Not Engaged Yet

For anyone who has lost a loved one

My step dad has COPD and cancer that has been diagnosed as terminal. He is fading pretty quickly. I am the only child who lives close by and can help be a support to my mother during this time. I am helping her get the house cleared out, memorial plans made etc. We are doing some video of him so that his voice is on record. We plan on making some meals ahead of time to freeze. 

What other things do you recommend in a situation like this? Is there anything you found particularly helpful? Anything you wished you would have thought of? Any and all advice is welcomed. Thank you

Re: For anyone who has lost a loved one

  • Options
    I haven't lost any loved ones with notice, so to speak. I say spend as much time with him as possible. Share memories, learn what you can from him, be there for him and your mom. The video and frozen food are a really good idea (as are Yaga's).

    Thinking of you and your family. <3
    ~*~Sept 2013 Siggy Challange - Then (2005) & Now (2012)~*~
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
    Tale as Old as Time (Updated 11/26) Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    That is so hard. I recently lost my grandfather to lunge cancer, but I don't have much advice.  *hugs*
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Options
    Urgh TK ate my post. It was so long. I second the video idea. I wish we had an option like that for my grandpa. We had time with him but he didn't know who we were anymore. Food is a great idea. Pics and videos for remembering :) perhaps see if he has a bucket list of " what I want to do before I die" see If you can mark any of them off. *hugs* I'm sorry about your step dad.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    I'm sorry for your trouble. My dad died very suddenly almost 4 years ago. I wish I had recordings of his voice because that memory is fading fast. I think the above suggestions are great. Also, remember that it's okay to cry. I know that might sound obvious, but I spent a lot of the time immediately following my dad's passing taking care of my mom and being strong for her. He died so unexpectedly that it hit us all pretty hard. I didn't want her to see me cry, and I wanted to be admired for my stiff upper lip. But all that did was bottle everything up and I had a massive breakdown a week later, in class. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It's okay to cry.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • Options
    I'm so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. PP have had some great suggestions. As a nurse, I will advocate discussing end of life decisions. It may be very painful, but make sure you have a clear idea of what he wants at the very end of his life, as far as care. Does he want everything possible done to keep him alive (CPR, a ventilator) or does he just want to be made comfortable? If the latter is the case, you may want to look at some different hospice options. I know it sounds morbid, and can be difficult to talk about, but in my experience, it is so much easier, and there is much less guilt for the family when the patient has made their wishes known ahead of time. Again, I'm so sorry, and I'll keep your family in my thoughts.
  • Options
    I'm so, so sorry you're going through this :(

    Ditto Bella about crying.  My grandpop passed away this year and at first I was trying to hard to be strong for my mom but I realized that I don't have to hold my tears in because I'm going through this also.  Crying helps definitely. 

    Also, ditto Jorja.  It made things much easier on us because my grandpop had his wishes written down & we all knew what he wanted to happen.  Not having to make that decision was the best thing he did for us.  

    I'll be thinking about you & your family.  :::hugs::::

  • Options
    I'm so sorry for what you are going through :( I agree with everything PPs have said, to spend as much time with him as you can and do some videos. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs*
  • Options
    Thank you all very much for the suggestions and prayers!!!
  • Options
    My grandfather had a rough downhill battle. These things are probably not a great fit, but I had him teach me how to weave a cane bottom in a chair, I asked him what it was like to live during segregation. I asked him to tell me the story of meeting my grandmother. I have  recording of him and my grandmother talking about one-room schoolhouses. You'd probably have to adjust those for this timeframe, but you get the picture.

    I think you're way more prepared then we were. Remember to take time for yourself and to remind your mother to do the same. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards