Blended Family Ceremony Ideas???

countrykar

I am getting married in just a few short weeks (!!!) and I still have not come up with a good way to incorporate my future step-son into the ceremony! Well, he is the ring bearer, so he is obviously incorporated in that way, but I also wanted him to have some kind of other special part of the ceremony to kind of unite us as a family. He is only 4 years old, so having him do a reading is out of the question. Any ideas???

trix1223

By having him as your RB, you are incorporating him into the ceremony in what is a very appropriate way.  IMO, anything more than that is inappropriate, particularly for a 4 year old.

He doesn't have the maturity or wisdom to enter into vows yet, so I wouldn't do anything at all like that.Again, IMO, a wedding is held for the purpose of having two consenting adults make vows to each other.  A wedding is held for the purpose of creating a husband and wife.

Have him as your adorable ring bearer.  Take lots of pictures with him before the ceremony.  Take lots more after.  Have a special dance at the reception. Take a special "family photo" together.

Give him a special gift at the RD if you must.  Just keep the ceremony part between you and your FI.

abbyj512

I think that it is a very appropriate thing to want to include step-children in a marriage ceremony. You are not just committing to your spouse but to their children as well (for better or worse!). I don’t think that this is necessarily disrespectful to the mother, unless you are trying to replace her…but if you are just making a promise to love your step-child, then I think it is beautiful. I have been with my fiancé for 5 1/2 years and he has a 6 1/2 year old son. I have been in this child’s life since before he can remember and love him wholeheartedly as if he were my own. I definitely see importance in having him be a part of the ceremony. I respect his Mom’s role and have always made a big deal about her with him (getting Mother’s day & Xmas presents, flowers when her dog died…etc.). Entering into marriage is a HUGE deal and that goes for entering into “step-parenthood” (J) as well. I like the idea of having a gift for the child (although that usually is easier with girls) and I like saying special vows to the child. Check out www.marriagemissions.com/vows-to-your-new-children-its-never-too-late/">http://www.marriagemissions.com/vows-to-your-new-children-its-never-too-late/ Part of their sample vow is: “…I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your dad, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your heart that is for me alone…”

I absolutely love that last line! If you feel that it is important to you, not only to commit to your spouse in front of family, friends, (God?), but to commit to his child too, then DO IT! It is your day and your family, even if you didn't create it through blood. Good luck!

AbbeyS2011

You might ask the minister to include the child when talking about marriage and the commitment to the new family.  I agree with treading lightly, unless the mother is not a part of the child's life.  Talk to your FI about this, and decide what to do together. He may think him being the RB and getting him a gift will be enough.

My sons and my FI's daughter will all be part of the ceremony - she will be a BM, they will be the Jr. GM and RB.  Not sure if we will do anything beyond that just yet.

meremor23

I think having him as your RB is plenty enough, especially for a 4 year old.  He is going to feel so special when you explain his special job to him!  I was in my grandfather and step-grandmother's wedding when I was his age as a flower girl, and I took that job as seriously as if I were disassembling a bomb.  For a 4 year old, a tangible task will mean the world to him.  Certainly incorporate something into the vows if you want to, but I guarantee that your little guy will be most worried about the ring and the pillow in his hand, and less interested in what in the world the adults are blabbing about up there.  Have fun at your wedding!!