I Need Some NEY Love

loves2shop4shoes

Hey girls.  So, I'm going to be straight with you...I need some love and support.  I know I haven't been on here as much as I used to be, and if I'm being honest, it's because I'm sinking into a pretty nasty depression.

I left law school because I wasn't happy.  And I took a waitressing job because I needed to do mindless work that'd pay well.  And that was fine until September...once the kiddies started coming back to school I made ZERO money as a waitress.  Like, literally, I'd work full time for $200 a week.

So I stopped caring about my waitressing job and have been applying to other jobs since the first week in September.  I quit my waitressing job last weekend, after the wrote me up for walking into work TWO minutes late.  No, I'm not kidding, or exaggerating.  I was told that work was no longer a priority for me, and so they were writing me up.

I basically told them to eff themselves, the professional way, and quit on the spot.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT A JOB THAT PAYS ME LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE?

So, now I'm completely unemployed and desperately looking for work.  I have gone on interviews and then they either don't get back to me or say I don't have enough experience.  IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE, WHY ARE YOU INTERVIEWING ME...CAN'T YOU READ THE F*CKING RESUME I SENT YOU?!  STOP WASTING MY TIME AND MY GOOD PANTYHOSE!

I have a wedding to pay for that's 9 months away, and FI can't pay for our bills and our wedding at the same time on his salary.  I need a job.  Desperately.  And I can't find one.  And I feel like a complete and total failure.  I'm so ashamed of myself that I'm even at the place I'm at in life.

And I'm not speaking with my mom...mostly because she told me that she was disappointed in me for leaving law school.  Because that wasn't a hard enough decision, I need my MOTHER to tell me she's disappointed.

And I'm just over all of it.  And I need you guys.

Rant over.

loves2shop4shoes

Oh, and I didn't even tell you the BEST part of the story.  I applied to Sephora to get a job that would tide me over.  Because obviously, I'm obsessed with makeup and would be awesome at it.  They don't take me.  Instead they take a girl from my group interview that was sweet as pie and had an IQ of around 80.

You can't even make this sh*t up.

ravenray

Oh shoes!  *big hugs*  You are not a failure!  I want you to repeat that 3 times out loud.  I know you life is in a down slump right now but it won't be forever.  Keep looking for jobs.  Keep applying, keep looking.  Do you like kids?  Try care.com they are a babysitting/nanny site and you might be able to find something there.  You are awesome and someone will realize it.  We are here for you! Keep looking you will find something.  In the mean time please find something that makes you happy that you can do.  Paint, write, walk, or sing something.  It will help get you out of your depression.    And it blows that they wrote you up for two mins.  That and the job that they offered to the 80 IQ level girl also blows!   

CCO2012

HUGS! I'm so sorry shoes, that all sounds like no fun. I will keep you in my T&P and cross my finger that a job is right around the corner.

Now a little inspirational quote from a true glamour girl like yourself!

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
― Marilyn Monroe

leia1979

Hugs, Shoes. I'm sorry things are rough right now. I remember you telling us about Sephora. You were probably overqualified for that (which is a shitty excuse, but it happens).

I know it's really tough. I also got depressed when I could not find a job after college. Keep looking. Find networking events. Are you on LinkedIn? Some companies will post jobs there that aren't posted elsewhere. Do you know people who might help you get your foot in the door somewhere? How about a job in a law office to help you see if you might want to go back to that or not?

We're here for you! Rant whenever, and let me know if there's anything I can do.

Elle1036

I'm going to give some tough love here.  If it's a little too harsh, so be it.  I say this because I care about you.

Everyone goes through rough patches.  Everyone has problems.  Everyone feels blue sometimes.  I understand that you're just unhappy right now, but with the frequency of your negative posts lately, I'm starting to worry that your perspective is totally lost.

Today, approximately 40000 children will die of starvation.

33 million people are currently living with aids.

About 20,000 will die from cancer today.

15% of all Americans live in poverty.

If you're so miserable that you can't see how good you really have it, then you really are sinking into a depression.  And if that's the case, you need more than NEY vibes to help you.  I hope you can seek out what you need.

karlee4ever

Aw crap. I'm sorry!! Well first of all, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure that was a hard decision for you and your mom should realize that it was better to leave law school then go through it (energy, time, $$, obvious) and be unhappy in a career. That would be devastating.

With the holidays coming up I see a lot of places hiring... starbucks, jewelry stores, bath and body works, ulta, dillards. Just keep trying. Even though it is "mindless" and possibly temporary, it might help with some of the expenses and might be fun too. I have always wanted to work at a jewelry store.

Umm... and I once picked up a full-time nanny job when I couldn't find something after I graduated. That worked out awesomely. If you like kids....

Ooooh, maybe you can start your own make over business and I will be your first customer! Because I could use your help!

