Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
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is it wrong? opinions needed

We are getting married at a justice of peace next Friday and having a small reception in september.  I have young children and would like to incorporate and them in a more traditional ceremony at the event in september.  SInce we would already married this would be just for show...would it be ok to then have my sister act as the officiant...perform the ceremony at the reception venue...any input is greatly appreciated!!!

Re: is it wrong? opinions needed

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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    You will have already had your real wedding this Friday, so I don't see the point in a fake ceremony just for show.

    If you really want to involve your children and have all your guests witness it, then why not just wait until September to have your real wedding? Otherwise, if it's important to you to get married this Friday (which is fine), stick by your choice and just do the party in September.
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    I've never understood the purpose of fake ceremonies or those trying to do two. I don't think I ever will.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wrong-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e8f33720-67f3-433f-bd60-87412e6f9981Post:b283b901-89fa-46b1-b457-8aec0d36d7db">is it wrong? opinions needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are getting married at a justice of peace next Friday and having a small reception in september.  I have young children and would like to incorporate and them in a more traditional ceremony at the event in september.  SInce we would already married this would be just for show...would it be ok to then have my sister act as the officiant...perform the ceremony at the reception venue...any input is greatly appreciated!!!
    Posted by elovesb24[/QUOTE]

    Why in the world would you have a pretend ceremony when you've already been married for over 3 months.  That's just absurd.

    I'm not a fan of involving young children in wedding ceremonies.  A wedding ceremony is for two consenting adults to make vows to each other.  Young children are incapable of understanding the importance or meaning of vows.

    I get that you love your children.  I get that you're becoming a new family.  I have children that I love beyond life itself.  But that doesn't mean that they should have been part of any other wedding but their own.

    If you want the children involved in your reception:  have a special dance with them at the party.  Have a family picture taken.

    But please, no ceremony re-creation.  There's just NO earthly good reason for it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I don't understand the point of having a fake ceremony.  you are getting married next Friday.  Leave it at that and just have your party in September.

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    The only point in having a second ceremony is if you're doing a vow renewal (which is usually reserved for milestone anniversaries or following some particular hardship you've gotten through) or if you did a secular ceremony and are now having it blessed and recognized by your religion.

    By all means throw a party in September, but having a fake ceremony would demean the very real vows you're taking next week.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I would do a vow renewal in Sept and have your sister oversee. Since it's nothing official, it doesn't matter whether she is ordained or not. But I would not pretend it's the real deal. I assume you have some reason for doing one this Friday and one in Sept.

    As for incorporating the children, maybe after you and your husband renew your pledges to each other, you could each make a pledge to them of some sort, or do something showing that you are now one family unit?

    I've mostly only been to traditional religious ceremonies, so I'm not to omuch help on the logistics.
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    AlbireoAlbireo member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wrong-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:e8f33720-67f3-433f-bd60-87412e6f9981Post:e602053d-9542-4d83-a5f6-8a0b7ca3ec2d">Re: is it wrong? opinions needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Young children are incapable of understanding the importance or meaning of vows.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]


    Thank you, I couldn't figure out what it was that I found creepy about this idea, and that was it. Vows are for adults. If you've been born into a family you shouldn't have to take a vow to reaffirm that you're part of it, and what if they decide when they're older that they don't like that you made them take vows?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wrong-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e8f33720-67f3-433f-bd60-87412e6f9981Post:e5c46f30-ae4f-4688-940c-b2318a7d48ba">Re: is it wrong? opinions needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think doing a second ceremony is pointless at all, and if you want to incorporate your children, by all means, do! This is your day. My husband and I got married by JP last December for several reasons, but could not have a celebration with all our friends and family at that time. We're planning a "wedding celebration" this summer, complete w/ ceremony, reception, wedding dress, etc. Everyone knows we're already married, but we wanted to share celebration (including the excitement/planning of the ceremony) with everyone. Ours will be a short ceremony with a friend "officiating", so I completely agree that your sister could be your "officiant". As for the children, they could be flower girls/ring bearers or something similar. Just be prepared that some people will not agree w/ your decision to do a second ceremony. That's their problem. Have the dream wedding you want!!
    Posted by climbmt26[/QUOTE]

    I agree with her.  Anyone who has children, would probably understand where you are coming from as well.  Marriage is not only about the unity of two souls but bringing together families as one. By no means is your "second" ceremony a "fake".  It's a time where you get to share a moment with the people you are closest to who were not able to take part in it the first time. Go with what you feel is right in your heart, not by the views of others. Best of Luck to you!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wrong-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:e8f33720-67f3-433f-bd60-87412e6f9981Post:470806fb-0e42-45a4-85ad-14e07d2aeb4e">Re: is it wrong? opinions needed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with her.  Anyone who has children, would probably understand where you are coming from as well.  Marriage is not only about the unity of two souls but bringing together families as one. Actually, most of the posters who are opposed to this DO have children. And, yes, I'm sorry but standing up and having a wedding ceremony that you have already had before IS fake.  It's not real because it doesn't make the vows anymore special to repeat them a second time.  Nor does it make you any more married in the eyes of any god or government agency.  Since that's the POINT of a wedding ceremony, going through the motions without achieving the goal of the activity is not authentic. 
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly.  A fake ceremony is a lie.  You would be lying to your guests when you go through the motions after you are already married.  You would be standing up in front of everyone, and taking vows that don't mean anything.  </div><div>
    </div><div>People with children should know that this is wrong, and frankly, I can't imagine the kind of parent that would teach their children that it's ok to lie and to have a fake wedding if you didn't like your real one.  Good parents would use this as a way to teach their kids the virtues of honesty, and maybe even that things don't always work out the way you want.  </div>
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