Not Engaged Yet

wow, i feel stupid...

even more stupid than when I  put palmolive soap in BF's dishwasher. i debated sharing this story because of how embarrassed I am, but hell, why not.

So... I almost joined the recent group of newly engaged ladies. Last week BF suggested we go to the community theater that weekend because a new show was starting and it was the last one out of all the tickets I bought at a benefit. I usually am the one to order seats when we go to the theater but I usually do it on the day of the show. It's just a community theater and it doesn't normally sell out unless its the Christmas show. Well we wanted to go to the Saturday show and by Friday when he realized I still hadn't bought the tickets he was kind of upset. I tried to call right then to get them but they were closed so I just figured we would get them before the show on Saturday. NBD as far as I'm concerned.

Also, my (single) friend was celebrating a promotion and I went out to the local bars which I very rarely do. I was having so much fun and ended up staying out til midnight then going to her house to hang out some more (we couldn't stop chatting!) until around 2 I realized time to go home (or to BF's house). Well he was pretty upset when I walked in the door at 2:20AM. He ended up spilling the beans that he had planned to propose at the theater the next day and that he didn't appreciate how I had treated the weekend (partying til 2 and neglecting to order tickets for the theater). Well then I was terribly mad that he had told me all this and afterall, how was I suppoesd to know he would propose? I had NOOO idea!

Talk about bad timing. The next morning was so akward. I was kind of hung over, which is just entirely out of character for me and he was feeling hurt too. The whole weekend was an emotional wreck. Then on Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon his family and friends were texting or calling all day trying to find out if I had said yes. He basically just told them that I couldn't get the tickets so he would have to try again.

We talked about it over the weekend, sometimes it escalated into an argument but ultimately we were able to forgive each other and admit our mistakes. He ended up buying me roses and chocolate chip cookies to apologize and I tried to put my mind out of it, but I have felt weird ever since. I'm not even upset that I'm not engaged right now, it's just how everything went down. Can anybody help me feel better? Has anyone ever had something happen with their SO that compares? I know a lot of people have been with their BF/FI/H a lot longer than I have so how do you get past something like this?
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Re: wow, i feel stupid...

  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Aw, bummer.

    Someday, when you guys are old and married, this will be a funny story for the grandkids.
  • edited December 2011
    Um, well, almost congrats?  I think it's awesome to know that it's coming soon and I totally agree with Elle - you guys will laugh about this in the future.

    I haven't foiled any of BF's plans (as far as I know, he doesn't have anything in the worksanyway) BUT - a quick story about his sister's "almost proposal."  She and her now-husband had been dating for two-ish years at the time.  They went to dinner and, in her words, she was being bitchy.  She basically told her now-husband that it was time to sh*t or get off the pot!!  Well, he had been planning to propose that night and instead, they got in an argument and he waited another few months before actually proposing.
    I try to keep that story in mind any time I think BSC-ness might invade, especially on fun nights/days with BF!! 
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Eh, don't feel stupid.  Seriously, life happens.  I think the fact that you guys got through it is better.  I'm sure my ex would have flipped shiit if I'd ruined the proposal.

    And I totally giggled at your story.  I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person, but whatevs.  You have to find the humor in it.  Life is too long to take it so seriously.  It's one moment that got messed up.  It doesn't define the rest of your life.
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-feel-stupid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cb5e4d2d-4199-4cd3-9d2b-35d4d02ea470Post:57e2a48c-dd6b-459f-bd5e-53ca79a9c9d4">Re: wow, i feel stupid...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eh, don't feel stupid.  Seriously, life happens.  I think the fact that you guys got through it is better.  I'm sure my ex would have flipped shiit if I'd ruined the proposal.<strong> And I totally giggled at your story. </strong> I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person, but whatevs.  You have to find the humor in it.  Life is too long to take it so seriously.  It's one moment that got messed up.  It doesn't define the rest of your life.
    Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
    Me too but I couldn't think of any good advice so I didn't post. 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • edited December 2011
    I ruined my ex's attempt to propose by buying myself the golf bag and golf glove with a hole for the ring (I wore another ring at the time) thathje wanted to buy and hide the ring in. Whoops. He ended up proposing at a Waffle House. Oh well, everyone laughs about it now and BF jokes that he hasn't proposed yet because he has found the right Waffle House. lol
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else, you will look back on this and laugh later.  It sucks but now he'll just have to come up with another great idea.  :)
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's definitely an entertaining story to tell the grandkids :)  Oh well, maybe next time (plusalso if he had planned this great proposal, he probably should have bought the tickets himself, I think.  Who knows?)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree that he should have bought the tickets if he wanted to make sure it would happen, but maybe he thought that would look suspicious.

    But I agree that it may seem like a huge deal now, but in a month, it won't. You will be able to laugh about it and whatever he plans for your next proposal will be just wonderful too!

    When FI proposed, he had the ring in his pocket ready to pull out and this girl came and sat down with her iPod and started smoking and almost ruined the whole thing, lol. I had no idea at the time, but he had to convince me to keep walking instead of going back for the parade thing and find another spot to propose. And he did. Little hiccups happen in life, but I think they give it more character. So don't feel too bad about it, because it's not a big deal in the long run. : )
    -Ely

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Wait - you didn't read his mind so you become the a-hole of the story? Am I the only one who thinks that's stupid? You better develop some psychic skills here or you're in for a long miserable marriage.

    If you were out shagging another guy that night and THAT screwed up the proposal, then yes, I can see being this upset. But you went out with a friend and didn't order some tickets? Your FI needs to grow up. He's acting like a spoiled child.

    Seriously, I know the truth is usually down the middle and mayble he isn't quite as upset as you portray here, but if he is.... wowza...
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, but I think yelling at you and telling you that you ruined his proposal was shitty of him.  You're an adult.  If you want to stay out until 2, that's your right.  If he had something up his sleeve and wanted you home earlier, he should've made up some lie about how he needed you back home. 

