NWR just a little vent

[Deleted User]

So one of my best friends is coming down from Northern California in a few weeks for my and my son's birthday. We're super excited because we're going to go to Disneyland that Saturday and then have a Chuck E Cheese party that Sunday.

My best friend and her mom don't get along. Her mom lives down here near me and has been such a blessing for my mom right now (going through chemo for Ovarian Cancer). My mom asked if it was okay to invite her mom to the party. I said of course! something in my head said to tell my best friend that her mom was going to be invited to the party.

My best friend just texted me today asking if it's okay if she skips the party and asked me to not tell her mom that she's coming down. I just replied that we'll miss her, but inside I'm truely bummed. I don't get what could be SO bad she doesn't want to see her mom. She is the only child and her mom is desperate to see her, she trecks up to see her all the time, but when my friend is down here, she refuses to see her mom. She claims its because her mom is such a shopaholic and has turned my friend's financial life upside down, but still, if that's the WORST thing her mom has done, I don't see how that should completely make you not want to see your mom?!

thoughts? and please don't quote, I may DD later.

redheadtmk

I am sorry she is missing your and your son's party. What goes on between her and mother is between them. Its her right to decide what type of relationship she has with her mother. I would also assume there is more to the story than she is letting on. It sounds like you already knew how she felt about her mom yet you decided to invite her mother anyway. Its not your place to say how someone should behave or feel.

 However when it comes to your son I would not ask him to lie about her being in town. If he says something to her mother or in front of her mother, then that is on her to deal with. Enjoy your time with them seperately. Happy Birthday early!

[Deleted User]

You make a very good point... it still just irks me a little because I've known and been friends with her for 14 years, I would think she could put her feelings aside for my son's party, but yeah, I get what you're saying..

and thanks

DanieKA

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_nwr-just-little-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a592d1ac-446a-490e-9e84-9bace47bf80fPost:71a8cc9e-a76c-4c95-9461-495ed674488e">Re: NWR just a little vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry she is missing your and your son's party.<strong> What goes on between her and mother is between them. Its her right to decide what type of relationship she has with her mother</strong>. <strong>I would also assume there is more to the story than she is letting on.</strong> It sounds like you already knew how she felt about her mom yet you decided to invite her mother anyway. Its not your place to say how someone should behave or feel.  However when it comes to your son I would not ask him to lie about her being in town. If he says something to her mother or in front of her mother, then that is on her to deal with. Enjoy your time with them seperately. Happy Birthday early!
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS, THIS, THIS! Yes, it's sad that your friend doesn't have a good relationship with her mom, not just because she's your friend, but because you've seen how helpful her mom is with your mom. </div><div>
</div><div>BUT...and this is a huge but, family is tricky and just because one relationship is good and healthy (your mom and your friend's mom) doesn't mean that all others are. It's a bummer your friend is going to miss the party, but she is still coming down to see you and your son. That's a good thing! Respect her request and stay out of it as best as possible. </div><div>
</div><div>And FYI, I also agree that there's probably more to the story. Your friend should have never let her mom affect her financial situation, but finances are a HUGE deal!!! A huge, huge deal. Did you know we're in a recession? If she has some sort of financial issue, whatever it may be (spending too much with her mom, bailing her mom out of debt-I'm just speculating here) and she's trying to straighten it out, or be better about her financial situation you should support her in any way possible. Minimizing it and saying "it's not THAT bad" when you don't know all the details of the issue is the complete opposite way to be. </div><div>
</div><div>Bottom line: respect your friend's wishes. This is her family and I'm sure she has her reasons, that are hers and hers alone. You don't need to play 'fix-it' for her. </div>

[Deleted User]

You both make very excellent points and I thank you both for them.

I do plan on staying out of it, it just irks me. That's why the only thing I texted back was "we'll miss you" because I don't feel it's my place to wedge myself in the cross fire... I love her and her mom so much, it just kills me that they don't get along. (her mom, I use to call my 'second mom' growing up).

Thank you both again, I really just needed to vent a little because it really made me cry to think she's not coming just because her mom might be there.... but yes, at least I'll get to see her the day before!