Negative reaction to the date we set

Goldlie11

I've had a few people raise their eyebrows and make comments about the length of my engagement.  Since I'm a teacher, I want to do it in the summer when I'm off.  My fiance and I have no money saved towards our wedding.  Even though our budget is quite low in the wedding world ($10,000), we still don't have that money at the moment.  So, basically this summer is out.  Furthermore, I want to have more time to lose weight (yes, I"m vain).  

Seriously, our engagement will still be under 2 years.  I don't want to feel rushed into doing anything this summer.  Is that strange? Are we waiting a super long time?  

Ana_2985

I guess a lot of people think if you're not planning on getting married for two (or more) years than what's the point of being engaged now.  I definitely used to think this way.  But now that getting engaged/married is something I'm actually considering I've learned that there are reasons for having a longer engagements.  I expect we will be engaged for more than a year just because of school schedules and our families living in different countries.

So no, I don't think you're weird.  People will always have their own opinions, but I'm sure you won't let that bother you.

notquiteblushing

No in fact in the NYC area most weddings are planned 2 years in advance.  In fact, even in less swanky Upstate NY it takes about a year to get the date and vendors you want.  We will be engaged all told for 18 months before we tie the knot.  So far, after being engaged for almost a full year, it does get frustrating.  I just want to be married already!  But I don't regret having time to save up the money and getting the summer wedding that I want.

Anyone who rushes you just say "you wouldn't believe how much work goes into planning a wedding" or "I am so busy with school that I couldn't even think about planning a wedding for this summer" and go about your way.  But really they should MTOB.

maylane

I'm also a teacher who had a similar budget to yours  and also had to have a bit of a long engagement.due to these factors When we got engaged we didn't really think at the time exactly when we were going to get married. As a teacher, summer worked best for us and the first summer after our engagment was too soon for us to save as well. We didn't really start booking etc. until year before so it wasn't like it was 2 years of ridiculous wedding planning. You have to do what is best for you and your FI. Two years really isn't that long. The time will go by quickly and you'll probably find the planning process to be alot more relaxing.

KD+BC

Everyone has an opinion about everything. My friends are getting married mid-December and are both teachers. People kept asking them why they didn't just wait until the following summer to get married but they didn't want such a long engagement. Either way, someone will disagree. Do what works for you and come up with a good, shut-em-up excuse like, "I want time to lose the baby weight first" or "I 18 months to have meaningless one-night stands before I get married."

Button5807

Tell them you'd love to get married sooner if they want to foot the bill.

Hylmarey

I really LOVE Button's answer.  I'm in your same situation, I don't have the ring yet, but we are actually engaged, we decided first to get married next year, but then, when calculating, not the wedding, but about studies, getting a house and all that, we decided to move it one year more because it has a lot of advantages to wait until everything is in its right place, we are working hard to achieve our goals, but if everything isn't exactly how we want it in the due date, we will still get married (with or without wedding).  Yes, people reacts in a bad way to that, but I don't care, they will do the same if we marry in a rush.

katanne9

Who cares! BF and I plan to have short engagement and I'm sure that will raise eyebrows as well. A friend who had a short engagement said everyone was asking her if she was pregnant. (seriously?)

It's never long enough for people and it's never short enough for people.

If it works for YOU that's all that matters!

swim1011

I said exactly what Button said- that we have such a long engagement (22 months) because we were footing the bill.  And if they wanted it sooner, we would happily accept donations to the wedding fund.  It shut everyone up pretty quick.

noelle24

I'm in the same boat Goldlie.  FI and I will be engaged for 2 yrs before we get married.  When we first started telling people, the response was "Wow! That's a long time". 

I wish people would just STFU. On top of saving for a wedding, we have to save money for all the immigration crap we have to take care of for FI.  Which will add up to half our wedding budget!  I'm going to be graduating soon and looking for a job. I can't deal with wedding planning on top of all this, and where I get a job will affect things.  For this reason, we are still in the "well, we'd LIKE to get married in June 2011" phase. 

There are a couple people who stop and ask me about wedding plans every month or so, and it's driving me nuts. We'd love to be able to plan more now, but life got in the way.

Seriously, why do people care if you have a long or short engagement? How does it affect them?

*end rant*

oceana919

My cousin got engaged while she was in college, and by the time she gets married, they will have been engaged for nearly three years. Both her and her fiance wanted to wait until they were out of school and settled in careers they got married. A lot of people remarked that their engagement was ridiculously long when they first started telling people, but to be honest, it was perfect for them. It allowed them to finish school, start careers, and save up money.

You need to do what makes you and your FI happy. If people are going to judge, ignore the judgements.

Best of luck!

Goldlie11

Thanks, everyone.  Your comments really made me feel better.

Noelle, Im sorry you're going through the same thing.  

IrishLeahy12

I don't think your long engagement is a problem at all. My boyfriend and I are both teachers and the only reason we are not yet engaged or married is because we do not have the money and it is so hard to take a long leave from the classroom. We have decided that when we have the money, we will also be having a summer wedding.

 We have thought about having it in mid August, in New York we don't start school until beginning of sSeptember, so we could always have the time to take a smal anniversary trip before school starts each year.

Enjoy your time together and I hope this helped!