Engagement Ring Rant

alanna91

First off; wahh. I like being suprised!

My bf and I have been dating for a little over four years, and he's planning on proposing soon. I know this because he let it slip that he was planning on proposing. Whoops.
I think I've been putting too much thought into what he's going to buy me. I would love to stay out of his proposal planning and be suprised, but he values my opinion? Am I thinking too much on the matter? I do that a lot.

1) We're college students. Should I really expect him to spend all that money on a ring? He could buy books...gas...food. But yet, I do want a ring...

2) Do I even want a diamond?! Of course, I've always thought "yes". Yet, recently I read an article on the horrors of the diamond mining industry. Do I really want to wear something on my hand that symbolizes pain for others? Is it selfish if I say yes? Ignorant? Are their CZ's that are truly up to par in elegance and quality to a diamond?

Maybe you'll all think I'm crazy. But, it would be nice to hear what you all have to say!

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_engagement-ring-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d1f01997-7e68-4823-86a7-5f962cf9630cPost:5b784f39-2016-4074-96a4-15113e5702a2">Engagement Ring Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]First off; wahh. I like being suprised!

My bf and I have been dating for a little over four years, and he's planning on proposing soon. I know this because he let it slip that he was planning on proposing. Whoops. I think I've been putting too much thought into what he's going to buy me. I would love to stay out of his proposal planning and be suprised, but he values my opinion? Am I thinking too much on the matter? I do that a lot.

1) We're college students. Should I really expect him to spend all that money on a ring? He could buy books...gas...food. But yet, I do want a ring...

2) Do I even want a diamond?! Of course, I've always thought "yes". Yet, recently I read an article on the horrors of the diamond mining industry. Do I really want to wear something on my hand that symbolizes pain for others? Is it selfish if I say yes? Ignorant? Are <font color="#ff0000">their</font> CZ's that are truly up to par in elegance and quality to a diamond?

Maybe you'll all think I'm crazy. But, it would be nice to hear what you all have to say!
Posted by alanna91[/QUOTE]

Um.  I can't help YOU figure out what YOU want. 

You are 20 years old, or going to be this year.  Just wait.  There is no rush to get engaged.  If you truly do want a diamond, then maybe you should wait until he can afford it. 

And if you don't want to be ignorant about a subject, this <font color="#0000ff"><u><a href="http://lmgtfy.com/" target="_blank">link</a></u></font> will help you.

Elegance is a new way to describe a diamond.  <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/5/d48d0ea8-1727-4415-a5fc-ae5c193c2988.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd48d0ea8-1727-4415-a5fc-ae5c193c2988', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/5/d48d0ea8-1727-4415-a5fc-ae5c193c2988.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd48d0ea8-1727-4415-a5fc-ae5c193c2988', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>

bethsmiles

I'm a college student as well and when my BF and I started talking about getting married and getting engaged we discussed how much each of us was comfortable spending.  We decided that we would ideally like the ring to be under $1000 because we don't have a ton of extra income and there are more important things that we would like to save up for.

For us this low price point is pretty manageable because I don't want a diamond. We looked into moissanite, asha, and CZ. Of those asha was my personal favorite although I know there are girls here who have moissanite rings and really love them. But eventually I decided that I didn't want something that looked like a diamond either. I've now decided on blue topaz. BF and I have looked at rings and most of the ones I really like are between $500 - $900 which is perfect for us!

As for being surprised, I love surprises and I want my proposal and ring to be a surprise. So I've told BF what I like and what I don't like and we've come to an agreement that we want to get married and have a general timeline that we've both agreed on. So now I sit back and wait. I have no idea when the proposal is coming or what ring my BF will choose and I'm super excited to find out!

jeanacorina

I think you're getting caught up in this, which is normal. Just smack some sense into yourself.

1) He shouldn't be spending his life savings or going into huge debt for your ring. That kind of goes for any stage in life. There are a lot of options. Compromising on one or two of the "4 C's" of diamonds can cut cost significantly. So can having a setting custom designed or shopping around for sales.

2) I'd suggest you do some research on diamond alternatives. I had Moissanite in mind for a while, which is not a CZ. It's a completely different stone that is essentially clear and is almost as durable as a diamond. Do a little research and ask around to see if another stone might suit you better.

It's perfectly okay to talk to your boyfriend about all of this. Many girls want to be involved in the process, and many want to be totally surprised. Most of us fall somewhere in-between. Talk to him and figure out how you guys want to go about this as a couple. You can know a few details and still be surprised. Plus, getting engaged is very emotional no matter if you know it's coming or not. You still get that "omg omg omg omg" rush, even if you know exactly what's going on.

Good luck.

Elle1036

You don't have to be a broke college student not to want to spend a large sum of money on a piece of jewelry.  My fiance and I could have afforded a diamond, but we didn't think that it was worth the price, so we went for moissanite and I'm so glad we did.  I wouldn't have minded a high quality CZ or a gemstone (I love sapphire and aquamarine) either, though.

If you really do want a diamond, you can find one that was mined and traded ethically to ease your conscience (but the price will still be artificially inflated).  Or, better yet, buy a diamond second-hand.  Check craigslist, pawn shops, and diamondbistro.com.  You can save a wad of money that way, and you'll know you didn't contribute to any practices you dislike.  You might not see the exact ring you like, but focus on the stone and you can always have it reset into a setting you like.

On another note, I actually agree with Mutley on this one.  If 91 is your birth year, I have to ask: what's the rush?  If you wait until you've both been out of school and working for a year, the ring will be much less of a burden financially.

loves2shop4shoes

I think there's a big difference between having preferences and expectations.

Figure out what your preferences are and discuss them with your BF.  Find something you both feel comfortable with.

desertsun

First you need to decide for yourself whether or not you want to have input on your ring. You need to know your own mind.

It's okay to want a say in a piece of jewelry that you will be wearing for the rest of your life. You just need to be able to TELL your BF that.

It's also totally okay for your BF to not be comfortable going shopping together.

You just need to TALK to each other about it.

leia1979

You don't have to have a diamond if you don't want. There are tons of alternatives. (And if you do want one, how about a second-hand one?)

Beth mentioned most already, but just to list it out:
Moissanite - Silicon Carbide, a very durable colorless stone (some can have a slightly yellow tint)
Asha - I think it's CZ with a special carbon coating to improve appearance and durability--their site only ever talks about the coating, not what's underneath
Lannyte - This is what I have, and I think it's just name brand CZ. The company will replace your stone if it gets cracked or scratched, and it's less expensive than Moissanite.
Other CZ - There are many other brands with varying claims and prices.
Gemstones - Colored stones are great, too. Sapphires are popular because they're very durable and come in a wide range of colors.

alanna91

Thank you all, that's exactly the type of help I was trying to get here. Most of you realized I wasn't trying to get someone to tell me what I want, but I wanted to get input and opinions.

I'll certainly be looking into Moissanite, Lannyte, and Asha. I thought I had done a lot of research on stones, but as far as engagement ring alternatives I normally ran into white topaz. The white topaz rings I saw seemed to be overly ostentacious and showy...but I'm know that's not characteristic of all white topaz rings.

As far as the age thing, I never really felt that we were rushing into anything. If everything goes the way we're planning, he'll be graduated in a year and I'll be commissioned in the Air Force in less than two. It would be nice to be married before I go active duty. It almost seems like our futures are rushing into us, rather than us rushing into our futures!! If the "Read Me" post on this board is right, it shouldn't take me more than a year to plan. I think I'm on the right track.

So again, thank you all for your help! As much as I want to be suprised, it's fun to look things up. And if he really wants my help in the matter, I'm OK with that.

leah726

I am in a very similar position, except HE wants me to be surprise and I don't mind not being surprised at all. I just want to be engaged!

However I respect and love that he wants it to be somewhat a special, romantic surprise and whatnot, but I managed to convince him to let me pick out the ring. Since I will be the one wearing it forever it was very important to me to have a say. We agreed on a budget of $600 or less and we met it perfectly. Here's a couple of tips I picked up:

1. Look at outlets, because they usually sell their jewelry for MUCH cheaper than they do at the regular store. I found mine at a Zales outlet.

2. Look in other jewelry sections (or give him the tip to browse other sections if you don't want to go). I found my ring in a "Right hand ring" section of the store. There are usually cases for "designer jewelry" or other such categories that you can find really lovely rings in.

3. Keep in mind that you can always "Trade up" later when you guys have more money. I have a friend my age (19) who just got engaged and spent $5,000 on her engagement ring! I think that's absurd at any age, but at 19 all I could think of was how much of that I could have spent on school or vacations or...anything else.

I know the last two ideas don't always strike girls who are really traditional about their engagement/engagement ring and a lot of girls really don't like the "Trade up" idea, but I think it's always good to mention this stuff anyway.

Anyway, I hope this helps! And congratulations! ))