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LDR and Relocating

So we all know that I am in a LDR - Missouri to Louisiana.  Obviously my FI and I want to get this relocation ball rolling, so I've been applying for jobs down there sporadically - I haven't gotten TOO serious on the job hunt because I'm waiting for my house to sell....but figure I might as well see what happens. 

Anyways, I guess yesterday it hit me like a brick wall...that I am REALLY moving to a whole new state!!  Yes, it is something I've always wanted to do - pack up and relocate; but now that it's here... I can't believe it!  I'm not worried about leaving Missouri, because I honestly don't have much of a family that I'll be leaving behind, but I will definitely miss my job and co-workers.  I'm wondering, for those of you who have relocated like this - how did you get through it?  Did you find a new job BEFORE you actually moved or did you just pick up and move?  I have definitely decided that I won't move until I have another job lined up - I am just way to terrified of not working!

Phew...okay.. I feel better now, I just needed to get that out! 

Oh, btw, I'm getting ready to make another trip down in 7 days!! Thaaank goodness!

Re: LDR and Relocating

  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i've been through this several times , and now for the last time thankfully! The hardest part is not getting discoruaged. Jobs are tough for everyone to find and it's very easy to get discouraged and even depressed as life dictates we must work to make money to survive. Best thing you can do is apply everywhere , be open to anything and willing to make things work .and then focus more on what you really want as you get settled. For me leaving home was Florida but it never was home , no where evee has been as after my late mother passed i didn't have anything to leave behind.

    It's still a big deal and step and you may be surprised at the feelings you go through as it hits home. Just let yourself feel all these things but don't let anything overtake you too much. i did apply in California before i moved when i was on my visits to see FI , and even got calls back so you never know! For me , i can always find work even if its scrubbing toilets , if i am determined i will make it work - and i always have. Ideally of course finding a job first would be great and i hope that it comes easy for you. i have always packed up and gone , in some cases forced to but because i am stubborn have always found a way to make things happen. Just take a deep breath and take things one step at a time. :)
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  • bajedivabajediva member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i too will be be stealing wisdom from responses to this, i'm sure you won't mind, Jeter Cool. I absolutely *have* to wait until i find a job in order to move to be with BF, or get married first, thanks to the immigration hurdle. it almost seems a little backwards, but getting an awesome job *here* will help my efforts to move. i'm hoping the experience will help open my options for finding a job that's willing to sponsor me, or find a good job period if he asks & we get married before that happens.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for your input tafft.. Yes, I'm going through soooo many emotions and having a million things running through my mind of things that need to be done (maybe I need to make a list like everyone was talking about in that intro post from earlier).  Of course I'm willing to make any job work, but I'd really like to find one comparable to what I am doing/making now. 

    And yes baje, I knew you'd want to take advice from this post, as I'm sure paint will too since we're all in similar situations.  Although yours is a bit different because of the whole immigration thing...
  • edited December 2011
    Both.

    I just picked up and moved. I went home for two weeks and packed everything I could fit in my car and sent the rest to Salvation Army or my mom's house.

    However, I did manage to transfer within the same company. The day I got home, I called a location FI had showed me while I was visiting and flat-out asked if they needed an Assistant Manager or knew another store who did.

    I got lucky-- he needed me, AND he was an awesome boss.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I moved from OH to FL after graduating college six years ago. I accepted a job before moving. It was really hard at first because I don't have any family here, but after a few months things got better. My family and I worked out a schedule for who will visit where and now I feel like this is my home. With being so far away, the worst thing is that you can't just be right by your family's side when something important happens (happy or sad). It's definitely an adjustment!

    At least you'll have your FI by your side. :) When is the big move?
  • edited December 2011
    Dang Jeana, you did get lucky!  I wish I was able to do something like that...

    Jennifer - Luckily, I won't be leaving much of a family behind.  I will of course miss my brother and my nephews/niece but we'll be back to visiting a few times a year since his family is also up here.  Not sure on the big move, we are really hoping that I will have found a job and be moved down there before June - crossing our fingers!  He of course wants me never to leave agian when I go down next weekend, but we both know that can't happen, unfortunately. 
  • yellowroseFRAyellowroseFRA member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    After undergraduate, I moved to Germany with a suitcase and without any acceptance letters to grad school here (turned out they got lost in the mail - whew!) For me, the key was looking at it like a huge adventure, something I wanted to be able to say later that I had had the guts to do and not just think about. You could ask yourself, instead of how scary it could be when you move, how scary it would be if you didn't? I'm sure it won't be easy - I had some months where I had to pretend it was just a big trip and count the days to my next visit "home" - but once you have built yourself a life in Louisiana, you'll feel so strong and proud of yourself, and it will become home. And for what it's worth, I was born in Lafayette and lived there in elementary school, and I still miss the Cajun food and the funky Acadian culture - you will have funSmile
  • edited December 2011

    I don't really post much but this one caught my eye. I just moved from connecticut to washington state 8 weeks ago and I am still dealing with the difficulties of leaving everything I knew behind. Its not easy (or cheap) to get back to visit and LDR deffinetly suck. My boyfriends career field has an age limit (firefighter) and a 20 year retirement so he is unable to move out with me :( I am only here for a couple years to work on my PhD, but I have found getting involved in activies I did back home like horseback riding has helped my lonliness.

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  • edited December 2011
    I spent the first year I lived here holed up in our apartment when I wasn't at work. That was no fun!

    I have said it before, but I'll say it again-- VOLUNTEER. It's easy to get involved in, costs you nothing but time, and you'll meet people with similar interests! I love volunteering with animal rescue. It has made me feel great about myself and I've made quite a few fantastic friends.

    Aside from that, join a gym with fitness classes or pick up a new hobby. And if you find yourself near Baton Rouge and bored, let me know. We can go out for pizza or something!
    Anniversary
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just did this, but I don't really have much advice for you because I'm actually having a pretty hard time with it.  I love being able to see FI every day and I love the area where I moved to, but I DID leave a lot of family behind.  And all of my friends (who mostly are related to me too).  So at the very least, I think you're off to a good start if you don't have that problem.  It's also been hard for me to meet people here, but most people are more outgoing than me so hopefully you won't have that problem.

    The one thing I can think of is to make sure you do things on your own.  It is really tempting to just cling to FI, but I make an effort to spend some time by myself.  Even if it's just going shopping alone one day, I think it helps me learn the area and to keep my independence a little bit.

    Good luck!  Sorry the helpfulness to length ratio is pretty low on this post.
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  • edited December 2011
    yellowrose - Wow!  Now THAT is an adventure!  I'm just moving states away, but a different country!  That's pretty awesome.  And you're right, it would be much scarier if I didn't move.  Thanks for that thought.

    Jeana - Yes, I've definitely started thinking about things like volunteering and finding cooking classes or something that I'd like, and of course joining a gym.  I'm nervous about starting all over, because honestly I'm a bit shy at first and hate meeting new people. LOL   Oh, and yes, it would be awesome to get together once I'm down there!  I didn't realize it but BR really isn't THAT far away from Lafayette.  I guess I say that because I am so used to driving 65 miles to work each day up here.

    Ana - Thanks for you response.  Yes, the only thing I feel like I am leaving behind is my co-workers... I've been here for 7 years and have pretty much grown up around these women, so that's going to be hard for me.  I will definitely take your advice of not completely clinging to FI - I do still want to get out and do my own things once I'm down there.  I've kind of always been the type of person who likes a little "me time" every once in a while. 
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Jeter - I'm totally with you on crazy emotions. My house just sold about 6 months faster than we thought it would, so now we're deciding if we stick with the original "move here in 6 months" plan or if I move here now. (Work-wise and money-wise, there are reasons to stay in DC a little longer and get a small apartment.) And it's funny how torn I am on that decision. I LOVE being here with bf. But I also realized how much I will miss my friends, who are more family to me than my family. (I moved away from home 13 years ago and go back 3 or 4 times a year, so that won't change in anyway.)

    It is a stressful time for sure. If you have some savings (enough for at least 3 months of expenses) I'd say move without a job, but I've also delivered pizza at different times in my life in order to do what I want to do but still make ends meet. So if you're not a fan of pizza, waitressing, or Starbuck's, then you might want to be sure you have a job before you go. :) And look in to health insurance stuff. Could you get COBRA from your current job? Would you be able to buy insurance on your own, even if it's just "catastrophe" insurance until you find a job with benefits? Be sure to look in the state you're planning to move to. Medical insurance regulations vary widely from one state to another.

    I've moved a number of times. This one will be different. I think people meet new people at work, and go from there. I work for myself from home. The only people I'll meet at work are the retired neighbors next door! :) Bf is very concerned about that because I have so many single friends in DC, so I'm always out and about when I'm there. By comparison, it is very quiet here! Not bad - just different.
  • edited December 2011
    Jeter-- it's about an hour away. Not bad at all. You'll be in Baton Rouge at some point. Or we could always go play in New Orleans for a day.

    See? You'll be fine! How could it be so bad with such an awesome neighbor? Cool

    What kinds of things are you interested in? There are lots of animal rescue groups, habitat for humanity stuff, you could probably read to kids at the library, I don't know.

    Tons of opportunities here.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Yes Paint, I figured you would be dealing with alot of the same emotions as I am!  As far as health insurance, I'm sure I could do the COBRA thing, but that is SO darn expensive here.  I'd love to just pack up and move without a job, but I really want to be smart about it and try to have something lined up beforehand.  And no, I wouldn't be scared to waitress or something like that in the meantime, if I had too... Would just be nice to have the same sort of job I have now..

    Ah, Jeana you're SO right!  And a day in New Orleans would be a friggin BLAST!  I've actually never really been to New Orleans...  As far as interests, like I said, I'd love to find some cooking classes, or maybe pottery - I've always wanted to do that!  And I love your idea about volunteering at an animal shelter.  Also, I work in the hospice field and used to do alot of volunteering in the beginning so that may be something I look into down there as well.  I know that may sound a bit morbid to most, but it is something that I always had a passion for, as weird as it sounds. 
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Jeter - You'll be ok! :) Just keep coming back here to vent or panic. We understand completely. And my days of waitressing and pizza delivery are probably over. I would do it again if I HAD to to pay the bills, but I'm at a point in my career where I'd rather stay in my industry, so I understand that thought as well!
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    And hospice work doesn't sound morbid to me. I have friends who needed hospice at the end and I am eternally grateful to the people who are able to do that kind of work! It is very challenging and I am not built to handle it.

    (The only job I've ever been fired from was at a veterinary clinic. I bawled every time we put an animal down. They said it was hard on the pets' owners to have me crying too.)
  • edited December 2011

    I tell ya Paint, I would probably be a nut case by now if I didn't have you girls to come vent and freak out to.  Thank goodness you all know the right words to say to calm my crazy butt down.

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