Not Engaged Yet
Options

Would you do this or am I right she's BSC? *vent*

I have these 2 friends who are engaged. They are so messed up to begin with. She refuses to live with him, wants to keep her own apartment when they get married, separate bank accounts.... They have been together for a year and according to her sex turns in a fight and tears at least once a week... I dont even understand how..... :/

Fast forward to the engagement, he is my bfs best friend, he didnt tell anyone he was going to pop the question, the ring is so pretty, according to what BF told me it was a $9000 ring. Now this guy cant pay his rent monthly and is struggling to get his feet on the ground. So with his money struggles (he owns his own business and refuses to work for anyone) they decided to elope, both parents were fine with this, he said he buy her wedding dress. So I found out yesterday she bought a freaking $7500 Vera Wang for her to elope in.... she thinks this ok, Im sorry but am I the only one who wants hit her.... 

 Would any of you gals do this or am I over reacting to it? 

I can admit I reacted poorly to her telling me and I think I said something like "Wtf is wrong with you? Are you a fucking moron?" But come on she is a student and doesnt work!  
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Would you do this or am I right she's BSC? *vent*

  • Options
    Um yeah, if this isn't MUD, I'd say you probably could have had a better reaction, but it sounds like she's nuts. Let them make their own mistakes. If her BF isn't strong enough to stand up to her and tell her they can't afford that, that is his problem.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • Options
    You can't contol what others do, especially with how they handle their money or lack thereof. Refocus your energy elsewhere.
    I'm not good at feelings.

    image
  • Options
    I don't think it's any of your business how they spend their money.
    image
  • Options
    I wouldn't have talked to my friend like that for starters & as PP have said, you can't control what they do.  



  • Options
    It doesn't sound BSC, in the way we use it (preplanning, etc). He bought an expensive ring. Then she/he bought an expensive dress. Sounds fiscally irresponsible if their finances are how you say, but unless you've seen his bank statements you really have no idea. It just sounds like you're a bit jealous of the engagement before you, huge ring, and designer dress. It's their life, their marriage, their (possibly) bad financial decisions. None of these things involve you.
  • Options
    KikiMiraKikiMira member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    Their money became our business when her bf started borrowing money to pay his bills and a large loan from us to pay off his credit card 2 weeks ago. Saying he is setting up a budget and asking us for help. I did apologize for my reaction and she said I wasn't the only one who reacted that way. She asked to explain why i reacted like that. I did but didn't mention the loan thing cause I don't think she knows about it. I know I can't control others but common sense people use it!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I don't think it jealousy, there's 3 other couples getting married in our group. They all seem be budgeting and being responsible about. I want what's best for her, and getting eloped shouldn't cost more then a wedding, I just don't get her train of thought.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I'll tell you the first thing you should do, you and your BF ( or just your BF depending on if you've combined finances or not) whoever actually loaned him the money ( and that person only) needs to stop until he's paid it all back. I'd NEVER loan a friend any amount of money I'm nit willing to forgive as a gift. At least not without a notarized promissory note (it's the lawyer in me. I've seen waaaayy too many cases like this that don't end well). That person needs to sit down with dude and say, "I'm happy for you guys! I wish you the best! The elopement sounds like a wonderful, intimate event for the two of you, but since it appears you are back on your feet with the ring and the dress, I am going to need repaying on that loan either up front or on structured payments over a few months." this is a totally reasonable, adult conversation. If you weren't involved in the loaning I would go with your BF b/c it'll just seem like you're pushing him against his "bro". If it was your BF who loaned him the money, he needs to man up and get it back. In that case, you should be diligent about the loan anyway. But still, after you guys are paid back, it's still none of your business. It's their lode to sink or swim. You aren't her mom. You aren't their financial planner. Acting like you are all knowing and nitpicking at their finances will only make them withdraw from you and she'll pull away. Believe me. A persons financial life is gigot personal and a very, very touchy subject. Except for the loan it is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN! I don't know if you don't get that, or you don't want to. And yes, there should be a time limit on the loan. It's not a forever deadline. But you guys need to decide if you are willing to let it go should a deadline pass with no repayment or fight for you money and probably lose the friends. It's up to you. Other than that stay out of it.
  • Options
    Sorry for the spelling/grammar issues. I'm on my phone and it's a piece of sh!t.
  • Options
    Urgh stupid iPod deleted my response. Fair enough, I'm just frustrated that he spent the money onthat and not what he said. You make a good point danielka if he made the dress purchase he clearly on his feet, we will discuss re payment this week with him.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    It can be really frustrating to think that your friend is desperate for money so you help them out and then watch her spend several grand on a dress she'll wear once. Discuss a payment plan so they can reimburse you and don't lend them any more money ever.
    image
  • Options
    Do I think it was a wise financial decision? No. Do I think your mad as a wet dog because you're jealous? Yup.
  • Options
    Bf brought up payment with him last night and he was like "I'm not on my feet its only been 2 weeks" bf just looked at him and said "well you seem to be with the wedding dress purchase so I'm going start needing re payment asap" his response " well I didnt charge the dress" bf "doesn't matter, I need you to start re paying ASAP, I need a payment by feb 15 and every 2 weeks after" I'm over it. They can make their own mistakes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards