The Best and Worst Gift Ever... My turn for advice... (PIP)

becunning2

Last April, I ran into a store that sold authentic Roman coins in New Orleans. They were awesome, and I was so geeked out that I rambled on and on and on about them. (It was really, really, really hard for me not to drop a few hundred dollars on a coin for myself, cough). My parents know this.  But in all my gushing about coins, I left out the part about how I hated that several of them were set into jewelry to wear--like necklaces and earrings. It rubs me the wrong way--almost like a crime against history (yes, I know, a bit dramatic, but I'm trying to explain how powerfully I disliked the idea of Roman coins being set into a pendant).

What did my parents just buy me as a thank-you gift?

Roman coins (SQUEEE!) set into jewelry (GAH!).




I feel awful! Like really, really awful. They were so excited to give them to me, and this was definitely a pricey gift. I thanked them, very much, and got excited about the details on the coins... but I also told them I'd never wear them (they then promptly expressed dismay and went into detail about how they selected them to match so I could wear them together).

So...  what all do you think I should do?  Wear them? Tell my parents I'm ideologically opposed to wearing Roman coins? Never mention it? Never wear them, but show them to students? Have the jewelry element removed (if you can even do that, ugh!?!) and show them to students? I'd hate to hurt them, and I am obviously the geekiest about Roman stuff that I can be, so it was really thoughtful. Except.... well, yeah...

Elle1036

I would wear them a couple of times when your parents are around to see them, and otherwise just let it be.  It was a sweet gift; there's no point making any bigger deal out of it than that.

becunning2

Would you wear a shirt that you found on some level to be offensive? Sigh... I know it was sweet though. That's why I feel so awful.

becunning2

Liv: I would want to show them to students. It bothers me to even see them in the setting like that. Maybe I could just get more used to seeing them...

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_worst-gift-ever-turn-advice-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c3ef9ce8-25c2-4f7f-986a-4a31a48fa710Post:8d33702c-1223-44f2-bd17-0d12313a228d">Re: The Best and Worst Gift Ever... My turn for advice... (PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Would you wear a shirt that you found on some level to be offensive? </strong>Sigh... I know it was sweet though. That's why I feel so awful.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]

Yeah... probably not, but I don't know.  It's hard for me to say something objectively since I obviously don't share this same dislike of coin jewelry.

becunning2

As a Latin geek, I'm often the oddball out! I'm going to have to sleep on it some, I think. I'm not sure I could wear a shirt I found offensive either, but I hate disappointing them when they were so thoughtful.

desertsun

I personally would wear them for my parents, and lie through my teeth if I had to to convinve them I had a change of heart and have really grown to love my Roman coin jewelry.

But, I am very sentimental about gifts from my parents. I have kept things I thought were hideous just b/c they gave them to me.

You might also look into having them re-set in a way you find less objectionable.

cu97tiger

How often do you see your parents? My parents have given me jewelry that they've never seen me wear. As long as they know I appreciated it, that's all that matters. I'd say thank them again, then have the coins removed from the settings if possible. Out of curiosity, why is it offensive to you that they were made into jewelry?

mymissingpuzzlepiece

I would probably talk to my parents about it and unset the coins (take out the jewelry part) and leave as is to show to students and what not. 

becunning2

@ tiger:  My parents live four miles from me.  I see them often.  They're getting ready to move about 45 minutes away, but I'll see them then too.  I'll actually be staying with them when I'm student teaching next semester because their house is significantly closer than mine to my school.  (I am so not driving two hours a day when there's GOOD traffic).  We're close.

I'm not sure I can explain my aversion all that well. I've seen coins on display in many museums. Most Roman coins are about 2,000 years old.  They're art, yes, but they're not BODY art. They're representative of the times and cutlure, and I feel like wearing them destroys the art that they are (history, culture = Roman awesomeness) and takes it into something that it's not (jewelry, where you can't really inspect the artistry and detail of the coins--where you can actually harm them).

I think the only analogy I could think of is religious, and as nutty as I am about Romans, I'm not THAT crazy.  Swear.  But I feel like it's taking a personal family heirloom with special significance--like a family bible, and cutting it up to make modern art with it. I really do feel like the odd one out on this front though.

peekaboo2011

I'm late to this party and all, but if you're that upset about it, honestly, I would tell your parents that you love them, but you honestly can't wear them because of how you feel about it, and how you want students to see them - and the setting takes away from that.  Gently let them know that you're having the settings removed because it fits your needs/tastes better.

Yes, your parents love getting you presents that they think you're going to love.  But sometimes, they screw up.  Honestly, if I were in the same position, I hope my parents would understand.