    Seriously?  Why not give you a curfiew while he's at it?
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with the last couple posters, that was not very nice of your BF to react that way.  If you want to let loose & celebrate something with your girlfriends you should be able to regardless of what he planned and especially because you're not a mind-reader.  How could you possibly have known?  If he wanted it to happen exactly as planned in his head, he should have gotten the tickets himself.  You should definitely not feel bad though because I honestly don't think you did anything wrong! 



  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't know what the hell was wrong with me last night.  But re-reading this, Shoes, RDR and Paintgirl nailed it.  
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry that happened, that sucks! It does seem like your BF overreacted a little bit, but those things happen. Hopefully it will still be coming soon =)

    My story: FI had been talking about engagement for awhile. Around the same time we started talking about getting engaged, he also started talking about trying to do a trip to Vegas at the end of this year. He thought he was super sly, but I noticed that the talks started around the same time. I randomly told him one day that I hoped he wasn't going to propose to me in Vegas because it was kind of cliche (I know, I was being selfish). Well it turns out he actually was planning on it and was really upset that I ruined it. I felt really bad after that for saying something. But, it all ended up working out and he proposed in July on Mackinac Island.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Why the fvck didn't he just buy the goddamn tickets himself? If my BF EVER said something like that - "Well, I ALMOST proposed, but you misbehaved" - I'd tell him to shove the damn ring up his ass.

    Sorry, that kind of thing bothers me. I don't think you did anything wrong, and it was unkind of him to handle it the way he did. I hope you aren't too upset and don't make yourself out to be the bad guy in this.

    ETA: I just realized that absolutely none of that will make you feel any better. I do agree completley with Elle, that someday this will be a funny story. Maybe you still feel weird because you need to talk about it a bit more, and tell him you don't appreciate that he put his stress on you. I'm sure that's what it was - he was so nervous that he acted out unkindly. My BF has done that before when he is really nervous - it's not unforgivable. You guys should be right as rain soon enough, and be able to crack jokes about it.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-feel-stupid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cb5e4d2d-4199-4cd3-9d2b-35d4d02ea470Post:241c0182-9af5-4322-889f-4f87ba619924">Re: wow, i feel stupid...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait - you didn't read his mind so you become the a-hole of the story? Am I the only one who thinks that's stupid? You better develop some psychic skills here or you're in for a long miserable marriage. If you were out shagging another guy that night and THAT screwed up the proposal, then yes, I can see being this upset. But you went out with a friend and didn't order some tickets? Your FI needs to grow up. He's acting like a spoiled child. Seriously, I know the truth is usually down the middle and mayble he isn't quite as upset as you portray here, but if he is.... wowza...
    Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! This is exactly what I was thinking.

    OP, I think it was pretty childish of your BF to get upset with you for ruining his secret plans. Seriously? Shiit happens, and he needs to grow up and realize that this was in no way your fault, and you're not going to just be waiting around every weekend keeping your plans free just in case he has some proposal plan he might later accuse you of ruining.

    ETA: I do agree with PP that hopefully this will be a funny story in the future. But I also hope he acknowledges his role in it...
    PhotobucketWedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Reading this, I thought the same as others.

    Eff that sh!t.  He gets bent out of shape because plans that you did not know about got messed up.  If you want to plan something, then plan it.  And I stopped having a curfew when I graduated high school. 

    I'd be having a serious discussion about his need for control without actually doing crap.  I'd also have major issues with him being mad about any of it. 

    As far as feeling stupid, he should feel like a jackass. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker imageimageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah. Narwhal doesn't play those games. I would not be embarrassed. Except maybe about the fact that I was dating a child.

    If he wants you to follow his schedule, he needs to make the schedule himself. Poor planning on his part. Proposals have been ruined millions of times by life. That's what makes them interesting stories.
    Anniversary
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Gosh I'm sorry. It really sucks that he reacted that way. I understand that he was probably disappointed, but he handled it very poorly. I'm with the last few PPs - I don't really think this is all that funny of a story.

    The way you get through this is to talk to him. You need to explain to him that you are not a mind reader. If he wants or needs something from you, he has to tell you about it. I get that it was surprise, but he can't blame you for his not so well thought out plans falling through. You guys will be miserable if he expects you to always know what he is thinking.

    You also need to tell him that it was not okay to make you feel guilty about something you had no control over. You're allowed to be out until 2 if you want to be and you had no idea that you were "ruining" plans. He had no right to treat you that way.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Yaga who are you?!?!



  • edited December 2011
    I can understand him being bummed about his proposal not coming together as he hoped it would.  However, the way that he reacted and said you "ruined" it was ridiculous.  You went out and had fun and were hang-over, that should be the only reason you felt bad.  If you don't usually buy the tickets in advance and he really wanted to propose there then he should have taken the initiative and got them himself.  Also, if he was determined to propose he could have improvised and made other plans rather than get pissy.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • karlee4everkarlee4ever member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies! I have been reading everyones responses but i dont get much time to reply at work. I agree that it was selfish and not his proudest moment. Thats why i am upset about it. I have tried to consider it from both sides. He just reacted wrong and he knows and apologized. As for the tickets he was trying to be sneaky and it would have been strange if he got tickets since i have free tickets for the show. I just had to call and give them my voucher number to get seats. He got stressed out and when your gf of 2 years stays out til 2 am which she has never done in those 2 years i would feel upset. We both agreed we just need to handle ourselves more gracefully. I can be pretty btchy sometimes and i do expect to see me through it. I wish it all never happened but it did! I was just hoping im not the only one with unperfect happenings in my life.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards