Thanks

brittanbsmith

Thanks for the responses on marrying your first love!

MattsAnnie

If your not sure you should marry someone, you shouldnt marry them. It doesnt matter how many people you have dated or how few. Its not a matter of knowing a relationship is perfect its a matter of knowing you want to spend your life with someone or not. If your not sure you want to spend forever with him you need to think about the relationship. How old are you? Maybe your just not ready to think about being married in general?

Button5807

It's called 1st love for a reason, because there are supposed to be more after.You don't get a prize for marrying your prom date.

How old are you?

I am of the opinion that multiple relationship are required to make future decisions.

And yea it would be shitty to make him wait for you incase he is actually the one.

Norway_T

It's a good question. I am with my first long term boyfriend of more than a few months.
My bf had 2 or 3 serious relationships before me.

For me I know he's the one for me since day one.

I am glad I had at least dated a few guys before we got together and I am even happier I had some single years for friends, myself and adventure. (Adventure I mean traveling, ectera, not boys).

Sometimes, I wish I would have been single for longer or dated more before I met him.  But the thought quickly fades because I just KNOW that he is the one.

Not to say that there wouldn't be others out there for me. But I don't want to loose him, he makes very happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I can't tell you whether you should just know or not, but for me I knew and so did he.  But I think its different for everyone.

honeybee724

Well he isn't the first guy that I dated but he is the only one I ever thought about marrying- and I just knew it was the right relationship.  I agree though that you shouldn't get married if you have doubts that its the right person for you.

swim1011

If you have doubts, don't do it.  And how old are you?  I suspect you're pretty young if you have to ask.

I'm glad my first real boyf and I didn't get married.  I lurved him with all my heart, and we are still great friends, but we never would've survived a young marriage. 

brittanbsmith

Haha, just as a disclaimer-- I am not a teenager and I have finished college... I just happened to start dating late in the game [call me picky?].

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_marrying-first-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d5f222cf-b0f7-4d3d-b7b0-e9f6fca4550aPost:6a09aba3-e56a-4ca5-8c4e-b75f88cf0473">Re: Marrying your first boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have doubts, don't do it.  And how old are you?  I suspect you're pretty young if you have to ask. I'm glad my first real boyf and I didn't get married.  I lurved him with all my heart, and we are still great friends, but we never would've survived a young marriage. 
Posted by swim1011[/QUOTE]


THIS

katanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_marrying-first-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d5f222cf-b0f7-4d3d-b7b0-e9f6fca4550aPost:9de39d20-76fd-482c-9f33-7b9f8739f992">Marrying your first boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend and I are both in the same position: in a serious relationship with our first boyfriends, ones that could lead to marriage [now that we have been dating for a couple years my boyfriend has been talking about it]. This is a bit scary, as you may imagine, because you do not know what exactly is out there. How do I know if I am really lucky and found "the one" on my first try, or if I am just settling? Are you supposed to "just know," or is it normal to get these uncertain feelings in this situation? My boyfriend has dated other people before me, and it seems as if he is growing more certain day by day that I am the woman he wants to marry. I really love him, and at times we are complete opposites [I am much more spontaneous and adventurous]... but when it comes down to the necessities that you need in a long-term, sustaining relationship he's perfect. It seems cruel to ask him to wait and stay single for a while so I can date other people, and then take me back in case he was better than those I had dated... I wouldn't do that to someone. So are there many of you who have married your first partner? Are you supposed to "just know," or is it natural to wonder? When/how do you become sure? Is there such thing as a "marrying your first partner" support group/mentor? Haha. Just to talk through it. As much as I would like to complain about his superficial flaws, he loves me just how I am so I feel unjustified. I love him. Please feel free to share any "this is how I knew I wanted to marry my first sweetheart" stories.
Posted by brittanbsmith[/QUOTE]




Why are you posting on other boards about your "small wedding" and invitations if you're not engaged?




That being said, I just so happen to be my FI's first serious relationship. It's something in the beginning we talked a lot about, as I had been in 4 serious relationships. But, now we're going on 4 years and both feel very secure in our decision.

You, on the other hand, do not sound sure at all, which makes me inclined to say you both still need to work on a lot.

Ana_2985

I guess it's natural to wonder about some things.  You'd want to think about if you see yourself with this person through different phases or problems in life.

But in general I agree that if you have real doubts about it, then you probably aren't ready to marry this person.  I don't know what is normal, but I do know that I personally never "wondered what else is out there".  I'm sure there are lots of other great guys out there besides FI, but it doesn't matter because we are very happy together, our relationship works, and we both can imagine being happy together for a long time.

While I did have one relationship before this, it was not healthy and I did not love that person.  I never dated anyone else.  So, yes, in a way I am marrying my "first love" and yes I just knew without a doubt that I wanted to marry him.

jeanacorina

If you have doubts, don't get married. It's perfectly okay to wait until you feel more certain.

As someone here once said, just because a relationship is good doesn't mean it's THE ONE. You can love someone and still not be right for each other.

I am FI's first relationship. He was also "picky." We met 5 1/2 years ago, and it was really difficult at first because I fell for him very hard and very fast, but he was unsure.

I mean, I'd had several long-term relationships (I apparently don't know how to "date") and was even engaged once before. I've lived with other guys, I learned a lot about myself and about relationships, and I knew when I met FI that he was something awesome and special and I was incredibly lucky to have found him FINALLY.

He was terrified. LOL I'm a little overbearing in general. I can only imagine him with his little 5-year plan and his whole life mapped out and then along comes Jeana and rocks the boat.

He took probably a year to really let go and fall in love, and even then he was cautious about talking forever and marriage. This year, he was finally really completely ready. That was over 5 years from meeting to proposal.

DO NOT get married while you have doubts. But yes, you COULD marry your first love and it actually be the right thing.

But getting your heart broken is a valuable (although painful) experience. So don't rule out moving on to see what's out there if you really think you need to. Things will work out the way they're meant to, whether it with your current BF or someone you just haven't met yet.

Katyas90

My first boyfriend, according to people in our hometown, is now a huge crack head who refusses to move out of his parents house. I remember thinking, and even telling my friends, that we were going to grow up and get married. Thank God that didn't happen!

I agree with pretty much all of the PPs, don't marry someone if you have doubts.

That being said, my oldest sister married her first and only boyfriend. They got together at about 15 and got married 7 years later. She said she absolutely knew by the time that she was 18 that he was the one. It was really sweet, but I'm pretty sure most "first loves" don't end up that way.
Good luck, though.

KD+BC

I dated around before I met FI. He's my first seriously relationship and I'm 100% sure we should get married. If you aren't sure about marrying your bf, don't. A couple more years of dating and getting to know one another might be what you need. I have always loved my FI but 2 years ago I would not have married him because I would have been unsure about things. Part of that was I wasn't financially stable myself and still in grad school. I wanted to accomplish those things before I thought about marrying anyone. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I'm not ready." Please don't just marry this guy because you have a good relationship. Marry him if/when you are ready to commit yourself to your relationship forever.

GL

jeanacorina

WTF is up with the deleting lately? Why do people feel the need to delete? Do we need to make extra-sure we quote them from now on?

paintgirl

#1. Stop with the deleting already!

#2. I almost married my first love. More than a decade later, I met the love of my life. Thank GOD I didn't marry the first guy. Good man. Bad fit. If you aren't sure, there's no need to make a quick decision. (Is falling in love a decision? Staying in love sometimes is - haha - but...)

emarston1

I guess I'll throw my 2 cents in as well.  FI and I are each other's first relationships.  Sure, we casually dated a little before we met but it's really the first BF/GF relationship either of us had.  We started dating in college (at 19) and were together 5 years before he proposed.

Yes, it crossed my mind (and I'm sure his) about what other people were out there and whether we were really good for each other or whether we just didn't know otherwise.  I think its only natural to see what your other options are.  Over time, those thoughts just went away.  I am sure there are other great guys out there but I am happy with FI and I want to spend my life with him.

You don't have to make this decision right away (it's not like he's bought a ring yet...)  Just see where the relationship goes and see what your heart says (g-d that sounds corny...)  If you find yourself constantly wondering what other guys are out there, that tells you something.  But at the same time if you stop worrying about it, that also tells you something.

K2snowbunny

When FI and I started dating he hadn't been in any long term relationships before.  He said that he knew as soon as we met that I was the 'one' but I wasn't as sure so I dumped him because I didn't believe that he could know that without having something to compare it to.  2 years later (and a very long break) we were engaged.  I think what made it work is that he has absolutely no doubts.  There is no way I would be ready to marry him without the experiences I have had.  They taught me alot and made me apprerciate FI more.

emilykathleen511

I am marrying my first boyfriend. My FI had dated a little, but I was his first serious girlfriend. I was 16, he was 17. I can't say enough about waiting until you really know each other and how you work together. Our relationship was very unhealthy for the first two years I was in college. We were a little too "fused" and had some not-so-good patterns going on in our relationship. I finally said that I was going to end the relationship if we didn't go to couples counseling. We went to couples therapy for about a year and it was the absolute best experience of my life. We are much closer now then we ever were when I was sleeping in his dorm room every night.

It seems weird to me to think that I am marrying my "high school sweetheart" because we are both very different people and our relationship is very different than it was over 7 years ago. I always find it hard to believe that people can meet and be married in under a year, because it takes much longer than that to really know a person.

I am of the opinion that couples counseling is a good idea for anyone, especially if you have doubts. Trust me...it could help you two a LOT.

ekathleen684

I am my BF's first serious relationship and I only really had one serious relationship before him (Well, as serious as a relationship can be at 15). I didn't read the OP but I really don't think it matters if he's the first or 100th relationship. If you find the person you want to be with then just go for it. However, if there are doubts, I wouldn't jump into things and regret them later. Sorry I'm so vague but I'm only going off of PP's.

I see theres another E(mily) Kathleen, lol. I was so confused when I glances at the recent post and thought someone was on my name, LOL. HI EMILY KATHLEEN!

noelle24

Well, I COULD have had  a lot to say on this subject. I COULD have said a lot to help you think about your situation.

BUT SINCE YOU DELETED,  I have nothing to really go on, now do I?

Acrosthec

To be fair, Noelle, Katanne has gotten really good at quoting the OP.  ;-)

But your point on deleting still stands, despite Katanne's awesomeness.

noelle24

Haha, yeah, I realized that.  But you're right, I wanted to make a point about deleting.  What if katanne wasn't so awesome and didn't quote the whole thing?

oceana919

Whatever good advice I could have given you is completely lost now that you've deleted your original post because you (I'm assumming) didn't care for the non-puppies and rainbows responses you recieved.



Look, we actually created a new rule just for you. Congrats!