Future MIL...

polkadot111

So, next weekend Jeff and I are going to a wedding with his family. It's a family friend of ours who is getting married. Jeff's family has a cabin in the town we're staying in, so I figured we'd all stay there. I was super excited. I thought Jeff and I would sleep upstairs with his brother and his gf and the parents would sleep downstairs. There are way enough beds, and that's how we've slept other times.  Well, today Jeff informs me that his mother is having me and Jeff's brother's gf sleep in a hotel together. She didn't even ask or anything- just told us that's the plan. I'm a little upset because Jeff and I have stayed there numerous times together, and now suddenly I can't even stay with him there. I think that Jeff and I are engaged and have been together for 4 years. They can't at least talk to us about the plans instead of just tell us what's happening? We're 23 and 22, not 12 anymore here. We don't need to be 'watched'.

Am I wrong to think this is dumb? I very well may be overreacting. If I am, tell me.

[Deleted User]

I would definitely have been miffed. Especially since you two are engaged and you've stayed together there previously. Maybe she's trying to make room for other family that's coming into town? Maybe there is another reason?

Regardless, I would have Jeff ask her about it. When it comes to family it's usually best to have him talk with his parents about what you two need as a couple than for you to get involved. Also, as your fiance, I think Jeff should be a little miffed about this too. I cannot imagine BF & I staying in separate places when traveling...and we're NEY.

SKP82

Maybe it's because of the other couple.  Have they slept in the same bed in the same house as your FMIL before?  Are they older or younger than the two of you?  Maybe she wants to set an example for them?

I would talk to her and let her know that you would like to stay in the same house as the family.  If it makes her uncomfortable, try to copromise on you and the GF sharing a room, perhaps?

But, yeah, I would have been kinda miffed, too.

cu97tiger

If anything, it should be Jeff and his brother staying at a hotel, not the two women. Have Jeff talk to her and mention that while you are open to the idea, the two of you don't really like to be 1) split up and 2) told what to do.

PaigeMcC

Is she paying for the hotel?  

Also, I'd talk to Jeff and ask him to talk to mom.  Get on the same page and explain to mom why you're not down on it, give some other suggestions and work it out.

csousa1

I'd be heated at the thought of being shipped off somewhere without anyone asking my opinion. I COMPLETELY agree with Tiger that she should send her sons to a hotel, if anything. What if you didn't like the GF? What is the mode of transportaion between the wedding/cabin/hotel? What if you felt uncomfortable in hotels you aren't familiar in? There is no way she should be making those determinations for you.

If she doesn't want the girls sharing a room with the boys, fine. Silly, in my opinion, since you two have clearly made your own choices about sex before marriage and stick to it out of what YOU feel is right, because you are ADULTS - but I suppose it is her house, her rules. She can say no if she wants, but should then give you options. The couch, another bedroom, or oh, here, I can pay for this lovely hotel if you ladies want to feel special and pampered for a night! She could have handled this in 958945 different, better ways, but she went with the disrespectful route that suggests she doesn't trust you guys. FMIL fail, IMO.

redheadtmk

I would be upset as well. Does she plan on paying for said hotel? I would absolutely not be seperated from my BF for any reason unless it was because his grandparents woudl not approve. Not distressing the elderly people who are important to you is the only way I would concede on this one. All other relatives can get over it. I would def have Jeff address this issue with his mom.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:da77deaa-c047-4228-87f4-705217faef68Post:5df56241-6649-4a40-9e27-95fe96cc2fc9">Re: Future MIL...</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you slept that way in beds with his MIL there before? Do you think that perhaps it is because all of her family will be there, and she doesn't want them to know that she lets you sleep together under the same roof when you are not married? (I know you are engaged, but many families feel that is disrespectful.) If this is a change from the norm when you stay with his family, my bet is that she is uncomfortable because other people will be around/her family might ask where you are staying. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Yeah, we've stayed this way lots of times. We don't sleep in the same bed with them there- we've always slept in different rooms. This is a major change from the norm.

polkadot111

Yeah, she's paying for it. I seriously was looking forward to staying with Jeff. Then I was told what to do. That is not acceptable, in my opinion. Jeff likes to keep the peace, and does what needs to happen to do that with his family. However, I think this is overboard.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:da77deaa-c047-4228-87f4-705217faef68Post:d4cdfe4c-2200-4610-ac2c-170d0bf46946">Re: Future MIL...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, she's paying for it. I seriously was looking forward to staying with Jeff. Then I was told what to do. That is not acceptable, in my opinion.<strong> Jeff likes to keep the peace, and does what needs to happen to do that with his family. However, I think this is overboard.</strong>
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]
If this really bothers you then you need to speak to Jeff and let him know.  And he needs to speak to his mother about it. 

jorja86

Yeah, I'd be pissed. More about the fact that she just decided on her own instead of explaining her reasoning to you or your fiance, and asking if that would work for you (I mean, you probably wouldn't have said "no", but it would have been nice to have the opportunity for input). I would have your fiance ask her about it, and say you were confused as to why arrangements were different than previous visits. He could also mention you are a little uncomfortable with the idea.

I really don't understand why she would have an issue with you guys sleeping in different rooms in the same place, especially is you've done it before. That's strange.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

[Deleted User]

heck, If I was Jeff, I'd be telling mom, "you know, mom, I think me and 'Polkadot' are going to stay at the hotel since it seems it's inconvenient to have the usual sleeping arrangements" and see what she says.

It's extremely rude IMO that she doesn't think you're mature enough to be involved in the decision making.