Not Engaged Yet

(not so) patiently waiting...

So BF and I have not been in any rush to get engaged. He's in his radiology program for another 16 months, and I was sure he wouldn't be proposing before then. Over Christmas, his brother got engaged - and we're SO excited for them! Although nothing is really planned yet, they've been discussing ideas. We can hardly wait to hear when their big day will be!

Well, the other night BF and I were talking about how unexpected this engagement was...and he says "I know, it sort of messed up my timeline". WHAT? Does that mean he was thinking of proposing in the near future? Every time we hear a couple's engagement story, BF whispers to me that he already has a plan...but I've always thought it was just teasing me. I really was thrown by the thought that maybe he actually is considering proposing within the next year. Excited...but totally surprised.

Anyway, I'm trying not to read too much into his comment. I must admit though, that I was immediately excited about the idea of getting engaged sooner than expected. Neither of us want to overlap his brother's wedding - but I suddenly "want it now". I'm like a kid who found out that Christmas was going to be in April this year...and then it was pushed back to December again. I shouldn't be bummed that my proposal was "delayed" when I never even knew it was possibly coming earlier...but I totally am.

Help keep me grounded here girls...

Re: (not so) patiently waiting...

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    It's always exciting to talk about engagement with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, but remind yourself WHY there's no rush.  Engagement/marriage is exciting, and new, and fun.  But really, dating is still fun or you wouldn't be doing it in the first place!

    I can totally see why it would make you impatient to watch your BF's brother and his fiancee plan their wedding.  However, if you don't want to overlap their engagement, then don't. 

    I'm with you 150% on the impatience thing... I know it's coming in the next 6 months, and I still just want it NOW!  But patience is a virtue, and all that junk...


    image

    Anniversary

  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hey I hear you. My bf recently told me he's just having a hard time coming up with the "perfect" proposal. We are not at all romantic. He asks, I say yes, done. There you go. I get his health insurance, he becomes the beneficiary on my retirement plan and TA-DA!! It's like now - but married! Oh and he gets lower car insurance rates.

    We've even been ring shopping several times lately (one time the sales lady said, "Congratulations in advance!" Uhhhh.... awkward. But thanks I guess?)

    So I have no advice. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. :)

    PS You have a beautiful dog. More pics?
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. I know I just need to be patient. Although it makes me excited to hear that he's thinking about the future...I almost wish I would have never known. I just think it's harder to be patient when you think something might be in the works.

    Paintgirl - thanks for the doggie compliments! I think he's the most adorable dog in the world, but I know i'm bias. The only other pics I have on my work computer are from when he was a baby...but I'll try to bring in some others tomorrow for ya! (we called him "bear butt" because his nubby tail looked like a baby cub.






  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    OMG how sweet! What kind of dog is he? An aussie?
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Think of it this way... maybe he was thinking the proposal would be in a year, but now he wants to wait until after his brother gets married. That would 'mess with his timeline' but wouldn't mean an imminent engagement. I caught myself daydreaming about my BF proposing on the way to work this morning... I even had tears in my eyes!

    Anyway, you know it's going to happen, so enjoy the stress-free, non-planning stage of being BF/GF :) And you have an ADORABLE puppy!

    PS Am I the only poster whose posts default to 'centered'? They don't look centered when I type them, but when I post, they are centered... weird. I have to highlight the whole thing and left justify every time. :(
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • edited December 2011
    I'm having a hard time being patient too. Especially this past week when I went to hang out with my family and literally three people asked when the date was. I told them I wasn't engaged yet, and they were like, oh thats funny for some reason I thought you were.

    tiger - Mine does that all the time too. It is just a weird quirk with TK. It doesn't look centered to every one else.
    image
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I totally know the feeling, Allusive.  It was just over a year ago now that I first started getting engagement fever, and then (bam!) FI's sister got engaged, so we cooled our jets to give her her time.

    Years from now, an extra few months here or there won't make much of a difference.  Enjoy your last year as a girlfriend -- most likely, you'll never get to be one again.
  • edited December 2011
    Deep breaths.  You'll be ok.  I know how hard waiting can be.  My FI bought my ring in FRONT of me and held on to it for 2 months before proposing.  And even though it was only 2 months, it felt like FOREVER.  The key is to enjoy your relationship as it is now.  Think about it this way:  this is your last little bit of time as someone who is dating...EVER!  Enjoy it!
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ya know what... I think just for a minute, I want to throw a little temper tantrum.  Ya know, the spoiled little princess "I want my day!" kind of tantrum.  The kind of tantrum where all my logical reasoning and realistic thinking just goes out the window.

    WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!  Why do I have to wait?  I want it NOW!!!!!!!  I want to marry him, he wants to marry me, so why doesn't he just ASK already?!!!


    Okay, I'm done.  Feels better.  You wanna try?

    image

    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:2d5a589f-9ee7-4e67-a124-be21b36ee9af">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ya know what... I think just for a minute, I want to throw a little temper tantrum.  Ya know, the spoiled little princess "I want my day!" kind of tantrum.  The kind of tantrum where all my logical reasoning and realistic thinking just goes out the window. WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!  Why do I have to wait?  I want it NOW!!!!!!!  I want to marry him, he wants to marry me, so why doesn't he just ASK already?!!! Okay, I'm done.  Feels better.  You wanna try?
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    <div>Cate, you're so cute.</div>
  • edited December 2011

    All I have to say is that your dog is the most adorable dog I have ever seen I think.

