The Joys of Wedding Planning

[Deleted User]

It's been a wonderful first month of being engaged! FI and I are so happy and we've been completely spoiled with gifts and dinners out to celebrate with our closest friends and family. It seems so surreal* after all this time...but I'm truly thankful that we didn't rush things.

So now that we're actually dipping our toes into the wedding planning pool...I already feel a bit under water. Venues book over a year out? The wedding we want isn't within our budget? We have to decide between pleasing our families and pleasing ourselves? I hate to admit it...but those of you wise ladies who so often warn that wedding planning gets old - well, let's just say you're right.

I think once we pick a venue the rest will be fun. However...picking a venue is tough! Do we go with a place we can easily afford that we just like? Or do we save up and spend a load of dough for a venue we absolutely without-a-doubt love? How important is one day, really?

Like many other brides-to-be, i'm having trouble justifying the expense of a wedding. For what one day will cost...though it is an important day...we could put a down payment on a house, take a couple wonderful vacations, build up our savings for starting a family. I can't believe the average Colorado wedding is something like $17K.

So what do you ladies think? Would you go for it or would you be more conservative? How do you decide what an acceptable budget is for a large purchase? What factors weigh into your decision?

*corrected spelling thanks to Tiger!

Elle1036

Ugh. It really sucks when the excitement of the engagement wears off and the reality of planning sets in, doesn't it? Really, the answers to your questions depend on your personality and your FI's. If you go with a more practical venue, will you regret it later? FI and I were talking yesterday and we both still regret booking a cheaper venue over our dream venue. I also regret getting a more affordable dress than my dream dress. I can't say how some of my feelings might change after this weekend, but that's where I am now. Meanwhile, I know of several people who splurged and regretted it later. Just be honest with yourself about what you want.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:43d7a2c7-1679-4f15-8252-bfd7412493f2">The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]It's been a wonderful first month of being engaged! FI and I are so happy and we've been completely spoiled with gifts and dinners out to celebrate with our closest friends and family. It seems so <strong>serial </strong>after all this time...but I'm truly thankful that we didn't rush things. So now that we're actually dipping our toes into the wedding planning pool...I already feel a bit under water. <div>Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE] </div><div>
</div><div>lol, I think you mean surreal. I had to do it, it took me a minute to figure out what you meant! :)</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:43d7a2c7-1679-4f15-8252-bfd7412493f2">The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
<div>[QUOTE]Venues book over a year out? The wedding we want isn't within our budget? We have to decide between pleasing our families and pleasing ourselves? I hate to admit it...but those of you wise ladies who so often warn that wedding planning gets old - well, let's just say you're right. I think once we pick a venue the rest will be fun. However...picking a venue is tough! <strong>Do we go with a place we can easily afford that we just like? Or do we save up and spend a load of dough for a venue we absolutely without-a-doubt love? </strong></div><div>Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE] </div><div>
</div><div>It depends on the two of you. In the weeks leading up to your wedding, or afterwards when you're looking at the pictures, will you regret not having the place you love? What is truly important to you and your FI about your day? My DH was pretty set on the location, whereas I was pretty set on inviting my whole (HUGE) family. It meant we spent a bit more than we would have liked, but we were both really happy with our day. By the way, I'd have killed for a $17k wedding... those are pretty hard to come by in the spring in Scottsdale :)</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:43d7a2c7-1679-4f15-8252-bfd7412493f2">The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
<div>[QUOTE]How important is one day, really? Like many other brides-to-be, i'm having trouble justifying the expense of a wedding. For what one day will cost...though it is an important day...we could put a down payment on a house, take a couple wonderful vacations, build up our savings for starting a family. I can't believe the average Colorado wedding is something like $17K. So what do you ladies think? Would you go for it or would you be more conservative? <strong>How do you decide what an acceptable budget is for a large purchase?</strong> What factors weigh into your decision?</div><div>Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

</div><div>An 'acceptable budget' means something different for everyone. Do you two want to get married quickly? Or are you willing to wait a couple years and save some money? While I don't think TOO much importance should be placed on just one day, it is also the symbolic and literal beginning of your marriage, so I believe it's ok to save and spend on that day. Don't go into debt, don't make yourselves feel guilty about the amount of money spent, but also allow yourselves to splurge a little as it IS an important day.</div><div>
</div><div>FWIW - the budget stuff was the hardest for us. DH did not understand why we had a 10% 'miscellaneous' row in our budget. To be honest, I didn't either, I was like 'we have everything else listed on here, what else could we spend?' but we for sure spent all that miscellaneous money :)</div>

motoLyn

For Danish Man and I, we had to figure out what was important to us that we must have, the rest was up for compromise.  My dress was budget friendly sure there was my dream dress, but I didn't want to spend money on that.  Though the venue is gorgeous to me and was a MUST but to stick to budget I had compromise on other things.  Like floral, lighting and I had to give up my dream of hiring my dream videographer.  Danish Man and I agreed on a budget and adamantly tried sticking to it.  By golly we actually stayed pretty close to what we agreed on.  Elle had it right when she asked if you would regret it later.  In the end its about marrying your bestfriend.  The setting doesn't make your wedding its the couple that does.  Plus I have seen some wondrous transformations of venues. 

becunning2

I would regret blowing a lot of money on a wedding. I'd also regret not doing *something* special that I can enjoy to mark the occassion.  BF and I have talked more about weddings, and we are likely going to be the elope and then have a BBQ kind of people. Less stress, less mess. Now, if only he'd get around to asking!   

So, important question:  would having your dream wedding jeopardize your financial security? Is your dream wedding more important than other financial expenditures (like house/kids). Once you know the answer to those questions, you can better budget what you're willing to spend for the wedding.

Peaseblossom55

So what do you ladies think? Would you go for it or would you be more conservative? How do you decide what an acceptable budget is for a large purchase? What factors weigh into your decision?


Not engaged yet but we have talked about money and these big life events like a wedding and buying a house all coming up in the next year or two. We don't want to go into debt just for one day.  We discussed a wedding is just one day and we'd rather have more money to put into a house that will be around for awhile. 

Everyone has different budgets and different financial situations when they begin to plan their wedding.  For us we'll definitely set a budget and stick to that.  Since I'm not planning I don't know how I will feel when it comes to venue searching and choosing between the venue of our dreams or the one within budget.  So I most likely won't ever get to wear a vera wang wedding dress like I've dreamed about for as long as I can remember, and oh well.  The marrying my BF will be a far better reality than any dream dress IMO.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:cf28e79d-932e-4cfb-bdcc-16ff857204c7">Re: The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to The Joys of Wedding Planning : lol, I think you mean surreal. I had to do it, it took me a minute to figure out what you meant! :) Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

haha! I knew that was wrong...but I didn't take the time to go back and correct it. Thanks Tiger! Running off to correct now...

LilTexasGal

FI and I struggled with budget too. We knew we could really afford a nice wedding (above average for our area) but we didn't really WANT to spend all that money for one day, so we decided to do a cheaper than dirt wedding and realized that it would just be wasted money because we wouldn't be spending our funds wisely on things we actually wanted.

So FI and I decided to picture our dream wedding, and cut from there. What are things we could take away and not even notice or care about? Do we really need top quality invites? Could we DIY a lot of stuff? Etc. With that in mind we came up with a very agreeable budget, while still saving for the future.

For the venue we're going with a place that might not be the beautiful venue overlooking the lake, or the elegant old world theatre (because they were booked), but it isn't the tin barn across the street from the VFW hall. Well, not 100% certain, we're going to look at this place next Monday because our other option just booked too... yes over a YEAR out!

[Deleted User]

As usual, you ladies have some wonderful advice!

The most important things to FI and I are:
1. Staying within budget. Neither of us want any debt from the wedding day.
2. Beautiful, scenic photos (my #1)
3. Great food (FI's #1)

FI and I would both love to have a very small, intimate wedding. However, FMIL wants to invite everyone under the sun. Since FI's parents have given us a generous amount towards the wedding, I obviously feel the need to accommodate FMIL's guest list requests. I guess we just have to decide if we want to take the money and have a BIG wedding or not take the money and have the wedding we really want.

I'm more worried that if we do the wedding we want, I'll have an upset FMIL for years to come. If we do the wedding she wants, we can certainly afford it...but will I regret that? It's hard to juggle what you want against accommodating your new family. FI and I are on the same page...but this decision is a toughie for us. We're both from large, close families and we don't want our wedding to be a sore subject.

I've never been the type of girl to feel like a wedding is all about what the bride wants. I want our wedding to be a reflection of us as a couple...and I want to be able to include our entire families. At what point do you cut off everyone else's add-ons though?

becunning2

I think you can take people's suggestions... and they're just suggestions unless someone offers money and you take it. Can you do the wedding without FMIL's contribution? If so, say you feel best declining her offer, and then you can have the smaller more intimate wedding that you want. I can't imagine people getting hurt feelings when you say you want something small and intimate.

CASK85

DH and I, given the chance, would do our wedding the exact same way that we did the first time. We wanted to do things on the cheap. An average wedding in Chicago is over 30k and we did it for less than half that. We had a lovely venue that charged us very little for rental and delicious food that was reasonably priced. I DIYed a bunch of stuff, including the flowers and DH made the playlist. We had a tiny cake. I had a DB gown that was under $600 including alterations that I loved. We had a ton of fun and so did our family. We splurged on the photos and food (I'd say) and tried to cut out stuff we didn't think was necessary (STDs, DJ, expensive invites, floral centerpieces, favors etc didn't make the cut). 

