"Un-wedding" ideas...

paintgirl

The elope counts have me curious. Have you ever been to a very non-traditional wedding - an "un-wedding"? This could be a surprise wedding (we're having a party - oh and getting married), an elopement + a few folks, a quick courthouse wedding with or without party after, a party sometime after an elopement, etc?

I ask because we'd like to avoid a circus - fairly probable with my crazy family. I have no interest in a shower. We don't need gifts (and several members of our family are laid off right now). We like the idea of celebrating our (someday) marriage with our family and friends but want to skip the drama. Your experiences with non-traditional weddings, please?

MidniteRae

My uncle and his wife got married at the court(where she works).It was just family and we ate at  (Alice)Cooper'stown afterwards.

katanne9

My aunt and uncle got married in Maine. They rented a big house on cliffs overlooking the water for the weekend. It was just immediate family and a few of their good friends (maybe 30 ppl total?).

They got married in the living room and I think we all went out to a restaurant for dinner. There weren't any decorations or anything. I think she had a bouquet, but that was really it.

It was cool because we all stayed in this huge house and could whale watch from the front porch. Totally chill, but a good memory.

Narwhal

I love the idea of renting a vacation house with some close relatives and having a little mini getaway... and also getting married. That sounds incredibly fun and laid back.

My friends that got married recently just went to the courthouse and a whole lot of people came to see, then we all went to Olive Garden afterwards.. the bride and groom didn't even end up sitting next to each other...

That gives me a bad taste in my mouth about courthouse weddings, although their relationship is really where the problem was. I've seen some really awesome town hall weddings and it really makes me consider one myself.

If that day ever comes.

bajediva

my dad's the king of un-weddings. he's on his third marriage (1st was to my mom), and while i was definitely alive, around, and old enough, i wasn't even invited to the subsequent 2 (he's a whole 'nother case anyways). the last one, just over a year ago, was an elopement to miami and they jumped on a cruise for a honeymoon immediately after. no big shabang afterwards either, just Christmas dinner a couple months later to coincide with folks being home for the holidays.

AnneAndJJ

My Aunt and Uncle got married at the courthouse, with some family there, and then had a reception with all of the family and some friends at my parents house afterwards. Just an outdoor event (my parents have a beautiful yard), very simple. 

zaneopal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_un-wedding-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c2c5e9b6-0dc2-4cf2-9ba2-550e3ef320a6Post:3303ca83-6ebb-4c56-bf5d-9c9221509a7c">Re: "Un-wedding" ideas...</a>:
[QUOTE]I love the idea of renting a vacation house with some close relatives and having a little mini getaway... and also getting married. That sounds incredibly fun and laid back.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

This is actually what I want to do, should I ever get married. If it happens with current BF, I would love to just do it at his family's beach house. Just our immediate families (moms, dads, sisters) and a JOP...there would be 9 people present at my wedding total and that's just fine with me.

Of course, my grandmother would have conniptions and proceed to make my life miserable for as long as she lives, but I think it would be worth it.

prasad007

Bf's aunt got married five or six years ago on Halloween. They were planning a destination wedding, but not many people could afford it. So they threw a Halloween party (she dressed up as a pregnant bride, he was a clown) where only two other people knew of their plans... In the middle of the party, one friend (dressed as a hillbilly with a rifle) started making a scene ("you have to do right by my daughter" etc.). He herded them down the "aisle" in their living to room to where another friend (a JOP, dressed as a priest) was waiting and they got married right there! All of their close friends and family were at the Halloween party so even if not everyone could go away with the couple to the dw, everyone was able to celebrate. It was a total surprise! This was before I started dating my bf, but the whole family still talks about his aunt's wedding. (It was her 3rd... or 4th wedding). I think it's a great idea and if we could do it, we probably would.

Soon2BJeter

During our conversation last night, my BF and I were talking about this exact thing... He was under the impression that I want a big wedding, but that's not the case at all.  I think, when the time comes, that we'll do something small like that...  I don't see anything wrong with it at all.  I like the idea of having only your very closest family/friends with you...

Button5807

A friend of mine waltzed in a cort house one summer day with her bf and got married, they didn't tell anyone until the next day. The fall out from their families were massive almost three years later there are still a lot of hurt feelings. That kind of squashed my hopes and dreams of ever doing that because I know my family would react the same way.

jeanacorina

A friend of mine went to the JOP with just her parents, daughter, BF, and me (oddly enough...). I brought her a long-stemmed white rose as a gift, and that was her "bouquet." I gave her daughter one, too.

Poor little girl cried through the whole 5-minute (or so) ceremony. I don't blame her. They got divorced less than a year later.

But it was a cute wedding. I'd have worn white, though. My friend wore blue. But it was her second marriage (she's on her 3rd now, FYI) and I bet her very old-fashioned mom told her she shouldn't wear white.

I'd have done it anyway.

Narwhal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_un-wedding-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c2c5e9b6-0dc2-4cf2-9ba2-550e3ef320a6Post:7c71ac12-87fc-4cea-b673-f6a8e955041d">Re: "Un-wedding" ideas...</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine went to the JOP with just her parents, daughter, BF, and me (oddly enough...). I brought her a long-stemmed white rose as a gift, and that was her "bouquet." I gave her daughter one, too. Poor little girl cried through the whole 5-minute (or so) ceremony. I don't blame her. They got divorced less than a year later. But it was a cute wedding. I'd have worn white, though. My friend wore blue. But it was her second marriage (she's on her 3rd now, FYI) and I bet her very old-fashioned mom told her she shouldn't wear white. I'd have done it anyway.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]


yeah, my friend that got married in the court house got divorced less than a year afterwards (or moved out, technically... they're still working on a divorce) and she just wore a brown dress and some flip flops. didn't even get a pedicure.

jeanacorina

I'd have worn the cute white sundress in my closet, and I'd totally get a mani/pedi!!!! I don't care if I just go to the mall on our way to the courthouse and have the vietnamese folks do it... and then we could swing by Wal-Mart and get a disposable camera.

