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When did my parents get so traditional? - rant

paintgirlpaintgirl member
1000 Comments Third Anniversary
in Not Engaged Yet
Quick reminder: I move halfway across the country NEXT WEEK to move in with bf. We're aren't exactly spring chickens. (I'm young 30's. He's young 40's.)

Out of the blue, my mother is freaking out that we aren't engaged yet. She told me she's lying to her friends about where I'm moving. I asked why and she said, "I thought you'd be married. Or at least engaged!"

Then my dad... totally against this.

For the record, my parents are divorced and each remarried. My family is riddled with divorces, remarriages, babies-before-marriage, you name it. So what's the deal here? They don't know my bf well because we don't live nearby, but they really like him, so it's not HIM. Very weird.
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Re: When did my parents get so traditional? - rant

  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Maybe they think it'll make them look bad? Like they raised some heathen child or something.

    I'm just glad my mom didn't care so much. I know my dad didn't like it but he never said anything so I never had that battle with him.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hmm... interesting. That's too bad. I'm glad my parents didn't care when I moved in with FI (then BF). Have you lived with a SO other before? Even though you are an adult, maybe its just because you are their child.
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You're Grounded!
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I lived with a bf 6 years or so ago. I don't remember any crap about that. (Maybe they hoped I WOULDN"T marry him - HA!) So strange.

    The heathen comment made me think of something. I'm almost "too old" in my family to get married. They've thought for years that I would die an old maid. Maybe my mom is afraid I will just "live in sin" forever and never marry him! I bet she's got images of co-habitation agreements and domestic partnerships.
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Weird.

    Do they know that the two of you plan on getting married?
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Well Mut... No need to really reveal too much info to my parents. My mom knows but not much in the way of details (except not to expect a big spectacle). My dad... eh - he dated his current wife for 10 years, then eloped out the blue. We aren't a very traditional family. I've got two sisters on third marriages. Why would anyone be pushing me? Seems living together is better than a divorce...
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Haha.  Yes.  I was more so thinking that if they knew that was in your future they might back off.  They might be scared because you are selling your home and moving into his, making it not so much about the moving in together but the melding of the two of you.  Parents are odd creatures. 

    I didn't even consider my parents' feelings when we moved in together.  They had never even met him since we lived on the other side of the country.  We figured that we were adults and they could feel however they felt.  It wasn't going to change what we did. 
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Yeah it doesn't bother me much (at all), I just wondered where it came from. My dad is more concerned from a professional aspect - I'm moving my business as well as my personal life. It shouldn't have a huge impact. I travel all the time for work but I know that's the root of his concern. It's a valid concern, especially from the outside not completely understanding my business model and clients.

    I think my mom is more upset that I'm moving from the big city of DC (whatever - it's a big town - small city) to a suburb in the midwest. Not nearly as exciting to brag to her friends about.

    Ta-DA!!! And there it is. She can't brag that I'm some big shot in DC (I'm not now anyway) and she can't ramble on about a fabulous wedding. I have become socially worthless to her.

    Well thanks ladies! That actually helped me a ton!
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FMIL has mentioned in her passive-aggressive way that FI should be living at home with his parents until he is married, not living "in sin" (I don't really see the sin since we're not boinking yet) with his fiance.

    She actually said she can't have the rehearsal dinner in her enormous, beautiful backyard because FI should be living at home and helping with yardwork, and he's not. So it can't be there.

    Uhh, his brother is graduating next month, and GUESS where his graduation party is? Yep. Backyard.

    She can't just ASK us if we could come over a couple days before and help get the yard in shape for a party. She has to make some sly remark about our living arrangements.

    We have been living together for THREE YEARS. We're getting married in TWO MONTHS. Honestly? Get over it, woman. He's NOT moving out of our home to go back to mommy for two months. It's just.... not happening. That's dumb. WTF is that even about???
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-parents-traditional-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:922b0860-00b6-4864-ba33-325257fb3353Post:1c334f22-a5fb-421d-85eb-4c17a8753754">Re: When did my parents get so traditional? - rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ta-DA!!! And there it is. She can't brag that I'm some big shot in DC (I'm not now anyway) and she can't ramble on about a fabulous wedding. I have become socially worthless to her. Well thanks ladies! That actually helped me a ton!
    Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

    hahaha! a well thought out self diagnosis!
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Kat! It's all thanks to you guys! :)
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is all about 'self-realization' or some other psycho-babble.  Haha.  I always seem to find an answer when I type things out and reread what I wrote. 
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thankfully, FI and I both have very understanding parents, who looked at us moving in together as a good thing, in the sense that we'd be able to support one another and figure out whether or not we could live together before we got married. They also looked at it that we're both adults and can make adult decisions.

    My advice? Do what you feel is right. It sounds like you're making a sensible adult decision based on a lot of thought. Not everyone is going to agree with your decision, but it's your decision.

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  • swim1011swim1011
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This made me laugh a bit.  FI and I have been living together for over 2 years, and my mom recently admitted to crying when she found out we'd be moving in together.  We got engaged about 8 months later, but he didn't have a stable job for the first 4 months and a ring was out of the question.  But, it didn't bother me at all that we weren't engaged, since we both knew it was coming.

    Something about this kind of stuff just makes people act crazy.  They'll accept it, and if they don't.. you're big kids, and they need to suck it up and deal.  and FWIW, we got a letter from FI's aunt after he moved in, telling him how she knew he didn't *want* to live in sin with me, and that it was only for the job he accepted nearby.  And that we would be careful and not have any 'problems' born out of wedlock.  Surprised  Yes, she seriously wrote that. 
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Swim - good one. :) Thanks for sharing. Families are nuts sometimes.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_did-parents-traditional-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:922b0860-00b6-4864-ba33-325257fb3353Post:3fda030f-7c82-45f6-b445-a4eccf39d390">Re: When did my parents get so traditional? - rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]she knew he didn't *want* to live in sin with me, and that it was only for the job he accepted nearby.  And that we would be careful and not have any 'problems' born out of wedlock. 
    Posted by swim1011[/QUOTE]

    OMG that is so hilarious, awesome, and terrible all at once. I can't believe she wrote that! Especially the "problems" part!
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