Try to chin up and I KNOW (from experience) that things WILL GET BETTER! They always get better!

Is there anything GOOD happening that you can focus on?

polkadot111

Oh shoes, I'm sorry.  Sounds like you've been having a pretty crappy few weeks.

Jeff and I were unemployed for so long, and we didn't know how we'd pay for the wedding. It sucked. But, you just have to keep truckin' forward and looking for work. Eventually something will come your way.  It is time for seasonal work now. Check out department stores. Even book stores. Are there any other makeup stores around you could apply to?

I'll be thinking of you.

tuarceatha

don't quit poem

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are HIGH
And you want to smile, but you have to sighhh...,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

--- unknown

This poem always seems to get it right for me.
Things will get better, Shoes.

SKP82

Oh, Shoes, I am so sorry you're going through this.  Try to remember that you will not be in this situation forever.  It's just a small bump in the long road of your life.  Things WILL get better.

*hugs*

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-ney-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:de50cf35-28e0-4e5b-bb0d-7db9ecf83821Post:69bbef3e-2363-4285-8a3f-cc7306bedd56">Re: I Need Some NEY Love</a>:
[QUOTE] If you're so miserable that you can't see how good you really have it, then you really are sinking into a depression.  And if that's the case, you need more than NEY vibes to help you.  I hope you can seek out what you need.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

And that is exactly it...Depression is a scary place. Sometimes it feels like you're slipping off the side of a cliff and there is not a darn thing you can do about it.

Shoes, there are some fabulous mental health services for any income level. I just looked some up for a student here that is so depressed just making the phone calls seemed too much. I can help you find these services if you'd like.

Also- I can review your resume- and practice some phone interviews with you if you're interested. What sites are you using to try to find jobs?

Have you worked with all the staffing agencies in your area? I think you are talented, educated and marketable...a temp agency should be able to place you.Want me to pull a list of agencies for you? 

Have you already reevaluated wedding plans? If you have- and still need everything you planned- that's alright- we'll need to find you a job ASAP. ;)

I love DOPA Muca and 5 HTP- I think they work better then most anti-depressents, but I know that you might not want to be putting money towards them, but for me...it makes a world of difference.

Let us know how we can support you.

AnneR15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-ney-love?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:de50cf35-28e0-4e5b-bb0d-7db9ecf83821Post:a500aa35-432d-4399-9de9-025efc892a20">Re: I Need Some NEY Love</a>:
[QUOTE]don't quit poem When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all u p hill , When the funds are low and the debts are HIGH And you want to smile, but you have to sighhh..., When care is pressing you down a bit , Rest if you must, but don't you quit . Life is queer with its t wi st s a nd tur ns , As every one of us sometimes learns , And many a failure turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out ; Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You may succeed with another blow , Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt , And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- It's when things seem worst that you must not quit . --- unknown This poem always seems to get it right for me. Things will get better, Shoes.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

I absolutely love that poem, because it reminds me of my childhood summer camp, which is the only place I had heard it before now.

Shoes, I was going to give you advice, but Lunar put it so well that I'll just ditto her. Please don't wait to seek help/counseling if what you're experiencing truly is depression. Heck, go talk to somebody even one time just to find out if that's what it is.

Know that we're all thinking of you and will be hoping for things to turn around really soon!

tafft1

I'm sorry things are rough , i'm sure the wedding stress even 9 months away isn't helping matters. It's a TOUGH job market out there. My co workers who have Bachelors and Masters degrees in Finance and Management and other fields have had to settle for jobs , not careers at our hotel , making considerably less than what their degrees would pay and I see them struggle everyday , and it's tough but they are doing what they have to right now basically.

I've been in that situation where I have been so desperate for a change - and I don't have a formal education , and I know I have no right to comment on that part of it so I won't - however there are ways to find work and jobs , it;s just very tough. It just might not be what you *want* to do , but it dosen't have to be , it just has to pay the bills for now , that's what got me through nearly 2 years of hell at JCPenney. Speaking of which , from the people Sephora hires , you aren't missing much and i'm sure you would have been a  better canidate though *hugs*

I know this may be a touchy sibject but have you considered pushing back the wedding or cutting back because it may just not be within the means as it is right now ? There is no shame in it if needed , just something to consider.

I know Craigslist was a saving grace for job leads for myself and indeed.com too. Wishing you luck with it all.

meamolly

HUG. I know things will get better. I am sorry to hear it has to all pour on at once. HUG

[Deleted User]

Shoes, I am in your same boat.  I cannot find a Bio job, so I've been applying like crazy to retail stores around me.  Like Liv suggested, Starbucks is a good place to apply at.  They offer health benefits to even part-time employees (and a free lb of coffee each week).  You can apply to up to four locations at once and be sure to call all those locations after you have applied.  I called one and have an interview on monday.  It is also within walking distance.  Do you live anywhere close to retail/restaurantish places?  I would love to get a job I could walk to because I would feel like I was saving a lot of gas money, on top of having a job. 

