Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!)

doubleSS07

Hi all

So I'm new to the knot, originally came on a couple days ago to do some research for one of my best friends' upcoming wedding in March.  I'm the MOH and wanted ideas on the shower, etc..stumbled across this message board and thought "hey that's me Not engaged yet!  Anywho

Back to the question:  I've been with the SO for just under 4 years, live together for 3 yada yada right.  I'm definitely anticipating the proposal as we have done serious ring shopping as of late.  My problem, if you can call it that, is that I have a close group of girl friends, all of which are recently married, recently engaged and or about to have the 1st baby.  A couple in particular seem to be asking just about every time we talk if anything has changed with respect to the possibility of an engagement.  I try no to get frustrated or too pissy because I know they mean well and they just want for me to be happy.  I've even asked to please stop bringing it up because it gets me all riled up about the whole wedding stuff everytime.  Now I'm getting comments though about how my SO is being selfish because he hasn't proposed yet, how its not fair to me, etc.  To be fair I do want the engagement (BAD) but I'm trying not to keep bringing it up and just let things be.  I'm sure they think they are being my cheerleader but I don't want to feel like I have to feel bad about the fact that my BF didn't propose in the appropriate time frame (whatever that is!)  Any suggestions on how to deal with these well meaning friends that are inadvertantly hurting my feelings by doing this all the time?  I don't want to get to the point where I'm so stressed about it that I just tell them to STFU already!!!   

Sorry so long! Holy cow

caitlin.cave

You can employ one of two strategies: bean-dip the crap out of them, or come up with sarcastic responses.  My favorites (compiled from the list someone made yesterday):

Why buy the pig when I can get the sausage for free?

We'll get married when you get a better hair cut.  We don't want THAT look in the wedding pictures.

As soon as a week goes by without someone asking me when we're getting engaged.

Here's the thing: if your friends knew how much stress it put on you to have them constantly commenting, I don't think they would continue to say it.  I don't think it is AT ALL selfish of him to want to wait until he's ready.  In fact, I think it is LESS selfish that way because he's making sure you can both proceed feeling totally happy about it and without any kind of hesitation when it does happen.

AnneR15

I probably would tell them to STFU already...

But seriously, Caitlin gives good advice. Change the subject and/or turn it back on them. Tell them every time they ask, it postpones the proposal by 6 months.

leia1979

I'd say to tell them it bothers you. If they're decent friends, they'll stop bugging you about it.

"Hey, friend, I know you're excited for me [or whatever is appropriate], but it bothers me that you bring this up over and over. I'll be sure to tell you if something happens."

paintgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_well-meaning-friends-longer-thought?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d8b022ba-26a7-4587-bfca-068dd132f558Post:c46b6802-9210-4c07-a8a3-3d319662ef7d">Re: Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Why buy the pig when I can get the sausage for free? Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]

YESSSSSSS!!! I want this to take over NEY!!! Use it. Live it. Love it.

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_well-meaning-friends-longer-thought?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d8b022ba-26a7-4587-bfca-068dd132f558Post:f83f6e5c-7f92-4ce0-98bd-45397ecd3b66">Re: Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!) : YESSSSSSS!!! I want this to take over NEY!!! Use it. Live it. Love it.
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

I love this too!  I will DEFINITELY be using that line.  I'm quite sure it will be to the horror of delicate sensabilites.  Thanks for the input so far.  I did tell the one friend in particular that I didn't really want to talk about it all the time but I think I need to tell her why this time since she didn't get the hint first time around.

caitlin.cave

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_well-meaning-friends-longer-thought?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d8b022ba-26a7-4587-bfca-068dd132f558Post:f83f6e5c-7f92-4ce0-98bd-45397ecd3b66">Re: Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Well meaning friends (longer than I thought!) : YESSSSSSS!!! I want this to take over NEY!!! Use it. Live it. Love it.
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

Yeah.  It's ridiculous that men get to make jokes about milk and such and we have no comparable food items.

(ETA: Since my FI is Puerto Rican, am I getting chorizo?)