Update On My Mother

CCO2012

So we got into to it again yesterday because she didn't think I should have bought myself the new jumpsuit I wore yesterday. I have not spent more than $150 on new clothes/ shoes for myself since losing 20 lbs... I have very few pants that fit and I used to spend about $150 a weekend on new clothes/shoes. Any who, I told her it was really none of her business and she said well someone who has a tuition to pay shouldn't be wasting money.

To sum the rest of the argument up. She will not give me the wedding money for school. It is in stock and apprently selling stock right now is not an oiption. She could have told me the wedding money was in stock earlier. So BF and I discussed and I am going up to school on MOnday to finish enrolling in classes for the fall and figure out how much money I will need, then go talk to the registrars office to find out payment options. BF has agreed to cosigna loan for me at his bank if that becomes our only option. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man supporting me through all of this.

Thanks again ladies for the advice!

loves2shop4shoes

Be glad that your mother is willing to help you with the wedding and has previously helped you with college.  

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:b9085e79-1620-41d2-8a7c-da593897d560">Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]So we got into to it again yesterday because she didn't think I should have bought myself the new jumpsuit I wore yesterday. I have not spent more than $150 on new clothes/ shoes for myself since losing 20 lbs... I have very few pants that fit and I used to spend about $150 a weekend on new clothes/shoes. Any who, I told her it was really none of her business and she said well someone who has a tuition to pay shouldn't be wasting money. To sum the rest of the argument up. She will not give me the wedding money for school. It is in stock and apprently selling stock right now is not an oiption. She could have told me the wedding money was in stock earlier. So BF and I discussed and I am going up to school on MOnday to finish enrolling in classes for the fall and figure out how much money I will need, then go talk to the registrars office to find out payment options. BF has agreed to cosigna loan for me at his bank if that becomes our only option. <strong>I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man supporting me through all of this.</strong> Thanks again ladies for the advice!
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

I concur. A couple weeks ago- Andrew said he would take out a personal loan for me to pay off my credit cards. I sat and cried tears of joy over my sushi- before telling him it was a terrible idea and I wanted him to keep his credit in tip top shape- so he can buy a house like this one- <a href="http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web">http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web</a>

He absolutely adores that little house.

::hugs:: You'll get through all this together.

ravenray

I am glad things are working out.  Sorry that you aren't getting the money.

bethsmiles

I agree that you should be grateful she helped pay for so much of your school. BF's friends getting married at the end of this month gave up their parents paying for their school to get married. Personally I think it was incredibly stupid. School is expensive and it's an amazing gift when parents offer to pay for it, I would never throw that away.

I do think it's annoying that she is judging how you spend your money. If she keeps bringing it up just change the subject. I'm sure she is just concerned for you but that doesn't make it any less irritating.

CCO2012

I had scolarship for my first 4 years and she did help pay a couple thousand extra and year and paid my 5th year in full. So yes I am very grateful my parents planned ahead of time to help their children with major life things such as weddings and college. I would never say I am not grateful. It has just been a giant stress with the take back of the original offer.

Our relationship has always been tense and will probably continue to always be tense. But at least I am slowly pulling away from financial support of any kind from her. In December after I graduate I will take over my final last 2 bills (car insurance and cell phone) I think that will help.

BF and I also decided if she wants to become too controlling over how money for the wedding is spent we will decline the money and pay for it ourselves.

polkadot111

I honestly think you're overreacting. Seriously. She is wonderful to be giving you all of the money for the wedding. I would be sooo thankful if my parents paid for the wedding, but they aren't. They don't have the money for it. And I pay for college myself too- I just have no choice but to take out loans. No one is obligated to give anyone over 18 money. No one is. Any money that is given to you is a gift. Take out a loan or save up for school tuition, but don't keep going to your mom asking for money for school from the wedding fund- just be thankful that she's helping you out with that.

Also, yes, your mom probably shouldn't have said anything about the new outfit- but maybe she really is just trying to look out for you. She probably feels bad that she can't help you out with school tuition, and she noticed you were spending money that wasn't 'necessary' (at least in her eyes). Maybe she's just trying to help, even if it obviously just caused an argument.