I totally understand the depressed feelings you are going through.  I cannot tell you how many tears I shed that I have to settle for some "high school job" with a B.S. degree.  It feels so soul crushing to have to go back a few steps.  My FI was really supportive and helped me feel better about it. The economy is awful these days, and a job is a job.  Look for something to hold you over until you can find a better job or figure out what you want to do with your education.  I am at a point where I want to change fields so I have no idea what I'm going to do about Grad school.  I need to figure out what I want before I can apply. 

As far as the wedding coming up, can you apply at wedding type places?  Getting a job at a bridal boutique may make accessories more affordable.  A stationary shop may score you super cheap invites.  Can you get a job at a florist, even if it's delivering flowers?

Keep your head up, lady.  I know exactly what you are going through right now, so PM me if you need to! *HUGS*

Peaseblossom55

hugs I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. I wish I had magic words, or cures to make you feel better or help.  Better times will come.

NurseyK

Ditto pp.

Hugs.

Keep telling yourself that you will get through this, because you will.

peekaboo2011

*hugs*

We love you Shoes.

csousa1

Oh my dearest Shoes.

If anyone here can say they have been there, I can. I live in the same area. I graduated from a similar college. I went on to get a couple of mediocre jobs, all of which I got laid off from because of the economy. And through it all, I worked at a Bertucci's near me, that wrote me up the day that I 1) found out my car was considered totaled after an accident, 2) found out my aunt had cancer and 3) got laid off from my full-time job, because I was absent-minded that day and wore the wrong shoes to work. I kid you not.

I was unemployed for almost a year (meaning I worked only at Bertucci's part time and collected unemployment), and during this time BF and I moved in together. We had to buy furniture, kitchen stuff, and save up for first last and security for our apartment. I use the term "we" very loosely, because it was all him. Once we moved in, he paid everything. Rent, utilities, everything. It was all I could do to pay my school loans and cell phone bill. I have never felt like more of a failure than I did at that time.

For me, I felt depressed but it turned out I was not sinking into depression for real. What I needed was to be more active. Once I threw myself into work and job hunting, I started getting more perspective on things. I think first things first, you need to get another serving job. Maybe it will only last a month or two until you find something more permanent that you want, but they don't have to know that. That will probably be the easiest thing for you to find fast, since you have the most recent experience in that field. Bust your ass there, and I promise you will start to feel better. It sucks, it's hard work, it isn't rewarding, but you will feel like you are contributing again and that will be huge. Try a different kind of restaurant, maybe one that not a lot of college kids go to, and you may find that you will make more money. Don't go to a chain, they suck.

In the meantime, pick Lunar's brain for the "real", full-time stuff that is more in your field. She is like the job-hunting guru of all time.

I am sending you tons of love, hugs, and vibes and hoping that things turn around for you big time. If you think it really is depression and not just a funk, then I agree entirely with everything Lunar and Liv had to say for advice. And we will all be here for you every step of the way, no matter what you choose. And you know I am right around the corner, if you need a friendly ear or a drink and a break from life, you know where to find me

loves2shop4shoes

Thanks for all of your kind words and encouragement.

Intellectually, I know that this is not the end of the world.  I'm not homeless or starving.  So, I'm trying to keep my head up.

Appropriately, I met with my psychiatrist this afternoon, who put me back on Prozac.  And I have another job interview tomorrow.  I'm hoping it goes well.

I talked to FI about the possibility of scaling back some things for the wedding.  I told him that at the end of the day, I'd marry him in a court house in a pair of jeans, and what matters to me most is the marriage and not the wedding.  He agrees, but is also frustrated at this whole situation.

I'll let you all know how the interview goes tomorrow.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

kellyt89

I'm sorry things are pretty awful for you now. The job market sucks.

Is there a way you could get an alumni list from your undergraduate school (or law school if you wanted? idk) of people in your area? My good friend actually got a job that way after looking for a few months. I think you'd feel better if you were in a job that was contributing financially that you didn't totally hate.

I'm glad you're in contact with a psychiatrist because you do sound depressed. Keep the lines of communcation with your FI.

I think I've said this before, but really applaud you for stopping law school when you realized it was making you unhappy. That was a really brave choice. Things will get better - you sound like a really smart, hardworking, thoughtful person and I know that you can make things better for yourself.

best of luck with everything!

desertsun

Here are some books that I have found helpful. Maybe one or more will be useful for you, Shoes.

http://www.amazon.com/Undoing-Depression-Therapy-Doesnt-Medication/dp/0316043419/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319216045&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Mind-Mindfulness-Behavioral-Psychology/dp/157224366X/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319216069&sr=1-5

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319216091&sr=1-2