Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)

Cori10806

My boyfriend and I just celebrated our five year anniversary the other day, and we've decided to move in together. We were originally going to wait until his lease is up in December and move into a new apartment, but in order to save money, I'm just going to move into the apartment he's living in now. It's really small, but he's promised we'll be able to make it work. 

We decided to keep the December move in date so that I can save up some more money, as I'll be moving out of my mother's house to move in with him (I'm 22 and just finished college this past spring). But as we get closer to the move in date, I'm running into a few problems. 

#1, it's not coming soon enough. I was ready to move in with him years ago, but was told that as long as my parents were paying for me to be in school, I would live at school or at home with them. I find myself spending all of my free time (and a lot of time at work) looking online for stuff to decorate and organize the apartment, and I'm driving myself crazy. I'll leave work and start tearing up because I'm going back to my house and not his apartment. 

#2, my mother. She loves my boyfriend, but she's always been a little wary of our situation (he's 30 and got married and divorced very young). She thinks that because I was so young when we met I've missed out on some kind of huge life changing thing that you have as a single girl in college. When I was in college she even tried to tell me that maybe my BF and I should "take a break" and I should date some guys my own age. She has also been divorced twice and I think it's made her a little cynical. I keep trying to tell her that we are fully committed to each other and are planning on spending the rest of our lives together, but she just keeps saying things like "Yeah, well that's what we all think in the beginning." This conversation has been going on for years, and I don't know how to make the situation any better. She is also on a new kick now, saying that I'm trying to rush moving out because I don't like her fiance, who lives with us.  

Anyone else out there been through this or something similar? Any tips?

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:69c6a946-6139-4af7-91b3-6dc1f7bdecff">Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I just celebrated our <strong>five year anniversary</strong> the other day, and we've decided to move in together. We were originally going to wait until his lease is up in December and move into a new apartment, but in order to save money, I'm just going to move into the apartment he's living in now. It's really small, but he's promised we'll be able to make it work.  We decided to keep the December move in date so that I can save up some more money, as I'll be moving out of my mother's house to move in with him (I'm <strong>22</strong> and just finished college this past spring). But as we get closer to the move in date, I'm running into a few problems. 

#1, it's not coming soon enough. I was ready to move in with him years ago, but was told that as long as my parents were paying for me to be in school, I would live at school or at home with them. I find myself spending all of my free time (and a lot of time at work) looking online for stuff to decorate and organize the apartment, and I'm driving myself crazy. I'll leave work and start tearing up because I'm going back to my house and not his apartment.

 #2, my mother. She loves my boyfriend, but she's always been a little wary of our situation (<strong>he's 30 and got married and divorced very young</strong>). She thinks that because I was so young when we met I've missed out on some kind of huge life changing thing that you have as a single girl in college. When I was in college she even tried to tell me that maybe my BF and I should "take a break" and I should date some guys my own age. She has also been divorced twice and I think it's made her a little cynical. I keep trying to tell her that we are fully committed to each other and are planning on spending the rest of our lives together, but she just keeps saying things like "Yeah, well that's what we all think in the beginning." This conversation has been going on for years, and I don't know how to make the situation any better. She is also on a new kick now, saying that I'm trying to rush moving out because I don't like her fiance, who lives with us.  

Anyone else out there been through this or something similar? Any tips?
Posted by Cori10806[/QUOTE]

Your mother is right.  You don't think she is right because you are young and in love.

22-5 = 17
30-5 = 25

A 25-year-old 'man' dating a 17-year-old girl is disgusting.  I just don't see what you could have in common.  Even thinking about my husband at age 30 dating a girl in college seems REALLY wacko to me. 

If money is an issue now, wait until it is NOT an issue. 

What are you doing on TK?

