This probably isn't the right board for this....

nottheonlydreamer44

but I don't feel like trudging over to E to get an answer. As some of you know, FI and I are moving our wedding plans around AGAIN because of some, how would you say it, unforeseen circumstances that I'd rather not get into on here. We are cutting our guest list significantly because of the situation and I'm trying to figure out the best way to uninvite 30+ people.

Our STD's have already gone out twice now so the people invited know they are invited. Due to the changes I'm just not sure what the best and most non-offensive way is to handle this is?

I'm thinking we set our definite list and then send out apology cards to those who were are no longer inviting? I have no idea because I have never done this before  and I don't want to permanently hurt anyone's feelings.

Any ideas?

GreenPepperBurger

Ack.

I hate to say it, but I think you're pretty much stuck on inviting everyone who got a Save the Date. There really is no good way to uninvite someone.

Sorry, Brit. =/

[Deleted User]

I agree with GPB. Imagine if someone sent you a letter that said you were uninvited somewhere. I'd be upset, but that's just me. I'm sorry that things are tough with the planning. To me it seems the best thing is to hope not everyone can make it.

[Deleted User]

the only way that i see out of this is to elope, and send out a marriage announcement after the fact (you know, a "we just couldn't wait but join us for a celebration!".  and invite everyone to a really great party/celebration with amazing food. 

but if you've already sent out the STD's twice...  you might as well just go through with it.  otherwise it's going to reflect really badly on you and your FI. 

KD+BC

I'm sorry to say this but I agree with PPs, there is no good way to disinvite people. I'm sure there are some on your list who would understand but they will all be hurt somewhat. I don't know your circumstances but you really have a only three options:

1. Invite everyone and figure it out later.
2. Push back your wedding until you are able to invite everyone.
3. Elope and have an at home reception that is very casual and specify that there are to be no gifts.

EDIT: grammar

heyimbren

Yeah... I wouldn't ask this on E either. Dreamer, I think you know the answer to this one. I agree with GPB, but if you're going to do it, then you're going to do it. I don't think there is a good way to do it.

But for those who have received STDs, if you really are going to uninvite them... I'm kind of leaning towards telling them, just so they know not to keep saving that date. I don't know if an apology card seems appropriate though. I'm not much help, I know. It would really bug me as a guest to receive an STD, be uninvited AND just never receive an invitation so I kept saving the date. It's just all three rolled together. I think KD's right about your 3 options.

paintgirl

Ouch what a difficult position. I hate to say it but I agree with PPs. There's really no way to un-invite at this point. If it's a money issue, could you find other places in your budget to cut and make it work? Or change your menu? (I know you didn't want to get in to details but I assumed it's money - but it could be venue size or whatever too so I don't want to be presumptuous.)

marleylikeair

Oh Britt, I'm so sorry, but I have to agree with PPs. There is just no good way to do this. Couldn't you trim your budget elsewhere, or work on finding a larger venue? Don't forget--people are the most important aspect of a celebration!

If there's truly too much to handle (family drama? Money woes?), I'd consider eloping, too!

Good luck, my dear!

nottheonlydreamer44

Thanks for the input ladies. I actually do appreciate it and I know it's not the best of situations. Money is not the issue and pushing back the wedding wouldn't do much. I don't want to get into details because I don't know who trolls this board but it's a large family problem and there is no possibility of that changing. Most of the people on our STD list would be invited (mostly family is getting cut I assume) and there are definite reasons for that.

Eloping sounds like a great plan but we're really weighing it out on that, too. I don't want either one of us to come off looking like assholes here so that does suck. Maybe once we put the list together it won't actually be too bad. 

Eep. I hope.  

ETA: Bren - we definitely would let people know in the most tactful way possible that they didn't need to save that date any longer. Also, we specifically asked for no gifts already (no registry, no bridal shower, no anything) so that shouldn't be a huge problem.

*le sigh* thank you ladies!

MissOwl

aww dreamer. poor thing. your plans keep getting all messed up. i agree with the other ladies about the etiquette on this one. hope you figure it out!

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:e03a0097-0646-4110-a9ac-2a180042b69f">This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]but I don't feel like trudging over to E to get an answer. As some of you know, FI and I are moving our wedding plans around AGAIN because of some, how would you say it, unforeseen circumstances that I'd rather not get into on here. We are cutting our guest list significantly because of the situation and I'm trying to figure out the best way to uninvite 30+ people. Our STD's have already gone out twice now so the people invited know they are invited. Due to the changes I'm just not sure what the best and most non-offensive way is to handle this is? I'm thinking we set our definite list and then send out apology cards to those who were are no longer inviting? I have no idea because I have never done this before  and I don't want to permanently hurt anyone's feelings. Any ideas?
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]
Uninvite isn't a word, hun. The word you are looking for is "disinvite." :)

There is never a polite way to disinvite anyone unless the function is cancelled completely, which you haven't done.

And, of course, it doesn't matter what your "unforeseen circumstances" are. Rude is rude. So if you want to disinvite people, go ahead. But there is no polite way to do it, sorry.

nottheonlydreamer44

Sorry for the improper use of grammar on "un-invite" I'm typing fast and not paying too much attention. Anyway, I just ran through our list and actually it didn't make too much of a difference.  We're at 55 people (us included) and only took off a few people (several of which we knew weren't going to be able to make it.)

The family basically dis-inviting themselves worked out in our favor and no one that we talk to on any kind of frequent basis was cut.

That was a minor tweak that I should have looked over first. Sorry ladies! Too much going on with all of this crap. But you all are great at being good sources of reality and advice.

I truly appreciate it!

paintgirl

OMG it's family drama? Eek. No good way to approach it then - aside from eloping. And that's just not for everyone. Good luck! That sucks. Sorry for assuming money issues - family stuff is way worse!

SeaTea02

I would say if you never want to talk to these people again, dis-inviting them will take care of that for you. I can see how calling would be awkward... so if you are really going to do this I can see why you would want to send a card, but it is really impersonal. 

nottheonlydreamer44

@ Sun - lol I LOVE that show. I wish I could've went on there a little bit. But thank you honey I would like to keep all drama out and happiness in.

@ Paint - it's okay the way I worded it sounded like it was a money issue. I don't want to pay $7000 for a reception venue and food for people that are rude and don't want to be there to begin with. We deserve a happy day and just because certain family members feel that we do not - it's not going to keep us from celebrating our joy with the people in our lives who DO support us.

@ Sea- See above. We don't actually have to disinvite anyone I just can't count. lol.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:96b57fe6-2129-4258-ae4c-e8dbe41971c8">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]All I have to say is I hope they know that what goes around comes around!  (I'm singing Justin Timberlake in my head...)  And you totally deserve a HAPPY day rather than a chock full of family drama year.  Although, according to bridalplasty, since you didn't win, <strong>you will still get married, it just won't be perfect</strong> XP JUST KIDDING!  I mean that's what the host says, but as long as you're marrying the right guy and not an evil twin, it's all good, right?
Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

I want to bitch smack my TV when she says that.

GreenPepperBurger

"Bridalplasty" makes me worry about the future of mankind.

SeaTea02

Dreamer - my mistake it was posted while I was reading everyone's responses. 

nottheonlydreamer44

No prob, Sea, I always do that! It's a happy day for all.

Bridalplasty is both disturbing and oddly addicting. These women are THAT desperate to get surgery and win a wedding? I find it super creepy in a way. And I do want to smack her when she says that -- lord the one girl was already married! She just didn't get her dream wedding because her budget was ONLY
$.10,000 *puke*

TheMutleys

I'm glad that you have figured out your guest lis (and that it does NOT involve disinviting people because that would be exceedingy rude.)  I hope that lurkers reading this will see why it is important to really think about your guest list before sending anything out.  It is easy to get caught up in the 'want' to get something done right after you get engaged and STDs are often the culprit.  However, sending anything out before you have really hashed out the guest list/wedding plans can lead to a lot of confusion/hurt feelings.  And this is just another con for pre-planning.  Plans can change even AFTER you are engaged.

Personally, I cannot imagine disinviting family unless you truly plan on never ever talking to them again and are okay with cutting them out of your lives.  We did not invite my older brother but I don't have any sort of relationship with him anyways and didn't for a long time before we ever got engaged. 

On another note, are you sure that you want to go through with your wedding right now?  It seems like your plans keep changing for whatever reason.  Why not just let things be for a bit and truly figure out what it is that you want?  You've already sent out STDs twice and now you are changing your plans again.  From the outside looking in, it seems like you are very confused about what you want out of your wedding.  (I am NOT saying that you are confused about the marriage part.)  I would stop making any sort of plans or even talking about it for a couple weeks.  Then revisit the topic and see where you both stand.  Sometimes stepping away from the 'problem' can give great clarity. 

hetshup

To quickly answer your question, there is no way. If you dis-invite people, be prepared to burn bridges. Be prepared for people to be upset, at you. 

That being said, if you up and elope, no one will judge you. We all understand the need to stop wedding planning. But you really really need to take a step back from all of the sparkle and glitter. You don't NEED a wedding to have a valid marriage. You keep saying Mike is great, and he's wonderful. Maybe you guys just aren't going to have a huge wedding. This will not make your marriage any less valid. Take the 7k and go on vacation!

Even if you don't elope, I seriously suggest that you take some time away. 

jeanacorina

I agree with Mutley and Hetshup. STEP AWAY FROM THE PLANNING.

I don't want to sound mean or anything, but I'm going to call it like I see it: your planning process right now, from the outside looking in, is a hot mess. You are inviting folks, then having a crisis, and changing a date, and then inviting folks again, then having a crisis, then changing the guest list.... after already sending out STDs.... I mean.... dude. STOP.

I understand that wedding planning can be crazy, and at times it can get to be more work than fun. Please, for your own good, take a couple weeks off. Everything CAN wait. The only thing you REALLY need is your FI, a marriage license, and someone to marry you. You could get strangers off the street to witness if you need to. All this other crap and the drama that comes with it is NOT important. So let it go for a while. Enjoy some no-wedding-talk time with your FI. Just "BE" for a while. Things might just fall into place on their own once you stop grabbing at every check on your to-do list.

Again, I'm not trying to be unnecessarily mean... and I wish you tons of luck and happiness. Just simmah down.

nottheonlydreamer44

@ Sunbird - It is an absolute train wreck but hilarious all the same. I do not judge you for watching.

Mutley, Jeana, Hets - I am in 100% total agreement with you guys. It's one big giant hot mess and I wish I could fully get into why that is but rest assured it's not Mike or I making this happen. If I explained it all it might make more sense but honestly I don't know who reads this or who we might know on here. I don't feel good about putting that kind of thing out in the open but I'll say the dis-inviting of family was done by the family members themselves.

I'm taking all of your advice and stepping away from all of it. We're leaving for Chicago and I just interviewed for a teaching position plus school starts next week. I don't even want to think about a wedding at this point. I wish we would have eloped in a way but at the same time not really. I want a special day with our friends and the people we do love and care about and who care about us.

None of the rest of it really matters. Yes we absolutely are leaving for our honeymoon right after the wedding and not waiting until August!

@ Mutley - I can totally see how from the outside looking in, it looks like we're totally all over the place. Some of the time we are but we definitely know what we want out of the day. The problems that have come about are things that I, personally, can't fix or even begin to solve. That's why a lot of back and forth has been done and I'm exhausted dealing with it. Break time sounds wonderful!

Ladies thank you for the advice and different perspectives. Reality checks never hurt anyone. All I want to do right now read my book and forget this wedding even exists for a while.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:d2c4cd66-766e-4d4d-be64-83434b20d519">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]@ Sunbird - It is an absolute train wreck but hilarious all the same. :) I do not judge you for watching.

Mutley, Jeana, Hets - I am in 100% total agreement with you guys. It's one big giant hot mess and I wish I could fully get into why that is <strong>but rest assured it's not Mike or I <u>making</u> this happen.</strong> If I explained it all it might make more sense but honestly I don't know who reads this or who we might know on here. I don't feel good about putting that kind of thing out in the open <strong>but I'll say the dis-inviting of family was done by the family members themselves.</strong>

I'm taking all of your advice and stepping away from all of it. We're leaving for Chicago and I just interviewed for a teaching position plus school starts next week. I don't even want to think about a wedding at this point. I wish we would have eloped in a way but at the same time not really. I want a special day with our friends and the people we do love and care about and who care about us.

None of the rest of it really matters. Yes we absolutely are leaving for our honeymoon right after the wedding and not waiting until August!

@ Mutley - I can totally see how from the outside looking in, it looks like we're totally all over the place. Some of the time we are but we definitely know what we want out of the day. <strong>The problems that have come about are things that I, personally, can't fix or even begin to solve.</strong> That's why a lot of back and forth has been done and I'm exhausted dealing with it. Break time sounds wonderful!

Ladies thank you for the advice and different perspectives. Reality checks never hurt anyone. :) All I want to do right now read my book and forget this wedding even exists for a while.
Posted by nottheonlydreamer44[/QUOTE]

You say that you and Mike are not the ones MAKING this happen but you are.  You are the ones that are planning this wedding.  You are the ones making the decisions.  You are the ones who sent out STDs twice.  You are the ones deciding to 'disinvite' people. 

IF the family members were the ones 'disinviting' themselves, then you would NOT have come on here to see how you could 'uninvite' them.  I just think that is complete BS.   

If you cannot fix or solve these problems, then why are you worrying about them.  Why are you potentially changing your plans yet again? 

I contend that if you know what you want, then you have the ability to plan it.  I also believe that IF you knew what you truly wanted, you would not be flip flopping about eloping or your guest list.  You would not have already majorly changed your plans once.

At the end of the day, you have 2 options: elope OR send out invitations to everyone you sent STDs to.   

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:8a6a2828-651e-4941-a231-3c4e41fa81fd">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This probably isn't the right board for this.... : You say that you and Mike are not the ones MAKING this happen but you are.  You are the ones that are planning this wedding.  You are the ones making the decisions.  You are the ones who sent out STDs twice.  You are the ones deciding to 'disinvite' people.  IF the family members were the ones 'disinviting' themselves, then you would NOT have come on here to see how you could 'uninvite' them.  I just think that is complete BS.    If you cannot fix or solve these problems, then why are you worrying about them.  Why are you potentially changing your plans yet again?  I contend that if you know what you want, then you have the ability to plan it.  I also believe that IF you knew what you truly wanted, you would not be flip flopping about eloping or your guest list.  You would not have already majorly changed your plans once. At the end of the day, you have 2 options: elope OR send out invitations to everyone you sent STDs to.   
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

While I personally think this advice is unnecessarily harsh and a bit judgemental, I think there's some truth to it.

I understand completely about having family members who create drama and make you question your original decisions. I also think you need to stand up to them, and some of that means letting go a little. Send invites to all who received STDs. They can accept or decline by the RSVP date. Don't get sucked into the drama.

I've learned that if my family wants to create drama, they'll do it, whether they're present at the wedding or not, and regardless of the date. So do what is right for you and Mike, and remember that you can't control what anyone else does--so don't try to plan around it. If you do, they win.

Mutley--I don't usually agree with the *way* you give advice, but I do usually agree with the advice itself. And yep, your baby is super ridiculously cute.

pinkcottoncandy7

I know you're not comfortable breaking down the nitty-gritty here on the board but I just hope that you get the special day you want and that those that are consuming your time and energy decide not to come. But if you do elope I hope its more like the end of a romantic comedy and not "I throw in the wedding planning towel!" 

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:a3866491-a0fa-447f-a521-fd98075d6c78">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This probably isn't the right board for this.... : While I personally think this advice is unnecessarily harsh and a bit judgemental, I think there's some truth to it.

Mutley--I don't usually agree with the *way* you give advice, but I do usually agree with the advice itself.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

Where was I judgmental?  I think you are being judgmental about my response. 

And seeing as how I have barely been around since you supposedly joined, <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '40b45dda-356c-4441-883a-4d111fe2977d', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/0/8/40b45dda-356c-4441-883a-4d111fe2977d.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>.
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '40b45dda-356c-4441-883a-4d111fe2977d', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:8a6a2828-651e-4941-a231-3c4e41fa81fd">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This probably isn't the right board for this.... : You say that you and Mike are not the ones MAKING this happen but you are.  You are the ones that are planning this wedding.  You are the ones making the decisions.  You are the ones who sent out STDs twice.  You are the ones deciding to 'disinvite' people.  IF the family members were the ones 'disinviting' themselves, then you would NOT have come on here to see how you could 'uninvite' them.  I just think that is complete BS.    If you cannot fix or solve these problems, then why are you worrying about them.  Why are you potentially changing your plans yet again?  I contend that if you know what you want, then you have the ability to plan it.  I also believe that IF you knew what you truly wanted, you would not be flip flopping about eloping or your guest list.  You would not have already majorly changed your plans once. At the end of the day, you have 2 options: elope OR send out invitations to everyone you sent STDs to.   
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]


Mutley I do appreciate your advice and I am not offended in the context you give it in. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. All I can say is that we do know what we want and we made the decision to stop letting other people make decisions for us, after this weekend. Sometimes it's hard to get away from family that is constantly breathing down your neck and using money as a device to manipulate you.

We moved the wedding date up once because of guilt, pressure and veiled threats from people involved. To keep peace we just went along with it but after this weekend it became obvious going along with it wasn't working. This is not my family so I don't feel comfortable getting into all the details.

Elopement crosses a lot of people's minds, I think but it's not for everyone and it's not for us. It just seems like such a great idea sometimes. As for the "disinviting", as I said I was in a rush and hadn't even put together the new guest list after all the turmoil. Once I counted it up, we didn't have to dis-invite anyone, everyone who got STD's in the mail, is getting an invite (minus the people we knew weren't going to make it and the people who flat out told us they weren't coming because they wanted no part of it.)

At end of the day all I want is to be married and happy with my husband not fighting with people. Our plans are the same as before we simply scaled it down. I probably should have worked all that out first BEFORE I posted this because clearly I didn't really need to. But it was helpful to get everyone's thoughts and it made me realize I really do need a break from wedding related items for awhile.

Again I thank you for the honest advice and thoughts on the situation.

oceana919

First of all, marley, if you think that was Mutley being judgemental, you've got a lot to learn.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with a lot of the other posters. There is no polite/considerate/kind way to "dis-invite" people. If they've gotten an STD, you have to invite them. If the situation is really that bad between you and a given relative, chances are, they'll choose not to attend. But you still have to invite them. Sorry.

Unfortunately, family drama does not make dis-inviting guests acceptable. There are other girls on here (already married) who can vouch for this. They had to bite the bullet and include them in the day. My family has virtually imploded (on both sides) over the last four months and I still have to invite them all. They'll either choose to come or they won't. In the end, I'm not marrying them.

I also have to agree with Jeana, Mutley, hetsh, etc. in saying that perhaps you need to TAKE A STEP BACK. You've sent out STDs twice. You've changed your date twice (that I know of) and had to notify your guests accordingly. Your plans seem, well, a bit of a clusterfuck. Perhaps you need to step away from all of this, re-evaluate your plans/budget/priorities, take some time to try and resolve some of the issues that you're having, and THEN come back to wedding planning. Until things are calmer and more clear, I don't think it's healthy for you to be in the middle of this kind of chaos until you know what you want.

nottheonlydreamer44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-probably-isnt-right-board-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9c840d15-ff2f-44a6-bb0b-fde23e725300Post:b59a2f93-3e8d-427c-ba16-a4c70603e932">Re: This probably isn't the right board for this....</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, marley, if you think that was Mutley being judgemental, you've got a lot to learn. Unfortunately, I have to agree with a lot of the other posters. There is no polite/considerate/kind way to "dis-invite" people. If they've gotten an STD, you have to invite them. If the situation is really that bad between you and a given relative, chances are, they'll choose not to attend. But you still have to invite them. Sorry. Unfortunately, family drama does not make dis-inviting guests acceptable. There are other girls on here (already married) who can vouch for this. They had to bite the bullet and include them in the day. My family has virtually imploded (on both sides) over the last four months and I still have to invite them all. They'll either choose to come or they won't. In the end, I'm not marrying them. I also have to agree with Jeana, Mutley, hetsh, etc. in saying that perhaps you need to TAKE A STEP BACK. You've sent out STDs twice. You've changed your date twice (that I know of) and had to notify your guests accordingly. Your plans seem, well, a bit of a clusterfuck. Perhaps you need to step away from all of this, re-evaluate your plans/budget/priorities, take some time to try and resolve some of the issues that you're having, and THEN come back to wedding planning. Until things are calmer and more clear, I don't think it's healthy for you to be in the middle of this kind of chaos until you know what you want.
Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

I couldn't have said it better myself. :) Though we did only change our date once I believe from June 24th to April 16th (we tried for the 8th but couldn't get our photographer). I'm taking a break right now and just focusing on job hunting, school and going to Chicago.

I am sorry to hear about your family though. I don't know what your situation is, just like you dont know mine, but I can appreciate how much it sucks to have all that crap going on. Deep breaths and happy thoughts.

KD+BC

Out of curiosity, are you still going to invite the people who said they won't be part of your day? I don't mean to keep this going but I really think you still need to invite them. Obviously I still don't know your whole story but these people are still family and you don't get to choose them. I think it would show a lot of maturity if you honored your STDs and invited these people. If they decline, it's on them and you won't look bad.

Again, I don't know the situation and I agree with the others that a step back from planning is a good idea. You don't have to answer this now but just something to think about.