Slap some sense into me..(super long)

jello38

Hey! So this is only my second post, but I creep at work all the time. I can't post at work because it's a big no-no =(.

So thanks to those who helped me with my "Romance in Disney World"..it was amazing! Disney World is most definitely not just for children and I love it there! (Though it was great birth control due to the extreme heat and grumpy babies and toddlers)

Ok. So even though the trip was amazing...there are some things I can't seem to get past. So like I've seen you all reply over and over..I tried SO HARD to not think about getting a proposal in Disney. I talked myself out of the idea before we went and that was that: I was just going to have fun.

So we are there for a week and all week my boyfriend talked about ways he could propose to me. Like all week. Multiple times a day. My favorite: He picks up a for real swarovski crystal tiara and says "Instead of asking you to marry me I could ask you to be my queen." This from a guy who's answer to relationship questions is always "We'll get engaged sometime" and he never likes to talk about the actual event..so it's really hard to get a week of proposal ideas from a guy who has never said a word like it before and not think something is coming right?

So amazing week is had and friday night comes (last night there) and it never happened. After we went to bed and he fell asleep (or so I thought) I just cried. Because I was hurt, yeah, but mostly for being so stupid and embarrassed by myself.

So we get back home and I get advice from a friend that I should explain why I was upset since he did notice and asked me about it..and I told him basically what I said up there, that I just thought something was different and it had gotten my hopes up.  More discussion happens and he tells me he was going to ask but got so nervous he didn't. And now he feels horrible because he let me down. Now I feel bad that he knows I feel bad, and I honestly wish I hadn't taken my friends advice.

So now I guess my question for you all is: Now what? It would have been amazing to get proposed to on top of a swanky hotel where we spent $400 for 4 people to eat, watching the Magic Kingdom fireworks over the castle, and I can't seem to let that go, and I don't think he feels like he can be able to match that moment. We're in this awkward lets go back in time place and even though we're both happy with our relationship it's this awkward thing that hangs over us.

If you read my book, wow! And thanks for any advice you have.

bethsmiles

I don't really know what you can do, you just have to get over it.

IrishDreamer

First off, yay for having fun!! I miss being only 2 hrs away from Disney..I'm such a big kid, I love it! Second, breaaaaaathe. This is just a step. Talk to him - Communication.... Gosh I swear i'm a broken record player sometimes lol - anyways, tell him that you had no intentions of making him feel bad, but that you love him dearly and are excited to spend the rest of your lives together, and sometimes the excitement can get the better of you. Also, maybe ask him why he's nervous...try and put him at ease a little bit. Sometimes our excitement can seem like pressure to our SOs. 

*Hugs* Breathe...maybe have a glass of wine....I'm a firm believer in that things will happen the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to.

jello38

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:aa94f890-ccb6-46d7-ba17-d5210aafabc2">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, yay for having fun!! :) I miss being only 2 hrs away from Disney..I'm such a big kid, I love it! :) Second, breaaaaaathe. This is just a step. Talk to him - Communication.... Gosh I swear i'm a broken record player sometimes lol - anyways, tell him that you had no intentions of making him feel bad, but that you love him dearly and are excited to spend the rest of your lives together, and sometimes the excitement can get the better of you. Also, maybe ask him why he's nervous...try and put him at ease a little bit. Sometimes our excitement can seem like pressure to our SOs.  *Hugs* Breathe...maybe have a glass of wine....I'm a firm believer in that things will happen the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. :)
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

I hope I have expressed that I never meant him to feel bad.....I wish I had never told him in the first place! I'm more upset that he thinks he screwed up than I am about it happening. (not happening?) I wish I could take all the pressure off but I don't know what to say to him other than I love him and I'm not worried it's not going to come..

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:4dd054f1-eec7-4b35-bad6-32d30c03cba7">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long) : I hope I have expressed that I never meant him to feel bad.....I wish I had never told him in the first place! I'm more upset that he thinks he screwed up than I am about it happening. (not happening?) I wish I could take all the pressure off but I don't know what to say to him other than I love him and I'm not worried it's not going to come..
Posted by jello38[/QUOTE]

Just tell him that you are sorry for making such a big deal out of it and that you don't care how he proposes because all that matters to you is that you get to spend the rest of your life with him. Then just stop talking about it and try not to get your hopes up sp much again so this doesn't happen again.

IrishDreamer

Awww, Liv...I've been called a lot of things in my life, but "wise" has never been one of them Squeeeeeee! Made my night! Thanks, love!

jello38

I never intended to make a big deal out of it..when I talked to him I just said that I was upset that I misread his actions and that I let it get to me especially because it seemed like an amazing place to do it. I never put the blame on him ever, and I know I'll get over it with time, like anyone would. I just see it in his eyes when he thinks he's a horrible person.

I of course would love any proposal...but hearing multiple what-ifs in a week is just overwhelming. I know I love him and if he asked me at McDonalds I'd love it. Well..maybe only the McDonalds that are nice on the inside.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:857f73dc-30d7-486c-baea-5576f1c076d7">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I never intended to make a big deal out of it</strong>..when I talked to him I just said that I was upset that I misread his actions and that I let it get to me especially because it seemed like an amazing place to do it. I never put the blame on him ever, and I know I'll get over it with time, like anyone would. I just see it in his eyes when he thinks he's a horrible person. I of course would love any proposal...<strong>but hearing multiple what-ifs in a week is just overwhelming.</strong> I know I love him and if he asked me at McDonalds I'd love it. Well..maybe only the McDonalds that are nice on the inside. =)
Posted by jello38[/QUOTE]

It seems to me like you are making a big deal out of it, whether you intended to or not. I still think you should say what I said before and then just move on from this.  Also, next time he does a "what-if" just tell him that you would prefer that he didn't.

desertsun

Okay, you need to just stop the speculation about "now" being an amazing time or amazing place or whatever. Your BF is going to propose to you. Stop thinking about it. Period. End of story. Tell your BF it's up to him, but that it's NOT okay to drop hints or tease you. Tell him he doesn't have to plan a thing, just wait for what feels like a good moment and speak from his heart. Honestly, I think this is the best way for both of you to relax and enjoy what is supposed to be a very happy moment instead of being stressed, nervous, let down, whatever. Once you let go of having an amazing proposal, and let it happen naturally, you will both feel so much better. Promise.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:9972ef9d-c184-4cb0-a891-9e0269fde383">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, you need to just stop the speculation about "now" being an amazing time or amazing place or whatever. Your BF is going to propose to you. Stop thinking about it. Period. End of story. Tell your BF it's up to him, but that it's NOT okay to drop hints or tease you. Tell him he doesn't have to plan a thing, just wait for what feels like a good moment and speak from his heart. Honestly, I think this is the best way for both of you to relax and enjoy what is supposed to be a very happy moment instead of being stressed, nervous, let down, whatever. Once you let go of having an amazing proposal, and let it happen naturally, you will both feel so much better. Promise.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

This is why you are my favorite desert! This is what I was trying to say!

OP - Listen to Desert!

IrishDreamer

Liv, ^.^ I try  lol. Have I mentioned that the more you and I chat/post, etc - the more I am disliking the fact that you are in Boston, and I am in MI? LOL 
You give amazing advice as well - and ...and... you crack me the hell up Always important ^.^

COSmitty

First... <hugs> it must be hard to hear him articulate different ideas and then not have him match it with actions. Honestly it's hard to ignore it when they bring it up.It was okay to be dissapointed (also known as being human) and it's okay you told him why. 

So now it's going forward what you want from him. Maybe while you are the fairytale over the top type (not to say you are... ) he may not be. I guess what I'd try and express to him if I was in your shoes is that you want him to be comfortable in his proposal and have it reflect him in his element. Just emphasize that the proposal is about him and not him impressing you and maybe that will take the pressure off?

And as for being upset or dissapointed or crying and he notices... been there, done that, he has the t-shirt. But we're still on track for someday and that's the awesome thing- I have him  and you have your honey and that's awesome. Yay for your someday...

loves2shop4shoes

Well, you asked for a slap...

I think you need to grow up.  How often in life does anything really happen the way we expect it to?  Ummmm...never.  Ok, so he didn't propose in Disney.  If you internally made that expectation, you set yourself up for failure.

