Wedding gift question

lavenderfields13

BF and I have his friend's wedding to attend coming up soon and still haven't bought anything. I don't know whether we should get some stuff that's still on their registry or just give a check/giftcard. I really don't know how much money we should be spending. I know it differs widely for people as to how much to give depending on closeness to the couple and social circles and geographic areas probably.

BF used to live with this friend but they're not all that close now.  I don't want to go broke but don't want to be cheap either. What do you ladies think is a reasonable amount to spend for a couple you're close enough with to be invited to their wedding but not BFF??

cu97tiger

A reasonable amount is an amount that you can comfortably afford to gift them. You should not go broke trying to give them what you think they expect. One standard is to cover what your meal approximately costs. But if you can't afford that, then give what you can, with a heartfelt note in the card. Or you can decline the invitation and send them something small (again, with a heartfelt note).

Peaseblossom55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c993b8a-141a-4390-b3d3-62a1202310bcPost:131712b2-b113-4b35-8220-a2d07831f23b">Re: Wedding gift question</a>:
[QUOTE]For all the weddings I've been, I've given $200 from me and FI.   That's in addition to the shower, the hotel for the wedding, and bacheloette party.   FI comes from the "cover your plate" mindset.  I don't really agree with that.  I give based on what I can afford, and for the first wedding I was invited to myself (rather than as a part of my family), I saved a little bit each month for about a year to pay for everything.  I ended up with $200 to give them as a gift, and sort of stuck to that.   Now we give gifts as a couple, so we'll probably give more in the future.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<div>I usually try the cover my plate mentality too.  BF & I usually give gifts together for all the weddings we've been to together.  </div>

Beads921

Yikes! Now I feel cheap - BF and I usually do between $100-150. The simple reality is that we can't afford more than that anyway, but I feel like spending more than that for a couple you're not super close with is a lot.

lavenderfields13

Wow $200 seems like a lot to me, maybe I'm just poor lol. It's definitely nice to get other people's opinions though because BF has no idea about this stuff lol.
This wedding is local so we won't have to worry about a hotel so I guess we can factor that in and budget some more for the gift.

ravenray

We give together about $100.  Seprately about $50.  If we can afford it.  We are poor college students so no one really exspects us to come up with something spetacular.  *shurgs*  Do what you can.  If I remember correctly you are still fairly young and in college.  I wouldn't worry about it too much.    Give what you can, the fact that you can is what should matter to them.

leia1979

The most common cash gift we received was $100 per couple. That's about what I would give, too.

Ollie08

I also come from the "cover your plate" background. It's just how I was raised. Typically we will give $100 per adult and $50 per child (if they're invited). If it's someone we're really close to (like our BFF who got married last year), we gave $300 total and it was just the two of us. I think we also tend to be over generous like liv. I'm not sure why, but since we are in the financial position to do that, and know how much weddings can cost, it's something we like to do.

Bottom line, give what you can afford and what you feel comfortable giving. At my first wedding, I had a really good friend of mine from work and his wife and their son come. They didn't make much money, but still managed to give $25 total and a $5 item off of the registry that we had joked about. I was extremely greatful. I knew their position and for them to do even that, we were happy.

lavenderfields13

Thanks ladies, now I feel better about not giving $200 lol. This is not a couple I personally want to be overly generous with (I have my reasons) so I feel more comfortable around the 125ish range. I also know about how much the reception is costing and it's not $100 a plate- and they're not paying for any of it themselves so they're definitely making a profit on the wedding lol.
Raven maybe you're confusing me with someone else- not in college and I'm still young but 25 in 4 days ahh. I'm having a quarter life crisis.

becunning2

Holy crap, because now I feel REALLY cheap. The last few weddings I went to, I gave about $50 gifts. Maybe I live in smaller town suburbia, but $200 for me would be out of reach to give at a wedding. O.o

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c993b8a-141a-4390-b3d3-62a1202310bcPost:f82c84a0-59e6-4529-bcd3-6f690daee7dd">Re: Wedding gift question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies, now I feel better about not giving $200 lol. This is not a couple I personally want to be overly generous with (I have my reasons) so I feel more comfortable around the 125ish range. I also know about how much the reception is costing and it's not $100 a plate- and they're not paying for any of it themselves so they're definitely making a profit on the wedding lol. <strong>Raven maybe you're confusing me with someone else- not in college and I'm still young but 25 in 4 days ahh. I'm having a quarter life crisis.</strong>
Posted by leese19[/QUOTE]
Oh darn sorry!  I think you might have joined right around the time when 3 other 20 year olds joined!  Sorry! Either that or I am just confused totally!  Why the quarter life crisis?

[Deleted User]

wow, I've never heard of the "cover your plate" idea...

I've always grown up pretty poor, so it was always, "let's find the cheapest thing on the registry" idea... When I say grew up poor, I do literally mean food stamps and almost losing our house... so yeah... but I like the idea of "cover your plate"... or like PP said, if it's someone you're close to and you can spend it, $200 a couple sounds reasonable.

SopChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-gift-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c993b8a-141a-4390-b3d3-62a1202310bcPost:d0fc2018-fe79-46b5-9190-5165e1bd434a">Re: Wedding gift question</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy crap, because now I feel REALLY cheap. The last few weddings I went to, I gave about $50 gifts. Maybe I live in smaller town suburbia, but $200 for me would be out of reach to give at a wedding. O.o
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
Count me in the cheap crew too then... I feel like $200 is high (but again, that's based on my financial situation, if you have it to give I'm sure it's very appreciated!)

desertsun

I'm pretty sure most of our wedding guests spent about $50. 

Some of our closer friends spent $30ish at our shower, and $50ish on wedding gifts.

Family and very generous people spent $75-$100.

I think our parents and one random family friend spent over $100.

lavenderfields13

Ok I feel so much better now that I know I'm not the only one that doesn't give $200 I guess it does vary widely. I suggested $125 to BF and he said he still feels like he's being cheap but admitted he didn't know what was the 'norm'. I don't know why he feels like he needs to give so much.

Raven IDK a lot of other people I've talked to said they got kind of freaked out when 25 came around too. I guess it feels like now I'm not so far away from 30 and I used to think I would have accomplished more by this age.