Does it matter to you how much your e-ring is worth?

Hurrah

BF and I have been talking about e-rings a good bit lately.

We watched Tough Love Couples and there's an episode where they had to go ring shopping.  One of the guys (our favorite on the show) asked if they had any rings with a diamond that were under a grand.

I know that the price of the ring is on BF's mind and last night, he mentioned e-rings costing about $15k.  It was thrown out in passing while discussing rings.  I was under the impression that they were more like $6k or $7k for an expensive one and you could even get some really nice ones for much less.  $15k on a ring sounds like A LOT of money that I'd be uncomfortable wearing.

So, here are my questions:
1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

katanne9

In a word, no.

It all depends on the couple if they'd like to invest in an heirloom piece (spending $$$) or get something that makes them happy and they can afford ($). I have seen stunning rings that cost $500 and stunning rings that cost $20,000.


1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
Yes. We talked extensively about them. FI did a lot of research and read a book on diamonds and settings.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
Yes. He didn't want to tell me because it was a gift, but he ended up telling me  after he proposed.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want? 
Yes and no. Is it tacky to give a minimum? I think so. You should talk about how much he is capable of spending first and work within that range. I gave my FI a maximum because I wouldn't be comfortable/right wearing a ring that cost over $X.

CT324

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  A little bit I know that his budget is between $5K-$7K.  I have a friend whose now husband spent like $15K on her ring.  It's nice but nothing special.  She has said to me before that she thinks it is normal to spend that much money.  FYI they are both in debt now and struggle financially.  So I really think this is going to be different for everyone depending on their financial circumstances.  I dont want my BF clearing out his entire savings on a ring when we own a house and could use that money to fix some things up. 

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?  NEY

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

I would only tell him a maximum not a minimum that can sound kind of mean.  For the most part I would stay out of it he knows what he can afford.  Also, the proposal and the ring is something they should be planning out on their own including finances. 

PaigeMcC

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  Yes.  We had several lengthy discussions before we were engaged.  There was a price range that I was comfortable with and a range that he was comfortable with

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost? I do, but only b/c we're budgeting to save for a house and we put the ring in our monthly costs.   I don't know exact cost but I know the estimate

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings I think it's important to be on the same page with this.  I think it's tacky if you say "It has to be at least this much!" But  FI and I talked about price.  There was a price I wanted to stay UNDER.  I didn't want FI going and spending thousands of dollars on a ring when that money could be better put towards our new home.  Luckily he agreed and found me a fantasticly wonderful ring that came in under our budget.

Buggalo

I think that the couple should definitely be involved with the price of ring (unless your BF is Donald Trump-rich, then I don't think it matters...) When I went with my BF, one of the jewelers told us that a real quality diamond costs at least $5K. Can you get a good diamond for less than that? Sure. Out of the 4 Cs, (cut, color, clarity, carat), clarity is the least important. If the diamond is flawed, it doesn't really matter as long as it can't be seen with the naked eye. What you need to pay attention to is the cut. And, of course, the carat size dictates the price of the diamond. Hope this helps!

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?
Yes. We both agreed what price range we want to stay in.


2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
NEY, but I am aware of the budget and I do know the price of the ring we both liked.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?
I agree with Kat - I think it's definitely tacky to give a minimum. I told my BF that maximum that I'd feel comfortable with him spending.

CT324

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_matter-much-e-ring-worth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:acda6c2a-ff61-48e2-ad50-46cfc17a32b1Post:5cf663e5-9f64-4ea4-9f35-ae3260b67b2b">Re: Does it matter to you how much your e-ring is worth?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that the couple should definitely be involved with the price of ring (unless your BF is Donald Trump-rich, then I don't think it matters...) When I went with my BF, one of the jewelers told us that a real quality diamond costs at least $5K. Can you get a good diamond for less than that? Sure. Out of the 4 Cs, (cut, color, clarity, carat), clarity is the least important. If the diamond is flawed, it doesn't really matter as long as it can't be seen with the naked eye. What you need to pay attention to is the cut. And, of course, the carat size dictates the price of the diamond. Hope this helps! Posted by Buggalo[/QUOTE]

I think this is a matter of preference.  To me the clarity is the most important thing.  I want my diamond to sparkle.  I would rather have a smaller diamond with a better clarity then a larger diamond that looks dull and does not sparkle.  But like I said I think this is a matter or personal preference.

jeanacorina

No, it does not matter.

