Ring Shopping: Did It Ruin the Surprise?

MeganAngela

Just a little backstory since I know you lovelies have been getting a spate of trolls coming through.  So, I have the weirdest NEY/Engaged story ever.  My guy and I started talking about getting married months ago.  Then the story changed from getting married to what being married would be like and we began talking about all the serious stuff.  At that time, we decided we wanted to be married to each other(yes, he even said so himself!).  We didn't have money for a ring at the time, so my guy got me a kitten as a sign of his commitment.  Like I said, weird story.  We call our new furbaby our engagement kitty!  

We told both his parents and mine that we are hoping to get married, and they were all so happy that they've helped us begin the initial stages of planning (i.e. why I have a wedding ticker with a date on it).  BUT, there was no ring on my finger and while we feel committed without a ring and our families recognize our commitment, we wanted to follow tradition when money was better and get a ring as a symbol.  So, now that time is here.  We went ring shopping, he got me to pick out two rings that I loved so he could choose one, and he's made it clear that he has saved up the money for the ring and intends to buy it soon.

So, my question is for all of those who are NEY/recently engaged (or already married, even), do you feel like ring shopping ruins the surprise?  I'm starting to feel like I shot myself in the foot or that maybe we shot ourselves in the foot when we got engaged without a ring in the first place.  I'm probably just making something out of nothing, but I thought it was an interesting question and wanted to get people's opinions and stories on it.  I'm so nervous about get this ring and him proposing (again!).  It's definitely good nerves, not run-away-red-flag nerves, but I feel like my anxiety level is going through the roof (yay for GAD!).  Is that normal?  Did anyone else who knew it was coming feel anxious and shout-it-from-the-rooftops-good nerves?

Thanks, guys!

bakes218

I went ring shopping with FI. We designed the ring together. Honestly, when he gave it to me it was such an amazing surprise that even though I had seen the ring ahead of time, it made no difference.

I don't wear a lot of jewelry so for us it was important to pick it out together to make sure I liked it. You will be wearing it for the rest of your life so it should be something you love.

I also think a ring does not always equal an engagement so I think it is great you two waited till it was a better time to buy a ring. Buying the ring in cash instead of payments is always a good financial move.

Congratulations and I can't wait to see a picture of the ring!

motoLyn

The ladies here will tell you that you don't need a ring to be engaged.  So no you didn't shoot yourself in the foot.  The two of you have decided that you are engaged, and your families have acknowledged it as well.  So when the times comes that he presents you with a ring, it'll still be special.  Kind of like the cherry on top of a sundae.  Congrats by the way.

loves2shop4shoes

You're already engaged.  There's nothing to feel antsy about.  He's going to give you a ring for symbolic purposes and will probably deliver it with a sweet speech.  That's all.

MeganAngela

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping-did-ruin-surprise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:db2ffa15-e9da-48bc-b217-7739250d5f3ePost:184c93e5-917b-49ab-b2ae-74b46ebfa705">Re: Ring Shopping: Did It Ruin the Surprise?</a>:
[QUOTE]You're already engaged.  There's nothing to feel antsy about.  He's going to give you a ring for symbolic purposes and will probably deliver it with a sweet speech.  That's all.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]
I know, I know.  It's just that the first proposal was so casual.  It was along the lines of "You know how we've been talking about getting married?  Well, this is our engagement kitty!" "Really? Okay!"  This one is taking planning and thought, and he's told me that he wants to make it perfect because I deserve it and he doesn't want it to be some old generic proposal.  I guess because he is putting so much effort into it, and I know he is worried about "getting it right" because he keeps telling me about his worries, I just feel nervous.  Nervous in a good way, but nervous.  Kind of like if someone tells you they have the best surprise ever for you, sometimes it will make you anxious to see it and know what is happening!<div>
</div><div>I'm glad to hear that ring shopping didn't ruin the surprise for people, though!</div>

Elle1036

I just messaged BF and told him I'm expecting an engagement kitten.  I love that!  And that will make a really cute story for the grandkids oneday.

I understand that you feel like you missed out on a big important moment because it was so casual, but BF and I pretty much did the same thing and even though it was casual, it was private and special.  We also shopped for and designed the ring together, and the hours spent doing those things with him I wouldn't trade for anything.  And, we'll still get to have our big, special, official moment when he decides he's ready to give me the ring.  So relax, you're getting the best of both worlds.

sunshineboots

I am glad to see the responses you are getting because my boyfriend and I are in the same boat. He asked, our friends and family are happy/ supportive and I am on TK wandering around for advice/ ideas.

I can't wait until that moment when he gets down on one knee but at the same time I was worried that by jumping the gun, we ruined that moment.

Glad to know that most think our time together will still be special. 

Good luck with you and your boy!

leia1979

First, I love the engagement kitten! Please post pictures.

Second, no, I don't think it will ruin the surprise. I'm sure he still wants to plan something special to present the ring to you. You may know it's soon, but you probably don't know what it will be. And even if you do, I bet you'll still be happy. 

desertsun

I think most girls on the board have a good idea when it's coming soon, but it doesn't make that moment any less special at all.

Just focus on WHY you want to get married, and don't worry so much about WHEN he'll do his thing with the ring. Just enjoy the anticipation!

jemmini6

I went ring shopping with my FI and I was still very surprised when he proposed and it was still very special.  I knew that we were going to get engaged, everyone else knew we were going to get engaged, so regardless of ring shopping or not, it's not like it was a total shock.  But I didn't know when, where or how he was going to propose.

He ended up proposing to me in Hawaii and just seeing him get down on one knee and hearing the words "will you marry me?" come out of his mouth is what made it special.  And I knew that I liked the ring, so I didn't even look at it, I just started hugging and kissing him right away

**Mutley**

I can say that without a doubt it does not.

We got engaged without a ring.  And there was no kitten.  We made a commitment to each other to get married.  THAT was the exciting part.  I had lots of happy, fuzzy nerves about that part.  I actually said that I did not need a ring because we were trying to buy a house. 

Then, we went ring shopping because he insisted upon a ring.  We picked out 3 settings together, and he chose the final one as a surprise.  When that ring came in, he pulled a traditional proposal.  We were house hunting.  I was facing one of our prospective houses and he was behind me.  He gave me a big hug.  I started walking towards the door and realized he wasn't following me.  I turned around and he was down on one knee.  He talked about how he didn't know where we would end up but that he could not wait to be married to me and to start our family.  He made a speech about how he was looking forward to all of the memories we would be creating together.  Then, he asked me to marry him. 

I was still very surprised.  I still cried.  It is still a very special moment in our relationship.

forthepocket

Me and my boyfriend went ring shopping and I picked out the one I liked. He hasn't proposed yet and I at first thought like you that it sort of spoiled the surprise but when I actually think about him getting down on one knee and saying the words I know it will be 100% special and then I'll FINALLY be able to wear the ring I picked out on my finger! Plus you don't know where or when he'll do it so there's a suprise in that as well