"Soon" is driving me nuts!!!

syounger4

I haven't posted on the boards all that much, so let me give you some background info!  I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years (our anniversary is on Feb. 14).  We have been living together for 1 1/2 years.  We have had serious discussions about getting engaged and getting married.  We went to look at rings mid January.  My boyfriend has been in Kansas all day yesterday and is there all today because he runs track in college.  Therefore, we were texting back and forth last night.  He asked what I was doing and I told him I was watching Say Yes to the Dress and was hoping and wishing that it was my turn to do that!  He replied back and said it will happen soon enough!  He keeps telling me that it's soon and it's driving me nuts!  It's all I can think about.  I even have dreams about it!  The thought of engagement has been on my mind every single day since we looked at rings.  Any thoughts on how to kind of take my mind off of it?! I keep thinking it will happen around our anniversary, but I don't want to get my hopes up!

AudgiePodge

Knit a blanket.

Take a nap.

Read a book.

Go for a jog.

Go to the gym.

Watch a movie.

Paint your nails.

Paint a picture of you painting your nails.

Clean the kitchen.  Even the whole house while you're at it.

meamolly

Don't get your hope up because it isn't going to happen. You just have to keep telling yourself that.
and they are running track in this mad weather? dedication!

PS: you are prob engaged if you are planing
[QUOTE]I am trying to pick out colors for my wedding that will be in June of 2012.  I will be ordering dresses from David's Bridal for my bridesmaids.  From there, I can't decide if I want to get dresses in the following colors: (they are all some shade of aqua/blue) Oasis, Cornflower, or Pool.  Here is the link you can go to to see the dress style and you can click on the different colors as well: <a href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cotton-Sateen-Strapless-with-Ruching-and-Pockets-83312_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses" rel="nofollow">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Cotton-Sateen-Strapless-with-Ruching-and-Pockets-83312_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses</a> Any suggestion on which color of dress I should go for?  Originally, I wanted orange dresses; however, I cannot find a shade of orange from David's Bridal that I like.  So, I'm wondering what colors I can use for flowers with any of those colors listed above.  I was thinking yellow would for sure go along with any of those colors.  But I'm wondering if orange would go with those colors?  Any suggestions on flower colors for the dress colors I've listed above?  It's so hard to envision everything!   Thanks for your help!
Posted by syounger4[/QUOTE]

syounger4

@meamolly:  It's indoor season, so they're inside (luckily!)

syounger4

We are very open with the topic of engagement and we both have started looking at some wedding things.  We know we are for sure going to get married in May or June or 2012.  However, we are not officially engaged.  Just waiting for that special moment!  That's why it's hard for me to keep my mind off of it.

AudgiePodge

Wait to plan until you consider yourselves engaged.

I'm starting to sounds like a damn record.

meamolly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8edbb739-bdca-464c-a798-466e0f2d0845Post:8760fe84-e2cd-4af9-a9c7-bcfa2a71c012">Re: "Soon" is driving me nuts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are very open with the topic of engagement and we both have started looking at some wedding things.  We know we are for sure going to get married in May or June or 2012.  However, we are <strong>not officially engaged</strong>.  Just waiting for that special moment!  That's why it's hard for me to keep my mind off of it.
Posted by syounger*4[/QUOTE]



SHREEEK *and runs away*

You may want to change that. You are or you are not. IF you are not seeing yourself as engaged then you are not. So i would say no more posts like that one.

syounger4

Wow-- I can feel the support!

luvdncn90

Stick around this board...we'll knock some sense into ya.
 
My BF keeps telling me soon enough too, and it was driving me crazy also, but then I realized that he will propose when he is ready, and I respect that. Sure it's fun to look at stuff, sure it's fun to daydream. And I use to daydream a lot about the wedding and then I realized the thing I want the most, the thing I daydream about the most now is being his wife, starting a life together. And it helps me realize that all good things come with time. Don't be in such a rush.

Don't worry about "how soon" he'll propose. It will happen, and it's not going to kill you to wait a little longer. I am sure he is just waiting until he is ready. And no one needs to start planning or researching until they're engaged, after all that's basically what an engagement is for.

bethsmiles

I don't think my BF knows what 'soon' means. He was saying 'soon' like a year and half ago lol. Just focus on your relationship as it is now. You have lots of time to get engaged and get married so don't rush through the good things that are going on right now.

leia1979

Wait on the planning until you're engaged. May or June 2012 is still way far away, and it really doesn't take that much time to plan. You'll just burn out if you keep doing stuff now.

Enjoy what you have now. Take up a hobby to keep you occupied. Don't obsess or stress out. You'll just die sooner that way.

alanna91

Hey, I'll give you some support!
I had found out his plans for a January 19, 2011 proposal. Because he had let it slip, he "rescheduled" (for lack of a better term), because he wants me to be suprised and so did I. So, were kind of in the same boat here! I don't know when it's going to happen, but I'm OK with that. It will happen eventually, and that's good enough!

Even if you get your hopes up for him to propose on your anniversary and he doesn't, I don't think that would really ruin anything! Just be happy that you're celebrating another anniversary with him, and (try to) be excited about what should happen soon! Someone had commented on another post I had made that it doesn't matter if you know it's happening, when it does it will still be incredible.

jeanacorina

"Soon" to a guy can mean anywhere from 5 minutes from now to 5 years from now. Your best bet is to get your mind off of it. I think what Molly was trying to say is do your best to convince yourself it is NOT going to happen on your anniversary. Heck, convince yourself that "soon" really does mean "5 years from now."

Forget about the ring. Tell yourself there is no ring. If anything, he's going to give you a pony, which has nothing to do with a wedding.

Take up a new hobby and try not to discuss anything remotely like wedding plans. You're not engaged, you don't know when you will be engaged, and when you DO get engaged, you will talk about wedding planning way more than you think!

Just simmer down and convince yourself it's not happening "soon." You love this guy, you're happy as things are, there's no need for a proposal right now. Just live in the moment. Enjoy your relationship. Don't try to figure out when he's going to ask. Just be happy in the here-and-now.

And, of course, this board really will smack some sense into you if you need it.

desertsun

You are so eager for the future that you are not fully living in and appreciating the present. In the process, you're driving yourself crazy.

So just stop.

Sit down.

THINK.

When will you ever have this excitement and anticipation again in your life? This waiting for that question? That happiness that you've found the person you want to marry? The looking forward to being engaged and planning a wedding?

Well, hopefully, this time will only happen ONCE.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

THEN enjoy being engaged and planning your wedding.

Seriously, living too much in the future is not the best way to be happy and fulfilled. Remember that life is about the journey. In my opinion, anyway.

katanne9

I'm going to bring out an old classic NEY answer: enjoy the anticipation.

You will never EVER feel thi excitement again - ENJOY IT!

Embrace the anticipation and the happy butterflies. It may be a while and sometimes you'll feel impatient.



Also, I'd highly recommend turning off "SYTTD", put down the wedding mags and stop any pseudo "planning" you may be doing on the side. You are only robbing yourself of a great experience.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8edbb739-bdca-464c-a798-466e0f2d0845Post:4e6a66c7-b89c-43d6-a5ec-8c7428b0b2d9">Re: "Soon" is driving me nuts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Hey, I'll give you some support!</strong> I had found out his plans for a January 19, 2011 proposal. Because he had let it slip, he "rescheduled" (for lack of a better term), because he wants me to be suprised and so did I. So, were kind of in the same boat here! I don't know when it's going to happen, but I'm OK with that. It will happen eventually, and that's good enough! Even if you get your hopes up for him to propose on your anniversary and he doesn't, I don't think that would really ruin anything! Just be happy that you're celebrating another anniversary with him, and (try to) be excited about what should happen soon! Someone had commented on another post I had made that it doesn't matter if you know it's happening, when it does it will still be incredible. :)
Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]


Uh because we're not supporting her by giving her our advice also?

jeanacorina

OP didn't think so, Luv.

syounger4

Thanks to those who are giving me advice kindly!  I appreciate it and what you are saying is making complete sense.  I'm going to do my best to not mention the subject unless my SO brings it up.  I'll just wait patiently for the special moment and will live IN the moment.  Again, thanks for all your kind words.  I'll do my best!  I'm done trying to plan things; however, I will still continue to JUST look at pictures and posts!

Katanne: The funny thing is is that I have been watching SYTTD for a long time-- way before I thought of my own engagement/wedding. I like watching the show just because!

paintgirl

If you know a particular store doesn't have a shade of orange that you like, you are WAY too far ahead of yourself. If you were engaged now and the wedding was in May or June of 2011, then yes, not being to find the right shade of orange is a crisis (mild sarcasm). But you've got over 15 months and you aren't even engaged yet. A lot can change in over a year.

If you are crazy obsessed with a wedding, turn off the reality wedding TV crap, step away from The Knot for awhile and just go back to enjoying your relationship.

loves2shop4shoes

Deep breaths.  In through the nose, out through the mouth.  Enjoy your relationship as it is now and stop bigger, better deal-ing it.  Hopefully, he'll propose one day and then you can enjoy your engagement, but for now, enjoy your BF sans-ring.  Mmmkay?

luvdncn90

@alanna- That makes more sense.

alanna91

@luvdncn90
My phone's connection kept timing out right after I sent my posts in. Looks like you got atleast one of them though!!

