House update... Mild vent

CCO2012

So, we are working on the financing for this house and it is stressful!

Basically we have to shuffle money around to create the right debt to income ratios and what not. And its complicated and BF hasn't talked to the guy so he is stressing me out asking me all sorts of questions I don't have answers to.

So, I was talking to my mom about my car payments etc because my dad co-signed on the loan for it with me and she mentioned that my dad was a little nervous about us buying a home together when we are not married. So, I tell BF this and that if he was planning on talking to my dad about that ring, he has had since January, maybe he could get into contact with him sooner rather than later to ease my dad's nerves. BF freaked on me... WTH!?!?! He has told me he was going to talk to my parents before he asks and he told me it would happen before the end of the year. I didn't tell him he had to talk to my dad tonight I just mentioned my dad's concerns.

I'm so stressed right now that I don't even want to think about any of this anymore!

I don't know if I need advice or if I just needed to vent, but I do feel better getting it out there.

PS: We are making an offer on Saturday ... As long as BF can keep his calm with the situation.

Beads921

Everything about buying a house is stressful and doesn't usually bring out the best in people (not that that excuses your BF's behaviour). I actually found the scariest part was putting in an offer. After that, everything was gravy (relatively speaking).

I guess I don't really have advice. I don't really like the way your BF seems to be acting and how he keeps dodging wedding talk on even the simplest level (or, so it seems to me based on past posts, I might be wrong). Doesn't sound like you're really on the same page.

CCO2012

Thanks beads,

We are on the same page and the ring is coming by end of the year, he just really hates being pushed at all. So when I recommend anything that has to do with he ring he gets all weird.

becunning2

I can totally understand your parents' concern about buying a house with someone you're not married to. It's a valid concern, really, when you think about it. My parents didn't like the idea either (nor did his parents), so the house is only in his name, not both of ours. Would it help your debt-to-income ratio if it were only in his name? You're planning on getting married, and he has a ring... and you're on the same page, so I don't think it's that big of a deal, but if it helped with the buying-a-house process, it might be something to look into (i.e., only his name). 

And it's okay to vent--buying a house is super frustrating. It's a huge economic decision.

CCO2012

No, he has the credit score we need and I have the $. Neither of us can buy it by ourselves. I'm not really too concerned about that though since we would right up an agreement as to how things would split if something were to happen between us.

I guess I too would like to be engaged before we closed on the house. I don't want to push BF by saying that as I imagine that will be the case. But, I understand why my dad is nervous and I  think if BF talked to him and filled him in on the plan it would ease his nerves.

Anyway, I got my answers I wanted from mortgage guy and BF is going to call him this afternoon and get his questions answered, and then we are going to relax and enjoy our evening house stress free!

elannis

I agree that he's probably incredibly stressed about the whole process of buying a home, but also that he shouldn't have flipped out like that.

Maybe you can talk to your dad and explain things to him, in case he isn't up to date with what you guys have talked about (as far as a timeline for marraige). That might help ease his concerns and your BF won't feel pressured.

I hope things cool down and everything goes as planned!  And when you guys have your house, you'll be able to relax and enjoy it! : )

Ollie08

I have nothing else to add because I think Liv said it best and everyone else shared a similar perspective. I just have had this on pinterest waiting to use it for a while

CCO2012

Thanks Ollie... I think that is what I am going to do for now. If this is going to work out and BF can do it without freaking out (he is not good under stress) then we will do it. And if it is meant to be then we will get the house and it wont be a huge ordeal. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't our house.

lunarsongbird

Yup- You may just have to ride this one out.

Andrew got kinda quiet and moody when we were waiting on approvals for things. That's what he does when he's stressed...and sometimes he's kinda snappy.

He wants to provide a wonderful home for you...(and he may be feeling a bit weird that you have the money). He's probably stressing out that things won't go through..and he will fail at providing.

And he seems like the type to have some sort of plan for the engagement- and who knows- it might have something to do with the house. ::shrugs:: So he might have got a bit wiggy about your suggestion. because he has his plan- and doesn't want it being altered. 

CCO2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_house-update-mild-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae59986e-fe0d-4615-acfc-81a1b5c4c690Post:fd35d9ee-67ff-4657-8940-c62d6060e947">Re: House update... Mild vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Yup- You may just have to ride this one out. Andrew got kinda quiet and moody when we were waiting on approvals for things. That's what he does when he's stressed...and sometimes he's kinda snappy. He wants to provide a wonderful home for you...(and he may be feeling a bit weird that you have the money). He's probably stressing out that things won't go through..and he will fail at providing. And he seems like the type to have some sort of plan for the engagement- and who knows- it might have something to do with the house. ::shrugs:: So he might have got a bit wiggy about your suggestion. because he has his plan- and doesn't want it being altered. 
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]



Exactor what I'm thinking! He was in such a good mood when he got home tonight.

elannis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_house-update-mild-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae59986e-fe0d-4615-acfc-81a1b5c4c690Post:49578aac-0322-4dc4-8e13-801e9d657102">Re: House update... Mild vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: House update... Mild vent : Exactor what I'm thinking! <strong>He was in such a good mood when he got home tonight.</strong>
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

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