You need to talk to each other to decide what you're both comfortable with and what he/you both can afford. That advice goes for just about everything under the sun, not just rings.

My engagement ring was about $1,000 and it's beautiful. It's a 3/4 carat center stone, with another 1/4 CTW in side stones around the band. It has inclusions, but sparkles like nobody's business because the color and cut are great. Those are things that can affect the price a lot.

If you want a flawless diamond, you're going to pay for it. But if there is one of the "4 C's" that you can compromise on, you may be able to get a great deal.

Or, you could skip the diamond altogether and go for another stone.

sapphirebaby926

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
We talked about it some before we got engaged and we both agreed that spending gobs of money on a piece of jewelry was a tad ridiculous

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
Yes - we had a budget and we stayed well within his price range

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
I think requiring a minimum is tacky - we talked about the most we'd want to spend on a ring and we shopped within that budget.

Gamette

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  Lightly...  I'm simple and have told him that I couldn't see spending more than $2K on a ring and that there are other things I would rather him spend the money on than a ring.
2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost? NEY, but from a previous engagement, my e-ring cost less than $50 and was exactly what I wanted.  It was a puzzle ring that was bought at a renaissance faire.
3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?  Yes.  I think if you'd be uncomforatable with a ring over a certain price, that's one thing, but to tell him that you have an expectation of a ring that is at least $XXXX.00 is, IMO, not acceptable.  

dwest2201

I do not think that price matters AT ALL.  I think that if price really matters to either/both of you that you are either: A) marrying the wrong person or too concerned with what other people will think of the ring. 

An engagement ring is a sign of his love and commitment to marry you, not an "investment", not a scale of "how much he loves you based on the amoutn he was willing to spend".  I think that if you are asked for your opinion that you should give general ideas about what you do or do not like and possibly mention that you don't agree with the need to spend any certain amount or percent of salary etc that he should get something that he can afford.   If he asks you to go try on or show him what you like then you have the reigns to be a bit more specific obviously.  In the end the ring is a gift and it's the thought that counts and the fact that he put time, effort and money into getting this for you as a sing of him wanting to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you.


1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  Yes.  We have discussed diamonds and moissanite as well as gem stones... he knows that I am not a huge jewelry lover and I want something that isn't too big or flashy no matter the stone or value.  He also knows that I think that it is silly to spend a bunch of money on a ring... especially when we will be paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves and need to save up for it!

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost? N/A.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings As I said above I think it is okay to be clear about what you think is too much, but giving a minimun is tacky and if you honestly have a minimum then you are probably with the wrong person. 

My exH gave me a really pretty custom designed ring that cost over $3,500, it was a really pretty and really expensive ring.  I had no idea he was going to get a ring like that or a ring at all actually.  If I had I would have stopped him!  Anyways I ended up rarely wearing the ring because it was too big and flashy for my taste.  Bigger isn't always better.

KD+BC

Yes it mattered to me. I told him I would kill him if he spent more than $2000.

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?
We talked about it some before we got engaged. I told him that I didn't want anything too big or flashy and I didn't want him to go into debt over a piece of jewelry.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
Yes, he left the receipt in the bag with all the other paperwork. He was very proud of himself, he got a great deal!