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8edbb739-bdca-464c-a798-466e0f2d0845Post:59cf5ced-07d4-41d2-a77c-a7563a6e4d37">Re: "Soon" is driving me nuts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks to those who are giving me advice kindly!  I appreciate it and what you are saying is making complete sense.  I'm going to do my best to not mention the subject unless my SO brings it up.  I'll just wait patiently for the special moment and will live IN the moment.  Again, thanks for all your kind words.  I'll do my best!  I'm done trying to plan things; however, I will still continue to JUST look at pictures and posts! :) Katanne: The funny thing is is that I have been watching SYTTD for a long time-- way before I thought of my own engagement/wedding. I like watching the show just because! :)
Posted by syounger4[/QUOTE]

You've got it. Feel free to stick around and participate on the board. There are lot of very caring and funny women here. As you can tell, a lot of us are really blunt, but if you can handle honest opinions and not get your panties in a bunch, you'll be fine. :)

fraycou

OP i'm right there with you. BF said "soon" awhile ago...oh well. I keep thinking ok it's gonna be _____ (insert day here) and all those dates have come and gone...still no ring. I never get mad or upset that it isn't that day, and since I don't get to know when it is, he doesn't get to know I think about certain days or days have already passed that I thought it was going to be. YES we have a season and year that we would like our wedding to be, if that means i started planning, oh well, shoot me!! (not one single plan has actually been made) I love the anticipation! Never again will I get that time frame of waiting for my BF to propose, it's super exciting. 

You can always do housework to take your mind off of it...or turning your thinking about it into excitement. HAVE FUN!!!

Blue & White

I think Audgie should teach me how to knit a blanket.  Cause frankly, I suck at knitting.

Cosmocity

Congratulations on being there in your relationship
   Before we were "officially" engaged we too had our year/month down, guest list planned and a few other things lined up. It's very frustrating to be in a relationship you and your partner know is serious but no one else gets to really understand it until the partner is ready to propose.  I felt like a freaking child everytime I thought "But *I* believe him. But *I* know we're really getting married when he says we are. ME! ME!" LOL Maddening at times!

  The post about "Paint your nails. Paint a picture of you painting your nails" is pretty damn spot on, all you can do is stay busy and try your best to not go into nagging terriroty, and I KNOW that is difficult.

  One thing I read here when I was waiting was something about enjoy your time because you can't have it back. Once you're engaged you're closing a chapter. After a few months of being engaged the oddest thing happened; I even said to my fiance "this is it. You'll never be my boyfriend again and I'll never have a boyfriend again" and it was not that I was sad about it, there was something beautiful and innocent and wonderful about having such a kind, sweet, loving boyfriend...and now that chapter is done. On to the next.
It's bittersweet.

  So honestly, from a woman who waited over 4 years, through a 12 month deployment and through 3 vacations after wedding talk...CHERISH THIS TIME! Have faith that YOU know he will propose in time to make good on that 2012 wedding. And as long as he's on board continue to plan your little heart away.

Hope this was any help at all and best of luck!

syounger4

Thank you!

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8edbb739-bdca-464c-a798-466e0f2d0845Post:8a68dc6e-99ca-4d0c-879d-d7b177258c3d">Re: "Soon" is driving me nuts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Knit a blanket. Take a nap. Read a book. Go for a jog. Go to the gym. Watch a movie. Paint your nails. Paint a picture of you painting your nails. Clean the kitchen.  Even the whole house while you're at it.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

Take a valium or xanax.

Heather2256

Yeah, I've been going a little nuts too. My boyfriend just told me yesterday that my dad wants to give him my mom's ring...or was it ring set?.... Anyways, I'm excited because our 5 year anniversary is also this month & he said he's gonna ask. His only issue is just getting to my dad's & getting the ring! So I'll be engaged by the end of this month! Our anniversary is the 25th & we've already decided to celebrate either the weekend before or after because it's also my mom's birthday. So yay! And good luck. Don't go too crazy. But also, for me, just knowing he's finally going to ask makes me want to be better towards him - not that I'm not good to him already or anything! Also does away of any worry of if he really wants to, ya know?!?

alanna91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon-driving-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8edbb739-bdca-464c-a798-466e0f2d0845Post:8137f276-d9e2-4a3b-b573-4d51ab5d7dd3">Re: "Soon" is driving me nuts!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]  One thing I read here when I was waiting was something about enjoy your time because you can't have it back. Once you're engaged you're closing a chapter. After a few months of being engaged the oddest thing happened; I even said to my fiance "this is it. You'll never be my boyfriend again and I'll never have a boyfriend again" and it was not that I was sad about it, there was something beautiful and innocent and wonderful about having such a kind, sweet, loving boyfriend...and now that chapter is done. On to the next. It's bittersweet.   So honestly, from a woman who waited over 4 years, through a 12 month deployment and through 3 vacations after wedding talk...CHERISH THIS TIME!
Posted by Cosmocity[/QUOTE]

Wow, that defintely made me tear up!
I 'm a freak. I cried when my boyfriend turned 18. I cried when he graduated highschool. I cried when he started college...turned 20, and most recently I bawled when he turned 21. I also cried when all that happened to me! I get emotional when "chapters" of my life close and I didn't cherish them while I had the time. I'm so glad I read your post. I'm ready to start the next chapter of our relationship, but it will be hard to let go of our current one when the time comes after reading your post.
So, thank you! Really. I'm glad I read this before it was too late.
Jeez, I sound like I just read the cure for cancer or something. But, it does mean a lot to me!

OP, I hope you get as much out of all these posts as I have!

jilld82

It all goes by so fast and enjoy it.  Also when you put so many expectations on your relationship it's going to start taking a toll on your relationship.  You don't want fi to feel pressured or rushed so much that he freaks out and doesn't do it.  Patience is the key my friend.