That's my $0.02.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:d9561b36-d088-4360-867e-27cc8c714c0d">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Update On My Mother : I concur. A couple weeks ago- Andrew said he would take out a personal loan for me to pay off my credit cards. I sat and cried tears of joy over my sushi- before telling him it was a terrible idea and I wanted him to keep his credit in tip top shape- so he can buy a house like this one- <a href="http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web" rel="nofollow">http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web</a> He absolutely adores that little house. ::hugs:: You'll get through all this together.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

<div>Lunar, that house is beautiful, and I'm not sure I'd call it 'little'! </div><div>
</div><div>CCO - I think your heart's in the right place. Keep in mind what she's done for you before, always assume she has your best interests at heart, and continue to be thankful for your awesome BF :)</div>

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:1bbde5c9-ddd8-48ad-ac29-5b812ad7c8e0">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Update On My Mother : Lunar, that house is beautiful, and I'm not sure I'd call it 'little'!  CCO - I think your heart's in the right place. Keep in mind what she's done for you before, always assume she has your best interests at heart, and continue to be thankful for your awesome BF :)
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

It's little compared to his parents place we're moving into. LOL. I'd be happy with three bedroom. Maybe 4 is ideal- to make one room into an office.
But I just read on another site that it has "Extreme water damage." That's pretty scary....Extreme? He might just have to have that cool looking fireplace built in another place someday.

CCO2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:a298e699-c89d-4f90-ada1-72b3130d5d9c">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly think you're over reacting. Seriously. She is wonderful to be giving you all of the money for the wedding. I would be sooo thankful if my parents paid for the wedding, but they aren't. They don't have the money for it. And I pay for college myself too- I just have no choice but to take out loans. No one is obligated to give anyone over 18 money. No one is. Any money that is given to you is a gift. Take out a loan or save up for school tuition, but don't keep going to your mom asking for money for school from the wedding fund- just be thankful that she's helping you out with that. Also, yes, your mom probably shouldn't have said anything about the new outfit- but maybe she really is just trying to look out for you. She probably feels bad that she can't help you out with school tuition, and she noticed you were spending money that wasn't 'necessary' (at least in her eyes). Maybe she's just trying to help, even if it obviously just caused an argument. That's my $0.02.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your opinion. But, I have never ou right asked my mother for money for college or a wedding. She just happens to do well enough and combined with my father's salary they have been gracious enough to help all of their children out.

 I am not upset about the money itself, more about her controlling nature and her tendency to take back offers monetary or not, once she realizes you aren't going to do it her way. This is a big issue for her that everyone in my family is aware of and not me being ungrateful. She is not great at picking her battles. But, I have decided that I am just going to ignore her when she is trying to pick a fight and continue to save and pay for my life myself.

I will be happy to accept any money offered for a wedding, but I was engaged once and between my crazy EX and my mother the wedding began to resemble a circus. I do not want that to happen again and would rather pay for something myself and have what we want, small simple and beautiful.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:af6fab63-c731-4c2e-bcde-d5e5dd58d27e">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Update On My Mother : Thanks for your opinion. But, I have never ou right asked my mother for money for college or a wedding. She just happens to do well enough and combined with my father's salary they have been gracious enough to help all of their children out.  I am not upset about the money itself, more about her controlling nature and her tendency to take back offers monetary or not, once she realizes you aren't going to do it her way. This is a big issue for her that everyone in my family is aware of and not me being ungrateful. She is not great at picking her battles. But, I have decided that I am just going to ignore her when she is trying to pick a fight and continue to save and pay for my life myself. I will be happy to accept any money offered for a wedding, but I was engaged once and between my crazy EX and my mother the wedding began to resemble a circus. I do not want that to happen again and would rather pay for something myself and have what we want, small simple and beautiful.
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

Makes more sense now!

CCO2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:d7f844bd-8bcd-44b9-9a46-eb9567bb2c42">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Update On My Mother : Makes more sense now!
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]


Thanks for understanding! :)

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e11a3cfc-9e83-4c15-8c0e-12d04330840cPost:d9561b36-d088-4360-867e-27cc8c714c0d">Re: Update On My Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Update On My Mother : I concur. A couple weeks ago- Andrew said he would take out a personal loan for me to pay off my credit cards. I sat and cried tears of joy over my sushi- before telling him it was a terrible idea and I wanted him to keep his credit in tip top shape- so he can buy a house like this one- <a href="http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web" rel="nofollow">http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4025-Arrowhead-Dr_Colorado-Springs_CO_80908_M11729-22080?source=web</a> He absolutely adores that little house. ::hugs:: You'll get through all this together.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

LOVE the house! Doesn't look like it has major water damage, it's nice.