Cute dress, mani/pedi, and pictures. Oh yeah, and flowers, even if they were wildflowers from along the road.

It's still a WEDDING.

Narwhal

definitely! that's another thing that boggled my mind... no photos either. it was all just really really odd.

Ishaba11

My FSIL actually just got married yesterday at the courthouse. The only people there was her dad (mom was working) and his parents. Then his parents took us all out to dinner as their present to the  newlyweds. His parents took some photos so she has some and she just wore a nice top and dress pants. Definitely not something I could do but they dont have a lot of money. He is unemployed and they have two kids to support so it was perfect for them. Whatever makes you happy I guess. I'm more of the extravagent, everyone better be there, big white dress kind of person. You only get married once!  (hopefully)

noelle24

To people who've gone to these things: did it *feel* like a wedding to you? 

FI and I are on a really tight budget right now, and the more we look around, the more discouraged I get about being able to afford a wedding.  FI would be fine with just going to the courthouse, but I feel like it just wouldn't feel special enough for me. Thoughts?

**Mutley**

I went to a courthouse wedding.  She was an acquaintance.  She just wanted it to be her FI, her 2 kids and her mom, so I offered to go and take pictures.  Her mom ended up bringing her best friend and her kids.  She wore a wedding dress and he wore his dress uniform.  They got married in a cute little room.  They both cried.  It was very sentimental and felt like a wedding.  They had a small reception at her mom's house afterwards.   

While I love the way we did it, I could have gone for something smaller - much smaller.  Going through pre-Cana, I realized how important getting married in the Catholic church was to me, so I am very happy we went that route. 
 
However, if we could have done something smaller, I would have done it by the beach or some water.  I would have worn a white dress and hired a photographer.  We would have had a BBQ/beach bonfire as our reception. 

I think a wedding is what you make of it.  I think you can make any event special. 

loopy82

I went to my brothers wedding at the courthouse. Then we threw him a small reception afterwards. I worked at a really nice apartment building with a formal party room that I was able to use for free. It turned out well. Too bad they're divorced now.

My ex's aunt got married at her house in her living room. That was interesting. Not something I would want to do.

paintgirl

Thanks for all the thoughts! Bf mentioned a riverboat wedding the other day. It wouldn't be too crazy expensive and we could just invite people for a "cruise" to see our city, then do the wedding.

If I had a smaller family I'd do the vacation house thing. I am the youngest of 4 though, so just including siblings makes it a bigger to-do than I'd like!

Soon2BJeter

One of my recent ideas is that I found a great B&B that also has a cottage - thought about renting the place out and they allow wedding ceremonies on the property.  I was thinking it would be fun to stay the whole weekend with just our closest friends and family...

paintgirl

Oh - and did I mention I have divorced parents and all sorts of "people who don't like each other" combinations? I'm not sure my four parents would even stay in the same hotel for the wedding...

We should really just elope.

**Mutley**

Paintgirl, I think you should have an open invite sort of elopement. 
"Hi all, we will be going to Jamaica on June 20th and getting married.  Join us if you want." 

I also like the idea of a surprise wedding.  Have a big party - maybe a house warming when the two of you move in together.  Surprise! We're getting married.

paintgirl

And that's why I like you Mutley. Very pragmatic! The open invite elopement is a good one. I hadn't thought of that exactly - I was thinking more destination wedding and that has the same - or more - drama than a normal wedding.

I'm leaning towards the surprise wedding. It would depend on the time of year - see if we could find a good excuse to have a party. People would need to travel to us (not very far - 2-4 hours by car). Our birthdays are close together. Is it taboo to throw each other a combined - no gifts please oh please - bday party? (I would almost PAY money to avoid gifts. We have too much STUFF as it is. I'm a bit of a minimalist.)

LindsayMarene

This is what we want to do.  The problem with our families are that we invite, just the parents, the other close family members will freak out, so we will end up having like 20 people.  Not engaged yet, but we talk about it and we know we want something simple with just a few people.

There are a few things I'm not willing to budge on however.  I want a white dress.  It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, but just a white dress.  I want him to wear a suit with a tie and I want daisies (because my mom had those at her and my dad's wedding).  I would rather save the money I would spend on a big wedding for a great honeymoon!

jeanacorina

Noelle, the one I went to didn't really feel like a wedding. But I pretty much covered WHY. No white dress (she even wore black, which I found odd), the guy wore work boots and jeans. The only flowers were the two white roses I brought. I had no idea she didn't have a bouquet, or I'd have gotten her a little bunch of flowers instead of one rose. Anyway, she appreciated it.

I think it depends on if you TREAT it like a wedding. Dress up a bit... at least in your "Sunday best." Have some flowers. Take pictures (even having a friend do it with a digital camera would do). Get yourself a pedicure, ffs! You're getting MARRIED.

It doesn't have to cost much (less than $100 would do all of the above). But treat it like the special day it is, and I think a courthouse wedding could be sweet and CERTAINLY feel like a wedding.

paintgirl

I'm liking Mutley's "housewarming"-type thing. Maybe a Saturday night "Come celebrate our new city with us at XXX (cool location for outdoor wedding and party)", then Sunday morning do a brunch at the house. We'd lose some people that would have to travel, since they wouldn't know it's a wedding, but frankly, those aren't the ones I really want there anyway!