It doesn't (or shouldn't) matter if he proposes at the top of the Ritz Carlton or in the middle of an alley somewhere.  The proposal itself is what makes it special...not the location.

jello38

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:2e4e6953-113e-478e-bc36-541754026fc3">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]First... <hugs /> it must be hard to hear him articulate different ideas and then not have him match it with actions. Honestly it's hard to ignore it when they bring it up.It was okay to be dissapointed (also known as being human) and it's okay you told him why.  So now it's going forward what you want from him. Maybe while you are the fairytale over the top type (not to say you are... ) he may not be. I guess what I'd try and express to him if I was in your shoes is that you want him to be comfortable in his proposal and have it reflect him in his element. Just emphasize that the proposal is about him and not him impressing you and maybe that will take the pressure off? And as for being upset or dissapointed or crying and he notices... been there, done that, he has the t-shirt. But we're still on track for someday and that's the awesome thing- I have him   and you have your honey and that's awesome. Yay for your someday...
Posted by COSmitty[/QUOTE]


Thanks. Really. The worst part about this is knowing that he wanted to and didn't? It's one thing to feel stupid and get my hopes up and be wrong but it's something different when I was right and then he was too nervous. It's makes me wonder if he was really ready or if he felt like he should because of where we were?

And as far as growing up goes and setting myself up, yeah I may have set myself up but he definitely lead me that way by talking about it all week and I have asked him to try and not lead me on like that because not only is it kind of teasing me it ruins the surprise.

Tonight I'm going to try and do something special for him so I can show him that it's about him and I love him no matter what and it's okay if he takes his time because I'm not leaving.

ADTonk

So you know he wanted to propose in Disney and he didn't.  Don't worry about it not being special when he does, seriously.  He was already thinking Disney so you know he's going to try to make it special.  Try your best to calm down and stop thinking about it.

calindi

I second Desert - tell him you don't want to hear anymore hypothetical proposals because it stresses you out to be constantly on edge waiting for the proposal. Also, you should probably tell him that however he chooses to ask is fine. He may be afraid that he won't live up to your expectations, and that's why he kept suggesting hypothetical proposals - to gauge your reaction. Please don't focus on the TV proposal ideal. We all love romantic gestures and good stories, but the point is that the love of your life wants to spend the rest of his life with you. No matter how he asks, that's a special moment. And if you start putting emotional pressure on each aspect to be perfect, you're going to stress out majorly with wedding planning. First everyone wants the perfect proposal, then the perfect dress, then they have big dreams for what they want from their bridesmaids who end up disappointing them by not being as interested in the menutia. Then they want perfect weather and for everything to go according to plans. Trust me, life does not always follow an easy path and it's better to remind yourself what is really important - your relationship, building a strong future together, and celebrating with family and friends. That's it! So if something isn't exactly how you envisioned it or doesn't go according to plan, try not to be disappointed and remember what really matters For what it's worth, my guy proposed as I was opening the bathroom door after a shower, butt naked with mascara smudges on my cheeks! And while it is not at all what I had envisioned or even a particularly good story, it warms my heart every time to think of his big grin as he asked me to marry him.

jello38

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_slap-sense-mesuper-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a74e38ef-34ce-4d1d-997c-9c7ed9ef9de3Post:433d7c4c-62ab-4d40-b813-87d2c4cfa32a">Re: Slap some sense into me..(super long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I second Desert - tell him you don't want to hear anymore hypothetical proposals because it stresses you out to be constantly on edge waiting for the proposal. Also, you should probably tell him that however he chooses to ask is fine. He may be afraid that he won't live up to your expectations, and that's why he kept suggesting hypothetical proposals - to gauge your reaction. Please don't focus on the TV proposal ideal. We all love romantic gestures and good stories, but the point is that the love of your life wants to spend the rest of his life with you. No matter how he asks, that's a special moment. And if you start putting emotional pressure on each aspect to be perfect, you're going to stress out majorly with wedding planning. First everyone wants the perfect proposal, then the perfect dress, then they have big dreams for what they want from their bridesmaids who end up disappointing them by not being as interested in the menutia. Then they want perfect weather and for everything to go according to plans. Trust me, life does not always follow an easy path and it's better to remind yourself what is really important - your relationship, building a strong future together, and celebrating with family and friends. That's it! So if something isn't exactly how you envisioned it or doesn't go according to plan, try not to be disappointed and remember what really matters For what it's worth, my guy proposed as I was opening the bathroom door after a shower, butt naked with mascara smudges on my cheeks! And while it is not at all what I had envisioned or even a particularly good story, it warms my heart every time to think of his big grin as he asked me to marry him.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]


That's a great story! Lol The only guideline I ever gave him was that it can't be after sex..I'm not telling that engagement story to my grandma!