When a BM's dress doesn't fit...

KD+BC

One of my BMs has gained some weight since we went shopping for BM dresses. I hadn't really noticed but when the dresses arrived in the beginning of July, her dress didn't zip all the way. We double checked that it was the right size and it was. I asked her if she wanted to send it back and order the next size up. She was adament that she would just lose the weight. I asked if she was sure and told her that it might be good to order the next size up anyway and if she does lost the weight we could get the dress altered. She said no, she would use this as motivation to lose the weight she had gained this past semester.

Now we're about a month and a half later. I haven't brought it up at all but she told me that she has lost 4 pounds. I don't think that 4 pounds is enough to get her in the dress. I know that she still has 2 months to go but I'm starting to get worried I don't think the dress can be let out enough to fit her at this point.

The major reason I'm stressing about it now is because I'm thinking that if we need to order the next size up, we'd have to do it soon even with a rush order.

Weight is a very sensitive topic for a lot of people and I love my friend. I don't really know how to approach the subject. I think she looks great and just needs the dress to be the next size up. I think she's getting stuck on the number on the label. Can you ladies think of any way to bring this up without sounding insensitive? Should I bring it up at all?

jeanacorina

Apparently this kind of thing is more common than you'd think.

The bright side is, if she's already lost 4 pounds, at least she really IS motivated. Do you know how much she gained in the first place? Really 4 pounds can make a difference when it comes to a fitted dress.

However, I would consider sitting her down and telling her that if the dress she has still isn't fitting right, it would be safer to order the next size up, just in case. It isn't about the number, but you want her to look and feel beautiful... you don't want her uncomfortably zipped into a dress that doesn't fit.

It's such a touchy subject, though.

I didn't even see the dresses my BMs picked out except in pictures. I didn't know the sizes they ordered. I just let them do their thing and they showed up and all looked beautiful. Maybe it's something you shouldn't worry too much about if it's going to cause more stress. At this point, you've really got to pick your battles. What someone else is wearing might not be a good battle to pick.

KD+BC

Thanks Jeana, I guess the thing that worries me is that she literally couldn't wear the dress if the wedding was today. It still doesn't zip. I know I should probably just let her deal with it but I worry that she won't be able to stand up for me day of. I don't know the exact amount of weight gained but I know that the size she ordered should have been a bit big according to the measurements at the store. It really isn't a pretty princess thing it's a, I-want-my-friend-to-be-comfortable-and-happy-standing-next-to-me-at-my-wedding, thing.

bsidebella

Oooh ouch. No one likes talking about weight. I know you're a month away, but the best thing I can think of is offer to work out with her (make up a story about wanting to get into shape, if you have to). Get some fun DVD's, like Flirty Girl Fitness or take a yoga class together. Personally, I LOVE stability ball workouts. They're fun and surprisingly effective. You can get a stability ball at Walmart or something (mine came from Borders, cost about $25) and they usually come with the DVD.

I need to lose weight and I'm always looking for someone to go to the gym with me! Sometimes it's more fun if you've got a buddy to motivate you to go.

heyimbren

That is tricky to bring up. I like Bella's idea of just trying to keep her motivated by working out with her, if you can.

If she lost 4 pounds already, she might be okay. 10 pounds can make a big difference, and she still has a few weeks to lose a couple more. What's the latest date you could order the next size up in?

KD+BC

I'm not sure when the last date would be but I like the idea of working out with her. I could use some toning up too! I also looked on Target's website and they have a dress that is similar in color to the other girls so maybe if worse comes to worse we can order a dress from Target.

desertsun

I would try to talk with her about it using as much tact and sensitivity as you can. Tell her exactly what you told us -- I want you to be comfortable and confident so let me know if you have changed your mind and want to order a size up. You're beautiful and I love you the way you are and I trust your judgment but wanted to toss the idea out there again just in case.

BCRockies

Weight is definitely a hard issue to bring up. I like the idea of offering to work out with her but I would also talk with her about it. You want her to be comfortable on your wedding day and I think your bridesmaid needs to know you're thinking about her.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bms-dress-doesnt-fit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e2bb2c27-140a-4ef2-9f99-a5c132c729a4Post:2cc15028-7cdf-4ef5-a43d-06480257a881">Re: When a BM's dress doesn't fit...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would try to talk with her about it using as much tact and sensitivity as you can. Tell her exactly what you told us -- I want you to be comfortable and confident so let me know if you have changed your mind and want to order a size up. You're beautiful and I love you the way you are and I trust your judgment but wanted to toss the idea out there again just in case.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>Desert is wise.  I agree 110% with what she said;)</div>

KD+BC

Desert and Paige, inside I know you're right but I just fear making her feel bad. She is already pretty defeated. She is one of my best friends though so I'm sure we can talk about this. Thanks so much ladies.

PaigeMcC

Good luck, KD.  It's always hard to talk to someone about sensitive issues like this.

Penny66

I agree with trying to work out with her. Say something like "I want to tone up for my wedding and I need a workout buddy to keep me motivated"

If worse comes to worse you can have her try spanx (maybe buy them for all of your BM's so it doesn't seem like you are pointing her out)  or you can have a seamstress make the back lace up. I had to do this for my junior prom. My chest decided to grow an entire cup size and they didn't have my dress the next size up. I loved having the lace up back because 1. before the prom I could eat what ever I wanted and I did not worry about gaining weight and 2. It was so comfortable, while other girls were struggling to breathe I was fine.