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
I think it's tacky when you say, "it has to be at least $____." I think it's okay to discuss it though because you should be working on making finacial decisions together. If he goes into debt over your e-ring, you will also go into debt over it once you're married. If you are willing to deal with that, then fine. Everyone is different but I think communicating about anything is a good idea.

noelle24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_matter-much-e-ring-worth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:acda6c2a-ff61-48e2-ad50-46cfc17a32b1Post:3907cdfa-5af7-4f9a-9e59-9be16f31ae88">Re: Does it matter to you how much your e-ring is worth?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does it matter to you how much your e-ring is worth? : I think this is a matter of preference.  To me the clarity is the most important thing.  I want my diamond to sparkle.  I would rather have a smaller diamond with a better clarity then a larger diamond that looks dull and does not sparkle.  But like I said I think this is a matter or personal preference.
Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]
Actually, the cut IS what makes a diamond sparkle, not the clarity.  Sparkle is mostly determined by how many facets the diamond has and how well they are cut to reflect light.

zipis1

The only thing I ask is that the thing doesn't turn my finger green. So I guess it has to be worth SOMEthing :P

In my personal opinion, $15k is waaaaaay too much to be spending on a piece of bling. Unless the person buying it is filthy rich it seems a waste; heck, it still seems a waste/better off being given to charity (but some would say the same for ANY ring, so your milelage may vary).

I am involved in the ring price discussion insofar as I told him what price to STOP at, like Kat and Buggalo. Wearing a house downpayment's worth of money on my hand would making me nervous as all get out.

noelle24

In Response to Does it matter to you how much your e-ring is worth?:
1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 

I pretty much let him decide what he wanted to spend. He knew that I didn't want a ring over certain size because it would just be too big and flashy for me, and he also knew that I cared about sparkle more than anything else with the ring.  But beyond that, he decided on price completely.


2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?

By accident.  I saw how much the ring was appraised for, and how much he paid when we set up the insurance policy.  FI doesn't know that I know.  It's a gift, and I'd rather not know, personally.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

Yes and yes.  I kind of think it's fine to say " I don't want a ring over X size or $X  because I would worry about it getting lost, stolen or damaged".  But even then, that's what insurance is for.  If you have joint finances, then there needs to be some discussion because saving for the ring will involve you too.  But if you don't have joint finances, I think it's best to just stay out of the financial side entirely.

Ana_2985

Ditto Noelle - Clarity has nothing to do with sparkle.  If you want a sparkly ring you need to worry about the cut.

Also, clarity might be very important if you want something like an emerald cut.  The facets in that cut really won't hide much at all.  So the importance of each C depends on many things.

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?
Yes.  We picked out the ring together, so he told me what he was comfortable spending and then we found something we liked in that range.
 
2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
Yes because we picked it out together.  And he gave me a copy of the appraisal.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
Yes it's "tacky" (I hate that word).  I think that the girl should be involved in the discussions of the ring to some degree.  For example, if you are both saving for a house and your BF wants to blow all of his savings on a ring (or anything) you should definitely have a say in that.

And no, it doesn't matter to me how much it's worth.  As long as we didn't go into debt over it, I'm fine.

catemeg

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
Definitely, and we've shopped together so he can get an idea what I like and what he likes - right away, he was able to start picking out pieces that I loved (even ones I wouldn't necessarily have asked to try on myself).  He knows he's lucky because he has my great-grandmother's diamond to put in a setting for me, so that saves a considerable amount of money (the sentimental value of the diamond is much more important to me than the cut/clarity).  He's told me not to worry about cost since having the diamond makes it much cheaper, but I really would feel uncomfortable with him spending more than $3k- at this point in our lives, that's a lot of money.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
N/A - but like I said, will likely be under $3k, not including the diamond (which is priceless)

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
Setting a minimum price or carat size is disgusting and revolting.  Telling your boyfriend that you care more about your financial future together than having a very expensive finger ornament is totally okay, and should be applauded.  You don't necessarily have to give him a budget, just let him know that there are a variety of rings out there for a variety of prices, and if you feel comfortable shopping together look at the spectrum so he can see what his money will really buy.  Let him know that you're fine with any ring he selects, and that you don't feel he should blow a lot of money that could go towards buying a house, a car, or even taking a fantastic honeymoon!

oceana919

Unless you're making seven figures a year, I can't fathom dropping $15K on a ring. But hey, maybe that's just me?

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
Yes. I flat out told him I wasn't comfortable with him dropping more than about $3K on the e-ring and wedding ring combined. I'd rather put that kind of money towards a house or paying off our loans.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
I have a guestimate, as I was the one who submitted the appraisal to our insurance company to have the ring covered. He said he ended up paying less than it was appraised for, so needless to say, he paid under $1800. For all three rings (e-rings and our wedding bands), we're looking at under $2500 total.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want? 
I think it's absolutely tacky to give a minimum. I don't think it's all that unreasonable to give a max, as long as you respect his decision if he chooses to (and is capable of) going above that limit. My FI was happy I didn't want him dropping a boatload of cash on my ring, but some guys might look at that as an insult. I think it honestly depends on your given situation.

tafft1

I told FI it did matter..that he not spend over 1k on a ring - He did anyway , but it wasn't by much so I guess I can forgive him

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
We talked at length over it very much so. I told him very early on that he not feel the need to go into debt over this. That it is a symbol of our love and commitment to one another , that whatever he chooses when the time comes I will be happy with. Originally he had wanted and expected to spend 3-5k on a ring and I told him there was no need for that! If you place actual worth on the value of a ring..then that is just silly.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
Yes I do because we found it together , but the proposal was a suprise later on. We chose the setting and our diamond - after tax and everything it came to $1375.00 and I have yet to see anyone with my style ring or setting. Just proves you don't have to go into debt to get something special and unique
 
3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
I think it is fine to discuss things , you should be able to talk about anything if you are considering marriage. Money is one of the great downfalls of many relationships in the end. It IS tacky to give a miniumum price you want him to spend or a minimum carat weight..That screams of being materialistic and selfish and not giving a damn about the relationship. Alot of people think you have to spend thousands of dollars to have anything "nice". Not true. The mall jewlery stores and media commericals is what lends to that. Stick to smaller places to find much better quality and value and not something that is mass manufactured.

desertsun

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  

Yes

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?

I have a ballpark idea but we both prefer that I not know the exact amount.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

It's tacky and disrespectful to try to dictate to your BF in ANY way.

But it is NOT tacky to have a conversation about money.

You will have MANY conversations about finances throughout your life together. Best to start practicing now!

notquiteblushing

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  

No we did not before we got engaged.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?

I know what it's insured for.  But that's not what he spent overall - we used a family diamond.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

I think setting a minimum is tacky but if FI had mentioned getting me a $15k ring I would have let him know that he was crazy and I didn't want him to spend that much.

Buggalo

Diamonds are pretty and expensive (and so are the other gemstones). A lot of people want one that people will fawn over. I used to want a big, sparkly diamond. Now I would be happy if BF put an onion ring on my finger (a la "The Simpsons").

darkling_glory

So, here are my questions:
1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 

Yes. When my BF and then his BF got engaged through the course of our relationship, we knew how much their rings cost. We knew approximately what a good, affordable price would be for us.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?

Yes. I helped pay for it and I'm not ashamed. We've been living together and dating for a long time. His money is my money and vice versa. He was a little "old fashioned" about it at first, but in the end we picked it out together and purchased it together.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?

Okay, I misread this question at first. It is tacky to say, "You must spend at least XYZ dollars." It is not tacky to say, "You know, I'm really not comfortable spending more then XYZ dollars."

You are going to be spending the rest of your life with this man! You should be able to have an open and honest discussion about finances and what you can and cannot afford.

chipypony

My BF has something very specific in mind and doesn't seem to be swayed either way, he never asked my opinion on a price range when he was looking, although he knows that I do not currently wear any jewlery at all (I don't even have my ears pierced) so theres no use in wasting a ton of money on something like that. Also I am sure he is aware that we will be paying for the wedding pretty much alone. He knows nothing about jewlery or buying diamonds so I am curious as to what he picks out. I will let you all know whenever it actually happens

bethsmiles

Since my BF is paying for the ring I am letting him set the price range. However I did tell him I would feel more comfortable if it was under $1,000. I think it would be tacky to set a minimum price range but I don't see anything wrong with discussing a price you are both comfortable with.

dawnmarie0627

So, here are my questions:
1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF?  Yes, FI proposed with a fake ring and we went together to pick it out.
2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost? Yes, I was with him when we bought it and before we went to the jewler we discussed what we felt comfortable spending.
3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings? I think that it is tacky to set a price minimum but it is not tacky to discuss price to ensure that noone is breaking the bank to purchase a ring.

Goldlie11

1.  Yes we talked about rings. For us, it didn't make financial sense to spend a ton of money.  

2.  Yes, I do.  I saw the receipt when we did the insurance.  It was around $3,000. 

3.  It is tacky to tell him what price range.  In my opinion it's a joint decision.  When FI asked, I did tell him that I preferred a ring over 1/2 carat (this was after I knew it was in the price range FI had given me).  After trying on rings, I felt that rings under 1/2 carat got lost on my huge fingers.  (okay, I put on my flame retardant suit now).  

nefariousmango

My ring was well under $1k and I get tons of compliments on it.  The few people who know how much it's actually "worth" were shocked by how cheap it was, but since the center stone's not a diamond it was at least 10x cheaper than the diamond rings of similar size.

It all depends on your tastes and finances.  We spent less money because I iwill destroy it doing what I do and we like making memories better than owning nice things (eg. we'll chose traveling over updating something in our house).

meamolly

we had the talk and he was cute when he said he knew he would have to save up three months salary (thanks to those diamond commercials this is what he thinks) I laughed and told him he did not need to spend more than $2000 for a set. He is so cute thinking it was the standard that he had to meet

Acrosthec

I agree with most of the other answers here.

It did not matter to me how much we spent on wedding jewelry.  My e-ring is a family heirloom, and we paid to have it appraised.  It is a .1 carat, I color, with visible inclusions, in a miracle square setting.  It's from 1941, and it's worth approx. $1000.  My wedding band is currently being made to match by my uncle, using stones from another family heirloom, so it'll be free (though we'll get it appraised as well).  FI's rings (yes, he has two) will add up to about $150.  We didn't discuss much of a budget because we knew his rings wouldn't be that expensive, and mine would be free.  I totally agree with the "tacky to give a minimum, but not tacky to verbalize uncomfortableness with a maximum you feel is too high" sentiment.

jwang517

1.)  Have you talked about the value of e-rings with your BF? 
yes. he did lots and lots and lots of research, and showed me the ones he liked, and wanted me to pick among them. i was in dilemma of a ascher cut or brilliant, and we also spent lots of time comparing the time, and tried on settings in different stores. also, we talked about the 4C range we both want.

2.)  If you're engaged already, do you know how much your e-ring cost?
i know everything. i don't think it's that big of a deal to know.

3.)  Is it tacky to try and tell your BF a price range you'd want?  Should the girl stay out of the money discussion when it comes to rings?
i do think it's a bit tacky to give a price range. but it seems like he wants to spend more than you are comfortable with? then let him know how you feel them if that's the case. but it's def a big no no if a girl goes up to her bf and asked for a ridciulous price for her ring, and yes, some people do so. i don't think it's necesary to stay out of the money issue when it comes to rings. i mean, his money will be yours after marriage and vice versa... so, i don't think it's bad to talk about it. in our case, we had in mind of that criteria we wanted, so there's a estimated price, but i didn't tell him anything about it.

sgervais88

Actually, yes it did matter to me. I specifically told FI that I did not want anything over $2000, and refused to wear anything over $2500. I just wanted something simple and sparkly, and left the rest up to him.

He did wonderful picking it out