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_introduce-yourself-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08787e48-8a3e-4792-8700-ef1d66b164fbPost:03f6fb74-54c9-499b-ae8a-311883f87db6">Re: Introduce Yourself Here!</a>:
[QUOTE]Screen Name: Cori10806
Age: 22 Significant Other's
Age: 29 What You Do: Finishing up my BFA in Theater, currently working at a YMCA
What SO Does: Sales manager for an appliance distributer
State of Relationship: No ring yet, <font color="#FF0000"><strong><u>but only because my mother insists that I graduate from college first (but that's only a few weeks away   ). We are definitely on the same page about marriage though. We've known we've wanted to get married for a few years now.  </u></strong></font>
How Long You've Been Together: 4 1/2 years
When You're Getting Married (if you're engaged): we're thinking spring 2014, b<strong>ecause we'll have been together for 7 years, and 7 is a lucky number </strong>
Fur Babies: A spastic but overly adorable 2 year old cat named Marguerite
Favorite Color: pink
Favorite Thing About Your SO: He is so genuinely loving and a wonderful friend. His laugh is infectious and his eyes are beautiful
 Least Favorite Thing About Your SO: He is just as stubborn as I am sometimes, and he tends to react to negative situations very quickly and very vehemently, and THEN takes time to sit back and think about things. 
Hobbies/Activities: acting, singing, dancing, reading, shopping, scrap booking 
Describe Your Personality: <strong>I'm a princess,</strong> but I'm very shy until I get to know someone. My friends say I'm a lot like Giselle in Enchanted
Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]): depends on the day and situation. Normally only about a 2 or 3, but I can go up to a 10
Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I love finding out trivia and random facts from movies. I am a huge vault of useless Disney knowledge. I love everything Disney. <strong>My BF and I are planning to honeymoon in Walt Disney World. (and I'm still hoping that maybe he'll pop the question there too  )</strong>
Posted by Cori10806[/QUOTE]

You are certifiable.  Also, if you are waiting for mommy dearest's permission to get married, you are too young to be thinking about marriage.  WTF. 

CASK85

I agree with eveything Mutley said. 

"I'm a princess."  <-- Who says that?!?!

[Deleted User]

I can't really comment on the age difference here. BF and I are 8 years apart...though we didn't start dating until I was 23 and he was 31.

I do agree with Mutley that if you aren't mature enough to make decisions on your own (ie: without your mother's OK), than you're probably not mature enough to be moving with someone or getting engaged.

Your mom is right, a person changes a lot from childhood (yes, that includes young adult college students) to adulthood. I am a very different person now than I was 5 years ago. I've learned how to support myself, how to pay bills, how to maintain a home and take care of a pet. These are all valuable life lessons. Once you are secure in yourself and your own abilities - THEN you are able to share a life with someone.

Although you may not want to hear it, you may want to wait a little while before moving in with your guy. (or at least wait on the engagement) As cliche as it sounds, you'll never get this time back.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:023c2019-a737-4219-b7dd-4c91d3e3554f">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't really comment on the age difference here. BF and I are 8 years apart...though we didn't start dating until I was 23 and he was 31.
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

THIS is completely different.  You were NOT potentially in high school, and had graduated from college (or were very close.)  Completely different situations!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yes, all of those !!! were necessary to emphasis my point.)

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:27472b7f-3707-4777-8fa2-696f7a4df228">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough) : THIS is completely different.  You were NOT potentially in high school, and had graduated from college (or were very close.)  Completely different situations!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes, all of those !!! were necessary to emphasis my point.)
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

I completely agree Mutley. I was out of college and thus making my points about living on your own for a time and getting your own life together first.

I never comment on age differences because I feel it would be hypocritical of me. I agree that it is wrong for a 25 year old man to date a 17 year old girl. However, she's 22 now so I was basing my comments on her <em>current age</em>. 

lunarsongbird

 

caitlin.cave

I think you probably did miss some college stuff because you were in a serious relationship by the time you got there.  I know I missed some stuff trying to hold up a relationship with my ex.

How many other relationships have you had?  Do you know how to have a disagreement without arguing?  Have you talked about money?  How about who will do which housework and how often?

thelamarrs

My mother is the exact same way! She has been married twice and has unfortunately had both of them pass. 

BF and I have been together for four years and she is constantly giving me a hard time about our relationship and how serious we are, how much time we spend together, etc. 

I've just learned to accept that she won't truly know how serious we are until we finally tie the knot, so I just let her talk and rant and reassure her that I'm very sure that I don't want to take any breaks or date any other men. It's a lot easier to handle if you don't let it get under your skin IMO.

Beads921

Eh, I don't get my feathers too ruffled over age anymore. BF's 19 year old sister is dating a 30 year old. They go to college together, so in many ways, they are at the same points in their lives (although it is a second career for her BF). They are a surprisingly good couple.

The problem I have here is that you're still allowing your mother to run your life. If you can't make decisions on your own, you're probably not ready to live with a partner. And if you aren't in a good place financially, you should probably stay living with your parents. Just saying. Wait until the end of December, and move into a new place together if you must. It's not that long. It's much easier to move into a new place together so it's your space from the get-go, rather than his space that you're just moving in to. 

loves2shop4shoes

Once again...Mutley FTW.

Seriously?  WTF were you thinking getting into a relationship with a grown a$$ man as a TEENAGER?

Pyscho...

peekaboo2011

I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread.

jedoublefdoubles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:deaba60d-8e96-40d4-9ac8-31e06e2698aa">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread.</strong>
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing. I'm a little (read: VERY) icked out by the fact that you were 17!!! Holy crap. I don't care how "mature" you were, that's just gross. Also, I think your mother was smart. Here's a man that married young and divorced young dating a young girl. Who's to say that had YOU married him young that you would not have divorced young.

I was really hoping this would be the thread where offer loads of wisdom but I think I'll just back away from the crazy.

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redheadtmk

I have to disagree with the statements about letting your mother run your life. It is understood on this site for weddings that he who pays has some say. The same thing applies to college. At least in my area it is not uncommon for parents to have certain stipulations about paying for college. They range from not living with your significant other, to no sorority/fraternity etc. Most of the time the "no living w/ SO" is to keep them in school and focused on graduating instead of getting a job, married too early or otherwise caught up in the romance.

Deciding to live at home and have your college paid for rather than taking on loans is a smart thing to do. Presumably you will be starting your married life debt free. The 25-17 thing is a bit creepy but that is in the past.Its been five years and you are still together so I will give the benefit of the doubt that this is an unusual case.

 As for missing out on college stuff, I would say that you missed being single and on your own. Which does not have anything to do with typical college stuff. I dont think the normal socializing, partying etc is for everybody, so I would not say you missed college stuff. However I do think it is important for people to live on thier own for at least a year before they settle down.

To answer your question, I understand you are antsy to move in but after five years what is another couple months? If it is easier financially to do it then, than that is the smarter thing to do. You already made wise financial choices by living at home, so no need to screw things up now. I would stop looking up stuff on line. Part of the fun of living together is picking out stuff together. Most guys are not that into decorating so once the two of you have picked the stuff he is interested in together, you can go crazy on line. Good luck

redheadtmk

*that was supposed to say the normal college paryting etc is NOT for everybody.

Cori10806

Wow... ok

Thank you to the people who commented in an nice and respectful way. Your comments were helpful. I know my relationship is a bit unorthodox, and thank you for looking at it objectively.

As for those of you who said a) my relationship was disgusting or wrong or something because of our age, yes, I admit that when we met I was young and he was older, but many couples out there are 8 or so years apart and just because they're over 20 no one says anything. If I had been 18 instead of 17 would you all be as disgusted?  If you had all fallen in love with your fiance or partner when you were a bit younger, would you have thrown away the greatest thing to ever happen to you just because you thought you were too young for it? There is nothing disgusting about love, especially considering that it was mutual and I was over the age of consent.
As for "still allowing my mother to run my life", I'm not really. When I was in college she ran my life, because she paid for my education. All of it. Didn't leave me with any student loans, and then told me that I could live at home rent free for as long as I needed to. I thought the least that I could do was respect her wishes and not move in with my bf until after I graduated. My concern now is that she's being insufferable about me moving out, not that she won't let me. I'm free to leave any time I want.
And as for  Mutley and the rest of you. Really? I'm "certifiable" because I like Disney and describe myself as a princess? I'm being big enough to admit that I'm used to being spoild and getting what I want. You're supposedly adults. Grow up. I hope you're raising your child to be a bit more tolerant of other people.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:be3bacbb-aad3-4bc1-b3df-0fd8ccabe9b3">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... ok Thank you to the people who commented in an nice and respectful way. Your comments were helpful. I know my relationship is a bit unorthodox, and thank you for looking at it objectively. As for those of you who said a) <strong>my relationship was disgusting or wrong or something because of our age, yes, I admit that when we met I was young and he was older, but many couples out there are 8 or so years apart and just because they're over 20 no one says anything.</strong><strong> If I had been 18 instead of 17 would you all be as disgusted?  If you had all fallen in love with your fiance or partner when you were a bit younger, would you have thrown away the greatest thing to ever happen to you just because you thought you were too young for it?</strong> There is nothing disgusting about love, especially considering that it was mutual and I was over the age of consent. As for "still allowing my mother to run my life", I'm not really. When I was in college she ran my life, because she paid for my education. All of it. Didn't leave me with any student loans, and then told me that I could live at home rent free for as long as I needed to. I thought the least that I could do was respect her wishes and not move in with my bf until after I graduated. My concern now is that she's being insufferable about me moving out, not that she won't let me. I'm free to leave any time I want. And as for  Mutley and the rest of you. Really? I'm "certifiable" because I like Disney and describe myself as a princess? I'm being big enough to admit that I'm used to being spoild and getting what I want. You're supposedly adults. Grow up. I hope you're raising your child to be a bit more tolerant of other people.
Posted by Cori10806[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Okay, hold on just a damn minute.  You walked onto a message board, didn't bother to *really* introduce yourself, and posted some crap about how "OMG my mom doesn't want me moving in with my BF, I'm 22 and blah blah blah and I'm a princess," and expected us to be all puppies and rainbows?  Clearly, you didn't lurk.  You should have.  That would be the cardinal rule of posting.</div><div>
</div><div>Secondly, let's talk about the bolded part.  The women on here (myself included) have a LOT of life experience.  Me, Mutley, and a slew of other women have been in relationships that young, and we know what happens.  So, you just need to get off your high horse.  I dated a guy who was 23 when I was 18.  He just turned 27 and I'll be 22 this year.  We were together for 4 years.  We were engaged.  And guess what?  We changed.  We grew apart.  And we broke things off.  So, you siting here whining about how your move in with this BF that you've had since you were 17 is ridiculous.  You want to know why we side with your mother?  Because she can probably see stuff that you can't.  Have you ever really asked her why she's opposed?  Try it.  You'll be enlightened.</div>

Cori10806

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:5ba9e41f-0962-48d0-95f5-7aa5fd2ade43">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough) : Okay, hold on just a damn minute.  You walked onto a message board, didn't bother to *really* introduce yourself, and posted some crap about how "OMG my mom doesn't want me moving in with my BF, I'm 22 and blah blah blah and I'm a princess," and expected us to be all puppies and rainbows?  Clearly, you didn't lurk.  You should have.  That would be the cardinal rule of posting. Secondly, let's talk about the bolded part.  The women on here (myself included) have a LOT of life experience.  Me, Mutley, and a slew of other women have been in relationships that young, and we know what happens.  So, you just need to get off your high horse.  I dated a guy who was 23 when I was 18.  He just turned 27 and I'll be 22 this year.  We were together for 4 years.  We were engaged.  And guess what?  We changed.  We grew apart.  And we broke things off.  So, you siting here whining about how your move in with this BF that you've had since you were 17 is ridiculous.  You want to know why we side with your mother?  Because she can probably see stuff that you can't.  Have you ever really asked her why she's opposed?  Try it.  You'll be enlightened.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>My problem isn't with people siding with my mother. I understand her concerns, and can see where they come from. I have talked to her about it. </div><div><strong>My problem is with people telling me that my relationship is "disgusting" or that I'm insane. I was asking for advice, and people attacked me personally. That is my problem. </strong></div>

loves2shop4shoes

Ok...you can't get the problem.

Imagine yourself in 3 years...dating a 17 year old.  Did vomit just climb up your mouth?  Yep.  That's what's wrong.

