Not Engaged Yet

Interesting wedding invitation... I need some advice. Sorry it's long!

Hey Ladies!
 So, my bf and I got an interesting wedding invitation on Monday. It's for my ex-bf's wedding. What makes it interesting is that he's marrying the girl that he cheated on me with, who happens to be a sorority sister and who used to be one of my really good friends.

A quick back story-
 We started dating our senior year of high school and continued dating through our freshman year of college. We were in the same city, but at different colleges. We were together for about 2 years before he broke up with me for the other girl.

He met her though me, she was a sorority sister whom I went though rush/initiation etc. with. She and I became really close, so the ex and her knew each other quite well.

Right around our 2 year anniversary, he told me he found someone who made him happier than I ever could. He also said he could see a future with this girl and not with me. Needless to say, I was devastated but I didn't know who this other girl was. They both came to my apartment to tell me they were dating and I soon found out that they'd been seeing each other for about 6 months before that.

I quickly stopped speaking to her and him and tried to avoid them when possible...
 I haven't seen either of them since we graduated college 4 years ago. I had no idea that they were still together until I got the invitation. So, I'm baffled as to why they'd send me an invitation.

My question is... should we attend the wedding?'

 I know that some of my really good friends are attending and it would be a good time to catch up with them. I'm afraid that if we dont' attend people may think that I'm still angry/upset over the whole thing, when really I'm not. I'm so much happier now with my current bf and besides, this all happened about 8 years ago.... I've definitely put it behind me.

I'm torn because it was a nasty situation, but she was one of my best friends and now she's getting married and though she's marrying my ex, I'm happy for them!

So, any advice/thoughts??
Daisypath Vacation tickers
..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Re: Interesting wedding invitation... I need some advice. Sorry it's long!

  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Have you talked to either of them since then?  If you haven't, I think it's a bit strange to get an invite.  If you want to go, go.  If not, don't go.  Don't worry about what others will think with whatever decision you make.

    I, personally, wouldn't go if we didn't remain friends and didn't keep in (good) contact.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_interesting-wedding-invitation-need-advice-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b583fe36-a93b-46d4-a5e8-49217ac50ccePost:cbc72614-0633-447e-942f-24f732786e42">Interesting wedding invitation... I need some advice. Sorry it's long!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey Ladies!  So, my bf and I got an interesting wedding invitation on Monday. It's for my ex-bf's wedding. What makes it interesting is that he's marrying the girl that he cheated on me with,
    Posted by PolkaDotBella[/QUOTE]

    I stopped there and answer with a resounding NO. Don't go to the wedding.

    It doesn't make you bitter, it makes them weird for inviting you. Well, maybe not weird. But I'm baffled as to why they thought it would be good to invite you.

    People get kind of mushy when they're making their guest list. Sometimes they think they need to invite people they really DON'T need to invite. Be polite- send back your RSVP marked "no" and then don't worry about it anymore.

    Now, I mean, if you really WANT to go, then go right ahead... but it seems like you're uncomfortable and would only be going to see other old friends. If you want to catch up with those folks, then look them up! But honestly, you have no idea if THEY are going, and would you still want to be there if they didn't go?

    I mean... a lot of people wouldn't go to a wedding for someone they haven't spoken to in several years. Your old college buddies might not go either.
    Anniversary
  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I haven't talked to either of them since we graduated 4 years ago. Even then, our converstation consisted of "Congratulations!" and that was about it.

    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Jeana- Yeah, the thought of going does make me feel uncomfortable. Though I would love to ask them about the logic of inviting us!

    I feel I should congratulate them at least... maybe send a card?
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Sure, send a card if you like. That would be a nice gesture. I wouldn't do a gift unless you're feeling really generous.

    Maybe I'm cynical but I feel like you invite people you haven't spoken to in 4 years when you're hoping they'll just send a gift.
    Anniversary
  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_interesting-wedding-invitation-need-advice-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b583fe36-a93b-46d4-a5e8-49217ac50ccePost:7f754bf3-f361-419d-be24-f4b1cba628cc">Re: Interesting wedding invitation... I need some advice. Sorry it's long!</a>:
    [QUOTE] Maybe I'm cynical but I feel like you invite people you haven't spoken to in 4 years when you're hoping they'll just send a gift.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    Nah, you're not cynical... I had the same thought, though I tried to convice myself that wasn't the reason!
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    If you don't want to go don't.  The only reasons it seems that you want to attend is to catch up with other friends, which you can do outside of the wedding and because you don't want people to think you're still upset/angry.  I wouldn't go myself, it seems like such an awkward situation.  Don't let yourself believe what other people might think.  Its ok not to go if you don't want to, especially if you haven't kept in contact with either of them, from what I read it seems you haven't spoken to them.  Its ultimately your decision based on comfort. 
  • edited December 2011
    It's odd he invited you, even IMO. I personally wouldn't go. Awkward.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I really don't want to attend. It does seem weird to me and my bf agrees.

     I just have to get past worrying about what other people may think, though ogically I know it doesn't matter and more likely than not, no one will even think anything about us not being there or even notice if we're not there!
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    i agree, the invite does seem weird.

    Even if you aren't upset/angry anymore remember that if you do go they or other people will definitely bring up how they met. Sure they may say it in a positive light and not that he cheated on anyone inorder to be with her. Are you prepared for that when it'll be right in your face? Sure, you may not care now, but could be frustrating knowing the truth.

  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hazel- That was something I hadn't thought about! Thanks for pointing that out!
    I'm definitely not upset or anything about it anymore... how could I be?? It happened so long ago, besides it allowed me to meet someone who is amazing and made me see that the ex wasn't THE ONE or anything like that!

     But I can imagine it would be very frustrating knowing the truth while others may not.
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think it's perfectly okay to politely decline, but perhaps send a nice card.




    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I say send a card congratulating them, and then make plans to meet up with your real friends the Friday night before the wedding. They should all be in town by then and it should be relatively easy to find a good place to meet with them. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • PolkaDotBellaPolkaDotBella member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    cu97tiger- that's a good idea!

    Thanks for all the advice and ideas ladies! I'm pretty sure I'm going to decline, but send a card..

    This is why I came here... I knew you guys would have fabulous advice for me!
    Daisypath Vacation tickers
    ..::..In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities ~Janos Arnay..::..
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Do not feel the need to go.  If you aren't close with someone anymore then there is no reason to go to their wedding, especially not someone who CHEATED on you.  Don't care what other people think, your relationship ended with him long enough ago that it will not be a big deal anymore.  Something has to be seriously wrong with people if you get brought up on HIS wedding day.  Throw the invite away and don't worry about it anymore.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards