conflict, apologize for the inconvenience, and tell you how much they hope you can still attend. It's especially rude to revoke an invite. Super especially rude when the revoked invite is for the SO of someone in the wedding party.  Come ON. <strong>WP should always get a plus one if at all possible</strong>. So many etiquette breaches here, it's not even funny. Blehh. Sorry to hear about this, Bren. Hope it all turns out okay.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

I have a question pertaining to this, though (not to threadjack). What if you have a bridesmaid whose SO is a groomsman? Does she still get a plus one? Probably not, right?

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:ff50e240-8e6a-4a10-a045-3de534897238">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Bren, that is really sucky! I think you've got a bit of a 'zilla on your hands! "Woe is meeeee, this is haaaaard. BTDubs, you can't bring your boyfriend. K BYE!" In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : I have a question pertaining to this, though (not to threadjack). What if you have a bridesmaid whose SO is a groomsman? Does she still get a plus one? Probably not, right?
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

I'd say that's a two birds-one stone situation.

GreenPepperBurger

Wow, what a douchenozzle.

desertsun

How does someone as cool as you have friends this lame, Bren?

I would politely but firmly tell your friend that you are unable to block off every weekend in that time period, so she should just book whenever it's convenient for them, and you'll step down if she prefers.

Really. Get out of this if you can. I don't see your friend and her FI suddenly developing the class and sense they so clearly lack, and you so clearly have.

Sorry, love. 

heyimbren

Bella! I just read your comment before your quote haha. That one made me chuckle.

I think I'll just try worming it into the conversation when I see her next. Well, actually no, not next time. I forgot I'm seeing her this weekend... on a double date, go figure! Any thoughts on the best way to broach the subject? Maybe I should just get engaged before then so she'll take us seriously? Hmm.... ideas, ideas....

calindi

I'd say something to the effect of, "Oh, you know, my Mom told me that we're going to go on a family weekend sometime in August or September, so I'm afraid all those weekends are already being put on hold.  But I can put you on the waiting list?"

leia1979

LOL Cate.

Bren, I don't think you're capable of being rotten. Your friend, however, is.

You're absolutely right. Once they book a date, you can let them know if you're available. The no guest change is just rude.

Send her to us. We'll set her straight. <insert evil laugh here />

ravenray

Wow that is really rude.    Univiting someone is not cool.  Maybe she should go to the E board... I am sure they would love her there....

CFar13

I agree with all PP. Totally rude to take back an invite. Also ridiculous to think that you'll be at her beck and call for a month.

Hazel_B

I love Cate's suggestion.

Bren, I don't think you are being rotten at all. I think your friend is being pretty ridiculous.

heyimbren

I feel like a rotten friend for not being more excited for her through this. I honestly was at first, but the more things come up I'm just like "really? Really?" I wondered if it was jealousy, and I think it might be but not because I'm jealous in that I want to be in her position (engaged). I'm jealous that I feel like I'm losing a friend. She's just so focused on this wedding and her new life, that I just have all these question marks regarding what it will be like in the future.

But thank you for letting me vent and confirming that I'iim not the only one who sees this as a bit crazy.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:0cc9f1a2-19e5-4f30-954b-560c8cd32a18">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like a rotten friend for not being more excited for her through this. I honestly was at first, but the more things come up I'm just like "really? Really?" I wondered if it was jealousy, and I think it might be but not because I'm jealous in that I want to be in her position (engaged). <strong>I'm jealous that I feel like I'm losing a friend. She's just so focused on this wedding and her new life, that I just have all these question marks regarding what it will be like in the future</strong>. But thank you for letting me vent and confirming that I'iim not the only one who sees this as a bit crazy.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I know the feeling, but I don't think you're just being stupid and jealous.  Your friend is, indeed, being a bridezilla.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:5ed2619f-6087-4cd9-a66f-f374e65725db">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : I know the feeling, but I don't think you're just being stupid and jealous.  Your friend is, indeed, being a bridezilla.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Not to threadjack myself or anything, but this is also why I find myself excited over some of you knotties getting engaged/planning a wedding. It's all the fun without the drama!

