Not Engaged Yet

I know it's kind of stupid but...

I had to ask.  So my BF brother is getting married in two weeks.  I don't really know him or his FI very well.  I have only met her twice (as much as the rest of the family has.  They live in Mexico).  Anyways I was invited to her bridal shower but I can't go because I have class that night.  Do I still need to get her something?  I know I am not in the family yet but his parents keep making comments about how when we get married we need to do it right (they are not happy about how their son is getting married) and I am included in all the family events, including the "whole" family dinners that are going on ever night(both my BF's and his brothers FI's family).  So does this obligate me to buy her something?
"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

Married! May 27th, 2012

Re: I know it's kind of stupid but...

  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Do what you can/want.

    Are you going to the wedding?  If so, bring a wedding gift from the two of you.
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It doesn't obligate you, but I would still buy a small something at least.  It's always better to be safe than sorry, especially with family relationships.  A small gift - even just a book or something - is always appreciated.

    A friend invited me to her bridal shower.  I can't go, but I still bought her a gift - I think I spent around $25, but she'll like it!

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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Obligate, no. But since this woman is going to be your family eventually, I would give her something--not a crazy expensive thing, maybe a less-expensive item off of their registry? Or at least a nice shower card saying how much you wish you could be there.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think you are obligatedto buy her anything. Personally I would though. If this is a family you are hoping to be a part of one day, you should make every effort to support and celebrate with them now (even if you can't go to the shower). If the situation was flipped and you were getting married and she was the GF of your groomie's brother, wouldn't you think it was a nice gesture? Not necessary, but very thoughtful.

    It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive...but I do think it would be a nice gesture to get her a gift.
  • edited December 2011
    Marley & Cate - great minds think alike!
  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    And it's not stupid.
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice! :)  You guys are right I should get her something small but nice.  And maybe a card... though I am not really a card person. 
    And Wrkn of course I am going to the wedding.  Her shower just happens to be on a thursday night and I have a 5 1/2 hour class that night which makes me unable to attend. 
    We had planned on getting them a joint wedding gift so we could give them something a little nicer then either of us could afford alone.  :)
    One more question when should I give her said gift?
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's at all stupid.

    If you order from a registry online, it will deliver to whatever address they put in.

    I think it's a nice gesture to do both a shower and a wedding gift.

    If they don't have a registry online, ask your FMIL for an address, then buy a cute little kitchen gadget from Williams-Sonoma's website and have it shipped to them.


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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_its-kind-of-stupid-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a9f4336c-fcb0-4955-874d-ba0a40331cebPost:99d79e07-557d-4b77-9fa2-1e864b884da7">Re: I know it's kind of stupid but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Marley & Cate - great minds think alike!
    Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

    LOL. Apparently they think at the same exact time, too!
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I didn't buy anything for FI's sister's shower, which I didn't attend.

    We did get her a pretty nice gift from the two of us, though.
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Thanks girl.

    Elle- they are missionaries so they don't have too much, so I don't mind getting her a little something.  I like her, she is nice.

    I will get her something and let her know I won’t be attending.  Thanks for all your guys advice and assurance I wasn't stupid. :)  I just didn't know if this was something that got asked a lot on boards.

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_its-kind-of-stupid-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a9f4336c-fcb0-4955-874d-ba0a40331cebPost:1e6b5f78-3b11-4898-bc83-ef35890eedf3">Re: I know it's kind of stupid but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I know it's kind of stupid but... : LOL. Apparently they think at the same exact time, too!
    Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

    I was one minute quicker!  Bwahaha - that means YOU are COPYING me!!!!

    Anyway, good decision.  And cards are a simple gesture that mean a lot to people - trust me, it's a good habit to get into.

    My friend invited me to her bridal shower this weekend, but it's the same day as my half marathon (oh my goodness, it's only 2 days away!) so I had to decline.  Etiquette says I don't have to get her a shower gift, but I did anyway - we decorated cookies together over Christmas, and so I bought her a frosting gun so she can do some awesome deocrating, and a pastry roller since she didn't even have a rolling pin.  Cheap, but things she'll probably get a lot of use out of over the years and really enjoy!  Plus it's personal.

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