An 5+ year age difference isn't a big deal if you're talking about a 30 year old and a 35 year old because they're both adults who've established who they are and where they're going.

A 17 year old is not an adult.  A 17 year old still largely depends on his/her own parents to provide for him/her.  A 17 year old has barely established who he/she is and where he/she is going.  A 17 year old has never even been to college.

A 25 year old has (presumably) achieved all of the aforementioned life goals.  So if you think about it, what could the two possibly have in common besides sex?

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:be3bacbb-aad3-4bc1-b3df-0fd8ccabe9b3">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow... ok Thank you to the people who commented in an nice and respectful way. Your comments were helpful. I know my relationship is a bit unorthodox, and thank you for looking at it objectively. As for those of you who said a) my relationship was disgusting or wrong or something because of our age, yes, I admit that when we met I was young and he was older, but many couples out there are 8 or so years apart and just because they're over 20 no one says anything. If I had been 18 instead of 17 would you all be as disgusted?  If you had all fallen in love with your fiance or partner when you were a bit younger, would you have thrown away the greatest thing to ever happen to you just because you thought you were too young for it? There is nothing disgusting about love, especially considering that it was mutual and I was over the age of consent. As for "still allowing my mother to run my life", I'm not really. When I was in college she ran my life, because she paid for my education. All of it. Didn't leave me with any student loans, and then told me that I could live at home rent free for as long as I needed to. I thought the least that I could do was respect her wishes and not move in with my bf until after I graduated. My concern now is that she's being insufferable about me moving out, not that she won't let me. I'm free to leave any time I want. And as for  Mutley and the rest of you. Really? I'm "certifiable" because I like Disney and describe myself as a princess? I'm being big enough to admit that I'm used to being spoild and getting what I want. You're supposedly adults. Grow up. I hope you're raising your child to be a bit more tolerant of other people.
Posted by Cori10806[/QUOTE]

I plan on raising my son not to be a pervert.  It is PERVERTED for a man to have an interest in a child.  Yep, a 17-year-old girl is a child compared to a 25-year-old man.   And I would think the same thing of any supposedly grown a$$ man dating someone 8 years his junior who is still in college.  You could have been 20 and I would still find it off.

Age differences by themselves don't bother me.  My MIL and SFIL have 10 years between them.  However, they met later in life.  It IS different to have experienced life in terms of being a true adult by having a job and paying your own bills. 

So yes, I will be raising my childREN to not be tolerant of 'men' who prey on innocent young girls. 

You are certifiable because you have been planning on marrying this guy for years.  You are certifiable because you plan on getting married around your 7 years because 7 is lucky.  You are certifiable because you are NOT engaged and planning your honeymoon.  You are certifiable because when it comes to describing yourself to a bunch of strangers, you call yourself a princess. 

ajm0881

Ok.  It's time to set the record straight.  I am Cori10806's soon to be fiance.  I'd like to discuss a few things.

YES...we started dating when she 17 and I was 25.  YUP.  That's me.  If that makes me pervert so be it.  But you know something, love happened.  And not just a physical love...a soul filling love.  Something that I did not experience in my first marriage.  My first marriage was hell on earth.  And I know what you are going to say...I shouldn't have married her.  You're right.  I shouldn't have.  But unfortunately I had just failed out of college and my parents were not speaking to me so I moved in with her and just figured this is what I needed to do with my life. 

I don't even want to discuss her mother, or the fact that she loves Disney and princesses or her college life, or the fact that she mentioned she grew up spoiled.  I don't care about all that.  What I care about is how you people can absolutely SHRED HER APART for asking advice on moving in with me.  Really?  Are you all that thoughtless and cruel?  Do you know how HEARTBROKEN she was because of this?  Wow.  Great community board here.  I thought these forums were for people to give advice not to preach from their tiny soapboxes to make their shallow worthless lives mean something.

I GUARANTEE you that the love that she and I share is a deep, spiritual love that most of you think you have...but don't.  The love that you can stare deep into each other's eyes and know that you both were put on this earth for each other NO MATTER of age.  You can be silly and laugh at each other's jokes and still have that emotional time where she just sits in your lap and you stroke her hair or massage her feet because she had a rough day.   Our wedding will be a day filled with happiness and love.  You people on the other hand, well...I'm sure you are more concerned about your makeup and which shoes to wear for the reception and mindless garbage like that.  She and I can be married in a garage somewhere and we will still be happier and more content than you phonies.