And I do get where you're coming from.  The necklaces/earrings wtih the shark teeth kind of weird me out.  If my parents were to ever buy me something like that, I'd explain that I loved it, but it just wasn't my style, and can we please return it and get something just as amazing that fits me a little better?  My parents have always been great about that stuff though

KatyRoseM

Have you looked into taking them out of the setting?  It looked like that should work to me. 

becunning2

I only just got them last night, so I haven't yet, no. I do have a friend whose husband is a jeweler, so maybe he could take a look at them for me and see if it were practical. But he's NOT a rare coins person (fun word of the day:  numismatologist).

becunning2

And thanks for the shark teeth analogy, peek!

csousa1

Since you already told your parents you wouldn't wear them, I think it would not make much sense to wear them around your parents now. They will know that you are doing it to please them, and while I'm sure they will appreciate that you are trying to be sweet to them, it may just end up being a reminder to them that they spent $$$ on a present you found offensive.

I would not wear them, and look into having the jewelry settings taken off. If it is an easy enough fix, do it. Then you can show off to your parents what AMAZING coins they picked out, and gush about how happy you are that they were able to find them and that you can now keep them the way you want. My guess is they will be much happier seeing you get use out of a present they picked out, even if you had to alter it, than suffering through wearing it just to make them happy.

becunning2

I've told my parents I couldn't wear them last night, and I've been asked by BOTH of them today if I was wearing them or had tried them on.  

I've emailed a coin place asking whether it was "safe" to have a jeweler unmount them. I figured it'd be better to know that information.  But apparently I'm going to have to explain how I feel to my parents (fail) since they keep asking.  Many times.  In fact, my mom is threatening to post a goofy-looking photo of me unwrapping the present if I don't try them on and show them to her.  

csousa1

Ok, that changes things a bit.

What was your tone/phrasing when you told them you couldn't wear them? It is not very nice of them to keep badgering you about it when you already said you wouldn't wear them.

Do they have any idea how you feel about Roman jewelry being mounted, or did your saying you couldn't wear it come off in a different manner? Would they be terribly offended to know how you do feel? I know that my parents would be interested to learn about my opinion on something so close to my heart, and be very glad that I was able to do what I wanted with a gift from them. Would your parents feel that way at all?

becunning2

No, my parents were oblivious that I didn't like Roman coin jewelry. My tone was neutral when I said "I can't wear them."  And that's really all I said about it.

I think they would be really hurt since they were (1) so excited and (2) spent so much money on them.

I think once I know whether I can have a jeweler remove the setting, I think I will maybe gently tell them I'm having the setting removed so I can use them in class because that's what gets me excited about Roman coins--the history, etc., and that the jewelry defeats the purpose. That way I can treasure them and share them as treasures.

Daisy125

Awesome coins!

I'm really late to the party here but I saw your post in the open letter thread and you still seem really conflicted about this, so I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents...

Let me start by saying I am probably biased. I have a Roman coin set into a pendant that was the first gift BF gave me six years ago. It means a lot to me because he is from Rome and I was in college getting my fine arts degree (concentrating on Roman art history at that point) so for me the coin has a totally different significance. I understand why you have an aversion to Roman coin jewelry, but I wanted to give you another perspective to maybe help you feel better about keeping it as jewelry if you feel that removing the setting might hurt your parents too much...

I've lived in Rome for 2 years and I work with art history every day. Roman coins are not rare there. Like, at all. So don't worry that the jewelry is ruining important historic artifacts. You probably know that, but just reassuring you. Also, modern Romans use ancient Roman coins as jewelry all the time. They often see it as a way of connecting to their past, of paying homage to their ancestry. Thet's also how I see it- as a little, tangible piece of history I can carry with me. Because even though I'm not Roman I feel very connected to their history through the work I do and where I live.

I also honestly don't think the ancient Romans would mind. They were masters of reusing and repurposing things from the past- whether it was art they captured from foreign lands, deities they included into their religious practices, or even land (just look at how the city of Rome is built... when the street level would rise too much due to debris from flooding, the Romans would fill in older buildings with rubble and use them as foundations for new buildings, basically building Rome on top of itself . Recycling at its best). Repurposing materials has a long tradition in Roman culture. Maybe we could look at the jewelry as a continuation of that tradition?

I'm not trying to change your mind. If you can get the coins removed from the jewelry settings and just tell your parents how you feel, great! I just wanted to offer another perspective, so if you decide to keep it as jewelry maybe you can come to terms with it

becunning2

Daily, I'm not sure I've read another post by you before, but thank you for the input. I did know a LOT of that information, but it did make me feel a bit better.  Still not sure I can keep them as jewelry though.  I'll think about it a bit more.

Thanks everyone for giving me feedback.