Did I want to get married outside in a couture gown and have a specialty cocktail with fois gras appetizers, and the hottest DJ spinning for us? Sure, that would have been nice. But on the other hand, that sort of thing wasn't really our style. And we had a wedding that I think suited our personalities. I think that everyone should have that. . . be it "extravagant" or "simple" or somewhere in between. Ask yourselves what you truly want to have good memories of that day, and then make it happen.

I will say picking the venue was one of the hardest things we did, by far. So don't worry - it gets easier after that. 

And if you need advice planning a great day on a tight budget, I'd be happy to help and even send you my spread sheet  

ETA: neither of our families contriubuted much money, so we didn't really have to worry too much about what they "wanted." They weren't very pushy about anything anyway other than (strangely) some of the music choices. We did invite a few people MIL wanted but none of them ended up coming anyway. You two just need to decide what you want and present as a cohesive unit to your FILs.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:4e606b4a-7c1a-4f6e-b0fd-4884eded3c9e">Re: The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]As usual, you ladies have some wonderful advice! The most important things to FI and I are: <strong>1. Staying within budget. Neither of us want any debt from the wedding day. 2. Beautiful, scenic photos (my #1) 3. Great food (FI's #1) FI and I would both love to have a very small, intimate wedding.</strong> However, FMIL wants to invite everyone under the sun. Since FI's parents have given us a generous amount towards the wedding, I obviously feel the need to accommodate FMIL's guest list requests. I guess we just have to decide if we want to take the money and have a BIG wedding or not take the money and have the wedding we really want. I'm more worried that if we do the wedding we want, I'll have an upset FMIL for years to come. If we do the wedding she wants, we can certainly afford it...but will I regret that? It's hard to juggle what you want against accommodating your new family. FI and I are on the same page...but this decision is a toughie for us.<strong> We're both from large, close families and we don't want our wedding to be a sore subject.</strong> I've never been the type of girl to feel like a wedding is all about what the bride wants. I want our wedding to be a reflection of us as a couple...and I want to be able to include our entire families. <strong>At what point do you cut off everyone else's add-ons though?</strong>
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You should print this out and keep it somewhere handy, so that whenever a dispute arises, you can look back at it and remind yourselves what your day is REALLY about. You're on the right track!!</div><div>
</div><div>If you are thoughtful in where you cut the guest list, (like aunts and uncles only, no cousins, etc), I'm sure people will understand! They may be disappointed not to share in your day, but they shouldn't be offended.</div><div>
</div><div>When they directly conflict with the reflection of you as a couple. The big thing about wedding planning is that it really is the first big steps of you and your FI establishing solid boundaries around you as a couple. So each time you have to say 'no' to your FMIL, it's good practice for later on down the line!

</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:db9e59ed-6cf8-4152-8f9e-c6e95b7685f8">Re: The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Joys of Wedding Planning : You should print this out and keep it somewhere handy, so that whenever a dispute arises, you can look back at it and remind yourselves what your day is REALLY about. You're on the right track!! If you are thoughtful in where you cut the guest list, (like aunts and uncles only, no cousins, etc), I'm sure people will understand! They may be disappointed not to share in your day, but they shouldn't be offended. When they directly conflict with the reflection of you as a couple. The big thing about wedding planning is that it really is the first big steps of you and your FI establishing solid boundaries around you as a couple. So each time you have to say 'no' to your FMIL, it's good practice for later on down the line!
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

I really appreciate all of this advice Tiger! I think you make some wonderful points here. I'm going to keep this list of what we truly want close by, as you suggested. I think it will help focus our decisions and our spending.

lunarsongbird

Invite everyone your FMIL wants to invite...but have your wedding here: http://artandsoulphoto.blogspot.com/2010/02/jane-scott-eureka-lodge-silverton-co.html

It would be too "destination" for everyone to come.

Really- I just wanted to share pretty pictures with you and tell you that I adore you and your FI! YAY!

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_the-joys-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dce201d2-12e5-4ef4-8501-9b4fe78c0885Post:446fdd6e-c2f1-4341-be23-21d8cc0ff9c6">Re: The Joys of Wedding Planning</a>:
[QUOTE]Invite everyone your FMIL wants to invite...but have your wedding here: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://artandsoulphoto.blogspot.com/2010/02/jane-scott-eureka-lodge-silverton-co.html">http://artandsoulphoto.blogspot.com/2010/02/jane-scott-eureka-lodge-silverton-co.html</a> It would be too "destination" for everyone to come. ;) Really- I just wanted to share pretty pictures with you and tell you that I adore you and your FI! YAY!
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

<div>What a beautiful place! And, um, THIS is exactly how I pictured my engagement ring would look, if I designed it myself. I never imagined it actually existed! (This isn't totaly o/t, these are the rings from the people that Lunar linked to)  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div><div>
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</div><div>Allusive - glad I could help! I wish I could brain dump everything I think I learned during the planning process to help all of you engaged people out there!</div>