Not Engaged Yet

WWYD? Shower for a Friend

I'm sorry it's so long, ugh. I'm really bad at summarizing these types of things...

Summary: Bride, bridesmaids, and third parties (my grandma) told me it doesn't matter if the shower I plan and help host for my friend includes guests not invited to the wedding.

The rest of my friend's BMs and I would like to host a shower for her, and I was the one sort of elected to head up most of it, but we'll all be pitching in. I don't mind that at all, because I do love planning events and parties. It's going to be on the smaller side (we have a limit of 20 people total, plus 1 bride and 7 bridesmaids). The bride has already had one shower which involved her family members. The groom's family lives on the other side of the country.

Here's the catch: the couple cut back on their guest list to save money. I know she took a lot of friends off the guest list, to keep it more of a family affair. I asked her for a number/list of the people she would like at the shower so I know what to plan for. The problem is I think it's expected that people who are not invited to the wedding will be invited to the shower. My friend already mentioned to me that her mom invited some people not invited to the wedding to her other shower.

If it was just my friend (the bride) who was expecting this, then I think I'd just politely tell her I'm not comfortable hosting that. But some of the other bridesmaids (one of whom is my best friend) have told me that it doesn't matter, and all the showers they've been to include people who aren't invited to the wedding. So I talked to my grandma about it (because she does have more experience than I do) and she agreed that it wasn't necessary.

I kind of feel trapped. Shower plans were discussed in a general sense before we even knew about the cut back on guests. So I feel like I've already committed myself to this, and I don't want to be the bad guy who declines to plan a shower when I'm the only one who seems to share this opinion regarding the guests. Especially because I don't think there's anyone who would step up to plan this shower.

I'm going to wait and see what the guest list looks like that she gives me, but I am fairly certain that it's going to include friends who will not be invited to the wedding. So what would you do?

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