I told her what I thought about this whole situation as she was crying to me this morning so I will share it with you.  I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK.  And neither should she.  You all are so quick to put down and make someone feel inferior just because she found love in an unconventional way.  As being perveted...well...aren't we all in someway?  Take a look in the mirror before you judge someone.  I bet that if I found things out about you all...I bet I can find things to make you feel horrible about.  But I won't.  I'm a Christian and I don't want my post removed here because I want all of you to read it from time to time as a reminder that  when someone is asking for help...give it to them...don't play God and judge people. 

Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I will not return to this message board.  I have said EVERYTHING that I intended to say.  So go ahead.  Call me every name in the book.   Tell us we are going to hell.  Call me a pervert or a degenerate..go ahead.  As far as I am concerned you people are scum and do not EVER need to be paid attention to. 

I apologize to the people who actually gave good advice.  This tirade is not directed towards you.  I thank you and so do my fiance.

Don't you worry.  Like I said.  Our wedding will be perfect.  The way my first marriage should have been.  I sure hope it either rains or snows on your weddings.  You deserve it.  I hope you get that dress of yours wet and muddy and it ruins your day and you end up crying on the dance floor because "your perfect day" wasn't so perfect.  Then maybe from under the 10 lbs of makeup and three inches of mascara you will remember what you said to this girl to make her so upset.

Good riddance.

ajm0881

and by the way...It's me FTW!

DEAD ISSUE.

Mutley...instead of flaming people on a message board...try something else to enhance your meaningless life.  Yoga...pilates...a high colonic.  A high colonic could help.  Would make you less irritable if you were more regular.  Just sayin.

leia1979

I dated a 28 year old when I was 18. It was wrong. I wish my parents had said something. He had a history of dating girls much younger than him so he could control them. I met his ex-GF in college because she was only one or two years older than me, and we went to the same school. Her story was eerily similar to my own.

Because of that experience, I fear for the girls on here who say they started dating someone so much older at such a young age. I'm sure not all guys are like that, but in general, I wonder what someone who's 21+ has in common with a high school student.

leia1979

Well, TK won't let me edit my post. I also wanted to add that I find it odd that you "tear up" because you have to go to your parents' house. When your parents are paying for your school or your rent, you follow their rules. Your mom sounds a little jaded, but from what you've written, I think she has your best interests at heart.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:9f1367c2-2d45-428c-999d-3cbffd27bbb2">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok.  It's time to set the record straight.  I am Cori10806's soon to be fiance.  I'd like to discuss a few things.

YES...we started dating when she 17 and I was 25.  YUP.  That's me.  If that makes me pervert so be it.  But you know something, love happened.  And not just a physical love...a soul filling love.  Something that I did not experience in my first marriage.  My first marriage was hell on earth.  And I know what you are going to say...I shouldn't have married her.  You're right.  I shouldn't have.  But unfortunately I had just failed out of college and my parents were not speaking to me so I moved in with her and just figured this is what I needed to do with my life.
 
I don't even want to discuss her mother, or the fact that she loves Disney and princesses or her college life, or the fact that she mentioned she grew up spoiled.  I don't care about all that.  What I care about is how you people can absolutely SHRED HER APART for asking advice on moving in with me.  Really?  Are you all that thoughtless and cruel?  Do you know how HEARTBROKEN she was because of this?  Wow.  Great community board here.  I thought these forums were for people to give advice not to preach from their tiny soapboxes to make their shallow worthless lives mean something.

I GUARANTEE you that the love that she and I share is a deep, spiritual love that most of you think you have...but don't.  The love that you can stare deep into each other's eyes and know that you both were put on this earth for each other NO MATTER of age.  You can be silly and laugh at each other's jokes and still have that emotional time where she just sits in your lap and you stroke her hair or massage her feet because she had a rough day.   Our wedding will be a day filled with happiness and love.  You people on the other hand, well...I'm sure you are more concerned about your makeup and which shoes to wear for the reception and mindless garbage like that.  She and I can be married in a garage somewhere and we will still be happier and more content than you phonies.

I told her what I thought about this whole situation as she was crying to me this morning so I will share it with you.  I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK.  And neither should she.  You all are so quick to put down and make someone feel inferior just because <strong>she found love in an unconventional way.</strong>  As being perveted...well...aren't we all in someway?  Take a look in the mirror before you judge someone.  I bet that if I found things out about you all...I bet I can find things to make you feel horrible about.  But I won't.  I'm a Christian and I don't want my post removed here because I want all of you to read it from time to time as a reminder that  when someone is asking for help...give it to them...don't play God and judge people. 

Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I will not return to this message board.  I have said EVERYTHING that I intended to say.  So go ahead.  Call me every name in the book.   Tell us we are going to hell.  Call me a pervert or a degenerate..go ahead.  As far as I am concerned you people are scum and do not EVER need to be paid attention to. 

I apologize to the people who actually gave good advice.  This tirade is not directed towards you.  I thank you and so do my fiance.

Don't you worry.  Like I said.  Our wedding will be perfect.  The way my first marriage should have been.  I sure hope it either rains or snows on your weddings.  You deserve it.  I hope you get that dress of yours wet and muddy and it ruins your day and you end up crying on the dance floor because "your perfect day" wasn't so perfect.  Then maybe from under the 10 lbs of makeup and three inches of mascara you will remember what you said to this girl to make her so upset.

Good riddance.
Posted by ajm0881[/QUOTE]


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In a way that is ILLEGAL in many states but who cares about that when you have a deep, spiritual love. 

I will continue to think that you are a pervert.  No normal <u><strong>man</strong></u> is interested in a 17-year-old.

I will also continue to tell the women who are preyed upon by perverts that that is what happened/is happening.  I will just let you think about what you might feel in the future when your 17-year-old daughter comes home and tells you that she is dating a 25-year-old 'man.'  If either of my children are ever in that situation, I can say without a doubt that it will NOT fly in my Christian house and it has nothing to do with judging.  It has to do with protecting my children while they are still growing up and becoming adults.  It has to do with knowing that a 17-year-old is not prepared to have an adult relationship with a 25-year-old. 

You can call it 'love.'  I call it sick and demented.  I call it you being too much of a loser to find a woman your own age. 

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-not-soon-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:de1658f0-a076-478a-b3c2-f236c0760921Post:0c95f1e1-f145-474a-bfc1-53deb42ad54d">Re: Moving in Together (Not Soon Enough)</a>:
[QUOTE]and by the way...It's me FTW! DEAD ISSUE. Mutley...instead of flaming people on a message board...try something else to enhance your meaningless life.  Yoga...pilates...a high colonic.  A high colonic could help.  Would make you less irritable if you were more regular.  Just sayin.
Posted by ajm0881[/QUOTE]

Yep.  I'm just sitting here with my meaningless life.  Woe is me.  My life is so meaningless that I am going to go cry to my <strong>husband</strong> about the mean things you just said to me. 


This is some good trollin'.   And if it isn't, then well...

AudgiePodge

If she is so "heartbroken" over what people say on a message board, maybe she should stay off the Internet so she doesn't have to call her fath.. boyfriend to come tell all the big 'ol meanies how perfect their relationship is. Right. Good luck you two.

CASK85

I just can't get enough of staring into my FI's eyes. . . we have such a deep spiritual love that nothing else matters but staring at each other. 

What horseshit! That is the kind of drivel that disney princesses peddle and make little girls believe. But, thanks for coming on here and teaching us all a lesson, dad.

peekaboo2011

If I popped on here and said "OMG guess what, I found me a high school junior to date", these women would be the first to have me arrested.

Thanks for the lesson, but, um, you two deserve each other.  You're both crazy.

Also, any man who signs up on TK just to "teach us a lesson"...there are no words.

leia1979

I remember another special snowflake whose BF made an account to call us all meany-heads. I never think it actually is the BF, though.

SKP82

Wow.