Hi! And also a question about moving in together.

KelseyD207

Hello forever.

I lurk this board and I think this is my favorite of the special topics boards, so I thought I'd introduce myself. I don't really have much intention of getting married any time soon (though the manthing has said that if he likes it than he's gonna put a ring on it), but I work (very loosely) in the bridal world so I tend to find myself cruising the communities, and I inevitably learned I really like the groups here, even if I don't have plans for marriage myself.

I am, however, reaching an exciting point in my wacky relationship: the manthing is moving in with me in December after Christmas. This is both exciting and a little worrisome to me, because despite how long we've been together, I expect it's still going to be hard for both of us to adjust from a lifestyle of living alone to with a loved one. I have no doubts that I want to share my life with the guy, it's just trying to figure out how to adjust and get to the point where we're both comfortable.

Anyone have any advice or experience? I'd actually really appreciate hearing it.

SeaTea02

I have zero experience. What part of the wedding industry do you work in?

And what does "hello forever" mean?

Elle1036

1.  Make sure you establish, before he physically moves in, who is going to be responsible for what.  Who will do dishes, laundry, other housework/etc.  How are you dividing the bills?

2.  Maintain some boundaries.  Once you move in together, you'll be spending a lot more time together.  Make sure you still make time for your female friends, hobbies, all the other stuff you used to do.  Don't let your social life depend on his or vice versa.

3.  Go on dates regularly.  It's easy to forget about the importance of building your relationship once you live together, so please remember that you still have things to learn about each other and should still put the same amount of effort into it that you did before.

Good luck!

Beads921

Hi! Welcome to the board. BF and I are also not really looking to get married anytime super soon, but I also like it here. We've been together 3 years, and I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with him, but marriage isn't in the cards for right now. We did, however, move in together August 1. 

The experience we had moving in together was practically seamless. We had been together almost every day since the beginning of our relationship, so in that sense, there was no change. We also slept over on weekends and usually some weekends, so we were very used to sharing a bed, and waking up next to one another. It really doesn't feel any different to be living together than it did before, other than it's just simpler. We don't have to co-ordinate getting to one another's place after work/in the evenings anymore, for example. Sure, we have our quirks - I was a neat freak, and he's less tidy, for example, but after 3 months I've loosened up a bit and he's improved at keeping things neat. We have a schedule for house work - whoever cooks doesn't clean up, if we are both home Saturday morning, we clean the apartment, etc etc. Those types of routines can help make things run more smoothly. The biggest thing for us was me learning that it wasn't just MY space anymore, it was his too (since he moved into the apartment I'd be living in alone since February). We had to make some compromises on where things were stored and what the decor looks like (pictures on the wall, knick knacks on the shelves, furniture, etc). It had all been mine before, but now it is a combination of both of our things. We split all costs of living down the middle (half of the rent and half of the groceries each, he covers cable/internet, I cover hydro) and don't have combined finances.

I was super excited about him moving in until closer to the time it happened. Then I got nervous. Moving in together is a big step, and while I was still looking forward to it, I was afraid something bad would happen. Nothing bad happened though, and I think your worries are totally normal. It IS a big step, and one that can require a lot of adjustments.

I feel like this response is kind of disjointed - I'm listening to an online lecture for my class, so I'm only half with it. Feel free to ask more questions. You'll find a fair few girls on here who live with their BF or FI, and everyone's experience will be a bit different.

KelseyD207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:52d71e47-d3cb-40ca-af6c-aa3af627824b">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have zero experience. What part of the wedding industry do you work in? And what does "hello forever" mean?
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]


I work in bridal registry. I actually really love my job and it's the original reason I started cruising the site. When I took over, I wanted to make sure people who registered with the company previous to my arrival weren't having any issues and if they were, that they knew there was someone around to help them.

But, the more you start reading this website, the more it sorta hooks you in.

Hello forever is just a weirdism, I think -- gets tossed around between my friends and I.

Thanks for the advice thus far, everyone. It's been food for thought, especially the date nights. I hadn't thought about that, but I think it's a pretty keen idea. A year in and I don't think we've had one official "date", lol.

AudgiePodge

If I had a manthing, I'd get it neutered.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:6645381f-6fef-4e58-adb9-82e935fa9c87">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had a manthing, I'd get it neutered.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

SoBe.

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:6645381f-6fef-4e58-adb9-82e935fa9c87">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had a manthing, I'd get it neutered.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

<div>I ignored this (this being calling her BF her manthing). Thought it was odd, and ya, makes him sound like a pet (and also reminds me of Dr. Seuss' Thing 1 and Thing 2).</div>

deburnin

I think we're pretty abnormal in we've lived together off and on (in different ways) since we were 18. Moving in together permanently was pretty seamless for us. Moving into the house was much more stressful than the being together part.

I think the biggest issue is always chores and having your own time. When BF and I first lived together we started doing everything together and we went a bit nutso. Now we're getting back into our own hobbies. Having our own space and not having our hobbies packed in boxes also helps.

We also have a weekly date night. It's very important to me. No mater how crazy my week is I always look forward to those few hours of no work.

KelseyD207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:222e268a-dd90-4764-92b6-0e2514d966f5">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together. : I ignored this (this being calling her BF her manthing). Thought it was odd, and ya, makes him sound like a pet (and also reminds me of Dr. Seuss' Thing 1 and Thing 2).
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

Another weirdism from life, I suppose. Don't worry: I don't mean it derogatorily or anything. I just have a wacky sense of humor.

rxjen

 So if you work in a Bridal Registry ( which I assume you know you need pots to cook in,a bed to sleep in and a couch to sit in) why are you here asking about advice on how to put up with the manthing of yours in Forever?? I think you already have it down pat )

KelseyD207

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:8c7cb4b1-4385-484b-a836-4bb2619304db">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE] So if you work in a Bridal Registry ( which I assume you know you need pots to cook in,a bed to sleep in and a couch to sit in) why are you here asking about advice on how to put up with the manthing of yours in Forever?? I think you already have it down pat :))
Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]

Lol! Believe me, between us we definitely have enough "stuff". It's more that both of us have never lived in a permanent residence with a significant other, and I was curious how people adjusted to that change -- especially since I'm very natually independent and I like my space, that sort of thing.

Yeah, finding space for both our stuff is going to be an adventure though.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hi-also-question-moving-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d2868194-4c83-4f7b-a09f-352530751773Post:e269f652-265c-4e91-9bba-60f201a7a168">Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hi! And also a question about moving in together. : Lol! Believe me, between us we definitely have enough "stuff". It's more that both of us have never lived in a permanent residence with a significant other, and I was curious how people adjusted to that change -- <strong>especially since I'm very natually independent and I like my space</strong>, that sort of thing. Yeah, finding space for both our stuff is going to be an adventure though.
Posted by KelseyD207[/QUOTE]

Ooh, this is another good piece of advice:  try to have some space in your place that is specifically yours (there should also be space that is strictly his).  It may not be possible depending on the size of your place, but even something as small as separate bathrooms (a MUST for me) can help you maintain your sanity.

rxjen

Nevermind I throw in the towel, I declare this post MUD!

KelseyD207

MUD? I have zero idea what that means.

And yeah -- we had a gaming room in my apartment, but I've basically started clearing it out with the intention of giving him his own space.. I dunno if it's the best idea, but it's something.

Elle1036

MUD means "made up drama".  I don't know why Jen thinks this post is -- maybe she meant to post on the dress thread.

I think it's a good idea to give him the game room.  What abou you, though?  Do you have any of your own space?

KelseyD207

Oh, lol. I'm not sure how this is drama, but okay.

I haven't figured out how to have my own area yet.. my place is pretty small and I don't have much chance of finding a new one until my lease breaks in July. I mean, if our schedules work out so I have some time to myself during the day, I think it'll be okay for me, which I've already explained to him and he's more than comfortable with, but I haven't figured out how/if I'll need to make my own space.

I guess this is where the nervous comes in and less of the excitement, lol.

SeaTea02

Uh yeah, I am not calling this "MUD"

what on earth?

calindi

Kelsey, what Elle said is right on.  Communication is the key, and understanding that it WILL be an adjustment is a big step.  Don't be afraid to talk about things that irk you, like when he leaves dishes out or stuffs dirty socks in the couch.  Come to mutual decisions on what's okay - do you have to take shoes off at the front door, or can you walk through the house?  These things don't necessarily have to be set in stone before you move in together, but keeping open and easy lines of communication makes setting boundaries as you go a lot easier.  For instance, my boyfriend's work out clothes are gross and sweaty and stinky, so we've made a rule - I don't want them mixed with the normal laundry since my clothes end up smelling horrible, so we put a laundry basket in the guest bathroom shower and he keeps it all there.

Make sure you keep dating - it's easy to think just sitting next to each other on the couch is time together, but it's really not as valuable as time doing something together.  When we can't afford to go out, we play board games together or have a picnic in our backyard or something to make it a little different and special.

Make sure you maintain your own lives, but communicate about what your plans are.  Don't forget to hang out with your friends - just make sure the night you pick to invite them over isn't the same night he wants to have the guys over to watch the football game.  Again, communication!

Figure out finances - who is going to pay which bill, how are you going to split things evenly like groceries, toothpaste, etc.?  Figure out a system that works for you both.  If you need advice on that, the ladies on here all have their own systems that work for them and I'm sure would all be willing to give their positive/negative analysis of the system (for me, we have 3 accounts together and just move money around).

Oh, and Kelsey, you might want to make a new SN and come back.  Kelsey's not a very common name, RI is a small state, and I have a pretty good idea that I know who you are.  Do you have 2 sisters?

marleylikeair

Welcome, Kelsey! And thanks to PPs for their moving-in-together thoughts. BF and I recently moved in together (a couple months ago), and it helps to have some outside perspective!