    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:2d5a589f-9ee7-4e67-a124-be21b36ee9af">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ya know what... I think just for a minute, I want to throw a little temper tantrum.  Ya know, the spoiled little princess "I want my day!" kind of tantrum.  The kind of tantrum where all my logical reasoning and realistic thinking just goes out the window. <strong>WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!  Why do I have to wait?  I want it NOW!!!!!!!  I want to marry him, he wants to marry me, so why doesn't he just ASK already?!!</strong>! Okay, I'm done.  Feels better.  You wanna try?
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Oh hell yes I want in on this action. Seriously. When we first started dating in June of 2008, BF wanted to get married in the summer of 2009. I told him to hold his horses... now, 2.5 years later, I'm still waiting.

    Though on a positive note, all sorts of good signs have been happening lately. This weekend we went over our finances TOGETHER, talked about how we'll handle our single bank account when we're married, figured out what kind of spending money we'll each have, etc. Then last night he referred to him, me and our two dogs as a 'family of four.' I <3 him!</div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • edited December 2011

    So I wrote a bunch of stuff cause I wanted to complain and get it all off my chest too, but then read through it and realized how stupid I was being.

    Thanks Cate.

    image
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:e8a52fd2-06f2-43f8-82a6-784f885c6e26">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I wrote a bunch of stuff cause I wanted to complain and get it all off my chest too, but then read through it and realized how stupid I was being. Thanks Cate.
    Posted by niknik15[/QUOTE]

    I wasn't kidding - just my three sentences of full-fledged temper tantrum made me feel better!

    Go for it!  We all spend so much time talking ourselves down, using logic to push down the frustrations and trying to convince ourselves to be patient.  Which is all good.  So it's just good to have about 2 seconds to let the impatient whiney side out for a bit, before we shove her back down into the locked dungeon in the back of our mind where we usually keep her.

    image

    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:48be308d-6c31-4536-baca-50acc1162a5e">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG how sweet! What kind of dog is he? An aussie?
    Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

    Yep! Most people guess a border collie or have no clue, but he's 100% Australian Shepherd. (he's a red tri-color.)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:32318c04-c031-4046-9221-76cdc76469f9">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Think of it this way... maybe he was thinking the proposal would be in a year, but now he wants to wait until after his brother gets married. That would 'mess with his timeline' but wouldn't mean an imminent engagement. I caught myself daydreaming about my BF proposing on the way to work this morning... I even had tears in my eyes! Anyway, you know it's going to happen, so enjoy the stress-free, non-planning stage of being BF/GF :) And you have an ADORABLE puppy! <strong>PS Am I the only poster whose posts default to 'centered'? They don't look centered when I type them, but when I post, they are centered</strong>... weird. I have to highlight the whole thing and left justify every time. :(
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    mine do this too, but I don't think anyone else can see it. Your post looks right-justified to me. Just ignore it I guess. :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:5beec1d1-6717-419c-b168-c565bcb4d4b2">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I totally know the feeling, Allusive.  It was just over a year ago now that I first started getting engagement fever, and then (bam!) FI's sister got engaged, so we cooled our jets to give her her time. Years from now, an extra few months here or there won't make much of a difference. <strong> Enjoy your last year as a girlfriend</strong> -- most likely, you'll never get to be one again.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I never thought of it this way Elle, what a great way to look at things! I guess I better live it up while I can. haha...no, but really that is a sweet thought.
  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    PPs have already given better advice on this front than I could, but I just wanted to say hang in there! We can all relate, and we're here for ya. Smile
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:cdf84785-3f80-49ba-88cf-90533a6df76d">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: (not so) patiently waiting... : Yep! Most people guess a border collie or have no clue, but he's 100% Australian Shepherd. (he's a red tri-color.)
    Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

    He is absolutely beautiful! The red tris aren't all that common, are they? It amazes me how many different color combinations you can get in an Aussie. Our mutt is likely German shepherd / Australian shepherd mix. Does your pup herd? Heidi will herd anything that moves.

    ETA: And did his eyes stay blue or did they turn amber? I know some reds are born blue but turn amber, but I don't know if all do.
  • edited December 2011
    We are all in the same waiting boat.  We have each other for support, especially when we get super impatient.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-patiently-waiting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b2c47642-bb50-429f-b156-bf0e08615e41Post:2d5a589f-9ee7-4e67-a124-be21b36ee9af">Re: (not so) patiently waiting...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ya know what... I think just for a minute, I want to throw a little temper tantrum.  Ya know, the spoiled little princess "I want my day!" kind of tantrum.  The kind of tantrum where all my logical reasoning and realistic thinking just goes out the window. WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!  Why do I have to wait?  I want it NOW!!!!!!!  I want to marry him, he wants to marry me, so why doesn't he just ASK already?!!! Okay, I'm done.  Feels better.  You wanna try?
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    I am so with ya on this one. Love this tantrum.  I fear that I wanna have one more than I should, though. I am not a patient person at all and I HATE surprises. 
    I know how you feel on the comment though, when we had a m/c in October, BF told me he thought a year from then would be a good time to have a baby and in the short time we knew we were pregnant he'd mentioned that he wanted to be married when we had a kid, and a bigger house and a better car. So I'm still sitting here wondering when, in that year (now 8 months) all of this is going to happen.  LOL, talk about stress for a listmaker/planner/borderline OCD girl!!

    Tiger- I suffer from random centering too.  Not sure what the dilly yo...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards