Quitting your Best Friends Bridal Party (long)

katanne9

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I may delete this post in a few hours.


(sorry any late comers!)

jeanacorina

Well, if you already ordered your dress, you've done about everything she can reasonably expect. I can't fathom treating my BMs that way. All I ask them to do is order any knee-length Alfred Angelo dress in Violet, and show up to the rehearsal and the wedding. Anything extra is just.... extra.

When is this wedding? Close enough to tough it out? Did you already pay for the dress? I mean, it's really something only you can decide. She's being a total bridezilla, but she might get over it after the wedding. If you back out of the WP, you may never be able to mend the friendship.

How important is it to you to stay friends with her?

And why do weddings make some sane women go BSC?

katanne9

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Pirata13

Can you get the other girls together who are in the same boat as you and have a little "intervention" with her?  Bridesmaids do not HAVE to be at the shower. Did you post something about this over on (P&)E the other day?  If so, you definitely had enough backup over there that she is demanding things that are ridiculous. 

That is the only thing I can suggest, is to see if over the holidays or something you can all have a sit-down with her and explain that you understand why is disappointed that you all can't make the 7 hour drive, but that it's really not something you all can do.  But that you are all excited for the wedding weekend.  I don't know what else you can say to her except to grow the F up and quit being a nutcase who's going to ruin friendships.

Just know that it's really out of your hands. I mean, stand your ground about not being able to make the trip(s) due to finances and lack of available vacation days, and if she continues to be nuts about it, you just have to let it go.  I don't know that I'd be itching to maintain a friendship where one party is a nut and being unreasonable.

Pirata13

Oh, and I'd definitely say don't back out of the wedding. If she wants to get so nuts to "fire" bridesmaids, then let her be the one to sever the ties. If you want to maintain the friendship, stay committed to being in the wedding and being there WHEN YOU CAN. (Don't buckle to her demands).  If she does something worthy of ending the friendship, that's on her. As PP said, you have done all you should so far, and that is all she should expect. 

jeanacorina

I agree with Pirata. Get the other BMs together and try to have a heart-to-heart with her. Tell her you all care about her, but she's being unreasonable. It's her day, yeah, sure... but that one day doesn't give her the right to put crazy demands on all of you and basically throw out any concern for you.

Do your best, but in the end you just may have to let it go. She's not acting like anyone I'd be thrilled to have as a friend. It's tough to end a friendship, but sometimes you feel a lot better without a crazy, demanding person in your life.

pinkpinot

Kattanne - you can't delete posts anymore if people respond, you can only edit the content. 

That sucks! I wouldn't back out of her wedding party - who cares what people tell you - you need to call her & talk, regardless if you're allowed or not.

jeanacorina

You're "not allowed" to call her because if she "allowed" anybody but her MOH to speak to her, they'd tell her how BSC she's acting, and then she might have to grow the f up and act like a normal human being instead of a snot-nosed brat princess who needs her every whim taken care of.

Boy, do I sound bitter!

katanne9

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**Mutley**

I do not envy your position.  I would stick to what is best for your life.  I would call her around the holidays to wish her well and tell her you love her.  I would not mention anything wedding related.  From there, I would deal with issues as they arrive.  You are not required to attend the bridal shower.  It is a balancing act if you want to maintain the friendship.  If she is willing to let your friendship suffer because of little things, then I am not sure how good a friend she truly is.      

I am a MOH and had to ignore phone calls last week in order for me to not bite the bride's head off.  I love her.  She is my best friend.  But weddings make some people lose sight of what is important.  If she has another episode, I will be having a very frank discussion with her.  She already asked me for my #1 piece of advice and I told her to remember that nobody cares about your wedding like you do.  Nobody.  Seems as if I need to remind her of this.   

Ana_2985

I agree with everyone's advice.  Especially the part about just waiting it out and letting the bride make the decision to "fire" you, rather than backing out of the bridal party.  Regardless of how crazy she is, I know I would also wonder if I made a mistake and ruined the friendship and it sounds like you might be that way too if you still care about her after all this.

So just hang in there for now and know that you've done everything that you can do and should do and hopefully someone will be able to talk some sense into her before it's too late.  And don't let her guilt you into anything you're not comfortable doing!

katanne9

thank you everybody for your input!! i think a lot will depend on when I actually talk to her.

As promised, I'm going to remove my posts!

Thanks!

Acrosthec

Katanne I'm not sure how she did it, but Jaimelody over on our August board was able to DD her post about her bridesmaid.  You may want to message her asking how to do it if you really want to delete this.

And congrats on (officially) being my date twin!! :-)