Not Engaged Yet

Darn being responsible... (rant)

BF and I have been together for 10 years, and with the number of people lately who have been getting engaged, I'm pretty used to pulling out the bean dip when we get the "when are you guys getting married?" BF and I have some more education we want to finish, some school debts to pay down, etc before we seriously discuss timelines and whatnot for getting engaged/married, so I wasn't expecting to come home from work last night to BF on bended knee.

However, it seems like every time I open facebook in the last 48 hours another person has posted that they got engaged, and I'm feeling pretty jealous. Most of them are in similar work/school/financial situations, so I'm feeling a bit of "why do I have to be responsible?!" I'm happy for them, but I'm in serious need of a smack back to reality to end the pity party.

/mini-rant
Canada Cat Pictures, Images and Photos

Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)

  • edited December 2011
    I've been there. It doesn't get better when they start having kids... unless you learn to appreciate being responsible and not rushing into things before you're ready.

    You'll be okay. *headpat* Laughing
    Anniversary
  • Beads921Beads921 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I get a twinge of jealousy when I hear other couples in similar situations to BF and I are engaged. But, it happens, so I have a silent mental hissy fit (about 5 seconds in length) and move on with my day. It's not worth worrying about. We have quite a few ducks to line up before heading down the isle. I've learned I just make myself miserable comparing us to them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    Life is good today.
  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah, I'm sure I'll be back to normal in a couple of days when it's not splashed all over my News Feed on FB... I'm probably just bitter because we had a reality check on the weekend about how much longer it will be until we're where we want to be financially before marriage.

    It's still a resounding "no" from all sides when we get asked if we have kids though, so I have a little time before that one starts to bug me. I still like the kind I can give back after a few hours. Innocent
    Canada Cat Pictures, Images and Photos
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I get that too, SopChick. I've apparently hit *that* magical age where people are getting engaged left and right (and the majority of these people are right about my age, either younger or a year older). And I'm only 20. There seems to be a trend toward getting married younger in the church around here.
  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Bren, I have a few friends who got married at 20... I know I wouldn't have been ready, but to each their own!

    I remember my sister telling me about being on the opposite end of the spectrum. She got married at 24, and her friends started getting married around 30, and she felt like she was out of the loop. When they were getting married, she already had kids - and had to deal with (sometimes snarky) brides not wanting kids at their weddings.
    Canada Cat Pictures, Images and Photos
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, lots of people at my college are getting married now too (and I'm only 21). I imagine if I wasn't engaged, I would feel pretty jealous being not engaged yet.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I know how you're feeling.  It'll be your turn sooner or later, though.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:6759a244-6c3b-437a-ac05-83cd85f65dab">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I get that too, SopChick. I've apparently hit *that* magical age where people are getting engaged left and right (and the majority of these people are right about my age, either younger or a year older). And I'm only 20. There seems to be a trend toward getting married younger in the church around here.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    The same thing happens here.  All my friends in the church are engaged/married/with kid, and my friends outside of the church are still mostly single.  It is a little strange.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel! I feel like everyone around me is getting married. The other day my friend asked me if me and BF just didn't want to ever get married, because apparently if you've been dating for 2 1/2 years and aren't engaged you must not want to get married ever.

    I get sick of hearing about the engagements and wedding planning sometimes but I just have to remember to be happy for them now because when its my turn in a few years they will be happy for me.


  • luvdncn90luvdncn90 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the same boat too! And I, also, am only 20. It's really hard when I see other couples who have been together shorter than BF and I, but in the end I know that we are making the right decision by waiting. It's not that I think these other couples won;t make it, I just think that BF and I will have an easier time by waiting to do what we need to before marriage.


    Just remember, all good things come with time. It will only stengthen you and your future together :)
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:2425efc7-4a7b-4606-a51d-8d8fe385d83c">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm in the same boat too! And I, also, am only 20. It's really hard when I see other couples who have been together shorter than BF and I, but in the end I know that we are making the right decision by waiting.<strong> It's not that I think these other couples won;t make it, </strong>I just think that BF and I will have an easier time by waiting to do what we need to before marriage. Just remember, all good things come with time. It will only stengthen you and your future together :)
    Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]

    Is it wrong that I don't think some of the couples I know that are getting married will make it? I'm not hoping for it, I just don't think they will last.


  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:32026ce2-e357-4f5d-8ab7-03d6db53cc06">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know how you feel! I feel like everyone around me is getting married.<strong> The other day my friend asked me if me and BF just didn't want to ever get married, because apparently if you've been dating for 2 1/2 years and aren't engaged you must not want to get married ever. </strong>I get sick of hearing about the engagements and wedding planning sometimes but I just have to remember to be happy for them now because when its my turn in a few years they will be happy for me.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    I hear that! I had someone ask me if we were going to be like "Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed... since you practically are already!" It drives me nuts that people seem to have this idea that you have to get married after 2-3 years, whether you're ready or not, whether you're right for each other or not!

    Thanks ladies, I'm coming back to reality! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
    Canada Cat Pictures, Images and Photos
  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For those of that you that are in your early twenties and everyone around you is getting married. I was there once too.

    I always thought about how statistically the average age to first get married was not my very early 20s. According to wikipedia it is almost 26 for women in the US and almost 29 for women in Canada.

    So relax, just because everyone around you is getting married at an early age does not mean anything except that you are in a little pocket that is a bit different from the norm.  There is nothing wrong with getting things in order before getting married and the stats show it!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:0139cc20-3c91-4732-98d9-bfd4ba6131d3">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Darn being responsible... (rant) : Is it wrong that I don't think some of the couples I know that are getting married will make it? I'm not hoping for it, I just don't think they will last.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    I feel the exact same way about some of the couples I am around. I think they just want to have a wedding and could care less about the actual marraige part.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I think it can be tough on either end of the spectrum.  I get a lot of side eyes from my fellow law students when they find out that I'm 22 and engaged.  In Boston, that is hardly the norm.  I've had classmates tell me "You're WAYYY to young to be engaged.  Are you insane?" while drunk at bars.  Then within 5 minutes they want to try on my ring...

    At the end of the day, as long as your confident in the decision you made to wait or to get engaged, that's all that matters.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:ac395521-3cec-4d07-9d71-39167aac97e8">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Darn being responsible... (rant) : I feel the exact same way about some of the couples I am around. I think they just want to have a wedding and could care less about the actual marraige part.
    Posted by niknik15[/QUOTE]
     <div>I totally agree. I'm like seriously? When you get married neither of you will have known each other for a year, and he gives me a creepy vibe. I've been to three weddings like that. I never say anything though, I guess if i thought I was close enough to the person, but all my close friends know I would slap them if they were getting married and hadn't even known the person for a year/gotten engaged after 2 1/2 months. That actually scares me...I'm glad SO and I are boring and take our time. </div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I feel you SopChick. The holidays were tough this year with several engagements for friends of mine. BF and I have talked about getting married for our entire relationship (2.5 years and counting) and I know we're close to getting engaged, but seeing other couples going through it just reminds me that we're not there yet. I do what Beads does... pout in my head for a few seconds (or minutes), then remind myself that I'm lucky to be with this wonderful man at all, and move on with my day.

    :)
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I may side-eye some things, but like Abigail said, unless the person is close to me and ASKS my opinion then I would never offer it regarding their engagement. Just before my friend got engaged (at a young age) she asked what I thought and I was honest. But I couldn't believe how many people were rude to her about it afterwards. A guy whose dad used to be friends with her dad commented on her FB saying that she was too young and it was stupid of her to get engaged. They hadn't talked to each other in a couple years. I thought that was ridiculous.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_darn-being-responsible-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:983aa00e-2c13-46fa-8512-ad637a5cb4f1Post:c4e2728a-a329-412e-8d19-e8a0890fee2c">Re: Darn being responsible... (rant)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Darn being responsible... (rant) :   I totally agree. I'm like seriously? When you get married neither of you will have known each other for a year, and he gives me a creepy vibe. I've been to three weddings like that. I never say anything though, I guess if i thought I was close enough to the person, but all my close friends know I would slap them if they were getting married and hadn't even known the person for a year/gotten engaged after 2 1/2 months. That actually scares me...I'm glad SO and I are boring and take our time. 
    Posted by AbigailMS[/QUOTE]

    My cousin dated a girl for three months that he met online when they got engaged. I wanted to tell them to just slow their roll, but other people had already said it to them so I kept my mouth shut.

    She called me Saturday and told me that they had broken up. Then yesterday she texted me and told me they were back together. When she called and texted, I tried to tell her that getting married in July is a bad idea and that they just needed to work on their relationship. Needless to say, I don't think she is taking my advice and I really don't think their marraige will last long.
    image
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Last night my friend told me about a friend of hers who is 19 and just got engaged to a guy she's been dating for 3 months and they are getting married in June! I know moving that fast and getting married that young works for some people but I always have to wonder what the rush is (and I usually assume its sex). I just don't think I could do it. I love BF but there is no way I could've married him at 19.


  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I feel the same way sometimes. It sucks but things of what you are grateful for and move on. Try not to dwell on what you don't have and focus on the awesome stuff.

    FI and I may live at home and not have any babies but he has a kickass truck, we have a "computer monitor" that is bigger than the majority of our married friends living room tv's, and we can travel all the freaking time. All of which we would not have/be able to do if we were married with babies. Have fun while you can, that stuff can wait a few years.

  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't think I would be able to tell someone my thoughts if I didn't think someone should be getting married. Even if they were really close to me, I think I would feel that I was overstepping.

    @beth - I feel badly for automatically thinking this too, but sex is often my first thought with rushed young engagements/weddings.



    Canada Cat Pictures, Images and Photos
  • edited December 2011
    I get the same thing, especially when it's someone younger than me getting married. My partner and I both feel that getting married is a big deal and not something to be entered into lightly.We had "the talk" just before moving in together and he said he feels it's best to live with someone for about a year and then be engaged for about a year before getting married so that you're sure that you're right for each other, and I agreed at the time. But after  dating for almost a year and a half, living together for 6 months and me falling more and more in love with him every day I just wish he'd propose NOW! I've never felt this way about anyone before! He is my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without him, and I don't know what I did to deserve him, but if I ever figure it out I'll do whatever it was over and over again if that means I can be with him forever. I know though deep down inside that he has the right idea, we should live together for a year at least before making that serious of a commttment, just to make sure we are right for each other Plus I'm also doing the whole school/financial difficulties thing so even if we got engaged now we couldn't even get married in a year :(
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards