WR: Tacky or Not?

Stina51286

FI's sister set out a bowl at their head table and in order to get them to kiss, people were to make a donation to the JDRF Organization. After the wedding they wrote out  a check to them with their families names on it. (FBIL has juvenile diabetes).

Is this rude?

Just wanted to get some thoughts on this.

Elle1036

I'm sure there will be some differing opinions, but that wouldn't bother me at all so long as it was a cause that was close to the couple.

motoLyn

I agree, the money goes a cause close to their hearts.  Its not like its for their honeymoon fund.  And if people want to donate to see them kiss, I'm fine with it.

Stina51286

Hmm. I knew it turned out well and they were able to send a good sized check. I wanted to see what others thought before considering it for our wedding, but doing it for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society since FI's brother has lymphoma.

SKP82

I think it would have been more appropriate to ask for donations in lieu of gifts or to have donated the money instead of doing favors.  Seems like they didn't want to sacrifice those other things.  A wedding isn't a fundraiser.  LOL

Meh, whatever.  It's the guests' money and they can do what they want with it.  But, I would think it was odd.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Elle and Lyn. I don't think this is tacky since the money isn't going to the couple themselves. They didn't directly ask anyone for money...so anyone who didn't want to contribute certainly didn't have to.

SKP82

It's kind of crappy that they took the money from their guests and then wrote a check from their own account, which they can now claim as a tax decuction to a charity... 

The more I think about it, the more I dislike it.  I wouldn't do it at my wedding, personally (especially if my FI's sister had just done something similar).

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:e13aafc5-9ccd-48d5-be51-dd0d3318ce6e">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's kind of crappy that they took the money from their guests and then wrote a check from their own account, which they can now claim as a tax decuction to a charity...  <strong>The more I think about it, the more I dislike it.  I wouldn't do it at my wedding, personally (especially if my FI's sister had just done something similar).</strong>
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

Didn't say we were necessarily doing it. I was iffy on the thought when I heard she was doing it. We've had something else in mind for a while now that we'd probably do (not money related). I just wanted to know what people thought.

Thanks :)

motoLyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:e13aafc5-9ccd-48d5-be51-dd0d3318ce6e">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's kind of crappy that they took the money from their guests and then wrote a check from their own account, which they can now claim as a tax deduction to a charity...  The more I think about it, the more I dislike it.  I wouldn't do it at my wedding, personally (especially if my FI's sister had just done something similar).
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
 
I guess this is why I don't mind it.  I would have never thought to claim it as a tax write off.  We all have our opinions on dollar dances and as much as I think its tacky I still gave up money at a friend's wedding to dance with the groom.  So if I was at a wedding and saw something like the donate to our cause and we'll kiss I'll shell out a dollar or two or five depending on how festive I feel. 

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:cb23a186-f5e5-4eb9-8851-6d7c10c7f41f">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WR: Tacky or Not? : <strong>Didn't say we were necessarily doing it. </strong>I was iffy on the thought when I heard she was doing it. We've had something else in mind for a while now that we'd probably do (not money related). I just wanted to know what people thought. Thanks :)
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

I know.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:b1910caa-0ec4-4a08-800f-cc0421430692">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WR: Tacky or Not? :   I guess this is why I don't mind it.  I would have never thought to claim it as a tax write off.  We all have our opinions on dollar dances and as much as I think its tacky I still gave up money at a friend's wedding to dance with the groom.  So if I was at a wedding and saw something like the donate to our cause and we'll kiss I'll shell out a dollar or two or five depending on how festive I feel. 
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

Well, sure!  There are going to be people who will participate.  And there will be other people who think it's tacky.  If the bride and groom don't care that a few people might side-eye them, great!  They're going to do what they want, regardless of whether or not I think it's tacky.  :)

ravenray

I think technically it is considered tacky.  

 

That being said I am not sure how I feel about it.   I think I like the idea of it more for the dollar dance then I do for kissing.  But that is just me personally.  I don't think I would be offended.

Peaseblossom55

I think it's tacky I've never been to a wedding with a dollar dance or where donations were done in lieu of favors or even a jar as you mention.  

RWS2011

I feel like the intention is great and noble.  The timing just doesn't feel right.  However, you know your family and friends better than we do.  In some communities, it might go over well.  In others, people might be bumping into tables and knocking over center pieces from all the side eyeing.  

Personally, this is not something I would ever do.  Also, I would be slightly annoyed by feeling pressured to put money in because it is "for a good cause," when I would really rather just have fun and celebrate my friend or family member's wedding.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:8905d858-9796-4a8b-978c-526f0651bac4">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like the intention is great and noble.  The timing just doesn't feel right.  However, you know your family and friends better than we do.  In some communities, it might go over well.  In others,<strong> people might be bumping into tables and knocking over center pieces from all the side eyeing. </strong>  Personally, this is not something I would ever do.  Also, I would be slightly annoyed by feeling pressured to put money in because it is "for a good cause," when I would really rather just have fun and celebrate my friend or family member's wedding.
Posted by RWS2011[/QUOTE]

This visual made me LOL.

Simply Fated

I personally think it's super tacky. Maybe tacky isn't the right word... maybe inappropriate is the right word I want to use. A wedding isn't the right time to be hitting up people for money to a charity. It's no different than if the couple left a sheet for people to sign up for girl scout cookies their daughter had to sell.

Now, if the couple did something separate from their wedding for this organization I'd donate. But at the wedding itself? It's just bad timing, especially if you (they) tell me that it's an organization that's "close to the couple" because that's a guilt tactic.

Stina51286

Thanks everyone.

My initial impression when I saw the bowl on the table at their parents was WTH? Seriously? Once I saw how people reacted and that a lot were donating then I was interested to see what you smart ladies thought.

Our first idea was to have people sing a Frank Sinatra song since there is meaning behind it. So we will probably still do that.

buddysmom80

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:5471446b-5d89-43ed-9696-8e27383d4ec8">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally think it's super tacky. Maybe tacky isn't the right word... maybe inappropriate is the right word I want to use. A wedding isn't the right time to be hitting up people for money to a charity.<strong> It's no different than if the couple left a sheet for people to sign up for girl scout cookies their daughter had to sell</strong>. Now, if the couple did something separate from their wedding for this organization I'd donate. But at the wedding itself? It's just bad timing, especially if you (they) tell me that it's an organization that's "close to the couple" because that's a guilt tactic.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

No joke, my cousin did this at her wedding with her husband's niece. 

Where I'm from, there is nothing wrong with the dollar dances.  I've never seen the whole giving money to charity thing, but if the couple is writing a check it's a tax deduction.  Not cool.  But, I guess it's a regional thing or a newer thing since my mother and I were invited to a wedding where the bride and groom had a dollar dance and my mother was side eyeing like you wouldn't believe.  I asked her later about it and she said "when your father and I got married, we got gifts.  We didn't get money.  I didn't have a bridal shower.  I GOT GIFTS!!!"  LOL.  She had a little too much gin and tonic that night. 

That's like giving money at a wedding.  Once again where I'm from there's nothing wrong with giving the newlyweds an envelope with a couple of hundred dollar bills in them a la Goodfellas.  On the other hand, my friend got married a couple of years ago and her husband's family is from Ecuador and he said they will bring gifts to the wedding and not money.  She pulled some immature crap the made me side eye her.  She removed all the remaining gifts from her wedding registry so they couldn't bring a gift. 

I wonder if there's a way that engaged couples can take the money they budget for wedding favors into something charitable or would that cause side eyeing???  I have about a million of those heart shaped measuring spoons.  Nothing against them, just thinking out loud.

yogahh

You know that (stupid) wedding dance tradition....where you pay a dollar to dance with the bride/groom. Now, that is tacky!! Thats really a situation where the couple is getting gifts and money. Donating to a charity with personal ties, not so much in my book. I say go for it!!!

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-tacky-or-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d889dcd2-b597-4059-bd72-793c76c3614fPost:36fce1db-8a1b-4a57-a80e-ab9f9825ffdb">Re: WR: Tacky or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WR: Tacky or Not? :  I wonder if there's a way that engaged couples can take the money they budget for wedding favors into something charitable or would that cause side eyeing???  I have about a million of those heart shaped measuring spoons.  Nothing against them, just thinking out loud.
Posted by buddysmom80[/QUOTE]

My friends did a donation to the humane society they bought their dogs at instead of doing favors. On everyone's plates they had a print out of what they were doing and why.