We were almost engaged... Now there's a (financial) setback.

callanrhianna

We've been talking about getting married for a year. Finally, he said, "go ahead and start planning it!" And so I have. I have so many ideas. I was just excited to get engaged- the right way, too. He wanted to make sure HE bought the ring (no sharing that expense, according to him), he proposed in the perfect way- very sweet.

I have been planning for about three months and we haven't told anyone (except a small handful of friends and my father), so I've been anxious to get the ring and make announcements!

Last Wednesday, he dropped me off at work at 6am. Ten minutes later, someone hit our car, one foot away from him. Thankfully (*extremely* thankfully) he was not injured in the slightest. The car, however, was totaled. We're in the middle of getting the insurance figured out (who owes who what) and until it's all cleared up, wedding planning (and engagement) is on hold.

I feel like I have a carrot dangling in front of my face.

I know that right now I just need to be thankful that he wasn't hurt, but I can't help feeling like the rug was pulled out from underneath me.

Any... suggestions? Advice? I'm just feeling so disappointed and discouraged.

Acrosthec

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_were-almost-engaged-now-theres-financial-setback?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8cf36e30-0612-4f77-8d1b-b7af090eceb5Post:6b9d6127-3848-4dbb-b89a-f24fb529984c">We were almost engaged... Now there's a (financial) setback.</a>:
[QUOTE]We've been talking about getting married for a year. Finally, he said, "go ahead and start planning it!" And so I have. I have so many ideas. I was just excited to get engaged- the right way, too. He wanted to make sure HE bought the ring (no sharing that expense, according to him), he proposed in the perfect way- very sweet. I have been planning for about three months and we haven't told anyone (except a small handful of friends and my father), so I've been anxious to get the ring and make announcements! Last Wednesday, he dropped me off at work at 6am. Ten minutes later, someone hit our car, one foot away from him. Thankfully (*extremely* thankfully) he was not injured in the slightest. The car, however, was totaled. We're in the middle of getting the insurance figured out (who owes who what) and until it's all cleared up, wedding planning (and engagement) is on hold. I feel like I have a carrot dangling in front of my face. I know that right now I just need to be thankful that he wasn't hurt, but I can't help feeling like the rug was pulled out from underneath me. Any... suggestions? Advice? I'm just feeling so disappointed and discouraged.
Posted by callanrhianna[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear about the accident.  The most important thing right now is that your BF wasn't hurt, so my advice would be to take comfort in that and just put wedding planning on the backburner until everything has worked itself out and you know what's going to happen with finances.

You do not need a ring to be engaged, as many here will tell you, but there is also a large portion of regular posters here (myself included) that feel you shouldn't plan your wedding before YOU feel engaged.  It ruins the joy of the engagement period in your life, and you'll never get that time back.  If you've already planned the wedding before you're engaged, what are you going to do WHILE you're engaged?  The answer that comes to mind is "be bored."  I've been engaged for about 9 months, and have had the bulk of the wedding planned since February and have just been waiting for it to get here!  It does not take a long time to plan a wedding, so there's really no need to rush things. 

Just relax, and enjoy this time with your BF.  Once you are engaged, the anticipation of waiting for the proposal and planning with the love of your life will be through, and the WORK of planning begins. 

I can't stress it enough, so I'll say it again:  relax and enjoy this time before the proposal.  Don't rush through it!

bajediva

Yes, it sucks, but such is life. It's probably not the first setback you've ever had, and likely not the last you two will go through together. Never fear, the future is still on its way, and the only way it's going to get here is one day at a time. Don't make it worse than it is by festering on the suckiness (not for long at least) - buck up and you'll get through it, and best of all, you'll do it together, as you've already promised a lifelong commitment.

callanrhianna

Thanks, both of you.

Well, I have pleeeennnty left to do, I just have a big binder full of ideas and we've been working on figuring out a location/date.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise- I'm going on a work trip in a week anyway, so he'll have time to deal with some things and we can resume in two weeks.

Thank you, ladies!

run21

It sounds like you just needed to get that all out. Feel better now? Hang in there. You'll still end up engaged and then married. We hit a big bump in the road a few months ago (health-related) and it was a good experience for us. Odds are good you'll have a car accident, house flood, or other bad event at some point in your marriage too. Consider this practice for dealing with future problems!

mysticl

You said he proposed in the perfect way.  So he asked and you answered, right?  Guess what?  You are engaged.  You just have your planning placed on hold till the car gets figured out.  I've been in a couple of accidents and the insurance company should have this figured out before much longer. 

emcsims

I understand how you feel... every time I feel we're close to engaged, something happens and it gets pushed back. I've really had to control how much I 'preplan'... like another poster said, if it all gets planned before the engagement officially happens, then why get engaged at all?

I say take a break from planning, and give it some time. Wait until you are officially engaged.. hopefully by then your financial situation will have worked itself out.

emily

http://www.howtogethimtopropose.com