Not Engaged Yet

Dad's Blessing?

I'm not sure where to write this, but this board seemed like a good place.

I'm very close to my family and truly am my father's princess. Growing up I always wanted to be just like him. Bf and I have been talking about getting married for about two years now. Not intensive or detailed but very wistfully. He's asked my father for his blessing twice and my dad has said no both times. The first time I understand because we were only dating for a year but this time he didn't want bf interfering with my budding career, as he put it. My dad and my bf get along great and I think this is the first thing they've disagreed on.

I'm just not sure what to do about this. I know this is 2012 but my father means the world to me.  I'm not sure if it would insult my dad if bf proposed without his permision after he's asked him twice. Thoughts or advice?

Re: Dad's Blessing?

  • Have you talked to your dad about why he keeps saying no?
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  • Yeah, I can't really give specific advice without knowing why your dad has said no, but my general thoughts come down to two things.

    1.  Your dad probably isn't trying to get in the way of your happiness.  If he's saying no, there's likely a good reason.

    2.  It's almost 2013.  As long as you're at least 18, you don't need your dad's permission to get married.  I get that dad's blessing is important to a lot of women, but sometimes you can't have everything.
  • "Screen Name: SingMelody
    SingMelody Age: 26
    Significant Other's Age: 28
    What You Do:  public relations
    What SO Does: developmental software engineer
    State of Relationship: in love!
    How Long You've Been Together: 3years
    How You Met:Our  mutual friends birthday bash
    Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married): no ring so no date
    Real Babies: none
    Fur Babies: none but I want a puppy really bad
    Loves: Hot soup, tea,bf, spring, all animals, babies, and art
    Hates: spiders and overly dramatic people
    Pet Peeves: windows left open in the middle of winter.
    Hobbies/Activities: writing, drawing, playing piano, cooking
    Favorite Thing About Your SO: The fact that he can fix just about everything.
    Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: when he's in "the zone" on a prodject and forgets to eat.
    Describe Your Personality: Quiet, I keep to myself, but will stand up for what I believe in.
    Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): 4-8
    I've Been On TK Since: Lurking for 8 or so months, created an acount yesterday.
    How You Came to Be On TK: Bestfriend's wedding.
    How I like my potatoes: Mashed or fried
    Favorite book/author: Margaret Mitchell
    Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I'm close with my family, in love with my bf, I'm a mix of a early morning person and a night owl also!"

    Hi and welcome to the board! I agree with PPs this is probably something you should talk to your dad about.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would have a conversation about why your father is saying no but in the end you don't need his permission.


  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dads-blessing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a4e554f6-6dbe-494a-9b24-0ced22e3f640Post:8e841645-6be8-43bc-9297-fe5db719b4e1">Dad's Blessing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not sure where to write this, but this board seemed like a good place. I'm very close to my family and truly am my father's princess. Growing up I always wanted to be just like him. Bf and I have been talking about getting married for about two years now. Not intensive or detailed but very wistfully. He's asked my father for his blessing twice and my dad has said no both times. The first time I understand because we were only dating for a year <strong>but this time he didn't want bf interfering with my budding career, as he put it. </strong>My dad and my bf get along great and I think this is the first thing they've disagreed on. I'm just not sure what to do about this. I know this is 2012 but my father means the world to me.  I'm not sure if it would insult my dad if bf proposed without his permision after he's asked him twice. Thoughts or advice?
    Posted by SingMelody[/QUOTE]

    You're 26 at this point how does your Dad think your BF will interfere with your budding career?  I agree with PP that you really should sit and talk with your dad and explain to him what you are doing with your career and how your BF will not affect it.  On the flip side you are 26 and this is the 21st century.  Its ok not to have a blessing but not the end of the world.  Well that's actually tomorrow.... 
  • I find this nuts and would have to talk to my dad asap. 

    ::needs more details::

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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Unfortunately, when "asking" for something you run the risk of being told no. I agree with PP that you need a serious talk with your dad about why he has told your BF no twice. 

    I'm not a fan of the whole "asking for permission" thing, as I'm an adult and make my own decisions especially regarding that aspect of my life. My FI didn't ask anyone for anything. He did, however, call my mom and told her that he bought the ring and planned to propose. I am extremely close with my family, especially my mom. After 4 years, I was 100% positive that my mom and family would be supportive of our plans to marry. 



  • OP - I completely understand why you would be confused. On the one hand your dad enjoys spending time with your BF and seems to support the relationship (or at least this is what I gather from your post), but on the other hand he doesn't support the idea of marriage for you two right now.

    I agree with the other wise ladies here. You need to sit down with your dad and talk to him. Ask him what his concerns are and hear him out. He may have some valid reasons for wanting to see you wait. If he simply doesn't want to let his little girl go...that's something you need to address. You are an adult. You are perfectly capable of making your own decisions here.

    Of course everyone wants the people in their lives to support their relationship. If your dad's approval is the most important thing though, you might want to take a step back and ask yourself why. To me, choosing to get married is choosing to put that person ahead of all others in your life. Your husband will be your partner from here on out. If your dad is still going to be #1 in your eyes, maybe you're not as ready for marriage as you think you are.
  • Dewey - You have an adorable baby! I am absolutly swooning over that owl hat. too cute!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dads-blessing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a4e554f6-6dbe-494a-9b24-0ced22e3f640Post:6c785444-1b97-4c3a-bca0-9135656b9acb">Re: Dad's Blessing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dewey - You have an adorable baby! I am absolutly swooning over that owl hat. too cute!!!
    Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

    Thank you so much!  I made the baby... and the hat! :)

    image image

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    <3 Lots o' love to my Labor Buddies mommynpink & alliebooberz <3

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