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WWNEYD?

So I have a bit of a dilemma.   Remember long time ago my best friend who broke up with me?  Well if you don’t, no matter.  Anyways now we are friends again as of like two weeks ago.  I am happy about it but everyone seems to think I am going to ask her to be in my bridal party.  I had thought about it but I am unsure if I want to do this.  We just became friends again after not speaking for a year.  I am really happy to have her back but also slightly apprehensive.  I am trying really hard to not do anything that messes up the friendship as I don’t want to get hurt again.  I am just over thinking it?  Should I ask her to be a BM?  It’s not like she is a substitute BM because we just became friends again (as some of you know my cousin dropped out of the wedding).   I was thinking about waiting till the end of the month and then deciding but I am feeling pressure from all sides to ask her.  Not from her though, just my mom and my MOH.  :/  WWNEYD?

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

Married! May 27th, 2012

Re: WWNEYD?

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    Don't give into pressure, you guys just got reacquainted.  I honestly wouldn't, after not talking to one another for a year. to ask her to be a BM is kind of big for me. 
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    I agree with Moto.
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    I wouldn't. I think it takes time to build a friendship worthy of someone standing beside you at your wedding, and even more time to rebuild a friendship that had been damaged.
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    I'm not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't.  I just think you should ignore all pressure to decide either way and do what feels right for you.  If you need to wait until the end of the month and then decide, do it.  I can understand you being a little gunshy.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wwneyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a5923ea6-518d-4471-aa7a-9a356f8525b9Post:25ed0655-ad80-466b-89bf-4d36e3290f1f">Re: WWNEYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't. I think it takes time to build a friendship worthy of someone standing beside you at your wedding, and even more time to rebuild a friendship that had been damaged.
    Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]


    I concur.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wwneyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a5923ea6-518d-4471-aa7a-9a356f8525b9Post:06ce28e9-aec0-4fd5-9bb5-331ce60da17f">Re: WWNEYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't.  I just think you should ignore all pressure to decide either way and do what feels right for you.  If you need to wait until the end of the month and then decide, do it.  I can understand you being a little gunshy.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>My original thought was to say 'don't do it.' If the friendship ended once, it could end again, but then you'd have asked her to be a BM and it will be awful. But then I read Elle's post, and it was very very wise.</div>
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    Go with your gut on this one, and don't let people guilt you into this.  Making someone a BM is a huge deal.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wwneyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a5923ea6-518d-4471-aa7a-9a356f8525b9Post:06ce28e9-aec0-4fd5-9bb5-331ce60da17f">Re: WWNEYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't.  I just think you should ignore all pressure to decide either way and do what feels right for you.  If you need to wait until the end of the month and then decide, do it.  I can understand you being a little gunshy.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
    Thanks Elle.  I am a little gunshy.  I keep thinking I am going to do something wrong again.

    Thanks guys.
    You are right I will just wait.  We shall see, I am thinking I wont ask her though, just because it's all so new.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    I agree with PPs, I'd say focus on just rebuilding your friendship.  Asking her to be in the wedding would put too much pressure on something already so fragile.  You can definitely invite her as a guest though.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wwneyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a5923ea6-518d-4471-aa7a-9a356f8525b9Post:25ed0655-ad80-466b-89bf-4d36e3290f1f">Re: WWNEYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't. I think it takes time to build a friendship worthy of someone standing beside you at your wedding, and even more time to rebuild a friendship that had been damaged.
    Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]
     
     I agree.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wwneyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a5923ea6-518d-4471-aa7a-9a356f8525b9Post:b0f8c55d-60cd-48d0-83e5-f8a40f59a195">Re: WWNEYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with PPs, I'd say focus on just rebuilding your friendship.  Asking her to be in the wedding would put too much pressure on something already so fragile.  You can definitely invite her as a guest though.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
    She was already a guest.  Her mom is my godmother and I go to church with her and she is the choir director so she was already around.  She was even invited to my bridal shower.  Lol 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    I agree with all the smart girls that posted earlier today.  I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her after just getting reaquainted AND considering the wedding is kind of soon.  But, like other girls said as well, you have to go with your gut and try to block out the pressures you're getting.

    "The Book" (the wedding planning book my mom gave me when FI and I got engaged) says when it comes to choosing your weddng party, you should ask yourself if you think you'll be as close with the person in 20 years. I think that's fantastic advice and we used it as a reference when picking our BP members. 
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    I wouldn't, personally.

    You seemed to be content with everything prior to your reunion, so (in my opinion) it should stay the way it's been. Asking her to be a BM, though, is totally your decision. However, I'm a completely cynical person at times.
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    I agree with Elle. Don't listen to pressure from other people. Wait it out for a couple weeks and see where you're at.

    If you're asking what I personally would do, then I agree with PPs that I prob would not ask her. But I asked one of my brothers, my sister, and my BFF from high school who I've been friends with for 15 years, most of that long distance. I wanted people that I was really sure were going to be in my life for a long time to come.



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    I agree with Moto. I am actually in a similar situation with a life-long friend who I drifted from the past year or two. I always imagined she would be a bridesmaid but I had to stop and realize that she can still come to the wedding and we can build our friendship back up.
    5/27/12
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