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Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged

Okay, here it goes.   I know it  sounds crazy but I have been planning my wedding for quite some time.  And I'm not just talking looking through magazines.  I have the  dress, shoes, most of the jewelry (waiting on the ring ;) from my sweetie he hasn't asked yet) and what not.  I have been looking at venues, reading DIY wedding books, I'm a doctoral-student am I crazy?
My boyfriend and I have talked about this, gone ring shopping, but due to a medical reason a year ago we decided to hold off getting engaged and tying the knot, otherwise we would have gotten married then.
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Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged

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    edited December 2011
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    SwazzleSwazzle member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It is way too early on a Monday for this. 

    Go away. 



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    tuarceathatuarceatha member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you can marry yourself. Unless you are Sue Sylvester. Are you Sue?
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    SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    For real?  I hope this is made up.  If not, then yes, you are crazy.

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    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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    becunning2becunning2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_planning-wedding-before-getting-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c0d06e5c-df45-4aff-972d-b9871d96459fPost:a68015fd-9254-4f87-a042-13607e6d63a4">Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is way too early on a Monday for this.  Go away. 
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

    This. I haven't even had my coffee yet.
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    CASK85CASK85 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Don't blame being a PhD student on being a nut job for planning a wedding. The process of getting a PhD makes you crazy in a lot of ways, but there is no excuse for this one. 

    I don't believe this person. . . anyone else?
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    caitlin.cavecaitlin.cave member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do people EVER read the sticky before posting...?  (You know, the one that says "read before posting.")

    It's really great that you're excited, but you have spent money on a wedding that may not be taking place.  You can be as sure as you want that the two of you are getting married, but until you are actually engaged and both of you are on the same page, it is unwise to purchase/book anything.  Shoot, I AM engaged and it's still not smart for me to purchase anything because I'll probably change my mind a lot in these first six months.

    Does your boyfriend know about all these things you have?  To be honest, I would have been seriously weirded out if my guy had approached me and told me he already had a tux picked out before we were engaged.  He might even want to be a part of planning his own wedding, and I don't think it's fair to him to have everything done.
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    edited December 2011
    I feel that you're going to regret your pre-engagement purchases. The whole point of an engagement is to have time to plan the wedding. By the time you get engaged you may want a whole different wedding than you're planning now. Besides the fact that your guy should be included in the planning...which clearly he is not right now. Slow your roll and be happy where you are at in your relationship.
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    CASK85CASK85 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_planning-wedding-before-getting-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c0d06e5c-df45-4aff-972d-b9871d96459fPost:21dcfc71-59ed-4b41-aad1-fd15db6976b6">Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged : I do - look at her other posts.  She even refers to her FI in one of them.  This is legitimate crazy town.
    Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
    Yikes.
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    polkadot111polkadot111 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Gosh dangit. WHY!? Last night, and now this? Oh dear. Go away. We don't like crazies.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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    Ollie08Ollie08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_planning-wedding-before-getting-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c0d06e5c-df45-4aff-972d-b9871d96459fPost:06752876-b102-4f65-ba95-26fb815c0b09">Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think you can marry yourself. Unless you are Sue Sylvester. Are you Sue?
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    This made me lol

    And I agree with rdr, it's Monday, go away.

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    edited December 2011

    Yes. You are crazy.

    Now be gone! Before someone drops a house on you too!

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

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    peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_planning-wedding-before-getting-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c0d06e5c-df45-4aff-972d-b9871d96459fPost:fd91d3e2-3fba-49ca-8334-5b2bedeb5b86">Re: Planning A Wedding Before Getting Engaged</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes. You are crazy. Now be gone! Before someone drops a house on you too!
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    <div>I lol'ed.</div><div>
    </div><div>
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    </div>
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    edited December 2011

    Yep. You're pretty much the mayor of Crazy Town.

    I was going to guess this was a troll, but then saw Yaga's post. I think the fact that she's legit is even scarier...

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    ravenrayravenray member
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    edited December 2011
    Oh no!  What is it with crazy weekend!  I am too tired for this!

    Yes you are crazy.  Stop!  Save yourself before it is too late!

    Bside- I totally LOL!! 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

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    Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ughhhh flagrant abuse of punctuation and structure conventions.  If you're going to be a nut-job, at least do so grammatically. 
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    edited December 2011
    Not just crazy.  BS-crazy. 
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    deburnindeburnin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    alanna91alanna91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Would you call up a university and ask them for your diploma before you started taking classes....even if you knew you were going to take the classes eventually?
    White Knot
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    JBC123JBC123 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In the dictonary, under B.S.C - it has a photograph of you wearing your wedding dress and shoes.  Surprised

    You are going to be sorry for all the pre-planning because it is wrong on SO many levels!  The least of which is taking the fun out of it after you get engaged. 


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    DslionessDslioness member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry you all feel this way, I have included my boyfriend we went ring shopping together and everything. We've discussed the plans multiple times and the fact is he has been and will continue to be included.  
    I do appreciate the advice and will try to hold my horses and just enjoy it until it's official then.
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    edited December 2011

    Usually....theres a reason your not engaged yet...like your man isnt ready for that level of commitment...he might say hes fine with it, but more likely its only a matter of time before he feels like he has no say in getting married and one of 2 things will have 1. he will back out completely, no ring, no commitment, say your goodbyes because your scaring the crap out of him or 2. he will feel forced into actually marrying you before he is ready and it will result in a unhappy marraige or worse affairs or divorce down the road.

    My Advice, chill on the wedding stuff, stop spending any money on it, give him space, and if its meant to be he will come around, and THEN (when the ring is on the finger) you will both be liberated to enjoy the processes of planning not only for a wedding but for a meaning future ahead TOGETHER without any pressure for him to jump in before hes ready. Untill then, enjoy the magazines and even this site..without out him, and without talking to him about it. Once the ring is on, that is the time to start A. involving him, B. Making decisions that include money

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    DslionessDslioness member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do appreciate that, I also appreciate you treating me like a person.  You're advice is well noted.  Thank you.
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    DslionessDslioness member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In my particular case there are particular family and finacial pressures at the moment which is the only thing otherwise we would have already tied the knot.
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