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Question for the married, almost married, etc.

SeaTea02SeaTea02
1000 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
FI and I have been arguing over when to move in together and we decided that I would ask the opinion of some married women on TK to find out what people who have gone through this before think. I might also post on TN.

Currently we don't live together but were planning on getting our own place in June. This would be 3 months before the wedding. FI wants to move in together 1 month before the wedding because it would save 2 months rent (about $1600 but it really isn't like it will hurt us to spend it either). I think we will have way too much going and and be way too stressed 1 month before the wedding to move. He thinks it will be just fine. 



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Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.

  • Ember01Ember01
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We hadn't planned on moving together until 2 weeks after the wedding (that was when I was able to move, after the end of the semester), but now that FI isn't working, he is in the middle of moving back. He should be completely moved in right around our wedding day. We are like 27 days until our wedding.
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
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  • flygirlmegflygirlmeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess I don't understand why you originally came up with June as the time to move.  Are you leases up then or something?  Where do you and he currently live?  With parents?

    Personally, I think if you're already engaged, you should go ahead and move in together.  Of course, I'm not married or engaged but BF and I moved in together after about a year of dating . . . so have been living together for a year and a half now.  I was definitely not a fan of living together before marriage but I'm really, REALLY glad we did.  Moving in together is a big step and will take some getting used to - no matter if you're NEY, already engaged, or newly married.  You can't hide anything from one another; all your bad habits are out on display.  But once you figure out how to deal with all that, it's wonderful to build a home together.  I think you'd benefit from moving in together sooner rather than later.  You'll be relaxed and settled before the wedding comes around. 

    All that being said, I have friends who just got married in October and they moved in together about 5 weeks before that.  It wasn't that big of an issue for them and didn't seem to cause them much stress because they had so much of the final wedding details taken care of.  I guess it really depends on how much you want to have to get done close to your wedding day!!
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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I came up with June because he graduates with his masters and I finish my paralegal cert. in early May. We would be moving 30 minutes closer to where he will be working. 

    We do both live with out parents. I moved back in with mine in 2009 and he just recently moved back in with his mom (really, really long story) after being on his own for the last two years. 

    Honestly, 2 months rent would be put toward furniture, but it won't hurt us to spend it either. 

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  • flygirlmegflygirlmeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh ok . . . so there's a reason for June.  I would do that then if it doesn't strain you financially.  I really think it would be nice to settle in a few months before the wedding instead of a few weeks. 
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  • NurseyKNurseyK
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I voted special snowflake because it's the best possible answer.

    IMHO - I'm glad we already live together, I can't imagine the stress of a move PLUS a wedding (and everything else). So my vote is ASAP.
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In my opinion, the more you can separate two stressful events, the better. It wasn't an issue for us, since we moved in 2.5 years before the wedding.

    I do know a couple who did not live together before marriage. They bought a house while engaged and moved out of their respective apartments the day before the wedding. I thought that was crazy, but it worked for them.

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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I said "one month would be fine" because I don't remember being so crazy busy a month before our wedding that we wouldn't have been able to take a day (or even a weekend) off to move into a new place. Actually, we did take a weekend "off"- we went to Disney World. And even though we could afford $1600 on two extra months of rent, I imagine we would still rather spend it on awesome new furniture or something. Like registry completion!

    But everyone's experience is different of course. Maybe you could wait as long as possible to make a decision so you'll have a better idea of what you guys will having going on at that time of year.
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  • TheMutleysTheMutleys
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would move in together in June because it will just be easier.  This is assuming that the $1600 is worth the ease.  Personally, I think that it would be. 

    That said, we did something completely different and insane.

    We had been living together for 1 year when we got married.  However, we moved out of our place in San Diego about a month before our wedding.  I moved up to Nor Cal, while DH stayed and finished up his last 3 weeks of work down in SD.  We were supposed to close on a house the week of our wedding, so during that time I was staying at my in-laws.  (Luckily, I love my in-laws.)  During this time, we also moved all of our stuff clear across the state and put it into storage.  Then, we ended up backing out of the house deal... about a week AFTER our wedding.  We then found a quick rental and moved all of our stuff out of storage.  Fun times.   

    So based on our adventures, moving a month before IS completely doable.  However, it would not be my first choice. 

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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:da37635d-db33-4bf9-ae87-6a86bc768562">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted special snowflake because it's the best possible answer. IMHO - I'm glad we already live together, I can't imagine the stress of a move PLUS a wedding (and everything else). So my vote is ASAP.
    Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]
    Woo, this. We've already lived in our house for over a year and we still haven't unpacked our stuff. We moved in soon after we both started new jobs and that was a big enough stress.

    I'd move in ASAP.

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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I hate moving.  That is all :)

    Good luck - I think moving and unpacking kinda sucks no matter when you do it.

    But I've always felt that way, so I'm no help.
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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe we can compromise and do 2 months, but moving in July in NC will be crazy hot. We will just have to move at night/the morning. 

    I think the problem is for me less stress is worth $1600, and to him it isn't... 

    Thanks for all of the opinions/expereinces :-) 

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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:da37635d-db33-4bf9-ae87-6a86bc768562">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted special snowflake because it's the best possible answer. <strong>IMHO - I'm glad we already live together, I can't imagine the stress of a move PLUS a wedding (and everything else). So my vote is ASAP.</strong>
    Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. I know I'm late, but... It took us more than a month to even get everything unpacked. Granted, I broke my big toe right after we moved in and he was working ~50+ hours a week, but it still took a long time to feel settled. And clutter makes me really antsy and moody. I couldn't imagine trying to move and do wedding stuff at the same time. I would want as much space as possible between the things.</div>
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    we bought a house while we were engaged.  he lived there, and I stayed with my parents until the wedding.  we moved all my stuff except what I needed about 3 weeks before the wedding, and then when we got back I got the rest of my stuff.  it wasn't that stressful.  unpacking was a pain, but it's going to be a pain no matter when you do it!  and since the wedding was over, all the unpacking just took place in it's own time.  it's only been 4 months since we got married, but living together hasn't been a huge surprise.  we have had a few small disagreements, but mostly we try to respect the other person's POV and figure out a way to keep both of us happy.  it's not as hard as I expected it to be...  at least, the first 4 months.  things could definitely change!  :)
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:e26b2989-fa11-4455-bf52-30c656fcb02c">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate moving.  That is all :) Good luck - I think moving and unpacking kinda sucks no matter when you do it. But I've always felt that way, so I'm no help.
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.  Moving is my least favorite thing in the world.  I'd rather eat brussel sprouts.
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  • TheMutleysTheMutleys
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I do want to add that we didn't actually a problem with our insane moving adventure.  A lot of it was out of our control in some ways.  (Lease was up, closing date based on when our offer was accepted, DH got a new job, etc.)   Haha.  We tend to do really well in stressful situations. 

    I do think that it was easier because we had already lived together, so that wasn't an unknown. .

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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm a strong proponent of living together before you're married.  That being said, I think 3+ months would be your best choice.  

    I think living together longer will only benefit your relationship AND it will allow you to already be in your home and ready to chill out after the wedding...rather than being in a new, unfamiliar home surrounded by moving boxes and wedding gifts and left-over wedding stuff...

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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:8a167618-5aec-496c-b41d-cf725048e4bf">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a strong proponent of living together before you're married.  That being said, I think 3+ months would be your best choice.   I think living together longer will only benefit your relationship AND it will allow you to already be in your home and ready to chill out after the wedding...rather than being in a new, unfamiliar home surrounded by moving boxes and wedding gifts and left-over wedding stuff...
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would have loved to live together a long time ago, but we made the choice to live apart and save money. We are both graduating college student loan/debt free because of it. </div><div>
    </div><div>I just like to have everything organized and would love to come back to a clean, nice apartment... </div>

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  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We will have been living together for 2 years when we get married and together for a total of 2.5 years.
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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:16fa9bfe-bc45-419a-b82b-dc76ba5db37e">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc. : I think this is a great point.  I can see your FI's point about the money, but you should ask him if it's worth it for you to be unhappy with your living situation immediately before and after the wedding.  Our apartment gets messy very quickly (we're really busy these days... I swear we're working on it) and both FI and I are unhappy when it's in that state.  Our attitudes, especially his, definitely change when the apartment is in good shape.  
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

    <div>He could care less if our home is ever unpacked/organized. He has been in his new place since September and he still has boxes all over. </div><div>
    </div><div>Myyy happiness might be a better argument though :-) </div>

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  • SeaTea02SeaTea02
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_question-married-almost-married-etc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ae79ee40-219e-4b59-8b4b-3a8d2215aab2Post:303fd943-a9bd-4bd3-8945-81d5b7624226">Re: Question for the married, almost married, etc.</a>:
    [QUOTE]We will have been living together for 2 years when we get married and together for a total of 2.5 years.
    Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>What does this have to do with the price of beans? </div><div>
    </div>

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