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Update on my friend/Ramblings (Long)

My best friend is anorexic and struggles with it every day. I told you guys about how she had to pass a test to be able to move out. Well, she failed the test but her boss decided to let her keep her job, so she did end up moving out.

I'm happy she ended up being able to move out. Things with the guy she was talking to didn't work out. She has a history of searching for problems with the guys that are interested and managed to find one in this guy too before she even got to meet him.

Today she texted me about how it's "that time of the month" and she's bloated and obese and all this stuff. I, again, suggested counseling or a weekly group session but she blew it off, even after I told her I was concerned because every day seems to be a bad day for her. She ended up saying that she appreciates my concern, but she's not going to counseling and doesn't want to be around those people and she's just having a bad day.

Is she just doing it for attention? Does she want me to tell her that she's not obese, she's as skinny as a rail? She looks sick ... well, I guess she is sick. I just got so frustrated and didn't know what to do so I ended up writing the ANAD (National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Additional Disorders) for advice. I'm hoping they can at least give me some kind of literature to have an idea of what to say when she tells me these things.

Just another vent I guess. Maybe I should be telling her these things, but I don't want to scare her when I know there aren't a lot of people she can talk to about that stuff. I guess I'll have to wait and see how living on her own affects her health/eating habits.
-Ely

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Re: Update on my friend/Ramblings (Long)

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    cu97tigercu97tiger member
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    edited December 2011
    I think you did the right thing contacting ANAD. She may be looking for affirmation that she is still skinny, but giving her that may reinforce her issues. See what ANAD says and go from there!
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    edited December 2011

    It's hard to say that she is just doing for attention - because attention seeking behaviors are part of the disease.. or if she is reaching out to you because she knows she can count on you.

    Like what tiger said, wait to see what ANAD says.

    The other thing you could do is offer to go to a counseling session with her.

    Or... of course only if you absolutely had to.... if her attitude about getting healthy is affecting your life, you could take a few days off to clear your head so nothing that might hurt her feelings comes out unintentionally.

    I had a friend a long time ago who was anorexic. She did both the soccer team and the swim team in the same season, despite her Dr recommendation to not participate in sports for another year. It became so emotionally taxing for me to see her in and out of the hospital that we eventually grew apart. I later found out that she ended up doing well, got married and how has children.

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    lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
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    edited December 2011
    If she's really anorexic...I definitely don't think she's doing it for attention.

    Does she have lots of loved ones in her life? Have you all considered an intervention of sorts?
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    jorja86jorja86 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think you definitely did the right thing by reaching out to an expert source for some information. It sounds like you're doing a great job being there for her. It might be hard to admit, but it sounds like at this point, she has no real interest in seeking help, and you can really only help someone so much who isn't willing to help themselves.

    I would stay away from any discussion involving weight-I don't think she's doing it for attention on purpose, but she's probably not able to have a healthy conversation involving weight/body image right now.
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    elanniselannis member
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    edited December 2011
    Nursey: I actually have offered to go to the weekly support groups, but she refuses to do even that. She says she doesn't want to be around those people. And my BF reminds me not to let her get me down, because there's nothing I can really do for her, but it's still hard.

    Lunar: I don't think she's at the point where an intervention would help. I think she'd just shut us all out. She's still really determined that she's fat and she's going to get fat if she eats. Her mom and dad and brothers have tried, well I guess she sees it more as attacks, but they've tried to all get together and talk to her about it, but then I hear about it and she's just growing more and more bitter towards them. Oh, and that book you recommended is amazing. I read it and see so many ways that supplements would possibly help my friend, but I know she won't try them. She's already spending hundreds of dollars on prescription supplements that she says aren't working. It's amazing to read about how your diet can affect you so much though.

    Jorja: I agree. I don't think she's willing to accept help right now. She is the one that brings up the eating/working out constantly and if it's not that, then she's talking about how crappy she feels all the time. She's a serious Debbie Downer. Her happy texts are few and far between. I do try to switch subjects though. Maybe I just need to focus on doing that more often. I just don't want her to think I don't care and I don't want to hear it because it's not important. This is why I need help. I'm always torn about what to do.
    -Ely

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    edited December 2011
    I think you did the right thing by contacting the experts.  Hopefully they get back to you soon about how best to handle the situation.

    I haven't honestly encountered either anorexia or bulemia in person before but did study it in some of my university classes.  It sounds like a really frustrating situation for all of her friends and family since she doesn't want to get help right now.

    You sound like a great friend though.  I hope she manages to recover from this, I'm sure ANAD will provide information on how to best help her.
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