(Like you, Elle! Not that you needed me to remind you and bring it up again...ha!)

calindi

Here's the thing - there are girls who maintain their sanity and own identity while getting engaged and married.  Friendships do change as people progress through life, because everyone doesn't have the same priorities at the same time.  But a real friend will be able to adapt to the changing circumstances to maintain the friendship.  It won't be the same friendship, but it'll evolve with you.

It sounds like this girl has let the wedding take hold of her and has forgotten what's really important.  I'd like to believe these people will go back to being sane after the wedding, but sometimes that's not the case.  They get so worked up over what's going on in their own life that they forget to consider their friends. 

I'm sorry she's being like this, and I'm even more sorry that you feel like you're losing a friend.  You don't deserve that.  What I typically do when someone radically changes the dynamic of our friendship is decide whether the friendship is worth keeping, and then usually proceeding with an understanding of the limitations of the friendship.  In this case, you can still be friends with her but understanding that you have to stand up for yourself since she won't take your needs into consideration.  It's sad, but it's how life goes sometimes.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:e4ca28df-beb4-4915-9d26-b25d4bcc25c8">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : Not to threadjack myself or anything, but this is also why I find myself excited over some of you knotties getting engaged/planning a wedding. It's all the fun without the drama! (Like you, Elle! Not that you needed me to remind you and bring it up again...ha!)
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

See, I was having a great morning, not thinking about rings, getting ready to go for a run and then go shopping for my ski trip, and now all I can do is wonder about any other non-skiing related events that may occur next week.  Thanks a lot, hoar.

:-)

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:705d087d-4e87-4a53-96e9-b38dac92a940">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : See, I was having a great morning, not thinking about rings, getting ready to go for a run and then go shopping for my ski trip, and now all I can do is wonder about any other non-skiing related events that may occur next week.  Thanks a lot, hoar. :-)
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

<3

It clearly can't be the ski trip, because he can't fit a pony on the ski lift :)

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:5a9e54a7-1b82-41d2-b00a-d7dad46d9da3">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : <3 It clearly can't be the ski trip, because he can't fit a pony on the ski lift :)
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Maybe the pony will be waiting at the bottom of the hill. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:106edebb-6f24-4fb9-84f2-97bd4bc0ca87">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : Maybe the pony will be waiting at the bottom of the hill. 
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Ooh, then you could do this:


<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/14/3bea8d3c-f0e6-41f7-9eea-f98ded1aa486.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '3bea8d3c-f0e6-41f7-9eea-f98ded1aa486', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/14/3bea8d3c-f0e6-41f7-9eea-f98ded1aa486.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

Elle1036

WIN!

Blue & White

Wow.  I realize every day that "my bride" (in whose wedding I'm a BM) is so much saner than normal brides.  As for the revoking your BF's invite, that majorly sucks.  I don't have anything planned for August yet, but I'm of the belief that if I plan it first, I'm not changing it. 

She may need a dose of reality on the knot boards.  While the etiquette police won't actually arrest her, that's crappy to do to your BEST FRIENDS (assuming that bridesmaids are the coolest girls in your bride's life, ya know?) 

HaneyMobile

OMG This whole thing sounds so totally awesome! I hope that when I get married I get to block off two entire months for my friends and family to reserve for my benefit. Isn't it great that because you have a ring on your finger, everyone in your life has to do whatever you say? 

 *insert heavy eyeroll and 'just threw up in my mouth' face*

Sounds like someone needs a reality check. 

whereyat

n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-rotten-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c803845-3438-4c16-a2ea-4bdd3319a0cfPost:9da365cb-e1ac-4d0c-a430-59cd7d341517">Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being rotten? (Vent) : Ooh, then you could do this:
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I'm really late to this but....LOL at that!!

Calindi, you have good advice on friendships.

As for my own ass-vice, I would say just wait until she sets the new date, then decide whether you are "free" that day or not (i.e. if you want to continue with this whole drama or not).  You could tell her that BF's family has something planned that weekend (and since BF is no longer invited to the wedding, he can now go to this family thing, and he asked you to go with him.....muahaha).

I forgot who asked about, if a bridesmaid has a S/O who is a groomsmen, do they get an additional +1....I would say no, just address the invitation to "Bridesmaid and Groomsman."